Being married and having children demands a certain amount of time, energy and effort thanks to spoken and unspoken expectations. Your time, however, must also be reserved for prioritizing your own needs and not just everyone else’s. Tom and Lisa are discussing how to stand up to your overly demanding family and prioritize your own selfish needs. It’s a process and if you’ve been putting everyone else first for the last several years, this will take a great amount of effort, but it will be worth it.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   Demonstrate | How to make your family feel important and why you need selfish time [0:44] Selfish Pivot | The best way to rebuild your identity after years of putting you to the side [4:39] Carving Space | Actual tips for carving space and creating boundaries with your family [6:46] Small Things | Understand and define what’s really meaningful for your family and spouse [7:52] Boundaries | Be clear with your family about expectations and enforce your boundaries [9:14] Guilty Transition | Value of being consistent and dealing with the guilt of being selfish [11:18]   QUOTES:   “I'm going to do what the fuck I want to do, I'm going to build the life I want to build that is that that's a non negotiable.” Tom Bilyeu [1:22]   “You have to make those people feel that they are your number one, but that does not mean that they get the majority of your time” Tom Bilyeu [4:25]   “I'm the type of person that realizes you will be fucking consumed by other people if you let it. And while it's amazing for them, it is ultimately corrosive for you.” Tom Bilyeu [5:35]   “Being a good mother you should be happy within yourself, with being a great wife, you need to be content with yourself, and so if you're not working on that, then you can't deliver.” Lisa Bilyeu [12:31]

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Being in a sex deprived marriage or relationship doesn’t sound like the goal everyone is aiming for, yet so many people have found themselves in this exact situation. The number of reasons you may be experiencing this in your particular relationship could be anything. Tom and Lisa are answering the question, how to survive a sexual drought when the sex drive is super low. They get super vulnerable as Lisa shares her experience feeling less sexual and not being able to have sex as often because of her medical issues. They are sharing the 2 biggest pieces of advice to help you thrive and survive your next sex drought.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   Understanding | Why it’s not a sexual drought when there are serious medical issues [0:45] No Pressure | Lisa on how supportive Tom was during her medical issues, no pressure [1:41] Feeling Sexual | Feeling less sexual and badly even if your partner is being supportive [3:07] Open Talks |Having open talks about how you’re feeling, no judgement, just check in [4:40] Incest Taboo | A sexless marriage gives room for incest taboo, turning into roommates [6:19] Maintenance | 2 ways to keep your relationship alive: frequent sex & communication [9:42] Compromising | When sex drives are mismatched and not aligned, meet in the middle [12:09] Changing Love | Tom on ways to fall in love again with physical changes & feel desired [13:54] Secret to 20 Years | Lisa shares how having the uncomfortable conversations is the key [17:25]   QUOTES:   “Be open about how you're feeling. It's no judgement, it's no pressure on the other person.” Lisa Bilyeu [4:43]   “You have to have sex often. You have to be very thoughtful not to let much time elapse. because it keeps that relationship dynamic alive.” Tom Bilyeu [9:45]   “In a marriage, you have to negotiate this stuff, and that means that each of you are going to give a little.” Tom Bilyeu [13:00]   “Why isn't he attracted to me anymore?’, [...] because neither of you ever created the space in the first place that you could have the honest discussion” Lisa Bilyeu [19:08]

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When it comes to dating, choosing the right person to give a try, or not, can be so tricky. You need to have a set of standards, boundaries and a list of qualities and traits you use when deciding who to date. You’ve heard it before and it’s worth repeating again, “selection matters.” The question is how do you begin to make a list of those qualities, beliefs and values and prioritize them. Many of you may agree that starting with standards and boundaries is a great move, but how much weight does that list of qualities hold? Tom and Lisa discuss how much they each hit the mark (or not) on each other’s list of predetermined desired traits. It comes down to knowing your personal values, knowing what qualities you’re looking for, and it’s more important to be open to unexpected new things, and discovering who someone is.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   Preconceived Notions | Why relying on your instincts over a premade checklist is better [1:32] Fundamentals | Lisa shares why fundamentals are more important than characteristics [5:23] Be Open | discovery and open to unexpected [8:39]   QUOTES:   “With online dating you're really making a decision on paper before you make a decision in real life.” Tom Bilyeu [2:45]   “If I had made sure you had to hit these marks before going on that first date, I don't know if we ever would have gotten that first date, and then within that I found all these small intriguing things I never realized existed” Lisa Bilyeu [7:49]

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Friends and family are obviously not always going to agree or even understand the decisions you are making in your relationship. What is decided between you and your partner really doesn’t concern others. But, when you are driven for success and the people around you don’t understand why you are doing the things you do, it gets frustrating. Tom and Lisa give their take on how to think through a family that doesn’t know how to support you, and navigating the thought process, are these people coming from a place of good intentions and well meaning for you and your partner or not. Aside from Tom’s advice to have absolute clarity of the vision you are aiming for, Lisa’s advice is the perfect compliment, to not allow their doubts to poison your thoughts.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice to help you build a beautiful relationship.   SHOW NOTES:   Holding You Back | Why family try to hold you back and protect you from pain and failure [0:38] Judging Your Partner | When people think you’re partner’s decisions are foolish [3:34] Gifted Doubt | Tom shares how to leverage people not believing in you as motivation [7:36] Family Pressure | Feeling like you always have to justify and not allowing doubt in [9:45]   QUOTES:   “They're putting limitations on because they love you, they care about you, they're worried about you, they want you to be successful, but they define success oftentimes as the freedom from suffering.” Tom Bilyeu [2:08]   “It doesn't matter what other people think. And even if we failed, I had to get okay with being okay to fail” Lisa Bilyeu [7:04]   “If you know how to leverage the people who want for your failure, if you know how to leverage the people who don't believe in you and you can believe in yourself in those moments [...] it's a gift” Tom Bilyeu [9:19]   “This is my life, this is no one else's, and as long as me and you are on the same page, and as long as me and you have that same vision and are both in communication about what we're doing and in what those next steps are, it doesn't matter what other people think.” Lisa Bilyeu [12:27]   “Whether it's somebody with good intentions, somebody that has bad intentions, it's irrelevant, like performance wins.” Tom Bilyeu [12:56]

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Being told the truth can sting. If it touches on a matter that is emotional for your partner then it is important it’s done with respect and love. But what about when the subject is not so serious and you aren’t a fan of the shirt your partner decided to wear to dinner? Or maybe your partner just has bad breath and it needs to be said. How you deliver the truth is ultra important.Tom and Lisa dive into this question and discuss what matters enough to be said and when omitting the truth about how you feel on something may be permissible. The goal is to never weaken your relationship, and how you communicate truth to one another needs to be handled very carefully.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   Honesty | Tom and Lisa discuss filtering thoughts vs. carefully presenting your thoughts [0:27] Omitted Truth | Deciding the kinds of things to just not say versus not lying to your partner [1:48] Truth Threshold | How much truth is necessary, what is an absolute thing to be said [4:32] Hiding Truth | Distinguishing what you’re deliberately hiding and what matters to be told [6:11]   QUOTES:   “No matter how hard it is, no matter how small or big it is, we have to always be honest with each other.” Lisa Bilyeu [2:00]   “You're way better to err on the side of too much information than not enough.” Tom Bilyeu [6:17]   “You're never going to have the relationship you want to have unless you're open about virtually everything.” Tom Bilyeu [6:38]   “I don't think of it as being too much information because that's what makes it too much, is the irrelevancy. Once it's relevant, it's not too much information.” Tom Bilyeu [9:37]

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You may agree, there is nothing more exhilarating than a brand new relationship. You’re excited, the chemistry is strong, and sexual compatibility is perfect. When the novelty begins to wear off and the 1st week turns into the 1st month, the 1st year and suddenly 5 years or more have passed, where is your excitement level? How is the chemistry and sex life years later for most couples? Tom and Lisa tackle the question, how much do you need to work on the relationship and if chemistry should still be present. The cliff notes version of this is yes! If you want a long lasting healthy relationship, it takes work and it takes more effort than you think. Tom excitedly declares, when you’re with the right person, it can be “the ride of a lifetime.” Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice to help you Build a Beautiful Relationship.   SHOW NOTES:   Nonstop Work | Tom on why it requires nonstop work to grow and it starts with chemistry [0:42] Chemistry Not Enough | Lisa on why chemistry is needed at first but it’s not enough alone [2:55] Female Chemistry | Women need trust and chemistry to feel sexual gratification [4:19] Put In Work | Tom reflects on how every aspect of life with value requires effort [5:07] Meaning of Work | Why the word “work” has negative connotation. What it really means [6:33] Effort | Swapping the word ‘work’ for ‘effort’ and understanding everything takes effort [8:26] Worth the Effort | Lisa on how marriage hasn’t been easy but it’s been worth the effort [9:50]   QUOTES:   “There are a number of hours that we have spent having conversations I think neither of us wanted to have. Because they make you feel emotions, you don't want to feel or they're tedious. But oh my god, are they rewarding.” Tom Bilyeu [2:40]   “We work very hard to maintain the chemistry to maintain our relationship to maintain our closeness” Lisa Bilyeu [3:55]   “We want love to be this magical thing that sort of sits outside of real life, but everything in my life, [...] requires work and focus and effort.” Tom Bilyeu [5:30]   “When you make this statement, ‘Oh, I love my job so much. It doesn't even feel like work.’ My thing is that actually almost certainly isn't true. It's that you love something so much, it's worth the work.” Tom Bilyeu [7:47]

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When you or your partner set goals, support and encourage each other. When either of you behave in a way that is less desirable and not obvious, do you let it go or speak up? In real meaningful relationships, having difficult conversations are unavoidable and necessary. If you and your partner have built trust into your foundation then needing to say hard things to your partner can be a little easier (though still uncomfortable) and better received (though it may sting). Tom and Lisa emphasize the importance of why trust is desperately needed in the relationship to deliver feedback that is difficult or negative. Also, the value of conversations ahead of time sets the flow and expectation you have for each other. So, if you’ve found yourself in this situation lately or it hasn’t happened yet, Tom and Lisa are breaking down everything you need to have the best relationship and the best outcome possible when the truth is a must and feelings are on the line.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   Trust | Tom on why difficult feedback has to come from love and trust in a relationship [0:40] Blind Spots | Why you both need to crave seeing what you’re blind to and trust each other [2:54] Buy In | Lisa explains why your partner needs to buy into wanting to hear hard truths [4:22] Accountable | Why waiting for your partner to complain first is more effective [5:23]   QUOTES:   “You have to covet hearing the hard things, and ironically, it's almost always harder to say the hard things than it is to hear it because you know how you're going to make the other person feel.” Tom Bilyeu [1:29]   “When you tell me something that's a shortcoming, I trust you that you're saying it for my own good.” Lisa Bilyeu [10:11]  

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In a healthy relationship communication is literally everything. When you are in pain, frustrated, excited, pissed or anxious, it’s a beautiful thing to be able to speak with your partner about anything and everything. However, there is a line and capacity you don’t want to abuse. If the majority of your conversations and interactions are negative, extra needy, or filled with complaints about everything, there are two things you should be aware of. Tom and Lisa explain why having healthy friendships outside of the relationship or marriage can be beneficial, and why it’s important that you check yourself on the negative chatter. There is no one around, not even yourself that would want to take part in a friendship or relationship where 80% of the conversations are filled with negativity.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   Value of Friends | Tom on why friendships are valuable but not a necessity in relationship [0:44] Being Needy | If there’s lots of emotional needs spread it out and making effort to soothe [1:13] Negative Space | Why spending majority relationship time in negativity is a losing strategy [3:09] Do The Work | You need to do the work, focus on fixing the negativity issue an bring joy [3:51]   QUOTES:   “If you're spending the majority of our relationship time in a negative space [...] it's a bad fucking strategy.” Tom Bilyeu [3:10]   “Find people because that shit is fun. It shouldn't be because you just focus in a negative place and your partner's like burning out.” Tom Bilyeu [5:07]

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Betrayal in any relationship is so difficult to deal with, but when it’s in a romantic relationship it’s even messier. Everyone’s beliefs, experiences, and ideas of what infidelity really looks like is so different. While there is no judgement for how one relationship views it versus another, it’s still very hurtful for the person in a relationship that has their trust broken. Trust is such a delicate thing. It’s very difficult to build and takes so much time. Like a priceless glass vase, it can be shattered quite easily as well. If your partner has cheated on you, or perhaps you have cheated on your partner, it is important to understand the context of this episode is based around fidelity and trust as Tom and Lisa have defined it for themselves. It is so important that you have conversations with your partner to define your own lines of trust so that you are both clear how to avoid breaching those lines to build a long lasting, healthy and happy relationship.   Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   2nd Chances | Lisa on why cheating is non-negotiable with no 2nd chances [0:31] No Reasons | Lisa on how reasons for cheating reveals something broken in relationship [1:26] Broken Trust | Tom on why being someone’s number one and the need for trust is critical [2:58] Be 100% | Not being in a relationship where fear is a factor requires being all in with trust [5:40]   QUOTES:   “It's not about the cheating itself. It's about what caused you to do that.” Lisa Bilyeu [1:30]   “To feel like you're somebody's number one, I think that's probably the most intoxicating thing about a relationship.” Tom BIlyeu [3:36]   “Everybody just has to draw their own line, say this is what's important to me, this is what I'm willing to put up with...” Tom Bilyeu [7:23]

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This is a judgement free zone. If you’re not comfortable talking about sex, you may not be ready for sex yet. When it comes to dating, the million dollar question for men and women comes down to having sex on the first date and knowing when is the right time to have sex? Does having sex on the first date or too early in the relationship compromise your values or dampen your chemistry and compatibility? Tom and Lisa keep it straight forward and discuss their thoughts on having sex early in the relationship and on the first date. This topic ultimately comes down to being responsible, assessing the risk and determining what is safe for you given your particular situation. So, let’s talk about sex on first dates. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.   SHOW NOTES:   1st Date Sex | Tom shares a male’s perspective having sex on the first date [0:48] Feeling Safe | The importance of feeling safe and accurately assessing character [2:46] Moving Fast | Tom talks about why moving too fast is an individual decision not a rule [3:56] Compatibility | Lisa on why sexual compatibility is a must for a long term relationship [4:25] Taking it Slow | Be clear on the why you’re having sex and what you really want out of it [5:47] Danger | Tom on being safe and the need to be thoughtful and have trust before sex [7:13] Sex Journey | Tom explains how getting to the part of having sex is truly a journey [9:02]   QUOTES:   “If it's a long term relationship, I think I would take it slower [...] take more time to hear what their values are to see if we are compatible in mindsets, compatible in the way that we think, and then I would build the trust and then have sex. “ Lisa Bilyeu [6:12]   “If you don't know and trust that person and feel like you're communicating well, that could get dicey. It's an intense proposition. People do need to be super thoughtful about how they handle it.” Tom Bilyeu [8:14]   “The reality is that sex is this thrilling, fascinating, risky, dangerous, bizarre, beautiful thing, and that we get to take advantage of it that we get to have those experiences is really extraordinary.” Tom Bilyeu [11:26]

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