You're never really alone, just check the seats next to you for cheek prints. More often than not, you'll find that the spirit of one of your progenitors was resting their rump right next to you, perhaps guiding you, perhaps enjoying a bit of your company, perhaps just resting their sweaty dumper for a moment on their journey through space and time.

Today's topics include seeing a Neanderthal in the mirror, Bender the robot, bait and switches, Diddy Kong, hot weenies, first-hand freakitude, Beast Wars, Sugar Free Gummi Bears AGAIN, and poor oyster dudes.

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There is a waterfowl on the water prowl. Don't meander with your gander or you could get an Anser you don't like. These are puns, people.

Today's topics include Mandy Moore encased in amber, mist monsters, Saving Private Ryan, facts, gains, fish sticks, the very nature of intelligence, pervert licenses, sugar free gummie bears, and scratchy blankets.

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There is like one dish that eggplant is the star of, and it’s eggplant parmesan. That is just like, diet lasagna. Lasagna lite. Nah dawg, nah, I ain’t having NONE OF IT.

Today's topics include cymbal banging monkey laughter, tasty cartoon apples, the Mario 64 loading screen, name brand zip lock bags, bamboo, grapefruit juice, birthday cake protein, powerful beef jerky crushing jaws, bamboo again, and marble runs.

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If tin cans in tasteful bathing wear is wrong, I don't want to be right!

Today's topics include: cannonballs, brussel sprouts, vitamins, unwanted aloe vera, wax helmets, the old people's realm, gack, Short Circuit, turkey legs, Tinder, a visceral series of stills, and a hot liter of cool cola.

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When were you at your cutest, your youngest, and your most availablest? The apex of those three variables hold the secret to your springboard into success with money, fame, and great relationships. To find out more, order my self help 8-track box set.

Today's topics include the Pizza Hut call center and the Pizza Beast, a Kwik Trip to the grave, yelling "Rangers!", resting pickle face, and "snapchat users".

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Once you pop the fun don't stop, especially if you are popping open a sleeve of cookies. The first cookie is as decadent as the dozenth. You can't stop. You must continue feasting. You must write a review for the cookies. And then eat twelve more.

Today's topics include the perfect cough, serious little brother bodily harm, desperate demanding, another bowl of gruel, loading up the bucket, six miscreants, piss particles, hot feet, baby brains, and people living in fucking squalor.

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What if the dial-up tone was the screams of cookies being deleted?

Today's topics include troubled waters, bootstrap situations, stupid stuff, alternative lifestyle chiropractors, Dubious Doctor D, an uncomfortable analogy, and ancient dudes.

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The multiverse movies brush over one thing: all the different slightly alternative pastas you could enjoy. YES! YES! YES!

Today's topics include: grudge ghosts, doubling down, professional review enjoying, Arnold's ass, jitterbug phones and stretchy pants, bags of sand in boiling water, the quesadilla window, the full bowling shirt treatment, screaming cheeks, dorm room futons, The Oregon Trail, russets, lies, and every liquid I excrete.

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“Every man's life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.” - Ernest Hemingway. “How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains? Yeah... If Coach would'a put me in fourth quarter, we would've been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind.” - Uncle Rico

Today’s topics include empty promises, double sealing, Casper’s uncles, Freaky Friday farts, polite paleontologists, “Wow Earners”, and not your typical Wienermobile driver.

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The sauce is under the cheese, and The Force is underneath that. If you want to get to the midichlorians, you better bring a fork AND knife for this saucy space swamp surprise!

Today’s topics include little unicycle monkeys, the undeniable birdshit factor, Wrigley gum, night sweats (on purpose), the taste of anger, greek yogurt, bananas and pizza slices, bulbous children, and Fountain Picture Party Dot Com.

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