Relationships Done Different

Do you react to what your family or culture expects of you? What if you could have peace and ease with saying “No,” when something doesn’t work for you, no matter what other people are choosing?

On this show, your host, Justine McKell, talks with Anaa Abulfaraj from Jedi, Saudi Arabia, who is unmarried at 36 in a culture where family expects a woman to marry. Learn how she uses the tools of Access Consciousness to create ease in this situation rather than go into reaction by fighting their beliefs.

Anaa says it starts with you and your relationship with you, then it spreads to everyone else, shining ease, joy and glory in every step. Using the Access Consciousness tools for relationship is a journey of learning about yourself and everyone else around you.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

It Starts With Honoring You

The 5 elements of intimacy are honor, trust, allowance, vulnerability and gratitude. Anaa reminds herself of these every day because they give her herself first. When she has that, it is easier to be pragmatic with everyone else. 

One of her favorite tools is honoring herself.

Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness, says, "We are always fighting against us. Why don't we fight for us?"

What if you started each and every day with honoring you? When you wake up in the morning ask, “How can I honor me today?”; not from a space of separation, but from inclusion. Then, if possible, spend your first hour of the day doing nurturing things just for you. Anaa has found that when you follow this, no matter what goes on in your day, you always have that space of you.

Interesting Point of View

Using the 'interesting point of view’ tool is great for families. It allows you to let them talk and be in allowance of whatever they say, because it’s not about if they are right or wrong; it’s about not going into reaction. 

Be smarter about it. Just let them talk. They don’t want advice or for you to fix anything; they just want to talk. You don't even need to listen, just show them you are interested in what they have to say. How do you be in allowance and not react? In your head say, “Interesting point of view I have this point of view,” as they talk. 

Anaa says you can use interesting point of view for your whole culture. The tool has given her much ease and peace being 36 and not married in Saudi; a culture that has many points of view about that. She says that with this tool, she doesn’t need to fight everyone to have herself.

“No” Is Not A Bad Word

Part of honoring you is being able to say no to others when what they desire doesn’t work for you. Anaa used to say yes to everything because she thought she had to, but this caused her to fight everyone around her. She was doing it out of obligation and was reacting to that because it was not honoring of herself. It was not kind to herself or the other person.

Say “No” with no expectation. If you say “No” when you are in reaction and resistance, it becomes a fight.

If you are willing to say “No” to others, you also have ease when others tell you “No”. You have no sense of wrongness around it. If someone says no, it's about them. It's not rejecting you or saying anything about you. If they say no, it's just a no.

Practise allowance with others telling you “No” by deliberately asking for things you think the person will answer “No” to. How much fun can you have with it?

Put yourself out there with no expectation. When dating, if a man doesn't call you, just ask them. For Justine, the rejection or the not calling back was the hardest thing for her when she was dating. As a result, she would pretend to be what she thought the guys wanted, and answer questions accordingly, rather than being herself on dates.  

Anaa did too.  She used to shut herself down and did everything they wanted; “There was no me”. In receiving a “No” with no expectation, she can be her more.  For example, she used to hide that she traveled because she thought others would judge that. Now that she is being herself, she can talk about all the things that make her happy, including travel.

She can now also say “No” too.  It's not about personal rejection. If you don't say no when you don't want to do something, you are only hurting yourself.  It's about having a great relationship with you. If you can have a great relationship with self, it is easier to be with everyone.

Anaa believes that if she doesn’t have something it's because she didn't ask for it or she is not willing to be it; it's not about bad luck or being a victim. Rather, it opens the door for acknowledging what is so we can do something about it.

Paula Peralta 

Christopher Hughes 

Becky Vannes

Justine McKell 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/ 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/ 

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links:

What if you didn't have to divorce you to create an intimate relationship? Most of us cut off parts and pieces of ourselves for our partners, our kids, our colleagues, etc., in all the different ways that we don’t choose us.

On this show, you are treated to the recordings of a recent zoom with the founder of Access Consciousness, Gary Douglas, and Paula Peralta as part of the Divorceless Relationships book club. 

Gary sees guys bend, fold and mutilate themselves to get into a relationship. He sees women bend, fold and mutilate themselves to stay in a relationship. Neither one of them is about "Is this happy? Is this fun?"

Relationships should be fun; not relationshit. Stop divorcing yourself to get into or maintain a relationship.

What would it be like if you gave up your life of misery in favour of a life of fun, joy, happiness, possibilities, choices, questions and contributions? Most people don't even think that way.

Key points from this episode’s conversation

Be You

People think there are certain things they can't share about themselves, and cut that off thinking they can be without it. You can’t.

You can't do without being you.

You can't be without being you.

You can't accomplish without being you.

You can't create without being you.

The Image Of Relationship

This reality portrays relationships as you fall in love and live happily ever after.  Is it the truth or a figment of your imagination?

Relationship is never always easy; you are going to have stormy weather as well as great sailing. You've got to have the ability to sail through life without needing to believe something that is not true.

What Are You Choosing?

To have a good relationship, you need to be aware of what you are choosing and be aware of the possibilities you are not choosing.

When Gary's relationship wasn't working he asked, “What are 8 things that would have to change for this to work for me?" Then he went down the list and asked, "If I ask her to change this, could she do it?”

He discovered that only two of the things on his list she would be able to change, because for the other six, she had decided that was who she was. What if you could create yourself in every moment? What kind of amazing things could you create? What would you choose?

You've got to have choice in relationship and you've got to know you are doing it by choice. The people Gary knows in good relationships, they chose their relationship and they choose it every 10 seconds.

When you can't come to agreement, just move on. That's the way you want to live your life; "You're not going to change my point of view, I'm not going to change your point of view. Let's move on." 

10 Second Increments

If you live in 10 second increments, you're not trying to come to conclusion about what a relationship is.

Gary knew someone who thought their relationship was perfect and didn't want it to change, whereas her husband was having an affair for 2 years and wanted to leave her. The greatest mistake we make is going "This is the most perfect person for me." What makes them the perfect person?

You keep looking for the perfect person to be with as though that creates the perfect relationship. It doesn't. All it creates is the biggest fuck up on planet earth.

What Would You Like In A Relationship?

You have to look at what you want in a relationship, not what other people have. There are people Gary knows who have a great relationship, but he wouldn't want that relationship for himself.

What are you currently choosing with regards to relationships? What would you like to choose?

If you write a list of what you want in a relationship, also list what you do not want. When you ask for what you don't desire in a relationship as much as you ask for what you do desire, you will get everything you desire and everything you don't desire won't show up.

If you have a list, get clear on the list and make sure you are asking for what you actually desire. If you are not aware you will ask for something that is exactly the opposite of what you desire. 

Creating A Great Relationship

So often we look at the end game with relationship. For example, “It's perfect, don't touch it,” attitude. But when you are willing to look at your relationship constantly and see what needs to change, it can become greater.  Constantly ask, "How can this get greater?"

It’s not about wrongness.  If Gary sees a weed, he doesn't have the point of view that it's wrong. He has the point of view that it needs to come out.

The Relationship With Your Body

Dressing your body and wearing what your body wants to wear is a contribution to us.

If you listen to your body and you do what it asks, and you dress according to what it desires, you will look better and get more compliments and people will think better of you.

You want people to think better of you, not worse of you.

People dress according to their front side whereas people see you from all aspects, not just the image they are creating. It’s about having an awareness of the effect we have on the world and what invitation we can be, and the willingness to have ease with our relationship with our bodies.

This applies to all relationships. You want to have multiple points of view, rather than just one point of view. Metaphorically sit in a different place and view your relationship.  How is it going, what is it like, what is this going to create, what do you truly want in a relationship, what is going to work for you?

Four Things You Need In A Relationship

There are four things you need in an intimate relationship:

Sex

Ask, "Would this person be fun to have sex with?" Ask it, whether you are going to have sex or not. If you ask it about a friend, you will be freer with them and they will be freer with you. You don't have to have sex; sex is always a choice.

Sex is about receiving; not putting body parts together. When you can have sex with someone, you can receive all of who they are without a judgment. When you can receive all of someone without a judgement they will like you better than other people.

5 Elements Of Intimacy

The 5 Elements of Intimacy are vulnerability, honour, trust, allowance and gratitude.

Vulnerability is putting up no barriers to the other person; you don't have to stop being who you are. Why would you care what people think about you? Very few people actually think good of you, and yet you think they do.

If people use info against you, they are not honouring.

Honour is to treat people with regard, as if they are a good person, on your side to fight life's battles together; not fight life's battles against you.

Trust is trusting that the person will do what they do.  It is also to trust that they will have your back.

Allowance is interesting point of view.

Gratitude: you cannot have gratitude and judgement in the same world. If you spend your time judging you, you cannot function as you; you will be functioning as less than. If you are grateful for someone you will trust they will do the things they do and have allowance for it and have the gratitude of the fact that they live their lives the way they choose.

Do You Really Want A Relationship?

Gary sees people very unhappy in relationships sticking together.

Do you really want a relationship or are you pretending you want one because that is what you are supposed to do; especially if you are a girl? If you are a girl, you are supposed to want one.  If you are a boy you are supposed to be wanted by one.

What Can A Horse Teach You About Relationship?

If a horse is friends with the person they will eat with them.  If they are not, they'll kick them. Why wouldn't you kick the person to the side that is bugging you?

Horses stand head to tail to take care of the flies on each other. That's a different way of being in the world.

Gary trusts his horse. He always asks the horse when he gets on, "Will you take care of me?" If the horse says yes, he gets on. If it says no, he doesn't ride.

Paula wasn’t asking her horse; she would get on and say, “Take care of me." That’s a demand, not a question. How well will that work out? Anyone will meet your demand for a short period of time, but what then?

Paula Peralta 

Christopher Hughes 

Becky Vannes

Justine McKell 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/ 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/ 

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links:

Do you focus on all the things your partner doesn’t do, or does ‘bad’? Are you tired, frazzled, cranky or stressed? If you answered yes to either of these, you relationship spark is more likely to be fizzling than sparking.

On this show, your hosts speak about keeping the spark alive in relationship, whether it’s an intimate relationship or a business relationship, or simply the relationship you have with yourself.

You might be surprised that as well as gratitude for your partner and ensuring that you nurture yourself within the relationship, destroying and uncreating your relationship and instilling chaos are also key tools to keep the spark alive.  Listen to this week’s episode to find out more.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

Have Gratitude For The Small Things

Becky has been married for 27 years and her husband still gives her butterflies when he walks in the room. He is an amazing man and she is so grateful for him. But it wasn’t always like that. Initially, there was a whole lot of nit picking and she was focused on the small things and what she hated about her husband and what got on her nerves. Until she realised that she had to stop doing that and started to focus on what she adored about him and grew it from there.

Gratitude for the small things makes everything grow!

Destroy And Uncreate Your Relationship With Everyone

This also applies to relationships in business. Anyone you work with on a regular basis, you end up with this level of intimacy and you start making assumptions about them; what their preferences are going to be and how they are going to choose things, etc. Once you get into that routine, for some people it becomes maintenance rather than moving the relationship forward.

The greatest gift and tool to keeping it fresh is to destroy and uncreate your relationship with everyone you work with every day - as well as intimate partners, friends and family.  Everything you have decided your relationship is with them, based on yesterday and based on history, erase all of that, so you don’t carry it into what you choose today".

"Everything that my relationship was and everything I have decided it's going to be, I destroy and uncreate it all. Right and wrong, good and bad, POC and POD, all 9, shorts, boys, POVADs and beyonds."

Introduce Chaos Into Your Relationships

Everyone has their agenda, whether they are honest about it or not. They are trying to direct things in a particular way. Every now and again, throw in a wild cad to not following the path 

they are trying to lead you down.  Then they have to step out of their projections and go into question about what is actually occurring and what will be created.

Keeping The Spark Alive With Yourself

It's not about what you need to deliver with this person to keep the spark alive as much as it is about what you require to have the spark alive for you.

So often we look to what's outside of us in relationship conversations.  You've got to start with what works for you; and it may be something that has never existed in the history of relationships before!

You've got to look at what you are bringing to the party, whether your relationship is business or personal. If you're exhausted or tired and cranky and stressed, how much fun is that for the other person? We are all busy people with lots going on and if you are not doing the things that feed you and give you that enthusiasm for living, then you're probably not a whole lot of fun to hang out with.

How do you keep the spark alive with you?

Paula has a lot of businesses that make her money; they are her primary relationships. And they take up a lot of time. Recently, she has made the demand to do something that is fun and is just for her, for at least one hour a day and one day a week.

Being a busy business woman, she originally thought "How can I possibly spend one whole day to myself?"  However, she discovered that the more she actually does that, the more she can deliver in all the other areas; and truly keep the spark alive for yourself. You think you don't have time for yourself, but you actually don't have time to not have time for yourself! You've got to include yourself in the creation of your life.

Becky hasn't been including her body lately, and is now making the demand to. She loves to move, whether it's working out or being in the creation of it. When she gets out and moves and takes time for herself, her molecules are all dancing.

In Divorceless Relationships, Gary Douglas, the founder of Access Consciousness, says to do something for one hour a day and one day a week that nurtures your soul. It doesn't mean you don't do anything; but you can if you choose to. There are other things you can be, do, have, create in that day. What you do on that day is up to you, and can show up in ways you wouldn't expect, such as checking work emails because you know that will create a future that you 

desire. You get to choose. You get to do whatever you want. Ask, 

"What actually would nurture me today?" 

Know When To Stop A Relationship

So often when you are married or in long term relationships, the expectation is that you ‘roll together’; are on the same page and do everything together. Ask, “"Can this person deliver what I desire? and am I capable or desiring to deliver what they are asking for?"

Paula’s friend was in a relationship with someone who didn’t actually want to be in relationship. If she hadn't ended the relationship when she realised this, she would have been continually beating herself against a wall and divorcing more and more of herself to try and keep the spark alive, when she could just go and choose someone that would contribute to her. She would have way more fun and not bend, fold and mutilate herself for something that was not even possible (because he didn’t want a relationship).

Paula Peralta 

Christopher Hughes 

Becky Vannes

Justine McKell 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/ 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/ 

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links:

Do you tiptoe around people, trying not to offend, keeping the peace and avoiding conflict and confrontation at the expense of asking for what you want?  If you are able to just say it, not from judgment or attacking, it makes everyone’s life so much easier.

On this show, your hosts speak about having a voice in your relationship, and share tools and anecdotes that you can use to assist you to ask for what you want.

It’s a gift to both the other person and yourself when you are actually willing to say what is for you and ask for what it is you desire.  There is a great relief that comes with that for you, and an ease for the other person in knowing what it actually is that you want.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

What’s Stopping You?

Oftentimes people are worried that if they say the wrong thing or say what is actually true for them, they might lose the attention of the person they have decided is so valuable; they tiptoe around what it is they actually want because they don't want to lose them or offend them.  If you actually just say it, there is a great relief that comes with it.

People are so averse to conflict and confrontation that they prefer to keep the peace and tiptoe around on eggshells rather than ask for what they want.  It’s a constant worry that you will offend someone or hurt their feelings if you say what it is you desire.  We end up building an imaginary reaction in our head.

The gift in being straightforward and saying what you want is in the elimination of that worry.   It's never what we think; it's always so much easier.  And, how much easier is it for you when you know exactly what your partner desires, rather than trying to read into the subtext of their actions to figure out what their expectations are and guess the subliminal messages? That is the gift to them when you say what you desire. 

What Else Is Possible?

Have the conversation; "This is what I require. I'm noticing that it is not occurring.  Is it possible for  you to do those things or do we need to change the situation?"

It's valuable to be aware of the other person's world; what they can receive and what they can hear. However, it’s not about 'sharing your truth', which is more often than not about sharing judgement.

Look at the person you are talking to and ask, "What can they receive? What can they hear?" and then ask for what you would like from the place of making it about yourself; not what they are doing wrong.  If you are trying to correct their behaviour, you might actually be judging them.

It is also helpful to make the thing or situation outside of your relationship with that person; like looking at something outside of you together, rather than it being a symptom of a bigger problem.

A lot of the time you are dealing with people dynamics rather than the situation or thing itself.  For example, they can be reactionary from things in their past; step back and ask questions and realise it's not personal.

What Have You Decided You Can’t Ask For?

What have you decided you can't ask for that is actually just waiting to be delivered?  It's usually the assumption that you can't ask, that you shouldn't ask, that is stopping you from receiving these things that you want.  So many people live by these strange rules and codes of conduct and we are told at a young age that we can't ask for what we'd like.  There are also all these moments where you feel like you were wrong for asking for what you want as a child.

It's an ongoing adventure to have more of you; it's a process of unlearing.  Ask, "If I was showing up as me today, what would that be like?  If I was to ask for what I wanted, what would that be?"

People are also averse to receiving a “No,” when they ask for what they want.  A great exercise to start having your voice is to practise receiving “No”s by going out and asking 3 or 4 people for something you know they will refuse.  

Your Hosts

Paula Peralta 

Christopher Hughes 

Melanie Meade 

Justine McKell 

Relationships Done Different

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/ 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/ 

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links:

Are you addicted to judgment when it comes to choosing a partner?  Do you normally go for someone who may be great looking but dismisses you or judges your body, etc.?

On this show, your hosts speak about their past dating habits and the topic of ‘untyping’; a 2022 trend to ditch your usual dating ‘type’ and start looking beyond it.

Until you start to explore outside your usual dating type, you won’t even be able to see the other people who are available for you; and who are possibly a lot kinder and more capable of a healthy, nurturing relationship.

Is it time to get vulnerable with yourself and start paying attention to who you are actually attracting and dismissing with your ‘type’?

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

Are You Looking For Validation?

Christopher Hughes realises now that he used to look for guys that weren’t really interested in him, so he could be rejected; until he met someone who was different.  He was looking for the validation from other people’s attention that he had value, yet he didn’t actually believe he had value himself so he attracted people who mirrored that to him. 

It's almost like we are looking for these partners to heal something in us that we think is wrong. Stop and take an honest and vulnerable look at yourself.  Are you really such a terrible person?  Focus on the joy of who you are rather than the burden of who you are; “I have value here. I am not the conglomeration of judgements I have of me.”

It take practise.

Are You Actually Willing To Receive Kindness?

This is another area to get really vulnerable and honest with yourself, because judgment is so familiar, we can be more comfortable with others judging us than being kind to us. Are you willing to receive kindness? Are you willing for someone to adore you? Because a lot of us aren’t trained to receive.

It does take courage because it can be uncomfortable if you are not familiar with people treating you kindly.  Is it time to step outside your comfort zone and out of your usual ‘typing’ and try something different?

You've got to start investing your time with the people who honour you, see the value of you and don't judge you.

Winners, Losers, No Counts

Winners are those people you want to get together with and who usually dismiss or judge you. There is something that you idealise about them, like their looks or being great at sports, etc.  You feel like a winner because when you get together with them because of the attribute that you are idealising, but you don’t pay attention to things like kindness being missing; so is it actually a win?

Losers are those people that you judge and as a result don’t want to have anything to do with.

No counts are the ones who don’t fall into either of the above categories and as such are usually ignored by you.  They are most likely to be the ones who will be kind to you, as they dont’ judge you.

Until you explore outside of the 'winners' you can’t actually see that it is possible for you to have an amazing relationship.

Does List Writing Work?

Justine McKell used to write lists, and she realised they were mainly centered around physical attributes.  Physical attributes have nothing to do with who they are as a person, or creating a life, or someone who is actually going to be nice to you, take care of you and be kind to you; someone who can actually see you, and contribute to you.  It’s more of a projection onto the person of what they are going to be in your life, and nothing to do with who they are and what capacity they have to be in a healthy honest kind relationship.

If you do write lists of what you would like in a partner, also take a look at what shows up with regards to that list.  You will start to notice where you reject people.

Your Hosts

Paula Peralta 

Christopher Hughes 

Melanie Meade 

Justine McKell 

Relationships Done Different

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Have you ever had sex with someone where there was an expectation of performance; eg “You did this with my body so I need to do that with your body?” etc.  It's no fun and there is little to no benefit in it.

On this show, your hosts speak about the topic of friends with benefits, beyond a transaction; both in the carnal connection sense and within other friendships where the benefits are more about contribution on a different level.  

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

Does It Work For You?

Outside of the carnal connections, 'friends with benefits' is an invitation to look at all your friendships, and whether or not they actually work for you and are creating greater eg who are your friends, do they contribute to you, do you contribute to them?

For each relationship - friends, work colleagues, etc. - get really honest about whether it invites you to more of you or not, whether it works for you or your business or your life, and whether it creates greater in your life.

What if all of our friendships could be these brilliant creationships that contribute to each other, where you create more?  What are your friends doing that is inspiring to you? What do you know that you can contribute to them?

The ultimate benefit with your friends is to make sure that everyone is winning!

Mixed Relationships

Most of the times when you mix business and friendships and they come into difficulty, there is some sort of expectation that wasn't really communicated. For example, they may function a certain way in the friendship and there was an uncommunicated expectation that that would cross over into the business and it didn't.

A great question to ask that will save a lot of heartache is, 'Will this work?"  That and clear communication are essential before entering into a business relationship with friends - you may adore them as a friend but it may not work with ease in business.

And again, you need to be honest with yourself.  It’s not, “Do I want this to work?” it’s, “Will this work?”

Transactional Realities

In this reality, people tend to go to 'tit for tat'. That is what we refer to as a transactional reality in Access Consciousness, where you create a reality with somebody based on a transaction that occurs between you and what you think you are owed and what you think you are obliged to do based on each other’s actions.

Most people do contribution because they feel they have to contribute to pay for something they've already got or something they want; which is very different to just receiving, where you enjoy the gift of it and it enriches your life.

What if you could contribute to one another and contribute to the world we want to live in and never expect what we are going to get in return?

How do you function outside of a transactional reality? You have to create a new reality.

When you truly gift something to someone and they receive it, it's an immediate gifting back to you. The gift you receive back is the energy you created and the gratitude that ensues.

In carnal connections, the more you are willing to gift without an expectation of receiving, you actually receive well above and beyond what you would have received if it was transactional; the gifting inspires something that takes people to another level.

In friendship, it's never this linear thing of “Here's what I contribute and here's what you contribute;” it's knowing that you are both a contribution when you are both showing up, and it's the joy you receive when you see your friends receive contribution.

 The Greatness Of You

Once you are willing to receive the greatness of you, more shows up everywhere. That's what allows us to be so excited for people when we see them receiving; the willingness to acknowledge that it shows up for you as well and asking for it, "I'll have that too!"  Half of the fights would no longer be relevant if people looked at things that way.

What if the world was a little more contributory? And, what if it was a contribution just to receive?

Daily Questions 

Paula Peralta 

Christopher Hughes 

Melanie Meade 

Justine McKell 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/ 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/ 

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links:

There are many points of view around doing business with a partner you are in an intimate relationship with, ie your ‘Honey’, one of the most prevalent being that you should never do business with an intimate partner. What if nothing ever meant you should never do it again? What if instead, you asked a question and followed your awareness in each circumstance?

The difference between a relationship and a creationship is that a creationship allows you to create greater, no matter what the circumstances.

On this show, your hosts speak about the potential pitfalls of doing business with your honey. Listen to their personal experiences in this area, and the tools they used to create more ease.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

One of the potential pitfalls of doing business with your honey is when you disagree on something in the business.  Work out whose choice and decision is the trump card in different areas.  If they have more knowledge and experience in a particular area, will it create greater to concede to their choices in this area?

Recognise who is driving things forward (Melody) and who harmonizes with that choice and adds to it.  Acknowledge where each other is strong and where you can contribute to the other person being even stronger; “You have an awareness of something I don’t, you run with it.”

Honor your partner by acknowledging their choices that are different to yours, and trusting that they are going to create more.  Trust that everything will work out in the long term.

Also, allow them the freedom and the space to fail.  If it's an area they feel strongly about, let them choose; let them make their own mistakes and develop their own awareness.

Another potential pitfall is that all conversations become about the business; when you’re at home, when you are out to dinner, etc.  Create some space just for the relationship, such as ‘date night’.

Look after the relationship you have with yourself in regards to the relationship you have with you in business.  Value yourself.

Your life is your business.  What brings you joy, what creates more in your life, and what adds to it?

Just because a business fails doesn't mean the relationship fails. It doesn't mean anything for the relationship; the relationship can still be glorious.

Likewise, the business can be really successful and that doesn't mean your relationship is going to be great. It doesn't mean anything about you, them, your life, the business… It’s just an experience you are going into together. They are two separate things that we tend to bring together and not know where one starts and stops.

Ask questions like, "Is this going to work?"

Daily Questions 

Your Hosts

Paula Peralta 

Christopher Hughes 

Melanie Meade 

Justine McKell 

Relationships Done Different

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/ 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/ 

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

 Useful Links:

Have you ever said, or been told, “We need to talk, within your relationship” It’s that dreaded time when you just know something's wrong and, likely, the relationship breaks up soon after.

On this show, your hosts speak about break ups. Break ups don't need to be messy. What if it could be as easy as knowing when you're done with your dinner?

The tools you use to create a relationship that works for you can also be used to navigate a break up with ease. You don’t have to do messy and dramatic. Listen to Justine and Melanie for tools and tips you can apply straight away.

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

How often do you try to force things to keep going for reasons such as loneliness or you are too old to be finding someone else?

You actually know when it's time for a relationship to end, but a lot of us try to keep it going beyond that; you think the safety of what you have trumps the adventure of finding what would make you more alive, and inviting people into your lives that are more congruent with where you're going.

Trust that awareness that you have and address the break up before it hits. A great question to ask is, “Are we done?  Have we done everything we were meant to do together?”  It's not cold and callous.  

When a relationship breaks up,often people get stuck in thoughts like, “What did I do wrong for the relationship to not continue? Is there something wrong with me?”  There is a stigma with the person who is left.

Just because a relationship has broken up, doesn't mean you are broken.  No, it's just done.  You're not wrong at all; you're not broken.

Acknowledge the gift that your ex was in your life and remember the good times together, instead of going, "He was such an asshole, he did this and this."  Nobody can do anything to you.

Every communication we have, we get something from it.  It was a choice you made.  And, at some stage there was something that did it for you.  

And, you are not responsible or the trigger for what they do.

When you handle your shit, greater things show up. Give yourself some time to get over your ex, but don't extend it to a year.  If it's off, it's off.

You process it, you shift it, allow yourself to have a look at it, and then you move on.  It doesn't have to be perfect though.  Don't try to find the ‘right’ process.  Nobody has the awarenesses that you have.

A lot of things that show up are inexplicable, but we try to attach meaning to it.

Ask, “What is it, what can I do with it, can I change it, if so how?”

Give yourself a break; don't beat yourself up.  Enjoy the process. If you are angry or crying, turn it up and enjoy it.  Allow it out and just move on.

The universe always has your back.  Things always turn out better; even though it doesn't seem like it when you are in the middle of it.

Make sure you do something you would love to do. Don't stop creating your life just because you are not with that person.  Use this time to reevaluate your life.  What is it you really want to do?  Were you choosing things because that's what your ex wanted?

Really look at what is true for you and step into more.

Your Hosts

Paula Peralta 

Christopher Hughes 

Melanie Meade 

Justine McKell 

Relationships Done Different

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/ 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/ 

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links:

No matter what relationship you are in, there come times when you have to navigate different points of views.

On this show, the hosts speak about mixed marriages.  A mixed marriage is anywhere you and your partner come from totally different points of view and background and are different in what you choose and value.  

 Whether you are in a mixed marriage or not, there is going to come a time where there will be a discrepancy in opinions; it's going to happen, what do you want to choose? How much peace do you want to have? Or do you want to have the drama and the conflict?  Neither is right or wrong; it's just a choice. What possibilities haven't you considered?

Listen to the discussion for tools and tips to navigate differing points of view in your own relationships. 

In times of disagreement, it's easy to go "I'm right," but there is no peace or freedom in that.  Would you rather be right or free? What is being right going to create? What is going to create the greatest?

 And, some people just really love conflict. That's where you have to be really honest with yourself.  It's not wrong, and, there's an easier way.

When you agree to disagree, it has this energy of tolerating each other and the topic becomes ‘off limits’, but it's still there festering. Tolerance is like saying, "That's okay," but it’s actually not. It has a level of superiority to it, that doesn’t work in relationships long term

 Rather than tolerate it, what if you could honor and respect that they have a different choice, and don't try to make them wrong for it or try and talk them around to your point of view.

 The 5 elements of intimacy - allowance, trust, gratitude, vulnerability and honor - is one tool for dealing with conflict or differences in a way that works: 

 It can be difficult to receive what's good about you from another. Your partner doesn’t have the judgment of your body that you do, or the points of view about you that you do; they actually just adore you. Creating fights can be a way to push them away or remain separate to them in some way; it's all about annihilating the intimacy that is possible. Asking questions will start to unravel that separation.  Ask, "What am I not willing to receive from them?"

Paula Peralta 

Christopher Hughes 

Melanie Meade 

Justine McKell

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/ 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/ 

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

If you make it about the money, it will never work. At the end of the day, you have to look at “Are you having fun?" Not only does that make for a greater relationship, money actually follows joy. 

On this show, the hosts speak about contribution and gratitude in relationships as opposed to looking at who does and doesn’t earn what. If you go beyond the money, it becomes more about creationship.

Listen to the hosts’ relationship examples to gain a greater awareness of having gratitude for the contribution you and your partner be, beyond money, and creating the life you desire together. 

Keys points from this episode’s conversation

What Does Contribution Look Like In Relationship? 

The contribution side of who is contributing what isn't necessarily about where the most money is earned.  Look at what the person is contributing to the whole.  And it's not just about what your partner chooses to do within the relationship, it's the energy they are that adds something different and allows you to go further, faster.

 When you make it about the money, and traditional gender roles you are limiting what you can create together.  Start to question what you may have been taught in this area; "Does this work for me? Is this the relationship I want to create for me?"  Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t. 

 There are so many different ways to negotiate this and create contribution within relationships. Look at where you and your partner are contributing in other ways - anything from being a great lover, to cooking, cleaning, looking after the kids; so many other things - and have gratitude for them. For example, would you have the same ease if your partner didn’t contribute to keeping the house clean, etc.?  

If you are determined to hold onto the traditional gender roles in your relationship dynamics, what does that create?  Would it create more ease to let them go?

What Do You Want To Create As Your Life?  

Have a look at what you want to create as your life.  It’s not about falling into roles because a role needed to be filled.  Nor is it about just rolling with what is at the time.  You have to create your life.  Ask, "What would I like to create as my life?" and choose towards creation. And you don’t both have to be on the same page.  When you are both choosing to create your life as greater, it becomes a creationship.  It's about what can you both contribute to creating the future you know is possible?

And, it doesn't matter how long the relationship lasts, the creationship is so much what makes relationships fun!  "What can we create? What would be fun?  What are our strengths? What can we create together as we are moving through life?"  Without that, it's boring

How Did Your Parents Do Money In Relationship?  

Are you creating the same in your relationships that your parents did? Or are you creating to not do what your parents did? With either one, you are not truly choosing something that works for you. You are either rejecting something or aligning and agreeing with something to create a reality that is not even yours.

What if you stopped and had a look at your relationship and ask, "Does behaving in this way actually really work for me?"

Daily Questions 

Paula Peralta 

Christopher Hughes 

Melanie Meade 

Justine McKell 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relationshipsdonedifferent/ 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RelationshipsDoneDifferent/

Website: https://www.relationshipsdonedifferent.com/ 

Book: Relationship, Are You Sure You Want One?

Useful Links: