ReMake Me

Justin is bad at remembering to return Russ’s movies, losing money and food, how to build a podcast audience, Russ had a begrudging doctor’s visit and whines about it, Russ loves ruts, Justin accidentally made Russ a Post Malone fan, being a liberal and still a judgmental person, Justin is wary (not query) of the youth, Misery in two words:  movie good, Russ has a weird relationship with technology, driving across the country, a drive-by hand-holding, Russ is Lauren Bacall, Buster is the least bumbling country sheriff in movie history, Kathy Bates really believable loses her mind and flips out perfectly, “that’s why I was thinking about Love Connection,” typing the word smudge to show the smudge, is there anything creepier than a person who doesn’t swear?, sudden gore, the backwards scrapbook, we hope the behind the scenes of most prank videos are mostly apologizing, a lesson on randomness and a What the Russ?, when grandma washed your hair, Gerald’s Game made Justin very angry, September 29 (2017), hallucinating your backstory, this was a novel!, referencing your own stuff, Google probably knows Russ is fat

Next week: Hobgoblins & The Garbage Pail Kids Movie

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Executive decision: we talk about the weather – it’s cold, old people remember years, we remember when it used to be cold, wrestling games used to suck, we talk about death on this podcast a lot now that I think about it, Rumpelstiltskin spun gold off screen but not in the movie, this movie has a moment that the tone pivots around, Baby Jon Stewart, the reverberating effects of the MAGA hat, doing the trope and then subverting it is still doing the trope, dog food lady, why is nobody yelling his name at his face?, watching movies with parents that have nudity in them, being hip with what all the kids are talking about, Justin reluctantly likes a Post Malone song, the Runner-Up Champions. Russ is a liar, Clint Howard!, Russ can’t math, go kart employees are really dedicated, Russ always makes one very specific reference and it’s really unsettling, drunk Leprechaun rhymes like sober Russ writes poetry, do leprechauns grant wishes?, leprechaun peek-a-boo, he’s still on the hook for all those murders

Next week: Misery & Gerald’s Game

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Studio is a generous term for Russ’s basement, Justin kinda started a company, sams dot club does not redirect to samsclub dot com, Uncle Willy is not Uncle Billy, Russ can not figure out what words are, come after us Bloodhound Gang!, the Cryptkeeper should not get up and walk around, the iconic Tales from the Crypt opening, it is what it is, the physics of escaping a demonic car crash, Russ talks smack about a random person from high school, Russ’s elaborate Demon Knight tattoo idea, everything is a real sex thing, Billy Zane’s demon tantrum, Justin is relieved he didn’t watch Russ’s video, what did demons do in the before time?, random 80s cartoon knowledge, ruminations on The League, there’s a lot of spitting, grenade dicky, Russ has committed to read A Game of Thrones, a 40 minute documentary about hating Dennis Miller, From Dusk til Dawn is great – go watch it, a literal firefight, Justin was on 4chan and got what he deserved, Maniac Cop is not a human, Russ doesn’t know Emma Thompson and I should really not be surprised at this point, Russ likes his bars with fire, Kate Winslet isn’t in  Wimbledon, shotgun cross is awesome

Next week: Rumplestiltskin & Leprechaun 2

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Russ and Justin had a musical mic test that you will never hear, maybe Russ likes memes, Russ specifically went to a party school and didn’t party, Russ had a very dad birthday, Justin’s gerry-rigged solution to not having curtains, Dead of Night doesn’t mean nighttime for some reason, Ed Begley Jr.!, assuming you’ve just time traveled, new Ghostbusters announcement means new Ghostbusters controversy,  China is afraid of ghosts, Russ doesn’t know who Lily Tomlin is and I think that is sad, and that is a really cool way to get away with murder, if you really want to make something scary put a little person in it, Russ doesn’t know who Terry Crews is and I think that is sad, Wilco made an album to try to solve a mystery, Fear Inc is a fun ride, “You’re killing me Smalls!”, Russ’s history with Smirnoff, we fumble through the movie about the other horror movies, I peed at a Walgreens if anyone was interested

Next week: Tales from the Crypt: Demon Night & From Dusk Til Dawn

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Russ’s son gives him the greatest compliment ever, Justin transforms after lunch, facial hair accidents, the government is shut down so we talk about that for a bit and it goes some places, Russ blows his own mind, Jeff Goldblum talk, and then the podcast really goes some places, we finally start talking about the movie but not for long, just watch Insidious – it’s good, Priest wasn’t a bad movie but it ended before you knew it was over, solitary is different from quarantining of a prisoner, Tiny Tim is probably really creepy, how to collect Funko Pop!s and not lose all your money, how Justin watched The Conjuring, Russ’s new money-making idea, #DadLife, will Russ finally read the A Song of Ice and Fire books? or at least A Game of Thrones? tune in next week for an update!, Marianne’s Florida rules, Justin just asks Russ about taking a trip to Disney World, next week is another random episode!

Next week: Dead of Night & Fear, Inc

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Justin took one for the team but it didn’t matter, Justin is not at the gym, Into The Spider-Verse is pure joy, why aren’t there animated horror films?, Russ schools Justin on Him, analog vs. digital, the technology of old games, Monstro! sucks, turning to the news on the radio, Russ learns what not to Google, the least sexy hot women ever, the horror movie manifesto, Russ writes himself an Internet note, horror movies love 17 year old girls, turns out peer pressure works, the old man and the sea, Russ and Justin share their favorite lines from the “film”, for future reference it was Orko, the Critic was a fantastic show, we don’t want to talk about Monstro!, weird interviews, Artie Lang is sad now, stories from Warwick Davis’s autobiography, Justin maybe convinces Russ to read A Game of Thrones?, Russ says the thing about George R. R. Martin that everyone says about GRRM, is Dolly Dearest better than Child’s Play? maybe, Russ’s latest idea to get rich, Hecho en Mexico, Small Wonder was a weird show, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1h8hPA7ga9E , also the AIDS boy was on Mr. Belvedere not Small Wonder, Batman logo chest hair

Next week: Insidious & The Conjuring

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Russ mixes it up, Justin fought to have Christmas, Jewish Christmas, movies on Christmas, Justin’s Sean Connery impression is stolen from Tom Kerosec in high school, Pizza Hut tears the hosts asunder, there are two evil elevator movies!, drink every time they say lift and you’ll die, I need to say something about cookies, reading is for school, what is this building’s hierarchy?, rolling your own cigarettes is weird, how do the blind deal with contract signing?, the story of Icarus, movies need more minotaurs, Justin forgets which movie is which, the exciting climax where he climbs an elevator shaft for 20 minutes, don’t walk away your job isn’t done yet, Russ’s birthday gift to Justin, the Survivor Shuffle, Russ’s audio problems extend beyond just the podcast, we came here to eat, maybe don’t yell that, how do blind people look at people’s bodies?, some people suck, Jet Set Radio happens in the middle of this movie, Justin isn’t the target audience for this podcast

Next week: Monstro! & Dolly Dearest

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Marianne is here!, Russ starts it off with some hot takes right off the bat, Russ and Marianne both had Gizmo dolls, Justin used to have planning skills, tales of the BMV, 2nd grade politics, don’t ask Marianne for a synopsis – she will have none of it, Ferris Bueller is just okay, making way more sense and still none at all, the world’s largest business card, just google it, comedy in the 80’s was dumb, cocaine and shoulder pads, Holliston’s rules for dating, let me describe how I will murder your dog, cats are evil, Marianne can spot a wig from 100 yards, what to do if confronted by carolers, more tipping etiquette, the best answers to when “after midnight” is, the movie shenanigans, Justin has a weird reaction to some health class type stuff, the original draft of Gremlins was way more intense, the town has a glut of tiny clothes, dog abuse on set, the most intense speech in movie history, an all new What the Russ?, Gizmo you need to listen to your dad, mogwai PTSD, a sequel as a hate letter to critics

Next week: The Lift & The Shaft

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Justin’s girlfriend’s dad’s heart got shocked back to working right (that’s a lot of possessive apostrophes), Munchhausen by proxy, a history of the instruments that Russ and Justin played in high school, Silent Night Deadly Night 4: Initiation is a total cluster and is totally not about an axe-wielding Santa Claus,  the best Weekend Update joke of all time, the combo of being Clint Howard and covered in blood, people suck — especially creepy guys, a soon-to-be ReMake Me Classic, boys will be boys, the three best date rape jokes, pizza math, shape-shifting spaghetti, charming old-man racism, the finer points of tuna casserole, Russ looks at some very specific reviews, Russ makes Justin say it again, Stretch Armstrong hands, is there a dog SAG?, Justin’s best friend has a cell phone number based on his favorite WCW wrestlers, yes Virginia there is a Santa Claus (kicks the dog), Justin tells an uninteresting story with unearned exuberance, Russ get’s real about Cracker Barrel, in all sin-seriousness, you bought me a gun rack?, Russ’s first movie prediction, Tiny Lister is good at his job, the time Justin ate food out of the garbage, Russ’s kid doesn’t like egg (this is important), the story of how Justin is an idiot, the difference between making a racial joke and making a racist joke, Santa wasn’t fat, Goldberg’s wrestling entrance, the door to the rink, teleporting hunters

Next week: Gremlins 1 & 2

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Justin takes the podcast to a new level, are burps funny?, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia hurts Justin’s soul, Justin’s boss’s daughter’s name, even the smartest people can be bad at operating computers, Black Christmas is boring, Lois Lane is not Harley Quinn, the call is coming from inside the house, Justin doesn’t like fun, best Christmas joke, Russ’s sister had a killer candy cane, the family that eats eyeballs together stays together

Next week: Silent Night Deadly Night 4 & Santa’s Slay

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