Relationship Theory

More than half of all teenagers are totally uncomfortable discussing the same thing that nearly a third of adults are uncomfortable discussing. Sex! The question that Tom and Lisa tackle today is if waiting to have sex before marriage is the right thing. Yes, there are religious and cultural beliefs that will provide the answer and wisdom you need should you subscribe to those beliefs, but in this episode Tom and Lisa take a practical perspective about sex before marriage, living together first, and discovering compatibility and a common baseline in one of the most important aspects of your relationship. Their advice for a long-term healthy and happy relationship acknowledges the importance of feeling safe physically and emotionally, but more importantly being open to communicate and discuss sex together.

SHOW NOTES:

Sex Before Marriage | Tom why waiting for marriage to have sex is madness [0:35]

Living Together | Tom explains why living together 1st is a best practice for longevity [1:25]

No Fireworks | Lisa on the disappoint of first sexual experience and missing the fireworks [3:41]

Safe Exploration | Connecting and having safety to physically and emotionally explore [5:28]

Compatibility | Being on the same page, shared electricity, and know your sex flavor [8:05]

Frequency | Having open communication about frequency and feeling neglected [9:02]

Orgasmic | Tom on the neuro chemistry and power orgasm has for antidepressant [11:33]

Fetishes | Important of openly discussing fetishes and having no judgement [13:07]

Growing | Tom shares the value evolving in the sexual relationship and journey together [15:27]

Real Talk | Real time communication Tom's intention vs. Lisa's values on "experiment" [16:06]

QUOTES:

"I thought fireworks were gonna go off, I was going to be crowned, my life was never going to be the same, I was going to be finally a woman, like, it was like this big grand thing. And I had sex for the first time and was like, 'huh!?'" Lisa Bilyeu [4:10]

"one of the best pieces of advice I ever got about sex was until you're able to talk about it openly don't have it." Tom Bilyeu [5:49]

"...the things you will learn about yourself, what you like, the nature of sex itself is so profound, that having a level of experience and exploration I think is truly rewarding." Tom Bilyeu [11:02]

"if you if you don't have sex beforehand, if you don't discuss it especially, then you may end up in a relationship with someone that is that may be the antithesis of what sexually turns you on." Lisa Bilyeu [14:57]

You've probably found yourself excited and overjoyed over something you've discovered that has transformed your life or impacted you for the better. Maybe it was about health, career, or something spiritual. The desire to share with everyone you know could easily be overwhelming for you and everyone around. When it comes to your relationships, something so good can suddenly become the dagger between your connection with the other person. In this episode, Tom and Lisa venture down the path of what to do when you have this positive change in your life and your partner is not willing to even give it consideration and is just negative about life. Changing someone without manipulation is near impossible. Tom and Lisa take you through real tactics of how to lead from example in your own life and know when and how to approach these "dangerous" conversations.

SHOW NOTES:

Changing People | Why you can't change people that don't want to change [1:02]

Negative Partner | How to approach a negative partner and acknowledge the danger of it [2:20]

Dangerous Topics | When and how it's best to approach heavy topics you clash on [6:44]

Critical Timing | Lisa shares tips on finding the best time to bring up deep conversations [9:20]

Compartmentalize | Learning tactics to shift gears and control when to approach topics [12:46]

Growth Minded | How to share your growth mindset with partner not willing to learn [15:02]

Same Page | The value of being on same page is about not suffering in your relationship [18:02]

QUOTES:

"this absolutely and fundamentally, for me, must be resolved in our relationship, otherwise, I cannot progress." Tom Bilyeu [4:34]

"instead of taking it as a personal insult that like, 'I take this more seriously than he does because I want to talk about it right now.' I think you've got to let go of that. Because I think that actually brings more animosity and anger within you about how they're reacting which I don't think helps the situation." Lisa Bilyeu [13:54]

"if we don't work towards having a great relationship, then we may as well walk away because neither of us are willing to suffer in a relationship when you're not on the same page." Lisa Bilyeu [18:22]

"people treat you exactly the way you let them treat you. And you are training them in every interaction that you have." Tom Bilyeu [18:46]

"If you're my spouse, and I have a dream, you have exactly one job helped me execute against that." Tom Bilyeu [19:30]

You know those times in your relationship when you are being so petty about something, and still you just can't help yourself? You try to self-soothe and correct your behavior, but can't put a finger on exactly why you feel this way. What's the best way to work through this situation? In this episode, Tom and Lisa impart their wisdom on how to have full disclosure and get through the process together even when your values are colliding. Coexisting in a happy and healthy relationship with moments of pettiness is possible when you acknowledge it and communicate.

SHOW NOTES:

Being Petty | Tom on why it's disarming and when communicated you process together [0:57]

Apologizing | Lisa explains their rules for apologizing and not being sorry about intentions [3:31]

Collision of Values | The danger of the situation and how to still acknowledge each other [5:01]

Appreciation | How to navigate collision of values with respect and appreciation  [7:23]

QUOTES:

"the second you just say you're sorry to make the other person feel better. You just sweep it under the rug" Lisa Bilyeu [3:59]

"I fully respect that we just don't agree at a value system level. So I'm not saying your values are wrong. But I'm very much saying that they're not mine." Tom Bilyeu [5:33]

"To me, it's every day, we are working together as a team to really accomplish what we need or want to do. And we have our morals, we have our beliefs, and we need to support them."

How many times have you or your partner made a disagreement worse because you want to address the issue at different times? One of you wants to talk about it immediately while the other needs to walk away and take time to decompress before saying another word. Neither approach is right or wrong, but the opposite responses can make matters worse. In this episode Tom and Lisa share their power couple tips on how to avoid the added stress that comes with two radically different approaches. Make sure you take the necessary time and steps before your next heated discussion.

SHOW NOTES:

Rules of Engagement | Tom explains why rules of engagement when you're emotionally sober are a must [00:42]

Love Reminders | Lisa explains idea of reminders used to signal your partner in heated moments [2:53]

QUOTES:

"Don't balance it, agree ahead of time like what your rule of engagement is." Tom Bilyeu [00:42]

Relationships can be so beautiful and amazing. Two people from totally different lives come together and fall under a spell with each other, and life never felt better. As you get deeper into the relationship, you learn more about each other and now have to find ways to communicate and understand each other's values, habits and quirky ways. When love is not enough to sustain a massive collision of values, how do you respond? Is walking away the best option because you don't agree or see eye to eye? In this episode, Tom and Lisa take you into the deep end of what it means to "steel man" each other and how to find compromise when there seems to be no room for compromise.. Not surprisingly, at the heart of their advice and wisdom is strong communication with one another. This is what a strong relationship and partnership looks like.

SHOW NOTES:

Perception Matters | Understanding how radically different perceptions can be [1:52]

Collision of Values | Find out if you're on the same page and what you think the other should be doing [7:17]

Communication | Lisa shares how it always comes back to detailed communication [9:56]

Value System | Know your personal value system and how it feeds into your relationship [13:06]

Steel Man | Understanding your partners position, see and understand at their soul level [16:11]

Compromise | Find the tradeoff after sharing each other's perspectives for path forward [18:51]

Judged Beliefs | Lisa explains why not to judge a person's belief as right or wrong [22:19]

Malleable Beliefs | Tom explains how beliefs can be changed when held to your values [22:58]

No Judgement | Lisa on how to effectively approach conflict and express yourself [24:03]

QUOTES:

"...it isn't going to be a straight division of labor. So it's like that we're each carrying a load that we're happy to carry." Tom Bilyeu [8:38]

"If I've actually asked you to help [...] because I've reached out, but it's not an expectation, I think that's the difference" Lisa Bilyeu [12:43]

"when somebody gives you the keys of the kingdom, they've also given you the way to hurt them" Tom Bilyeu [15:13]

"You have to be able to articulate the other person's position so accurately, that they feel seen, understood, not judged. Because when you steel man it, you're not trying to set them up." Tom Bilyeu [16:58]

"...there's a lot of power in the being angry about something. Aim it at the behavior and not the person." Tom Bilyeu [25:11]

The road to recovery once trust has been broken in a relationship can be long and painful for everyone involved. In this episode Tom and Lisa take a look from both sides of the one betrayed and the betrayer. Healing is a process and once that cannot be rushed, but is it more painful for the person who needs to forgive or the person that needs to earn back the trust that has been damaged? Regardless what side of the fence you are on, this conversation offers hard truths on both sides to consider. Letting go is easier said than done, and necessary if there is to be any recovery and future there after.

SHOW NOTES:

Getting past betrayal requires you to let it go [1:12]

The challenge of being remorseful and changing your behavior [2:08]

What the cycle of not letting go potentially looks like for the average person [3:22]

Knowing how to actually let it go [4:29]

Holding on to betrayal and not allowing yourself to heal [5:54]

Taking ownership of the betrayal to regain your power and not be the victim [6:32]

How to deal with letting go when it's stills fresh [7:32]

QUOTES:

"Almost more of the work is on the side of the person that has to do the forgiving because you actually have to let it go" Tom Bilyeu [1:42]

"If it's a mutually recognized betrayal, she knows she's in the right, he knows he's in the wrong. So, how do you meet again as equals?" Tom Bilyeu [5:40]

"If you haven't healed it's like a wound that keeps on bleeding" Lisa Bilyeu [5:58]

When you first started dating, all you could think about was seeing him or her and being together. Whenever their name was mentioned you smiled. Maybe you rearranged everything and everyone on your schedule to make sure nothing stood in the way of the joy you felt. How long does that phase of new love last though? Time goes on and the relationship evolves, or maybe dissolves for some? Have you been left feeling like the spark you once had is gone, or not as strong as it once was? Possibly, it's your partner telling you the spark is gone and you're left trying to figure out how to keep that spark going. In this episode, Tom and Lisa unpack the importance of communicating. It's not enough to assume how your partner defines "spark" and in order for your relationship to survive, you're going to have to talk about it, listen, and get each other's perspectives to move forward to the next level. Making an effort is just part of the process of having a fulfilling relationship.

SHOW NOTES:

Defining terms to one another and communicating to understand [1:17]

Approach your relationship as novice regardless of how many relationships you've had [3:00]

Tom breaks down the effect new love has in relationships and the intoxicating benefit [3:37]

Taking the relationship beyond the intoxicating phase to the level of building together [4:34]

Fulfillment versus happiness in relationships like deep contentment and satisfaction [6:00]

Communicating and being open to each other's perspective is the way forward [7:05]

Transitioning into a long term relationship and still working on yourself [8:10]

Lisa explains why still making an effort is important although the motivation has changed [9:15]

Comfy together and transparent conversation about looking "good" for each other [9:48]

QUOTES:

When you're orbiting stars around a shared center of gravity it doesn't become that sort of weird destructive thing [...] it's like two people that revolve around the relationship" Tom Bilyeu [4:48]

Listen to each, define terms, and then we can figure out how to march forward together." [7:18]

"Even if you're not trying to capture the exact spark that you had I think it is important to still make sure that you are making the effort for each other as well." Lisa Bilyeu [9:21]

Do you struggle with fulfilling the expectations of your partner and your responsibilities in other life areas? In this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share how they managed to make their relationship the number one priority while achieving success in other life areas.. After watching this episode, you'll know why knowing your value system is the key to balancing work with your relationship and how Tom is able to manage both his business and his relationship successfully. They explain why knowing your partner´s expectations isessential for a lasting relationship and why communication in relationships can be learned even if it doesn´t come naturally to you, and much more.

NOTES:

Why knowing your value system is the key to balancing work with your relationship. [00:39]

How Tom is able to manage both his business and his relationship successfully. [3:15]

Why knowing your partner´s expectations is essential for a lasting relationship. [4:36]

Tom´s highest priority is Lisa, yet he went on a business trip when she needed him most; here´s why. [7:23]

Avoid this mistake if your partner makes a decision you don´t like. [9:45]

Why communication in relationships can be learned even if it doesn´t come naturally to you. [10:50]

The rules Lisa and Tom set up that allows Tom to go hard in his business while being there for Lisa when she needs him. [11:44]

QUOTES:

"I said every reason why I needed you, and you told me every reason why you had to go, and we came to the conclusion, that you going was the right thing, and then in exchange when you came back, I needed two full days of your time. We did it like a negotiation." [6:38]

"If it´s urgent you call three times: Call number one and you don´t answer means that you´re busy. Call number two and you don´t answer means that you´re really busy. Call number three means you better answer whether you´re with the president of the united states because I need you." [12:50]

"I know now that if I need you, I have the power to get your attention." [16:10]

FOLLOW TOM:

Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90

YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL

FOLLOW LISA:

Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh

YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0

Have you ever felt unsafe trusting your partner? Sometimes our fearful thinking takes over and fills our mind with crazy stories, making it hard to open up and trust someone - especially if we've been hurt in the past. Though the purpose of this fear is to prevent people from injuring us, it also keeps us from the love we desire. That´s why in this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share how to know when you should open up and trust someone. After watching this episode, you'll know how Tom´s mindset led to them both being themselves when he first met Lisa, and how to understand your partner´s patterns to see if you can trustthem. You´ll know how you should think when you first met someone to increase the chances of a successful relationship and much more.

SHOW NOTES:

How to know when you should open up and trust someone to create a healthy relationship. [1:00]

Tom´s mindset that led to both being themselves when he first met Lisa. [4:18]

How to understand your partner´s patterns to see if you can trust him. [5:59]

This is how you should think when you first met someone to increase the chances of a successful relationship. [7:14]

Lisa trusted Tom to take nude photos; what happened next almost killed their relationship. [8:00]

This is how you work things out after a fight, even if you doubt the relationship. [12:00]

QUOTES:

"Don´t trust what somebody says, don´t trust even trust what they do, but always trust a pattern." [4:10]

"Even when you think someone is potentially betraying your trust, it may not always be like that." [12:00]

"Let the things that happened to you make you wiser, don´t let them make you bitter." [14:00]

FOLLOW TOM:

Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90

YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL

FOLLOW LISA:

Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh

YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0

Are you struggling to balance your ambitious goals with your love life? Pursuing your goals without neglecting your partner can be challenging. That´s why in this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share how to pursue ambitious goals without neglecting each other. After watching this episode, you'll know how to communicate being ambitious to your partner. You'll learn how Tom makes sure Lisa doesn't feel neglected while he's chasing big goals. Lisa shares the fundamental question she asks herself that helps her not feeling neglected and much more.

SHOW NOTES:

How to communicate being ambitious to your partner. [1:01]

This is how Tom makes sure Lisa doesn´t feel neglected while he´s chasing big goals. [2:02]

The fundamental question Lisa asks herself to stop feeling neglected. [2:31]

Why it´s okay to do something for your partner to make yourself feel good. [4:00]

Warning signs that you´re in a dysfunctional relationship. [5:30]

QUOTES:

"I always ask myself the fundamental question: "Does he love you?" [2:37]

"If I were in a relationship and you would make me feel insecure, over enough time, I would either get out of it or start to feel needy, and feeling needy would probably be the first sign for me that this is seriously dysfunctional." [5:41]

"I do not understand why people stay in a relationship, where that person does not make you feel amazing." [5:57]

FOLLOW TOM:

Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90

YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL

FOLLOW LISA:

Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh

YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0