Pulp Nightmare | Tales of The Unaccountable | Comedy | Weird | Movie Commentaries

DESCRIPTION: Anthology episode of the podcast designate "Pulp Nightmare", in which the humans relinquish their hosting duties to an artificial arbiter of puzzles and their inevitable solutions. QUESTIONS: What is the terrible, secular secret of "The Devil's Night"? How will one host survive the festive depravity of "The Wicker Schnitzel"? Can an organic lifeform calculate the improbability of "Pool Cue Of The Year"? And what do a shipping crate, norse mythology, and the Phantom of The Opera have to do with "Hot Crackers"?

ANSWER: Step inside the doors of The Pulp Gallery, and find out. AWAITING ENTRANCE TO PULP GALLERY...

Download this Tale Of The Unaccountable here, if you dare, humans.

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, WE HAVE THE POWERRRR... but not a lot of money. So, half of this commentary takes place on earth, inexplicably. But, utilizing our Casio keyboard to assist Dolph Lundgren as He-Man in battling Frank Langella as Skeletor (a credit that never ceases to be fun to say) we still manage to save the cosmos from evil! So, to Eternia, dear listeners! For we're watching Cannon Films' MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE!

Claim the power of Greyskull for your own private use by downloading this commentary here.

In which the boys kick back and take it easy, discussing life, location, and racism involving ninjas. But their laid back approach is interrupted by a mysterious hooded figure from another dimension whose sole existence subsists of tormenting one man who made the mistake of summoning the evil spirit years prior! It's bloody, it's horrible, and nothing will ever be the same once you encounter the nightmare of the one known only as 'He Who Drops Meat On The Street'. Speaking of demon summonings and the apocalypse!

Download this Tale of The Unaccountable here, if you dare.

On a strange and enlightening journey through an island of sugary treated horrors, the boys respond to a real life tragedy by waxing poetically about the human condition, the true morality of man, where we lie on the food chain, and what lengths one government will go to in order to stifle the robot menace once and for all. God damn you, you amazing Chocolatier. God damn you and your science gone awry!

Download this Tale Of The Unaccountable right here, if you dare.

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, it's X-Mas in July! And the boys... you know what, no. We're not even going to do it this time. This movie has taken things too far. Santa Claus has claimed too many lives for these injustices to go on! Kids, don't enable this... this red suited MONSTER to keep annually invading your lives with promises of toys! It's not worth it! Why, you ask? Well, he's a killer! And by that we mean a killer of cinema! Witness, for the first time, a movie so bad that it breaks the mold. The movie that nearly KILLED Pulp Commentary. We're of course talking about the Holiday slasher that somehow spawned five sequels and a remake: Silent Night, Deadly Night. Please, punish it. PUNISH!

To hear a fist hand unfiltered account of what a mixture of bad cinema and jingle bell rockin' terror does to one's mind, download this here and now! But don't say we didn't warn you. Ho. Ho. HO.

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, we enter a seedy underground world, where the competition is fierce, and those who lose have their lives ripped away from them, drifting into shameful obscurity like embers flaking in wind. A coin slides into a slot, a machine flickers to life, 8-bit sounds jingle in a cacophony of whimsy. An ape stands tall at the top of the screen. But the real enemy for Mr. Steve Wiebe is not the ape. But an evil far more devious, far more cunning. One who will stop at nothing to knock the poor teacher down from the mountain he has spent his life climbing. The bearded menace wrapped in the red, white, and blue; the self proclaimed barbeque GOD, the fuhrer of high scores... Billy Mitchell. He. Must. Be. Stopped. Is The Wiebe the man for the job? Who will be The King of Kong!?

Insert 25 cents here to play and find out.

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, we take an uncomfortably close look at the depraved depths a pure evil soul reaches -- an evil the likes of which humanity has never seen before, and GOD WILLING WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN. Not outside of the 80s, at least. Her domain. Her CELESTIAL TIME PRISON. And if we have anything to say about it, it'll stay that way; Locked away where no man, woman, or child dare tread in this age! Our only regret, is for the rest of eternity she may continue to torment and haunt her victims, those innocent stereotypes of the 80s whose only crime was rolling their sleeves up too high. Yet, to each and everyone one of you, know your sacrifice is not in vain, for the lives of 90s and 2000s stereotypes have gone long untouched by her grisly wishes! But come with us, dear listener, as we gaze into our crystal ball at that unholy place called the 1980s, and see her tale unfurl like a snapping coil of hellfire. Tonight we are watching TEEN WITCH. Sometimes, winning is the greatest magic of all.

Download this Commentary here before Teen Witch wishes the truth away!

In which the boys take things in a slightly different direction - a direction involving the non-stop winding fury of GAMES! Listen in as Mike, MB, and Hero enjoy themselves for once by playing a not-at-all-new spin on the popular Cards Against Humanity, which leads them into finding out just what you'd trade a pack of cigarettes for, where you don't want to find either Sean Connery or Pac-Man, the wonders of The Orient, a strange sequence of cards that seem to be linked together, and how a scenario involving President Obama momentarily puts MB towards the path to victory. "Jafar"...

A thank you to CardsAgainstOriginality.com

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, our brains melt out our ears and we experience offensive B.S. the likes of which we've never seen before, as we enter a magical realm that exists only in the minds of these insane filmmakers. So, join us -- we guess -- because we're watching the bizarre propaganda film: GOD'S NOT DEAD. He totally is though, don't let the title fool you. Now, go and text everyone you know that 'Pulp's Not Dead!'

(Also, head on over to our sister show Below The Bible Belt and listen to their DUELING COMMENTARY for God's Not Dead. Yes, we're giving you permission to cheat on us, but only as sloppy seconds)

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, flesh crawls, blood curdles... and Phibes LIVES. Just when you thought the horrendous and complicated acts of murder/revenge were over... the coffin is open, and more shall pay! Join us as we go somewhere over the rainbow to watch: DR. PHIBES RISES AGAIN!