Reading Scott's Diary

Scott learns all about erections at different ages, faces repercussions for eating too much sugar and gets deeply offended by Jerry Springer: The Opera. Around the table, Lizzie and Scott chat sex with dinosaurs, getting endangered species to breed and what not to think about on your deathbed. 

Scott sees in 2005 with a damp squib of an evening and a whole load of friend drama, hatches his Sea Monkeys and drips tears on to the diary. Elsewhere, Lizzie and Scott chat pirated DVDs, Hocus Pocus, and using a lemon to add some flavour to your parson's nose. 

It's Christmas 2004! Scott prepares a list of expected gifts on Christmas Day, casts himself as the pantomime dame and harshly criticises the Christmas cabaret. With Lizzie, table talk turns to painful piercings, how to correctly use a bathrobe and Lizzie suggests throwing some of the diary in the BIN?!

It's December 2004 as Steve Brookstein is crowned X Factor winner,  Scott relishes being the class clown, and even the bin man joins in the bullying. Around the table, they chat Lizzie's love life, dodgy gym playlists and misguided attempts at emo fashion.

Scott has a lovely little walk to the post office, gives some terrible birthday presents and steams his face over the stove. Around the table with Lizzie, they talk sobriety, fetishising consent and Scott getting in touch with the Advertising Standards Agency AGAIN!

Scott is left reeling over explosions on the cobbles, gets ANOTHER harsh dose of reality in drama class, and is terrorised by children at his mate's house. Around the table, Lizzie and Scott chat getting trolled after a TV appearance, the best response to being ignored on dating sites, and club nights for girls with big appetites.  

Scott receives a signed photo from the incomparable Beverley Callard, practices walking the red carpet and heads to the cinema to see The Grudge. Elsewhere, Lizzie and Scott chat the politest way to ask for something in the bedroom, what to do with your adult toys when you die, and Maureen from Driving School's hit single. 

RSD is back! Scott and Lizzie open up the third diary and read all about Scott rocking the mic at karaoke, getting in to a spot of bother with an orange and turning super sleuth to read his friends' private conversations. Elsewhere, they get to grips with fridge artwork, everyone's favourite bug explorer, and ANOTHER harebrained moneymaking scheme. 

In the fourth and final part of the four bird roast, Scott and Lizzie find out what teachers REALLY thought of him, more thinly veiled swipes, unfortunate nicknames and dreams of stardom. Elsewhere, they chat school reunions, sexy scarecrows, scary skeletons and Scott's 2008 letter from Lizzie as he departed for university.

The leaver's messages continue as Scott and Lizzie read all about the days of MySpace Street Teams, skiving P.E for two years and dramatic tumbles down the stairs. Around the table, they chat accidentally driving to Wales, playing spin the bottle and getting accused of being a fluffer.