Did you know that there are some major fears that hold us back from achieving the things we want?  These fears even show up in our relationships, and of course, even in our marriage.  Having courage will help!

Listen in on today's episode where we take a deeper dive into courage, and how it's just a little bit different than being brave.  We will discuss how our fears affect intimacy, first within ourselves, and then with our spouse... and how courage can help us navigate it.  There is no need for fear to continue to hold us back.  Let's start using the tips we discuss today to help us move forward and further our development.

There is an awesome communication tool that has been used by Native Americans for a long time, called The Talking Stick.  I learned this technique almost 20 years ago during some of my classes required for the Marriage, Family, and Human Development degree. 

It's a pretty simple technique, and it ensures that good listening techniques are being used, like not interrupting and reflecting.   This helps to nurture communication that is both clear and uncontaminated, and to ensure that true understanding is taking place.  

While I lay out the ground rules for using the talking stick, Nick shares a coaching principle that is vital to communication and developing a deeper love for one another.  

Don't wait any more.  There is no need to stay stuck in a communication trap any longer.  Listen now to this week's episode  to see just how quickly The Talking Stick can work!   

When was the last time you called your spouse a Poopy-face or a Pickle-butt?

Probably not too recently.  Name calling in our marriage may still show up, but perhaps it may sound different or the words may be more sophisticated.

Maybe we call our spouse a selfish pig, a lustful animal, or a cold-hearted prude.  Maybe we call our spouse these things in our mind and never actually say the words.  And maybe sometimes, we have just gotten to that point where we have resorted to name calling because we just don't know what else to do.

In today's episode, we will explore a state of functioning that is called Emotional Childhood, where we use the lower and less intelligent part of our brain (and tools) to manage what is happening in our lives.  While we all start off our lives functioning from the place of Emotional Childhood, we are not meant to stay there... especially as adults.

Listen is as we explore how name calling puts us in a place where we are often betraying some important aspect of ourselves, or betraying a principle that we truly value.  As we dive deeper into the definitions of name calling, we can challenge some of our hidden motives to put others in a bad light or attempt to control them in certain situations. 

As we take the time to self-reflect and increase our self-awareness, we can then start to use the tools (such as asking ourselves Powerful Questions) that come from our higher brain, where problem solving can flow much easier.  Which Powerful Questions will help you and your marriage the most this next week? 



     

Today we are going to dive a little bit deeper into one of the many intimacies that can contribute to a more meaningful connection to our spouse, which is Affection.  On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate YOUR level of affection towards your spouse?

In this episode, we will explore how Affection is defined in more detail so that husband and wife can be on the same page, and so that things are not left unclear about what affection looks like for each spouse.  We will also explain that affection is separate and distinct from sexual touch, and has value that contributes to a deeper and more meaningful connection in and of itself.

We will also share a personal example that Nick and I faced this last week when things were going oh so very well, while we were expressing high levels of affection.  But then, things took a turn, and did not go so well, as we misinterpreted and assumed some of the meanings of the affection.  We share some of the problems that it led to, how if effected our intimacy, and what we did to get through it and how we came out better on the other side of it all.

Come and listen to the insights that can be gained when we challenge our own thoughts on affection.     

In today's episode, we will explore one of the coaching principles from the High Performance Coaching Model that Nick has been trained in, which is Clarity.  We will explore how clarity is related to light, bringing both the negative and the positive things of our lives into view.  With a view that is not cloudy, chaotic, hazy, or overshadowed by the mists of darkness, we can more easily see how to make small little changes for big impact.

We will also explore how clarity, light, and being the salt of the earth are all connected and how these concepts relate to our relationships with others.  We will dive even deeper into the two sides of salt and how both of these sides can help improve our marriage.  During this portion, we explore the concept of "getting in the dirt" and how healing it can be to do so... not only on a personal level, but also with our spouse.

Many wives have a fear that their husband will have an affair.  Many husbands have this exact same fear.  Today, we are going to dive into some of the key take-aways from a book called "Anatomy of an Affair" by Dave Carder, to help us with this topic.

The author studied the elements that often lead up to an affair, and he outlines them in his book.  Listen in, as we are going to list some of the things he suggests that we avoid thinking, feeling, and doing, in order to decrease our chances of an affair occurring.  This list is not meant for us to become more critical of our spouse, or to accuse them of doing some of these things, or to assume they are having one. 

The purpose of this list is to heighten our awareness... not of our spouse's behaviors, but of our own.  What thoughts are we thinking?  What feelings are we entertaining?  What actions are we taking that might lead us down the path of having an affair?  While we do list quite a bit of things we should NOT doing, we also list just as many things TO BE DOING, and ways to use our time, energy, and efforts to create a deeper connection with our spouse. 

Nick takes over the podcast in this episode as he discusses a topic that he has quite a bit of insight on.  His passion for living free has been close to his heart for many years.  Are we just going through the motions of surviving in robotic fashion or are we really thriving?  Listen in and see how it applies to you and your marriage today.

I'm guessing that most of us have heard the phrase "contention is of the devil."  But why is that?  Contention is different than disagreement, and understanding that difference can make a big difference.

In today's episode, we will talk about some of the main elements that make contention more damaging than disagreement and what we can do when we feel contention towards our spouse.    

We will also explore three ways to communicate our own opinions that are different from our spouse's in a way that is healthy, respectful, and free from contention.  We will finish up the episode by discussing the sad and far reaching effects of one couple's contention, and challenge ourselves to do better.

What will you stir up after listening to this episode?  Contention or compassion?  Choose wisely, as it will have a ripple out effect on your own family, and then others.     

Remember the movie, "The Never-ending Story?" The Nothing destroyed relationships and hope through fear and despair. In this podcast, Nick talks about how to awaken from our paralyzed state of fear and worry about what others think about us and how to become free to act on what we know to be right and true, regardless of worldly consequences. Roar like a lion and help others do the same. This is how we conquer evil and suppression of our best selves. Love conquers all fear!

Anxiety is something that effects people all over the world.  Many people have anxiety without even really knowing they have it.  And some people think that their anxious thoughts are highly intelligent and very beneficial.  Even people with major anxiety might not realize just how debilitating it is or just how much it is running their life.

Listen in on today's episode where we are going to dig a little deeper into what anxiety is, what it isn't, and what we can do about it.  We will explore the 8 different types of anxiety disorders as defined in the most current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders (aka the DSM) and how they might show up in marriage.

I knew something different was going on with me starting at age twelve, and I discovered that it was anxiety.  I have lived with anxiety for a very long time.  In today's episode, I will share the most beautiful, and surprising, thing that helped me improve my anxiety significantly.