Reverse Jackass

Nick takes Evelyn back to his teenage exchange-student days in France, where one small decorative object in a shower suddenly became the centre of an international incident with stakes so high you might say, "MON DIEU!"

Evelyn responds with a childhood injury story that somehow required more than one round to fully complete. Remember listeners, she's nothing if not persistent...to her own detriment.

Also discussed: French bidets, shower-stall architecture, animal noises in other languages, and the surprising number of ways a person can make one bad decision worse. 

Democracy survives, but only because the skating lesson ended before Evelyn found a third way to injure herself.

TEXT US!...and we'll respond, because that's the kind of people we are.

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Evelyn takes today's episode to a small-town Ontario fall fair, where an outing delivers deep-fried food, livestock-adjacent entertainment, and one tumbling act that inspires considerably more enthusiasm from the crowd than Evelyn and her husband are initially prepared to understand.

Nick responds with a Chicago music story about a band he judged almost immediately, only to discover that sometimes the weird-looking act with too much equipment knows exactly what it’s doing, and that it's worth wearing their t-shirt while you eat your words.

Also discussed: Canadian town names, the economics of fairground acrobatics, terrible drummers, great band names, and the exquisite discomfort of being humbled in public. 

Democracy survives, but only after someone completed a routine involving a hula hoop and some cartwheels.

TEXT US!...and we'll respond, because that's the kind of people we are.

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Nick tells Evelyn about a miserable bout of food poisoning during his first year living alone in Illinois, an employer who somehow made the experience worse, and the moment several days into the ordeal when things suddenly appeared to become much more medically...concerning.

Evelyn answers with a restaurant experience of her own involving a birthday dinner, an excellent meal, and the deeply unfortunate timing of her first panic attack. 

Also discussed: gluten-free sandwich fame, the romantic possibilities of the tuba section, and whether a very expensive dinner can really substitute for paying your accompanist. 

Democracy survives, but only because somebody realized the lipstick wasn't really lipstick.

TEXT US!...and we'll respond, because that's the kind of people we are.

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Evelyn takes Nick back to a production of Guys and Dolls, when, in a perfectly ordinary performance, an unexpected digital member of the pit band decided it was time for its big moment.

Nick responds with a couple of stage stories of his own, including one performance mishap that left an actor stranded in front of a live audience and another in which the audience did something perfectly nice and Nick somehow decided they needed to be corrected.

Also discussed: Sondheim, musical theatre pit orchestras, the "Babe of Pigs", and the strange survival instincts that kick in when something goes wrong under stage lights. 

Democracy survives, but only because everyone actually clapped when they were supposed to.

TEXT US!...and we'll respond, because that's the kind of people we are.

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Nick tells Evelyn about an early dating conversation, a bachelorette party, and one spectacularly misused word that caused him to spend several increasingly uncomfortable minutes believing something very different had happened.

Evelyn responds with a family tradition of creative pronunciation and then reveals that, in her early twenties, she and a friend developed an entire long-game strategy for convincing someone that perfectly ordinary words were pronounced incorrectly. 

Also discussed: hot beverages, male strippers, Chi-hua-huas, Great-Grandma vocabulary, and the enormous rewards available to anyone patient enough to commit to a bit for months. 

Democracy survives, but only because someone eventually Googled its pronunciation.

TEXT US!...and we'll respond, because that's the kind of people we are.

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Evelyn tells Nick about a family Christmas potluck, a Costco-sized bag of potstickers, and the increasingly desperate series of culinary decisions that followed when she refused to admit the original plan was dead and buried.

Nick responds with the story of a job he kept trying to make work long after the warning signs had begun forming their own parade. 

Also discussed: lasagna soup, 20-hour workdays, and the surprisingly complicated question of when perseverance stops being admirable and starts becoming a cry for help. 

Democracy survives, but only because somebody gently steered Evelyn away from the kitchen.

TEXT US!...and we'll respond, because that's the kind of people we are.

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Nick takes Evelyn back to a very serious teenage relationship, a very serious military wedding, and a very serious theatrical obligation that suddenly depended on one very dead car battery and a pair of jumper cables being asked to perform beyond their specifications.

Evelyn responds with an overreaction from her own past involving a damaged windshield, a volatile ex, and an accusation that made considerably less sense than the actual evidence sitting outside the apartment. 

Also discussed: high-school romance, stage managers, long-term parking, Canadian winter, suspiciously long province names, and the remarkable things we once believed were genuine emergencies.

Democracy survives, but only because somebody eventually found jumper cables.

TEXT US!...and we'll respond, because that's the kind of people we are.

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Evelyn takes us back to elementary-school science fair season, when a lack of scientific aptitude was no obstacle when it came to tackling one of humanity’s great problems: rust. Armed with pieces of metal, household supplies, and a methodology that seemed more heavily based in despair than actual science, Evelyn's Rust Busters' table at the Grade 7 science fair was born.

Nick responds with a few experiments of his own, including one high school spirit day, AND college-era commitment to a completely fabricated back tattoo.

Also discussed: the mitochondria, a circle-back to those Cool Ranch cookies from an earlier episode, the ethics of committing to a bit, and why judgment may occasionally have to fill in where science fails. 

Democracy avoids getting rusty, but only because it was absolutely plastered in cosmetics.

TEXT US!...and we'll respond, because that's the kind of people we are.

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Nick tells Evelyn about a skill his brother taught him in his early twenties that helped him move up in restaurant work, carried him through grad school, and still comes back every time there’s a bottle of wine or champagne in need of a little ceremony.

Evelyn responds with two very different skills passed down by her parents, one rooted in food, generosity, and caring for people, and the other taught on the back deck with considerably more...force. And snot.

Also discussed: home economics, expensive wine rituals, feeding people you love, farmer nose blows, and neti-pot technique pro-tips. 

Democracy survives, but only because somebody remembered the corkscrew.

TEXT US!...and we'll respond, because that's the kind of people we are.

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Evelyn tells Nick about the fine art of hiding: from unexpected visitors in the country, from people at the front door, and from whatever ancient survival instinct made a simple game of hide 'n seek in a house without hydro feel like a full tactical emergency.

Nick responds with stories about thinking he was being stealthy when he absolutely was not, including one childhood dessert crime and one adult paperwork war that became much more complicated than it ever needed to be. 

Also discussed: An important update involving training wheels, streamers, and sisterly impact. 

Democracy survives, but only because someone accidentally farted while hiding from it. 

***FEATURING: A special podcast introduction sent to us via FAN MAIL!***

TEXT US!...and we'll respond, because that's the kind of people we are.

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Want to get in touch with Nick & Evelyn? 

Email them at [email protected]