Relationship Theory

Does your partner's salary make you feel inferior? In our society, it can be easy to equate salary with self-worth. That's why in this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share what to do if your partner earns more money than you. After watching this episode, you'll know two questions you should ask when your partner earns more than you. You'll understand how to communicate your feelings to your partner without attacking them and what to do when your partner values you for earning more money. You'll also learn how to talk to your partner if you feel less because they earn more and why it's essential to talk about how your partner makes you feel.

SHOW NOTES:

Two questions you should ask when your partner earns more than you. [00:37]

How to communicate your feelings to your partner without attacking them. [1:08]

What to do when your partner values you for earning more money. [2:10]

How to talk to your partner if you feel less because he earns more. [4:32]

Why it´s important to talk about how your partner makes you feel. [6:24]

QUOTES:

"In our entire relationship, I have made more money than you. But never once has that made me think that I am better than you." [2:42]

"If you have a fundamental value misalignment, you gotta f*ing address that or get out of the relationship." [4:05]

"What we do is, we take every situation, even when the problem is with me, we sit down, and we talk about it, and we find a conclusion as a team." [5:54]

FOLLOW TOM:

Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90

YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL

FOLLOW LISA:

Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh

YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0

Do you ever feel like you need more space for yourself in your relationship? Taking time for ourselves may seem selfish, as though we're avoiding our partner. But needing space from your partner doesn't mean, "I don't love you." In this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share how they balance time alone and time together to strengthen their relationship. Now you have the chance to learn easily what they had to learn with great difficulty to make their relationship last for over 20 years. After watching this episode, you'll know the selfish time you shouldn't take that damages most relationships. How Lisa and Tom balance their selfish time and time together to make their relationship work. The critical question to ask to understand why you need selfish time. You learn how Lisa talks to herself to stop escalating an argument and why it's essential to understand why you need time for yourself.

SHOW NOTES:

The selfish time you shouldn´t take that damages most relationships. [00:47]

How Lisa and Tom balance their selfish time and time together to make their relationship work. [1:26]

Two universal things everyone needs in any relationship. [1:57]

The critical question to ask to understand why you need selfish time. [2:16]

This is when Lisa needs to take selfish time and why Tom´s strategy doesn´t help her at that moment. [2:29]

How Lisa talks to herself to stop escalating an argument. [4:00]

Why it´s essential to understand the reason you need time for yourself. [4:59]

QUOTES:

"Everyone needs selfish time. I think that is universal and everybody needs time together. The balance you have to find for yourself. From my perspective, it seems extremely dangerous to want a very significant amount of time." [1:57]

"Never have we ever got into an argument and argued and pushed each other to the point of solving it. We usually have to bring our guards back down. We have to hear the other person....It´s the separation of bringing down the guards." [4:00]

FOLLOW TOM:

Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90

YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL

FOLLOW LISA:

Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh

YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0

Communication is an essential part of great sex. But many people worry about hurting their partner's feelings by bringing up the topic — especially if they´re not feeling satisfied. These conversations can bring up a lot of anxiety and can cause you to avoid having them. Thus,damage your relationship in the long run. But there are strategies to make these conversations easier. In this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share how to talk about sex with your partner even if you´re afraid to do so. Now you have the chance to learn easily what they had to learn with great difficulty to make their relationship last for over 20 years. After watching this episode, you´ll know what the right moment for starting the conversation looks like. You´ll understand how to prevent triggering your partner. Why asking for flowers isn´t unromantic and how to guide your partner, so he knows what makes you happy. Furthermore, you´ll learn how to handle your emotions when you´re getting triggered and how men can articulate sexual attraction in a way that makes women feel good.

SHOW NOTES:

Why you should talk about sex if you´re not sexually satisfied. [00:37]

How does the right moment for starting the conversation look like? [3:21]

This is how Tom and Lisa used the movie "Rush Hour" to end one of their biggest fights. [5:35]

The most powerful question Lisa asked in the marriage. [7:33]

The mindset you need to have to improve any area of your relationship. [8:10]

Avoid this communication mistake to prevent triggering your partner. [9:45]

What Lisa and Tom don´t do (This radically improves their relationship.) [11:10]

Why asking for flowers isn´t unromantic and how to guide your partner, so he knows what makes you happy. [12:00]

What "communication is key" does actually mean and how to implement it. [15:00]

How to handle your emotions when you´re getting triggered. [16:00]

What happens to most relationships, so they end up in an unhappy relationship. [17:00]

How men can articulate sexual attraction in a way that makes women feel good. [18:56]

The difference in how women and men think about sex (If you don´t understand this, you think the other side is crazy.) [20:03]

QUOTES:

"If you're not ready to talk with your partner about sex, you're not ready to have sex." [1:05]

"I take on the ownership of: "What am I not giving you?" Because to trick ourselves into thinking we are always giving our partner exactly what they need all the time is absolutely putting blinders on." [8:12]

"Does this person love me? And if the answer is "yes" then I know that there is no ill-will, so whatever they're trying to do, I am gonna give them grace and understanding, and I am gonnabe open and receptive." [16:40]

"Women need to feel loved to have sex, and men need to have sex to feel loved." [20:03]

FOLLOW TOM:

Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90

YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL

FOLLOW LISA:

Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh

YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0

We've heard it from every relationship advice column ever: communication is key. But what does that even mean? In this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share their secrets for effective communication. Now you have the chance to learn easily what they had to learn with great difficulty to make their relationship last for over 20 years. After you watch this episode, you´ll know why communication is the secret to a long-lasting relationship and how to communicate in the right way. Furthermore, Lisa and Tom share how to use the right love language with your partner.

SHOW NOTES:

Why communication is the secret to a long-lasting relationship and how to communicate in the right way. [1:02]

How to use the right love language with your partner. [2:24]

The one word that Tom should never use because Lisa gets very upset. [2:59]

QUOTES:

"I think the more areas you have specific, discussed, and agreed-upon rules of engagement, the better off you´re gonna be." [0:46]

"Let me tell you if you know certain words gonna rub the other person the wrong way, don´t use them in an argument." [2:24]

FOLLOW TOM:

Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90

YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL

FOLLOW LISA:

Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh

YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0

You want to give the world to your partner. But you don´t have the money to do so?

Sure, gifts such as roses, necklaces, or being able to fulfill financial dreams are beautiful things, but the best gift you can´t buy with money. What your partner really wants is not the world, but something else and probably not what you think. In this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share why money is not the most important thing in a relationship and how they managed the time in their lives when they had no money at all. Now you have the chance to learn easily what they had to learn with great difficulty to make their relationship last for over 20 years. After you watch this episode, you´ll know how Tom handled being in a bad financial situation when he first met Lisa. How Lisa reframed not having money, to find joy in the situation, and why getting rich will not solve your relationship problems and the one thing that makes all the difference. Furthermore, you´ll know what you can give instead of money which is way more powerful and much more.

SHOW NOTES:

Why Tom thinks relationships have nothing to do with being financially free. [1:25]

How Tom handled being in a bad financial situation when he met Lisa." [2:20]

Why being ashamed of your financial situation shouldn´t hold you back from love. [3:08]

How Lisa reframed not having money, to find joy in it. [3:42]

The only thing you should be ashamed of and two things you should never worry about. [4:10]

The most amazing gift we can have in our lives. [4:40]

Why getting rich will not solve your relationship problems and the one thing that makes all the difference. [5:03]

Why not having money doesn´t say anything about you. [5:23]

This is what you can give instead of money which is way more powerful. [5:41]

QUOTES:

"Until the day you´ll die you´re in the middle of your journey." [1:27]

"I was actually excited at that time to be a part of that journey, I guess because we always had our sight set on the big goal." [3:53]

"There are two things you should never ever worry about or be ashamed. One, the things you cannot change. Two, The things you can change." [4:23]

"You´re not gonna get rich and say: "Now all my problems are solved." [5:03]

FOLLOW TOM:

Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90

YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL

FOLLOW LISA:

Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh

YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0

Ever argued about money in your relationship? Maybe sometimes felt guilty about not contributing money to the relationship? In this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share how they manage and talk about money in a way that deepened their love, respect, and overall relationship. Watch this episode to learn their proven strategies and plug them into your relationship to create the loving, lasting relationship you always dreamed about. After you watch this episode, you´ll be able to: Split money in a way that is fair for both sides. See the value you bring to your relationship, even when it´s not money. Make your partner feel good about staying at home. Know how to stop feeling guilty for not contributing monetarily. Avoid the critical mistake most people make that ruins their relationship.

SHOW NOTES:

Why Lisa doesn't like being called a housewife and the unusual name Tom called her instead, that made her instantly feel good about what she was doing. [1:26]

The open conversation about money you need to have, so both of you feel equally contributing to the relationship. [3:12]

Why the money should be split 50/50 and how that is fair for both sides. (Even when only one partner goes to work. [4:13]

How Lisa can spend money on shoes & Tom on video games without feeling guilty or ask for permission (Even when spending the money seems stupid for the partner.) [5:19]

The critical mistake most people make that ruins their relationship. (And how to prevent it.) [6:49]

The foundation that makes a relationship worth making sacrifices for. [7:46]

Two strategies you can use to instantly stop feeling guilty about not contributing monetarily. [9:38]

Lisa's strategy to feel like an independent woman instead of a maid while managing the household. [10:23]

QUOTES:

"If we are coming into this as a partnership. If we decided this is what we are doing as a partnership. You´re gonna go to work every day, and I'm gonna stay at home and work on the "Bilyeu Enterprises" then whatever money comes in should be 50/50…" [4:13]

"If I put myself in a position of power, that feels great for me, but it disempowers you, and it's gonna feel terrible for you. That just seemed so obvious to me, that it's a terrible long term strategy..." [6:49]

FOLLOW TOM:

Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90

YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL

FOLLOW LISA:

Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh

YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0

Name-calling, belittling, and mind games - it seems like the red flags of a toxic relationship are obvious, but the fact that the relationship wasn´t always hurtful makes leaving hard. All of these forms of abuse leave deep scars in your mind, and it can be incredibly difficult to heal and unlearn everything that was done to you. This can cause fear to get close to someone, to get your heart broken again, and the fear of experiencing the same kind of abuse. However, once you find another person that you want to start again with, it can be incredibly difficult to unlearn previous behaviors. In this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down and share how to let go of your past traumatic relationship and open up for the loving relationship you deserve. Now you have the chance to learn easily what they had to learn with great difficulty to make their relationship last for over 20 years. After you watch this episode, you´ll know how to heal from a toxic relationship and prevent getting into one in the future. You´ll learn the most important questions you need to ask to change the future of your relationships and understand the real reason why you can´t let go of the baggage of your previous relationship.

SHOW NOTES:

How to heal from a toxic relationship prevent getting into one in the future. [00:42]

The wedding present Lisa got from her ex-boyfriend. (Not a good one.) [1:42]

The most important questions you need to ask to change the future of your relationships. [2:09]

The process to heal successfully and how professional help can speed up your healing. [4:22]

The real reason why you can´t let go of the baggage of your previous relationship. [6:29]

Why building confidence is the first step to avoid toxic relationships. [9:30]

Why you have to be able to stand up for yourself and talk about what is really going on. [10:40]

QUOTES:

"All the things he did I never going to accept again." [2:07]

"First you have to take your power back by recognizing that I am not a victim in this scenario. " [6:05]

"Let go of all the stuff that happened in the past, so you can see and respond to what is actually happening." [8:33]

"Building the confidence in yourself so that when you go into that new relationship if someone does then the same things your past partner did, you now have the confidence to say: "I am actually not going to accept this!" [10:02]

FOLLOW TOM:

Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90

YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL

FOLLOW LISA:

Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh

YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0

Are you and your partner struggling to have a deep and meaningful level of communication? Have emotions taken over your conversations and you can't seem to achieve a break through? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they share their key communication techniques they find the most effective towards having a strong and healthy relationship. They discuss how they navigate moments of sticky communication, how emotions can skew your mind, the importance of being vulnerable with your partner, why you sometimes need to let your partner go crazy, how to help your partner during emotional times, why it's always on you to improve, and how to learn from your past.

SHOW NOTES:

Communicate | Lisa and Tom share how they navigate sticky moments of communication. [0:31]

Emotional | Lisa and Tom discuss how little things over time can influence your emotions. [3:39]

Sanity Check | Tom reveals how Lisa keeps him from going too far into something. 7:20]

Vulnerable | Lisa and Tom reveal the importance of being open with each other. [9:21]

Crazy | Tom and Lisa reveal why you sometimes need to let your partner go all out. [11:38]

Help | Lisa and Tom discuss how to help your partner during emotional times. [15:36]

It's on You | Tom and Lisa reveal why at the end of the day, it's on you to step up. [16:59]

Your Past | Lisa and Tom reveal why learning from the past is crucial to growth. [18:20]

QUOTES:

"In those moments, when someone says, "You're just being emotional, it's your hormones," you want to fight back and say, "Stop using that as an excuse — as a defense mechanism," right? "Stop deflecting, alright? Stop trying to blame me that it's my emotions." No, you actually did this." [6:50]

"You have to let the person, like, really go deep into crazy-land, before you say, "You're being crazy…" [12:53]

FOLLOW TOM:

Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90

YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL

FOLLOW LISA:

Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh

YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0

Are you and your partner feeling the pressure to have kids but just aren't ready yet? Are your parents, friends, and family constantly asking, "When are you going to have children?" but you don't know how to respond without disappointing them? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore how you should approach the decision of having kids and why you shouldn't feel guilt or regret if you decide not to. They discuss how to deal with pressure from family, why honesty about what you want is important, why you shouldn't let fear of regret drive your decisions, why desire of fulfillment always leads people to have kids, and how children are a reflection of each partner.

SHOW NOTES:

Pressure | Lisa and Tom discuss how they deal with pressure to have kids. [0:34]

Honesty | Lisa and Tom discuss why you have to be honest about what you want. [2:36]

Regrets | Lisa and Tom discuss why you shouldn't live with regret in mind. [3:54]

Fulfillment | Lisa and Tom discuss why fulfillment is the driver behind having kids. [5:50]

Holding On | Lisa and Tom discuss why having children connects your to partner. [7:42]

QUOTES:

"I'm not willing to make a decision about having kids now if it's not right for a fear that I have in the future." [5:40]

"So, at the end of the day it comes down to fulfillment. Like one of the reasons I think people have kids…" [5:50]

FOLLOW TOM:

Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90

YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL

FOLLOW LISA:

Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh

YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0

Are you still questioning whether your partner is 100% right for you? Do you sense a difference in your core values and aren't sure if your relationship will go the distance? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore the importance of knowing if your partner is the right one for you and why you need to have clear and open communication about your shared values. They discuss the importance of selecting the right partner, understanding your differences, why you need to share the same core values, the power of communication, and why changing over time with your partner can be expected.

SHOW NOTES:

Selection | Tom and Lisa discuss the importance of selecting the right partner for you. [0:28]

Yin & Yang | Tom and Lisa discuss the importance of always sharing core values. [2:56]

Finding Each Other | Tom and Lisa discuss the experience of their early relationship. [5:00]

Making It Work | Tom and Lisa discuss their connection despite early differences. [6:40]

Communicate | Tom and Lisa discuss the importance of having deep communication. [9:29]

Changes | Tom and Lisa discuss the difference between change and influence. [11:35]

QUOTES:

"We understood very early on that you either grow together or you grow apart." [2:36]

"Once you get to the way things ought to be and you have a collision there. So, "I understand your position, you understand mine, but I think you're crazy and you think I'm crazy." That's where it gets dangerous. You can have some — you will have some — but if you have too many and you don't know how to navigate, or compartmentalize, or say, "Hey, cool like we'll put that on the back burner," you're going to have a real problem."  [4:37]

"…from the beginning, I think you have to establish communication with your partner, even when you have to say the hard things." [9:33]

FOLLOW TOM:

Instagram: http://bit.ly/2s9lU90

YouTube: http://bit.ly/2KWanAC

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2xEloFL

FOLLOW LISA:

Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh

YouTube: https://bit.ly/2IAbTcH

Podcast: https://spoti.fi/2IEajGW0