Relational Lives Podcast

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros explore a vital question: "Am I in an unhealthy relationship?" Whether it's a romantic relationship, friendship, or even a business partnership, this conversation helps you identify the subtle yet damaging signs of unhealthy dynamics. From emotional disconnection and conflict avoidance to people-pleasing and shutdown behaviours, Ali and Ros unpack what these patterns mean and how to begin addressing them.

Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk

Music by: Stile Tree Studio

In the second Dear Therapists episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros respond to two powerful listener letters, offering comfort, validation, and gentle reflections for those navigating emotionally complex relationships.

Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk

Music by: Stile Tree Studio

In this episode of Relational Lives, we sit down with former paramedic, Dave Zaple, to hear his honest and moving story of mental ill health, recovery and finding purpose. From witnessing daily trauma in the emergency services to confronting the stigma around men’s mental health, Dave opens up about his breakdown, therapy, identity loss, and eventual healing through connection, creativity, and community. This episode is an unmissable listen for anyone interested in male vulnerability or finding purpose after crisis.

Whether you’re struggling yourself, or supporting someone who is, Dave’s story shows there is life - and growth - after trauma.

Shownotes:

Episode: Breaking Point to Breakthrough: A Men's Mental Health Journey

In this episode:

00:00 – Intro

If this episode resonated with you or you know someone it might help, please share it. You can also reach out or comment - we love hearing from you. Talking helps, and you’re never alone in the dark.

📍 Resources mentioned:

Rock2Recovery - Charity supporting armed forces and blue light workers

REORG Charity – Supporting service personnel through physical fitness

Surfwell – Surf therapy for emergency service workers

Walking With The Wounded

Millimetres 2 Mountains - A mental health charity that supports individuals to redifne their limitations through the great outdoors

SoulKind Journal (CIC) – Human stories of resilience and adventure. Pre-order edition 4 now:

Connect with Dave Zaple:

Website: https://www.davezaple.com/

Connect with us:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives

Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. 

Have a question or want to share your thoughts on trauma and PTSD? Reach out at [email protected]. Subscribe for future episodes on OCD, trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.  

Disclaimer:

Credits:  

Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk

Music by: Stile Tree Audio

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros delve into the complex experience of health anxiety - what it is, how it develops, and what practical steps can be taken to manage it. Ali shares insights from cognitive behavioural therapy, discussing effective tools such as identifying safety behaviours, understanding personal values, and building tolerance for uncertainty. Whether you’re seeking support for yourself or trying to understand a loved one, this episode offers hope, clarity, and actionable advice.

Shownotes:

Episode: Understanding and Managing Health Anxiety

In this episode:

00:00 – Intro and what’s coming up

Resources mentioned:

📕 Overcoming Health Anxiety by David Veale and Rob Willson (Part of Overcoming Series)

📍 NHS Talking Therapies (UK) – Free CBT referral via GP

Previous episodes on:

Understanding Anxiety - Why Your Brain's Alarm System Freaks Out:

Connect with us:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives

Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. 

Have a question or want to share your thoughts on health anxiety? Reach out at [email protected]. Subscribe for future episodes on OCD, trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.  

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In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros explore the complexities of the fearful avoidant attachment style and how it affects our relationships, communication, and self-perception. If you've ever felt stuck in a push-pull dynamic, terrified of being hurt but also craving intimacy, this episode will help you make sense of what's going on.

We break down what causes this attachment style, what it looks like in practice, and how people can begin to heal. Whether you relate personally or are trying to understand a partner, parent, or friend with this pattern, this conversation is packed with insight and empathy. We explore how fearful avoidant attachment develops, how it shows up in adult relationships, and why people with this pattern often feel confused, ashamed, or stuck in love.

Show notes:

Episode: What is a Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style?

In this episode:

00:00 – Welcome & why this topic matters

Resources mentioned:

📕 Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller

📕 The Polyvagal Theory by Stephen Porges (for understanding nervous system regulation)

Previous episodes on:

Attachment Styles:

Building Healthy Relationships:

Connect with us:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives

Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. 

Have a question or want to share your thoughts on attachment styles? Reach out at [email protected]. Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-understanding. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.  

Disclaimer:

Credits:  

Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk

Music by: Stile Tree Audio

Welcome to a very special episode of Relational Lives - our first Dear Therapist edition. In this episode, Ali and Ros respond to two deeply personal letters from listeners grappling with loss, betrayal, and the search for closure.

Letter 1: Jo

Letter 2: Owen

This episode offers empathy, practical steps, and gentle guidance for anyone navigating emotional pain, attachment trauma, or the confusing road to closure.

Show notes:

Episode: Dear Therapist: Heartbreak, Abuse & Clousre | Listener Dilemmas

In this episode:

00:00 – Welcome to our first Dear Therapist episode

Resources mentioned:

Healthy relationships - explore what defines a healthy romantic dynamic:

Attachment styles overview:

Break-ups - navigating the grief of a break-up and reclaiming joy:

Connect with us:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives

Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. 

Disclaimer:

Credits:  

In this episode we dive into the anxious attachment style, exploring its origins, how it manifests in adult relationships, and practical ways to navigate it. We discuss the impact of inconsistent caregiving in childhood, the physical and emotional sensations of anxious attachment, and common behaviors like excessive messaging or seeking reassurance. With relatable examples, we highlight the difference between blaming and expressing needs effectively. The episode wraps up with three actionable takeaway tips to help you reflect on your attachment patterns, recognise triggers, and practice self-soothing or open communication in relationships. Whether you're single, dating, or in a relationship, this episode offers valuable insights to foster healthier connections.

Show notes:

Episode: What is an anxious attachment style?

Welcome to our latest episode where we unpack the anxious attachment style! We’re here to help you understand how it develops, recognise its signs, and find ways to navigate its impact on your relationships. With compassionate insights and practical steps, this episode is all about fostering self-awareness and connection with clarity and empathy.  

In this episode:

00:00 - 01:00 | Welcome Back to Relational Lives  

01:00 - 02:28 | Quick Overview of Attachment Styles

02:28 - 07:49 | What is Anxious Attachment?

07:49 - 12:47 | Anxious Attachment in Adult Relationships

12:47 - 20:51 | Behaviours of Anxious Attachment

20:51 - 27:09 | Navigating Anxious Attachment in Dating and Relationships

27:09 - 30:43 | Communicating Needs Effectively

30:43 - 32:00 | Practical Application

32:00 - 34:10 | Three Takeaway Tips & Closing

Three Takeaway Tips:  

Reflect on Your Upbringing: Write down aspects of your childhood or upbringing, such as how your parents or caregivers were, that may have contributed to developing an anxious attachment style. (32:00 - 32:22)

Notice Feelings and Sensations: When you recognise behaviors associated with anxious attachment (e.g., excessive texting or seeking reassurance), note the feelings and physical sensations you experience when activated. (32:22 - 32:50)

Practice Self-Soothing: When feeling anxious, explore compassionate ways to soothe yourself, referring to the episode on self-criticism for self-compassion tips. (32:50 - 33:24)

Resources mentioned:

Still Face Experiment by Edward Tronick: Referenced as a key study showing infant responses to inconsistent caregiving.

Attachment Styles Overview: For a broader look at secure, avoidant, and anxious attachment styles.

Avoidant Attachment: For more on how avoidant behaviors contrast with anxious attachment.  

Self-Criticism Episode: For guidance on practicing self-compassion to soothe anxious feelings.

Connect with us:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives

Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT

Have a question or want to share your thoughts on attachment styles? Reach out at [email protected].

Disclaimer:

Credits:  

In this heartfelt Pride Month episode of Relational Lives, we’re joined by Robyn, a trans woman, to share her journey of self-discovery and joy. We explore Robyn’s story—from realising her gender incongruence at age 11 to finding her community on the UK south coast. We discuss the shame of societal expectations, the impact of a recent UK Supreme Court ruling on trans rights, and the euphoria of living authentically. Robyn shares advice for those questioning their identity, emphasising the power of finding your “pack” and embracing joy. Tune in to celebrate trans joy this Pride Month!  

Trans Rights Context: Global threats to trans rights (around 1:00:46, 01:00:46:02).  

Robyn’s Early Years: Awareness of femininity at age 11 (around 1:02:10, 01:02:10:01).  

Gender Stereotypes: Growing up with rigid roles (around 1:04:13, 01:04:13:06).  

First Discovery: Finding a cross-dressing service (around 1:06:34, 01:06:34:09).  

Hyper-Masculine Career: Joining the army (around 1:10:19, 01:10:19:06).  

First Makeover: A mix of euphoria and shame (around 1:12:22, 01:12:22:13).  

Double Life: Quarterly relief as Robyn (around 1:14:14, 01:14:14:17).  

Finding Community: Building her “pack” on the south coast (around 1:16:16, 01:16:16:17).  

Euphoria as a Woman: From acceptance to joy (around 1:19:18, 01:19:18:07).  

Visibility Challenges: Navigating passing and reactions (around 1:20:13, 01:20:13:22).  

UK Supreme Court Ruling: Impact on trans rights (around 1:25:13, 01:25:13:06).  

Practical Impact: Reluctance to go out publicly (around 1:27:16, 01:27:16:07).  

Emboldened Bigotry: Facing increased hostility (around 1:29:00, 01:29:00:07).  

Queer Community Divisions: Some resist trans inclusion (around 1:31:21, 01:31:21:12).  

Hope for the Future: A direction toward equality (around 1:32:21, 01:32:21:12).  

Ongoing Transition: Challenges of not being fully out (around 1:34:37, 01:34:37:03).  

Final Message: Find your pack, embrace joy (around 1:36:05, 01:36:05:14).

Three Key Insights:  

Focus on Joy: Living authentically brings joy—don’t let others’ negativity dim that (01:32:59:12).  

Find Your Pack: Surround yourself with supportive allies who love you for you (01:36:30:00).

Resources Mentioned:  

Learn more about the UK Supreme Court ruling on trans rights mentioned at 01:25:13:06: UK Supreme Court Ruling on Trans Rights.

Disclaimer:

Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

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In this episode of Relational Lives, we dive into understanding ADHD in 2025 with psychiatrist Dr. Graham Campbell from Flint Healthcare. We explore what ADHD is, its different presentations in males and females, and its effects on self-esteem, relationships, and rejection sensitivity. Dr. Campbell shares insights on the diagnostic process, the role of medication, and what’s happening in the brain with his air traffic control metaphor. We also discuss NHS waiting list challenges, the impact of social media on awareness, and steps for seeking a diagnosis. Plus, enjoy our new quickfire segment and key insights to better understand ADHD!  

In This Episode:  

Meet Dr. Campbell: Introducing our guest, a psychiatrist from Flint Healthcare (around 0:03, 00:00:03:07).  

Psychiatrist vs. Psychotherapist: Understanding the difference (around 1:00, 00:00:35:22).  

What Is ADHD? A neurodevelopmental condition explained (around 1:46, 00:01:46:19).  

Gender Differences: How ADHD presents in boys vs. girls (around 4:00, 00:04:25:21).  

Late Diagnoses: The grief and relief of adult diagnosis (around 6:00, 00:06:04:02).  

Stigma and Labels: Addressing misconceptions about ADHD (around 9:00, 00:09:26:21).  

Diagnostic Process: What a full assessment involves (around 10:00, 00:10:20:12).  

ADHD Traits in Everyone: It’s about impact, not just symptoms (around 14:00, 00:14:23:01).  

Adults and Gender: Differences persist into adulthood (around 16:00, 00:16:38:09).  

Brain Science: Dopamine, hot vs. cool systems, and the air traffic control metaphor (around 18:00, 00:18:03:18).  

Superpower or Struggle? Creativity vs. medication effects (around 24:00, 00:24:44:10).  

Medication Options: Finding the right fit for you (around 29:00, 00:29:16:15).  

NHS Challenges: Long waiting lists and the Right to Choose pathway (around 31:00, 00:31:37:20).  

Why More Diagnoses? Social media and global trends (around 35:00, 00:35:05:01).  

Rejection Sensitivity: A key challenge with ADHD (around 37:00, 00:37:10:10).  

Relationships and ADHD: Impact and improvements (around 43:00, 00:43:27:16).  

Seeking a Diagnosis: Advice for NHS and private routes (around 46:00, 00:46:48:09).  

Quickfire Segment: Coffee, forests, and evenings with Dr. Campbell (around 52:00, 00:52:07:03).  

Flint Healthcare: About Dr. Campbell’s clinic (around 55:00, 00:55:19:02).

Three Key Insights:  

Medication Isn’t a Cure-All: It’s like an electric bike—helpful, but you still need to pedal (00:26:31:14).  

Start the Diagnosis Process Early: Despite NHS waiting lists, the Right to Choose pathway can help (00:47:18:19).

Resources Mentioned:  

Dr. Campbell recommends the ADHD Self-Rating Scale for self-assessment (mentioned at 00:50:25:05). The latest version as of 2025 is the ASRS v1.1: ADHD Self-Rating Scale (ASRS v1.1). Note: This is a screening tool, not a diagnosis.  

Learn more about Dr. Campbell’s clinic, Flint Healthcare, in Brighton, UK (mentioned at 00:55:47:16): Flint Healthcare.  

We reference the BBC show Chris Packham: Inside Our ADHD Minds (mentioned at 00:15:37:18), which includes ADHD insights: Available on BBC iPlayer (UK viewers only).

Disclaimer:

Credits:  

Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

Connect With Us:

Have a question or want to share your thoughts on ADHD? Reach out at [email protected].

Thanks for Listening!

If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!  

In this episode, we explore the avoidant attachment style—its origins, signs, and ways to manage its effects on relationships. We discuss how it often develops from unmet emotional needs in childhood, leading to a protective “unplugging” from emotions. We highlight behaviours like emotional distancing, people-pleasing, and ghosting, alongside strengths such as excelling in practical crises and careers. We also address challenges in romantic relationships, like discomfort with intense emotions, and offer empathy for why this style exists as a survival mechanism. Tune in for our three takeaway tips to help you reflect, understand yourself better, and foster deeper connections.  

Show Notes:  

Episode: What is an avoidant attachment style?

In This Episode:  

Attachment Styles Overview: A quick recap of secure, anxious, and avoidant styles (around 1:00, 00:01:19:20).  

How It Develops: Unmet emotional needs in childhood lead to “unplugging” (around 3:00, 00:03:14:25).  

A Survival Strategy: Why avoidant individuals deactivate emotions (around 5:00, 00:05:17:26).  

The Stigma: Addressing the negative stereotypes around avoidant attachment (around 7:00, 00:07:21:27).  

Recognising the Signs: Emotional distancing, people-pleasing, and more (around 9:00, 00:09:24:22).  

Strengths: Thriving in crises and career success (around 12:00, 00:12:05:23).  

Relationship Challenges: Dating, ghosting, and seeking “the one” (around 15:00, 00:15:27:17).  

Ghosting and Orbiting: Why these behaviours happen (around 21:00, 00:21:37:27).  

How to Manage It: Self-reflection, therapy, and sharing with partners (around 27:00, 00:27:15:13).  

Takeaway Tips: Three steps to reflect and connect (around 32:00, 00:32:34:27).

Three Takeaway Tips:  

Identify Distancing Behaviours: List the behaviours you notice and what’s not working in your relationships (00:33:26:06).  

Share with Your Partner: Open up about your reflections and be curious about yourself with kindness (00:33:54:26).

Resources Mentioned:  

We mention Stan Tatkin’s book Wired for Dating (00:30:25:10) as a helpful resource for dating with attachment styles in mind.  

Check out Nothing's Wrong: A Man's Guide to Managing His Emotions by David Kundtz for understanding emotional expression (mentioned at 00:30:44:21): https://www.amazon.co.uk/Nothings-Wrong-Guide-Managing-Emotions/dp/1684810280

Disclaimer:

Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

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