Sometimes, when our spouse does something unexpected or something we preferred they didn't do, we can get thrown off.  We may start to think something has gone terribly wrong.  And since our brain likes to be dramatic at times, this situation can create a little storm that starts to stir things up in a negative way.

If our spouse takes some time for some much needed self-care, like if they go fishing or motorcycle riding for the weekend, our brain will sometimes "horrible-ize" them, and make them out to be something they are not: selfish, inconsiderate, and mean... on purpose.  When we ask ourselves the question "What kind of spouse would do that?" it is often a sign that we are in this state of mind.

In today's episode, we will explore this topic in more detail, discussing what we can do about it when we get there.  And it will be important to realize that often when we are thinking something along these lines, that there can also be a masked component of jealousy, where we realize that we have not met our own self-care needs, and can feel both exhausted from not doing so and mad at ourselves that we haven't. 

I'm guessing many of us don't know everything there is to know about sex and intimacy.  Many people grew up being taught that those kinds of things were not to be dabbled in until we were older and married.

And now that we are older and married, we may find that we still don't know quite a bit about sex and intimacy.   What is holding us back?  Sometimes, fear holds us back.  We are afraid to educate ourselves because we might all of a sudden turn into some kind of crazy sex addict.  Yes, our mind can be very dramatic like that.  But other times, we may not have given ourselves the mental permission to do so.
 
As adults, our mind is developed enough (and mature enough) to handle adult concepts, including sexual topics.  Being married is the exact right time to learn more about how to develop the sexual side of ourselves.  And today's episode can give you an idea about what can happen when we approach these types of challenging topics with maturity and responsibility. 

How many times a day are you having a thought about what your spouse "should" be doing?  Or what they "shouldn't" be doing?  We all do it at times, but when we are in a place where we are feeling some negative thoughts towards our spouse, we may find that these thoughts come up even more so, fueling the negative fire to burn even stronger.

Today we are going to dive a little deeper into the word "should" so that it can act as a signal to ourselves, letting us know that we have an expectation for our spouse that we want them to fulfill.  Unfortunately, we usually have not communicated this expectation, and go on believing that they should just "know" about it if they really loved us.  This creates a negative cycle as we turn to manipulating or passive aggressive efforts to try to get them to fulfill this unspoken expectation.

When we are stuck in this cycle, we often feel helpless, hopeless, and powerless to "make" our spouse change so that we can feel better.  But today is the day that we can break this cycle.  It's time to pack your "should" up, and put the power in your own hands.  Don't know how to do that?  Then click right now to listen and learn!
 

What the heck is Sexy Math?  This is the kind of math that I actually like, because it raises our Thought Awareness.  As adults, we have the ability to "think about our thinking."  Unfortunately, many adults often don't use this super power to their advantage to help them reach their goals... even their marriage and intimacy goals.

In today's episode, we are going to look at a specific example of one married couple's Sexy Math: the number of times each of them thought about sex during the day, the week, the month, and the year.  We look at these numbers to increase our understanding of the connection that is made between our thoughts and our feelings, and how they relate to the desire we feel to be intimate with our spouse.

Looking at these differences can help us gain insight into how much time our mind is spending on sexy subjects, so that we can make adjustments if we want to.   This is not meant to compare the numbers in order to label them as right or wrong, but is meant to help us understand our own ability to change those number to what we WANT them to be.  Powerful!  

Part of the beauty of being an adult is that you get to make decisions for yourself.  An adult brain has abilities that a child’s brain doesn’t, like being able to think about our thinking.  As adults, we get to use this ability to our advantage, or disadvantage, depending on which way we approach it.  When we get stuck thinking that we “have to” do things, it can trigger us to feel quite terrible.

 This shows up in marriage as well.  We think we “have to” be a good spouse, that we “have to” do the dishes, or that we “have to” have sex.  This often puts having sex in the same category as our to-do list, which can trigger us to feel obligated to complete.  But we don’t have to do anything in our marriage that we don’t want to… even when it comes to intimacy.

 Listen in as we discuss how this thought, that we “have to” have sex with our spouse can wreak havoc on our natural desire to “want to” have sex with our spouse.  We will go through a few examples of how this shows up, how agency plays a big role, and the question we can ask ourselves as a mini self-intervention. 

Marriage doesn't have to be a place where there is constant competition or power struggles.  Why not both rise up together?  In today's world, marriage is hard enough.   We can easily be bombarded by the many messages out there that only contribute to more conflict in one of the relationships we treasure the most.

But there is no need for all of that.   With the start of the new year, why not pick a theme for your marriage where both husband and wife can reach new heights by working together and lifting one another up?  Now that sounds like a fabulous way to start off the year.

Listen in on today's episode where we take a closer look at an ancient proverb, that inspires both husband and wife to rise up in ways that complement each other, not compete.  We will explore three easy ways to help couples ascend with each other.  When we work together towards this goal, we can discover that each of our unique contributions create a much better partnership... one that is more whole and complete.  

Have you ever heard the phrase "get your mind out of the gutter?"  I'm guessing that most of us have.  Unfortunately, there is often a huge assumption made when that phrase is said.  And the assumption is this:  that there are inappropriate and immoral sexual thoughts of the worst kind taking place.

But what if that is simply not true?  What if a person was thinking a sexual thought about their spouse, in a way that was completely appropriate, and caused them to feel closer as a result?  If that's the case, maybe we should get our mind in the gutter more often!

Listen in on today's episode where we take a closer look at this phrase, defining the words that make it up, and take a fresh new perspective on how it can actually contribute to the natural desire we can feel to be intimate with our spouse.  You get to choose the sexual thoughts you think, and you get to channel them in any direction you want to!     

The holidays can be stressful sometimes.  Even though we love our families and extended relatives, spending an increased amount of time with them can really increase our frustration levels.  This often leads to over-reactions, things said in the heat of the moment, and even some regret later on.  

Setting up personal boundaries ahead of time, before these family events, can be one of the best things we can do to keep relationships healthy and thriving.  In today's episode, we are going to talk about personal boundaries that never need to spoken, although spoken boundaries are sometimes required.  Boundaries keep people IN our lives in a healthy way, and do not separate them or kick them out of our lives.

Listen in as we share some personal experiences with how to set up boundaries to set your self up for success during the holidays.  We will discuss three main points to consider during the process, which come from a place of love instead of anger or frustration.   

Have you ever found that physical and sexual intimacy seems to be slipping by the wayside?  Sometimes, we may find that we are not as engaged in the sexual aspect of our marriage simply by default.  We have been caught up in all of the busy-ness of doing all the things that need to be done, and have ended up too tired or too stressed to focus on intimacy.

Not to worry.  This is common and just one of the many factors that can contribute to a lack of intimacy.  In today's episode, we are going to discuss some of the many causes that can lead us to head down that often miserable path of lacking intimacy, creating much more distance between spouses than is necessary.

We will also discuss the effects of these factors on our marriage.  The good news about all of these causes is that they are usually temporary, and can really be addresses with the Thought Work that comes from using the skills in life coaching.  Challenging our Thoughts when we notice these things coming up in our relationship can really be so valuable!

Dwelling in love is a phrase that comes from the scriptures.  And as we strive to dwell in love with our spouse, and put in the mental work to love them without fear, we can experience something we may not have considered before.

This episode is a spiritual one.  Many of my clients come to me wishing their husband would be different... less focused on sex and more focused on spiritual things.  But what if these two things could be combined in a way that we never thought of before?  That would be amazing!

Listen in as we discuss how to do this very thing, and the spiritual benefits of love-making for our husband, and ourselves!  Something happens to the mind, that is not often discussed, during the final phases of the intimacy trek, that can lead to stronger spirituality.  This is one of those mysteries of marriage that can be achieved when we are really striving to become one with one another.  Let's not underestimate how powerful it can be to dwell in love!