ReMake Me

the secret to great dental care is shitty dental care, Russ obsesses over the height of a chair he’s not sitting in, Russ is walking around Jamm-ing people, Russ and Justin are going to do an escape room, Saxaphone Ryan might be a savant, Justin doesn’t know how to respond to a friend, Justin and Russ get into current events, maybe one day this will be a movie podcast again, I guess Alicia Silverstone was in movies so maybe that was relevant, hey a movie!, Wes Craven gets meta, Russ doesn’t like Norm MacDonald – Justin disagrees, Freddy Krueger got real bad, Freddy is a rock star, why didn’t Rex play a bigger role?, it’s not great but at least it’s internally consistent , jelly bean Russian roulette, Hansel and Gretel ending doodly-doo doodly-doo doodly-doo, Russ hates more on MacDonald, Justin busts out a hot joke premise potentially for his tight five, Justin crushes Russ’s excitement, Scream is really good, Russ hated the mask but now he loves it, Stu is the worst/best character in the movie, Wes Craven cameo is a little over the top

Next week: Phantasm & John Dies at the End

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Russ and Justin welcome you to the YouTube generation, the Red Power Ranger is always kind of a dick, tragedy is just math, it may not be Danny Bonaduce but it’s probably Danny Bonaduce, Mastadon!, pull yourself up by you bootstraps, prank letters > prank calls, it’s weird and hard to process when young people die, we remember that this is a podcast about movies at some point, finding out that Russ and Justin were on a live album, Behind the Mask wants to have its cake and eat it too, it tries to be two different movies and fails at both because of this, Justin tries to explain Colin Kaepernick to Russ, we remember that this is a podcast about movies at some point, slasher movies are real, remember CD boxes?, remember Pan & Scan?, Zelda Rubenstein being Zelda Rubenstein, Justin’s brain restarts, pogo pogo pogo pogo pogo pogo pogo pogo pogo pogo, Justin hasn’t brushed his teeth since the pulling, Russ reveals another weird psychosis of his, go watch Tucker & Dale even if it doesn’t quite stick the landing, Russ complains about movie packaging, Woody the Chipper, when movies don’t know that thing that you know about

Next week: Wes Craven’s New Nightmare & Scream

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Justin went to the dentist for a crown and left without a tooth, Russ ponders when suicide is a viable option, Russ forgets how his phone works and then reads a paragraph with zero context, Come Back to Me is a terrible movie with a fantastic premise, apparently the book was better – go figure, Justin complains about the bad writing and directing and editing and movie, trying to recall the cookie drinking name, Russ has never seen RoboCop and that’s a crying shame, and then the boss battle, Russ regrets making Justin read Cows instead of a Wrath James White book, even the cover of the DVD is terrible, why does Justin have a red beard?, Justin’s not the audio guy, over-protective?, Cold in July is a well-made movie with great acting – go watch it, it would suck to clean up after a murder, don’t tell Justin’s girlfriend he admitted that he always has to be right even when he sometimes isn’t, the call is coming from inside the house, what happened to the cops?, bad KoRn soundtrack, why Russ is wrong about the 80s, the reference that isn’t, Death at a Funeral was a great movie

Next week: Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon & Tucker and Dale vs. Evil

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Russ can’t remember the last time we recorded, Justin had a really bad week, mouth unpleasantness, Russ’s escapades in Austin with Ben and Bruce, the eavesdropping seat-mate, Ben’s on keto, Matt Shaw follows through on his dead arm challenge with Wrath James White, adventures in escape rooms, fat looks like bomb material to those TSA machines, 4 in a row!, Russ complains about food in Austin, TCM Gas Station BBQ, the Austin bat bridge, learning about guano, ping pong bar, late night Voodoo Donuts, Ben’s no longer on keto, watching the disturbing video from the Jacksonville Madden shooting, guns don’t sound like guns, why are rock people in this movie that is seemingly anti-rock music, Trick ‘r Treat has divided the podcast, Under Arrest update, the beginning of the movie sets the tone for the whole movie in a not great way, online haircuts, Pizza Hut > Papa Johns, Russ feeling like the worst dad, being friends with Russ on Goodreads is defeating, we’re not reading a book, the Concussionist

Next week: Come Back to Me & Cold in July

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Russ’s brother is a car whisperer, Justin tells the story of the man who got licked by a dog and got De-Voltroned, Komodo Dragons be scary yo, hyenas on a leash are crazy but komodo dragons on a leash would take away from the craziness, the sky has opened up, a water-related car whisperer story from Russ, Justin’s car was an ice sarcophagus, update on the Canadian cop show game, real life Nightcrawlers (not teleporting German demons boo), Parking Wars was great-bad, grab your phone and download holedown because it’s amazing, there is no way that Tales from the Hood can be good but it totally is, Russ doesn’t do his Robert Smith impression, the best refried beans conversation ever recorded to film, there is white heroin and brown heroin everyone knows that, Russ doesn’t know what a Tazmanian Tiger is, zombie wizard weirdness, why aren’t you watching Tales from the Hood right now?, the GWB photo bomb, Russ tries to name as many 2000 Cubs as he can, Dexter read Pet Semetary, Tales from the Darkside is kinda eh, Hot Hot Hot, Dominic West!, just watch the last segement on YouTube because it’s the best part, the padlock homage

Next week: Trick or Treat & Trick ‘r Treat

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Justin got to hang out with the cool nerds on the Internet, Russ doesn’t know what Slack is, Old Man Russ rears his ugly head again, Russ gets a free pass from his wife but will probably be boring, Russ worries about his prostitutes, Justin still doesn’t know if Evil Dead is campy or not, Evil Dead 1981 is a good movie – you should watch it, Justin watched Teletubbies every morning in high school, what is the ending?, the Under Arrest Netflix game, Evil Dead 2013 is fine – you should feel okay about watching it or not, obscure Men in Black reference, Justin was scared about nothing in the theaters, Russ admits to having a balloon fetish, Russ knows the podcast, is Russ racist?

Next week: Tales from the Hood & Tales from the Darkside

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Justin had a bit of a scary week but everything is better now, Mom’s cigarette purse, smoking sections don’t really exist anymore, Justin’s foray into internet light bulbs, Russ’s face suddenly explodes and tries to play Tommy Topper, Russ’s little booty, orthopedic urgent care is apparently a thing, step-dad vs. mom’s husband, that big crunch wasn’t the door, that cartoon dinosaur that taught us to put our tooth in a glass of milk, what were we taught that is wrong today?, Russ wants to look into the books of the companies surrounding these films, Corey Feldman’s back yard, grave robbing has always been a thing it turns out, Goonies > Friday the 13th Part V, the alleged safety of King’s Island, watching movie gore vs. just hearing about something real, the worst music and titles ever, Six Degrees of a bad Walmart joke, kids and van doors, weird rule 34 spaghetti, turns out the fat guy did have extra candy bars, spoilers: Jason isn’t in this movie, stupid jump scare cats, Russ tater-salads Justin about 2 dudes that he love/hates, the least scary image-and-sting combination ever, the sexiest man ever, Russ or the Angry Video Game Nerd?…you decide!, Buddy is the best businessman, who of us don’t remember the Dead Dwarf Gag?, is John Cena really a good guy? who knows?

Next week: Evil Dead (1981 & 2013)

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Russ doesn’t know what tone is, Justin tries his best to explain

Next week: Friday the 13th V & Halloween 3

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We have a new guest!, Bruce is here and the government is tracking his every move, Tom Kerosec is opened up for Soul Asylum, beating the google algorithms, Bruce makes Saxophone Ryan, Russ’s not-date, Bruce HEARTS Ryan according to a shirt Russ made, Justin doesn’t understand not getting married, marriage means never having to have a first time again, Russ keeps not inviting Justin to fun trips and he’s totally not bitter, the return of 1-800-YES-MIMI, google can’t translate Russ’s memory, Bruce is asking the wrong people about definitions, not Jackie Gleason, go watch Puddin’ on YouTube, giant plastic crabs, Russ’s favorite movie bartender, zero subtext, Ignition (Remix) is one of the greatest songs of all time, Russ’s fear rears its head again, Eric Stoltz, knocking a woman unconscious or dead with bread, oh did he have a pacemaker?, Russ wants to talk to everyone about pee shivers, Russ is exactly wrong about The Greasy Strangler, Purdo!, Darth Vader over there!, Justin is amazing at impressions, Street Sharks was a show apparently, the merkin budget on set, Russ and Justin describe the end of The Greasy Strangler to win an argument, this episode is a perfect circle

Next week: The People Under the Stairs & Don’t Breathe

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Stay tuned for an interview with Matt Shaw – author of The Weird, Justin sounds crunchy, we’re in a book!, how to hire an editor, “It’s not a fedora!” is the saddest argument ever, Russ’s problems getting his friends in trouble, Russ doesn’t understand pus, it sucks not being a millionaire, also Ben’s here!, Ben’s not in the book, Russ gets super uncomfortable, ‘Arry Potter!, Sonny Bono is a person, little girls are hella scary, Justin tells the story of the most terrified he has ever been, 1-800-YES-MIMI, Russ the audio guy, parenting in the 80’s, themed apartments, Robert Z’Dar looks like Sonny Bono’s head exploding, it just became a lamp, how Russ deals with the handi-capable, how to detect a witch, Russ doesn’t know how to make pancakes, what happened in this movie?, Ben compliments the show?, a bunch of podcasts that are better than ours, Family Guy reference, Russ loves Tremors, science, science, science, move on, Justin wants to rewatch the 3 Ninjas movies, alternate podcast names, adult “the floor is lava”, slapping a tongue in the face, that’s how you go deaf, Russ has some stats to end the episode

Next week: Microwave Massacre & The Greasy Strangler

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