Pulp Nightmare | Tales of The Unaccountable | Comedy | Weird | Movie Commentaries

"Lesbian sex, 197!"

The Trial of the Century begins - slowly and shallowly - as Pulp Nightmare sits through yet another trying chapter of America's sleaziest show currently on television, AMERICAN CRIME STORY: THE PEOPLE V OJ SIMPSON. And this one's full of everything the boys have grown to hate, from camera work that induces outright nausea to the frustrating lack of anyone involved with the show doing what Johnnie Cochran asks: Choosing a side! But before we're all treated to dark, tan, and Hawaiian Travolta, hear the live reactions to such oddities as O.J. Simpson's memory palace, Marcia Clark's refusal to ever be competent, the most surprisingly overacted outburst yet, and the continued racism of Mark Waid from Earth 2. Juice, you gotta help us... We don't think we can sit through this one too much longer.

Escape the murderous gloved claws of OJ by downloading the episode here!

"He'll never stop being The Juice!"

Uncle Juice is not black, he's OJ! And with one of their own enjoying a fresh glass of OJ, the boys of Pulp Nightmare continue their live trek through the long, drawn-out true life story fictionalized in continually tasteless fashion that is the FX's AMERICAN CRIME STORY: THE PEOPLE V. OJ SIMPSON. And Episode 3, The Dream Team, gives us answers to all important questions while simultaneously telling us nothing at all. Why does Marcia Clark seemingly never seem to stop smoking cigarettes? We don't know. When was Kato Kalein ever considered famous? Never explained. Who convinced Nathan Lane that joining this show was ever a good idea? We only have our assumptions. In perhaps the most boring showcase of this real life murder re-sensationalized for prime time cable, we do however learn the true origins of the Kardashian empire. And that has to count for something. Right? Give a listen as PULP WATCH 1994 continues.

The Juice is loose! Download the episode here to escape!

"Everything Is Terrible!" - A.C. Cowlings

The Juice Is Loose! And going about 20 miles per hour. For the second installment of the critically acclaimed drama (seriously?) that details the fall of one of the bit players from the Naked Gun movies, the boys of Pulp Nightmare are digging deep and searching for answers where the early 1990's Los Angeles Police Department wouldn't. Like what Kato Kalelin is even doing here when he's clearly confused, how Robert Shapiro's super villain schemes extend to menacing the X-Men, when did David Schwimmer manage to get steady work playing an Armenian, whether or not Theo Huxtable ever managed to stop for food, and why, oh why is there just so much goddamn pizza? It's The Bronco-Heavy Episode 2 of American Crime Story: The People V. OJ Simpson, "The Run Of His Life". Listen all y'all, it's a sabotage.

Escape the murderous claws of OJ by downloading the episode here!

If the glove doesn't fit, Pulp Nightmare must acquit! Listen in as Mike, MB, and Hero travel back in time to the early 1990's, a world of seedy pizza endorsements, celebrity making schlock, and a real life murder mystery that captivated the nation. But was The Juice really a murderer all along? Well yes, but that's beside the point. What is the REAL American Crime? Kato Kaelin's modern day doppelganger? The origins of The Kardashian Empire? John Travolta's complete lack of facial movement? Only The FX knows. Join the boys for the ultimate tale of the unaccountable as they live watch the premiere of AMERICAN CRIME STORY: THE PEOPLE V. O.J. SIMPSON.

The Juice is loose! Download the episode here to escape!

In which Hero gives the boys The Gift of The Zombi...

Download this Tale Of The Unreturnable here, if you dare

A Long Time Ago On a Podcast Far, Far, Away...

Everything has transpired as they have foreseen it. Having harnessed their podcasting skills through the power of the Force, Mike, MB, and Hero have become Jedi Knights like their fathers before them, launching Pulp Commentary on one final adventure; at first bringing them face-to-face with the most villainous slug in the galaxy, bearing witness to the sheer humanity of one Rancor trainer, and pulling off the most ludicrous stunts since Boba Fett's dive into the Sarlaac Pit. 

But now, they face the full power of a fully armed and fully operational battle station! So many questions remain unanswered as they journey into the final piece of the original trilogy, STAR WARS EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI! 

Will Mike ever admit his true feelings to that sister he doesn't have? Will MB finally be able to come to terms with being more machine than man now? And will Hero be able to narrowly escape certain death when he's told, in no uncertain terms that... IT'S A TRAP?! Find out, but prepare for Ewoks! For the love of God, prepare for Ewoks!

Use the Force to download the commentary, right here.

A Long Time Ago On a Podcast Far, Far, Away...

It is a dark time for Pulp Commentary. Like something out of a dream, the Pulp Podcasters make their return to that galaxy torn asunder by civil war and Interplanetary Nazis! While huffing the warm organ steam of a dead cosmic camel, they trip out and start taking orders from a weird apparition, setting them on course for The Dagobah System!

Join the Rebel allies Mike, MB, and Hero once again as they begin their adventure mauled by an abominable snowman, trudge through swamp planets in a vain attempt to lift spaceships with their mind, barely escape from a cave that is definitely no cave, and find themselves entertained by the company of... Space Billy Dee Williams? This deal is getting worse all the time!

The force is with young Pulp Commentary, but they are not Jedi yet... not until they sit down to watch part 2 of the epic trilogy, STAR WARS EPISODE V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. They're not afraid, but they will be. They... will be...

Use the Force to download the commentary, right here.

A Long Time Ago On a Podcast Far, Far, Away...

Three humanoids (Mike, MB, and Hero) are under fire aboard a Rebel ship carrying the long-lost data plans for the theatrical cuts of the original STAR WARS trilogy. 

Narrowly escaping the clutches of a dark lord who found their lack of faith disturbing, the ragtag group find themselves up to their necks in sand people before running afoul of a crazy old wizard who teaches them the ways of The Force. Ending up on a ship piloted by a scruffy-looking nerf herder and his walking carpet of a co-pilot, our heroes discover that is, in fact, no moon. 

The circle is now complete as Pulp Commentary ventures into a special event, inexplicably left in charge of a fleet of X-Wings while watching the first part of the epic trilogy, STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE. They've just taken their first step into a much larger world...

Use the Force to download the commentary, right here.

In this edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys climb aboard a cruise ship, their destination: The Big Apple. But something is amiss... something is wrong. To the left of them... 80s stereotypes. To the right... more 80s stereotypes. With a drop in their gut, they rush to a nearby calendar. Yes, it's what they feared. Once again, the evilest of dates have come around. As the ship sets sail before they have a chance to get away, they can only grab some hockey masks of their own and join in on the fun. Say Bon Voyage, folks, because we're sailing to HELL, AKA New York, New York, and the in-cruise movie you're joining us to watch is: FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN. Least he'll fit in.

If you want to try your damnedest by boxing ole' Jason Voorhees, download the commentary right here.

In this special edition of Pulp Commentary, the boys don their cult robes, and grab a butcher's knife, because it's that time of the year again, and they're about to take their most incomprehensible trip to Haddonfield yet! Black magic! Genetic engineering! Paul Rudd! Not the first time these three ingredients have been put together, and this won't be the last! Well, actually, it kind of will be, but in more of a semantical kind of way. Put your Shatner faces on, folks, and ring our door bell, we're inviting you in this Hallow's Eve as we continue our deadly tradition. We're watching: HALLOWEEN 6: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS. Save us, Ant-Man!

Quick! Don't join The Cult of Thorn by downloading the commentary here!