Chapter 26: The Life Manual for Sex and Dating 

POV: You finally made it back to his house after getting dinner and drinks. He closes the blinds, dims the lights, and maybe even asks Alexa to play the Weeknd radio station on Spotify. This was the moment you were waiting for all night. Or was it? Suddenly, you’re not so sure if you want to go all the way–after all, it’s only the second date. 

Sex (or lack thereof) is a huge part twentysomethinghood. And when we don’t properly learn about sex in school or normalize talking about it in our daily lives, it’s easy to abandon ourselves and feel confused or shameful in intimate situations. 

Today, we’re giving you the chapter in your life manual for dating that goes beyond the birds and the bees to help you have more fulfilling sexual experiences that serve your future self. 

Naomi Ruth is going to help us redefine sex to find self-love and empowerment in our intimate experiences. Naomi is a dedicated sex and relationship coach who founded Soulflame Coaching to provide individuals and couples with an approach to sex and love that fosters safety, trust, and confidence. Today, we’ll be discussing a fresh understanding of how sex physically alters the chemicals in your body, why we feel post-sex guilt, the importance of pleasuring yourself, and how to have hard conversations around sex while navigating hookup culture in our 20s.

THIS EPISODE’S SYLLABUS STEPS: 

Practice the Stoplight Method. Before putting yourself in an environment where it could get intimate, know what you want to do for sure (green light), know what you’re open to potentially exploring (yellow light), and know your hard boundaries (red light).

Have the “pleasure talk” before you are alone with your romantic partner. 

Practice pleasing yourself. When you know what you like, you’ll feel more empowered (and have more pleasure) when you are with your partner. 

Be intentional with your intimate relationships. Ask yourself questions like, What do I want from this experience? What do I want out of this relationship? And communicate with your partner to make sure you are on the same page. 

Above all, do not put anyone else’s pleasure, comfort, and safety above your own.

MORE RESOURCES:

Naomi is based in Los Angeles and offers in-person and virtual services. Stay connected with Naomi through her Instagram @soulflamecoaching. 

Naomi’s favorite podcasts: Self-love Witch Podcast and the F*ck Yeah Podcast 

Naomi’s favorite books: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Marc Manson, Neuroloveology by Dr. Ava Kodell, and The Art of Extreme Self Care by Cheryl Richardson

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