What happens when a recovery program that once helped you… stops fitting who you’re becoming?

In this episode, Kate sits down with Kirsten — known online as @sobrietybestie and host of the Sobriety Bestie podcast — to explore what it looks like to question Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) after years of participation.

Kirsten spent 10 years in AA and has now been out for 5. Together, they discuss the complex reality that AA can be helpful for many people — while also examining how dogma, identity labels, and recovery folklore can become limiting or even harmful over time.

This conversation explores topics rarely discussed openly, including:

1. How experiences like trauma, neurodivergence, and mental health challenges are sometimes pathologized as “alcoholism”
2. The psychological impact of labels like “dry drunk,” “defects,” and “restless, irritable, discontent”
3. When recovery culture shifts from supportive to rigid or dogmatic
4. AA folklore versus science-based understanding of behavior and change
5. Myths surrounding Bill Wilson and the founding narratives of AA
6. Why questioning recovery systems can provoke strong reactions — including backlash and hostility
7. The fear many people feel when considering leaving a recovery community
8. Rebuilding self-trust after years of outsourcing authority
9. Whether AA meets criteria associated with high-control groups — and why that question matters
10. What real freedom in recovery can look like outside traditional frameworks

Kate also shares her own experience: AA was helpful early in sobriety, but over time began to feel increasingly rigid and disconnected from her evolving understanding of neuroscience, psychology, and emotional health.

This is not an anti-recovery episode.

It’s a conversation about autonomy, critical thinking, and honoring the complexity of healing.

Because two things can be true at once:

A system can help you survive — and you can still outgrow it.

Mentioned In This Episode:

1. Pathologizing normal human experience as alcoholism
2. Trauma, neurodivergence, and mental health in recovery spaces
3. Big Book culture and “Big Book thumpers”
4. Bill Wilson, AA history, and founder mythology
5. Recovery folklore vs neuroscience and psychology
6. Fear-based messaging in sobriety culture
7. Dogma, identity, and belonging
8. Is AA a cult? Examining the question thoughtfully
9. Backlash, hate mail, and stigma around questioning AA
10. Reclaiming inner authority and sovereignty in recovery

Kirsten, known online as @sobrietybestie, is a recovery advocate and host of the Sobriety Bestie podcast. Her platform focuses on helping people deprogram from Alcoholics Anonymous culture and reclaim their identity, autonomy, and lives after leaving 12-step environments.

WORK WITH KATE

Rewired Sober Group Coaching Space Is Now Open: Start anytime and get 3 months of guidance designed for women in sobriety. You’ll get instant access to the full program, plus weekly live coaching sessions to help you rewire your brain, heal old patterns, and stay consistent. Enroll here: https://kate-vitela.mykajabi.com/rewired-sober-coaching-program

Connect with Kate @rewiredsober on all social media platforms:

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/rewiredsober/

In this episode, Kate is joined by Simmy, founder of Miracle Maker 1111, for a conversation exploring the connection between belief, identity, energy, and manifestation.

Together they unpack the idea that our internal world — our thoughts, expectations, emotions, and self-concept — shapes the life we experience. Simmy shares her step-by-step approach to manifestation, including the role of visualization, emotional embodiment, spiritual connection, and becoming the kind of person who expects good things to happen.

Rather than framing manifestation as “wishful thinking,” this conversation explores how transformation happens when someone begins to see themselves differently, feel differently, and live from a new internal identity.

Topics covered include:

1. How thoughts and self-concept shape lived experience
2. Visualization as a tool for identity and behavior change
3. Why embodiment matters more than positive thinking
4. Becoming the version of yourself who expects expansion
5. Energy, frequency, and the idea of alignment
6. The role of spirituality and connection to something greater
7. What it means to “match the energy” of the life you want
8. Manifesting health, confidence, change, and personal growth
9. Why real change requires internal coherence, not just external effort

This episode bridges spirituality, identity work, and personal development for anyone interested in how inner change creates outer transformation — whether you call that manifestation, mindset, embodiment, or becoming.

Rewired Sober Group Coaching Space Is Now Open: Start anytime and get 3 months of guidance designed for women in sobriety. You’ll get instant access to the full program, plus weekly live coaching sessions to help you rewire your brain, heal old patterns, and stay consistent. Enroll here: https://kate-vitela.mykajabi.com/rewired-sober-coaching-program

Connect with Kate @rewiredsober on all social media platforms:

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/rewiredsober/

Guest Info: Simmy is a content creator and manifestation coach. She has been a management consultant for over a decade and is now following her passion of impacting and elevating lives through the power of manifestation. She runs the Miracle Makers_1111 page on Instagram. She explains manifestation from the lens of Neuroscience and Psychology. Her work centers on moving people out of limitation and into self-trust. She supports her clients through belief-rewiring tools, subconscious reprogramming and embodiment practices.

IG: https://www.instagram.com/the_miracle_makers_1111/

Website: https://the-miracle-makers.com/

Burnout isn’t just a personal problem—it’s a cultural one.

In this episode, Kate sits down with former Sociology Professor turned Burnout Coach Dr. Jen Costanza for a refreshingly honest conversation about what it actually means to live in today’s world as a woman, a professional, and a human being with a nervous system.

Together, they unpack how modern culture pressures women to perform wellness instead of experience it, why “having it all together” is often a lie, and how burnout is frequently a rational response to unrealistic expectations—not a personal failure.

Dr. Jen shares openly about navigating imposter syndrome despite holding a PhD from Ivy League institution Brown University, and how even highly educated, accomplished women still struggle with self-doubt—especially when showing up online as coaches, educators, and thought leaders.

This conversation is grounding, intelligent, funny, and deeply validating—especially for high-functioning women who are tired of trying to optimize themselves into worthiness.

1. Why burnout is both a nervous system issue and a societal issue
2. The cultural pressure for women to perform wellness instead of practicing it
3. How “wine culture” became a socially acceptable coping mechanism for overwhelmed women
4. The invisible emotional labor women carry—and its impact on the body
5. Imposter syndrome, even with elite credentials and years of experience
6. What it’s really like to show up on social media as a coach, educator, or professional
7. Owning your voice and expertise without needing to over-prove yourself
8. Why sustainable healing doesn’t require a complex or expensive wellness strategy
9. The overlooked power of foundational practices:
10. Sleep
11. Nutrition
12. Purposeful movement
13. Nervous system regulation
14. How breathwork supports emotional regulation, safety in the body, and burnout recovery
15. Remembering joy, play, and pleasure as essential—not optional—parts of healing

You don’t need a perfect morning routine.

You don’t need to buy your way into healing.

And you’re not behind—you’re likely just burned out.

Sometimes the most powerful path forward is the simplest one:

tending to your body, telling the truth, resting without guilt, and remembering that you are already enough.

Rewired Sober Group Coaching Space Is Now Open: Start anytime and get 3 months of guidance designed for women in sobriety. You’ll get instant access to the full program, plus weekly live coaching sessions to help you rewire your brain, heal old patterns, and stay consistent. Enroll here: https://kate-vitela.mykajabi.com/rewired-sober-coaching-program

Connect with Kate @rewiredsober on all social media platforms:

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/rewiredsober/

Dr. Jen Costanza is a former sociology professor turned burnout coach, and breathwork facilitator who studies the intersection of identity, culture, performance, and wellbeing. Her work centers around helping people move out of survival mode and reconnect with sustainable ways of living—without the pressure to constantly self-optimize.

Connect with Guest Jennifer Costanza: @rooted.life

Website: https://www.rooted.life

Free Burnout Recovery Guide: https://rootedlife.myflodesk.com/map

In this raw solo episode of Rewired Sober, Kate celebrates eight years of sobriety while recording from New York City during her annual Fashion Week trip. This isn’t a highlight reel — it’s an honest reflection on self-trust, identity, boundaries, feminism, spirituality, grief, creativity, and what actually changes when you build a life you don’t need to escape from.

Kate explores how sobriety reshaped everything: how she dresses, how she speaks up, how she chooses relationships, how she handles discomfort, and how she trusts herself more deeply than ever before. From tattoos and style as self-expression (not performance), to perfectionism, late blooming, public growth, financial stability, emotional resilience, and spiritual curiosity — this episode is about becoming more yourself with every year sober.

If you’ve ever wondered who you’re becoming after you quit drinking, this one’s for you.

• Celebrating 8 years sober in NYC during her annual Fashion Week trip

• Self-trust as the real transformation of sobriety

• Style, tattoos, and identity (no longer performing for approval)

• Dressing for yourself, not the male gaze

• Radical honesty and the peace of having nothing to hide

• Realizing nobody is watching you as closely as you think

• Building a sober life with structure, routines, and real energy

• Outgrowing people, places, and identities naturally

• Boundaries without guilt: “If it’s not fun sober, it’s not fun”

• Emotional resilience and sitting with discomfort instead of numbing

• Being wrong, evolving, and changing your mind publicly

• Feminism, social awareness, and seeing the world more clearly in sobriety

• Exploring spirituality without shame or self-abandonment

• The concept of being both fully human and fully divine

• Grieving the moments alcohol stole (vacations, concerts, presence)

• Perfectionism, repression, and why rebellion softens when you choose yourself

• Major life stressors navigated sober: loss, illness, financial strain, career upheaval

• Building a bold, creative life after alcohol (business, podcast, public voice)

• Late blooming, divine timing, and trusting your life’s unfolding

• The financial clarity sobriety actually creates

• Standing up for yourself professionally

• Holding paradox: two things can be true at the same time

Rewired Sober Group Coaching Space Is Now Open: Start anytime and get 3 months of guidance designed for women in sobriety. You’ll get instant access to the full program, plus weekly live coaching sessions to help you rewire your brain, heal old patterns, and stay consistent. Enroll here: https://kate-vitela.mykajabi.com/rewired-sober-coaching-program

Connect with Kate @rewiredsober on all social media platforms:

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/rewiredsober/

In this solo episode, Kate goes deep into a part of recovery that rarely gets named — but quietly shapes everything: religious wounding, self-trust, and soul work.

For years, Kate approached recovery through neuroscience alone — partly out of rebellion against rigid dogma and hierarchical systems that taught her she was broken, powerless, or unable to trust herself. But over time, both her own healing and her work with hundreds of women revealed something deeper:

Many women aren’t just healing from alcohol.

They’re healing from self-abandonment.

From spiritual disconnection.

From being taught not to trust themselves.

This episode explores the powerful overlap between:

1. Religious conditioning
2. Patriarchal structures
3. Recovery dogma
4. Nervous system dysregulation
5. Shame, perfectionism, and people-pleasing

Kate shares how discovering feminist theology — particularly the work of Meggan Watterson — helped repair deep spiritual and identity-level wounds. Through this lens, God is not an external authority or judging figure, but what Watterson calls “the Good” — love, wisdom, presence — something we are already connected to, not something we must earn.

You’ll also hear Kate reflect on the reclamation of Mary Magdalene as a teacher, mystic, and leader rather than the distorted trope of a “fallen woman,” and how reconnecting with the divine feminine strengthened her confidence, softened her nervous system, and deepened her self-trust.

At the heart of this episode is a redefinition of soul work — not as religion, but as:

Kate also unpacks how healing requires both science and soul, including:

1. How the brain rewires after alcohol
2. Why emotions feel louder in early sobriety
3. How stress, habit loops, and nervous system dysregulation drive behavior
4. Why willpower burns people out
5. Why lasting change comes from safety + repetition
6. Why healing must also include grief, identity work, emotional honesty, and self-trust

This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered:

1. Why they struggle to trust themselves
2. Why traditional recovery spaces felt shaming or disempowering
3. Why spirituality felt wounding instead of supportive
4. Whether you can believe in neuroscience, intuition, feminism, and God all at once
5. Whether you’re allowed to be both grounded and messy, logical and emotional, human and sacred

Kate’s answer is clear:

You don’t have to choose one version of yourself.

You’re allowed to hold the paradox.

You’re allowed to be whole.

1. Religious wounding and its impact on women’s self-trust
2. The overlap between patriarchal spirituality and recovery dogma
3. Feminist theology and the work of Meggan Watterson
4. Mary Magdalene reclaimed as teacher, mystic, and leader
5. Rebuilding inner authority after years of self-override
6. The connection between nervous system healing and self-trust
7. Redefining soul work as intuition, love, and embodied truth
8. Being fully human and fully divine
9. Healing as integration, not perfection

Rewired Sober Group Coaching Space Is Now Open: Start anytime and get 3 months of guidance designed for women in sobriety. You’ll get instant access to the full program, plus weekly live coaching sessions to help you rewire your brain, heal old patterns, and stay consistent. Enroll here: https://kate-vitela.mykajabi.com/rewired-sober-coaching-program

Connect with Kate @rewiredsober on all social media platforms:

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/rewiredsober/

pisode Notes

This is a bonus episode about staying sober in a world that feels like it’s on fire.

I talk about capacity — not as a moral issue, but as a real limit — and why newly sober people do not owe the world constant engagement, takes, or emotional mastery.

We cover:

1. Why sobriety doesn’t mean being “above it”
2. How self-abandonment masquerades as responsibility
3. The difference between caring and burning yourself down
4. Why staying sober right now is infrastructure, not avoidance
5. When silence is regulation, not complicity
6. Journaling as record-keeping, not self-help

This episode is for anyone who is heartbroken, angry, overwhelmed — and still choosing to stay upright.

No platitudes.

No spiritual bypassing.

Just honesty about what it takes to remain sober and intact when the world is heavy.

Bookmark what you can’t hold yet.

You’ll come back when you have the capacity.

Rewired Sober Group Coaching Space Is Now Open: Start anytime and get 3 months of guidance designed for women in sobriety. You’ll get instant access to the full program, plus weekly live coaching sessions to help you rewire your brain, heal old patterns, and stay consistent. Enroll here: https://kate-vitela.mykajabi.com/rewired-sober-coaching-program

Connect with Kate @rewiredsober on all social media platforms:

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/rewiredsober/

What happens when the very system that’s supposed to support healing starts to feel controlling, fear-based, or limiting?

In this powerful conversation, I’m joined by Tara Grace the host of the Recovery Rebellion podcast, who openly identifies as a “12-step dogma survivor” and advocates for a more nuanced, compassionate, and person-centered approach to recovery.

We explore the darker side of the recovery world that many people are afraid to name out loud — including rigid ideology, shame-based messaging, and the ways people are often discouraged from trusting their own intuition.

This episode is not about tearing down what helps people. It’s about expanding the conversation to include the many people who felt harmed, silenced, or dismissed within traditional recovery systems.

1. The recovery industrial complex and how “heads in the beds” can sometimes matter more than individualized care
2. What people mean when they talk about surviving 12-step dogma
3. How rigid recovery models can become authoritarian, condescending, and psychologically unsafe
4. The problem with fear-based messaging like “you’ll die if you leave”
5. How the disease model of addiction can be both helpful and limiting — and why it doesn’t tell the whole story
6. Why many people experience real healing through natural recovery (without formal programs)
7. The difference between support vs. control, accountability vs. compliance
8. Why harm reduction is often misunderstood — and who it actually serves
9. The emotional impact of being told your thinking is defective, your intuition is dangerous, or your questioning is “denial”
10. How recovery can (and should) support self-trust, autonomy, and nervous system safety
11. Why leaving AA or structured recovery spaces does not equal failure
12. What compassionate, flexible, modern recovery could look like instead

1. You’ve ever felt shamed, silenced, or patronized in recovery spaces
2. You’ve been told you were “in denial” simply for asking questions
3. You were warned you would die if you left AA and felt terrified but also constrained
4. You’re sober curious and hesitant to engage with traditional programs
5. You believe healing should feel empowering, not diminishing
6. You want a more expansive conversation about addiction recovery, neuroscience, agency, and choice

This is a conversation about rethinking recovery, honoring lived experience, and creating space for people to heal without having to surrender their voice, identity, or autonomy.

Because recovery should be about becoming more yourself — not less.

Rewired Sober Group Coaching Space Is Now Open: Start anytime and get 3 months of guidance designed for women in sobriety. You’ll get instant access to the full program, plus weekly live coaching sessions to help you rewire your brain, heal old patterns, and stay consistent. Enroll here: https://kate-vitela.mykajabi.com/rewired-sober-coaching-program

Connect with Kate @rewiredsober on all social media platforms:

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/rewiredsober/

Guest Info: Tara Grace @burnthestigma

www.burnthestigma.com

www.burnthestigma.net/podcast

For decades, addiction has been widely defined as a chronic, relapsing brain disease — a framework adopted by the medical system, treatment centers, and many recovery programs, including Alcoholics Anonymous.

In this episode, Kate explores why that definition — while historically important — often falls short, especially for women who don’t experience their relationship with alcohol as a lifelong disease state.

This conversation isn’t anti-recovery or anti-help.

It’s about discernment, nuance, and intellectual honesty.

Kate unpacks how the disease model became the dominant narrative, why it’s convenient for institutions, and how questioning it is often framed — particularly in 12-step spaces — as a symptom rather than a legitimate inquiry.

1. Why the “chronic, relapsing brain disease” definition became the gold standard
2. How medical and treatment systems benefit from a single, fixed narrative
3. The difference between reducing shame and reinforcing permanent pathology
4. How disagreement with the disease model is often labeled as “denial”
5. Why pathologizing questions can shut down curiosity, autonomy, and growth
6. The psychological impact of being told your insight is evidence you’re sick
7. Why many women don’t see themselves reflected in traditional recovery explanations
8. How authority-based recovery models discourage nuance and self-trust

Kate also discusses the cultural dynamics inside recovery spaces where questioning foundational beliefs can be interpreted as resistance, ego, or lack of willingness — rather than a thoughtful response to lived experience.

Questioning a model is not denial.

It’s discernment.

Recovery should expand self-trust — not require surrendering your ability to think critically about your own experience.

This episode is for women who:

1. Feel uneasy with being labeled “chronically ill”
2. Have been told their doubts are symptoms
3. Want recovery without losing their voice
4. Are seeking a more nuanced, adult conversation about addiction

You’re allowed to ask questions.

And asking them doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.

What actually happens when two women, two coaches, and two very different styles sit down to talk about Dry January, habit change, and why New Year’s resolutions so often fall apart?

In this episode, I’m joined by Casey Davidson, host of the Hello Someday Podcast—one of today’s top mental health podcasts—and a nationally recognized voice in the sober-curious space who’s been featured across major media outlets.

Together, we have a real, funny, unfiltered conversation about sobriety curiosity, consistency, and what actually helps people change—without dieting, white-knuckling, or pretending willpower is the solution.

We talk about why most people abandon their New Year’s resolutions (spoiler: it’s not a discipline problem), how habit change really works, and why stacking consistent sober days matters far more than dabbling in on-again/off-again drinking.

Casey also shares why she intentionally extends Dry January into a 100-day New Year program—because 30 days is often just enough time to start feeling better, but not long enough to truly feel the difference of life without alcohol. We explore what happens when people give themselves enough time to stabilize, build momentum, and experience the mental clarity, emotional steadiness, and confidence that only come with sustained time alcohol-free.

This isn’t a Dry January hype episode.

And it’s definitely not a “fix your life in 30 days” pitch.

It’s an honest conversation between two coaches who approach this work differently—but agree on what actually supports sustainable change. We also unpack the quiet pressure of January: the urge to reset everything at once, optimize your life, and emerge transformed by February—and why that mindset often backfires when alcohol is involved.

Expect laughter, nuance, and the kind of conversation you only get when two women trust each other enough to tell the truth.

1. Why New Year’s resolutions fail (and what actually helps habits stick)
2. The difference between dabbling in sobriety and building real momentum
3. Why consistent sober days matter more than “just cutting back”
4. Why 30 days can feel good—but 100 days can feel transformative
5. How diet culture sneaks into early sobriety—and how to opt out
6. What Dry January can be when framed as curiosity instead of punishment
7. How two coaches with different styles still land on the same fundamentals

Casey Davidson is the host of the Hello Someday Podcast, one of the top mental health podcasts today, and a leading voice in the sober-curious movement. Her work has been featured in major national media outlets, and she’s known for helping high-achieving women rethink their relationship with alcohol in a way that’s practical, compassionate, and grounded in real life. She’s also the creator of a 100-day New Year program designed to help people move beyond short-term challenges and into lasting change.

1. Anyone who’s tried Dry January—or quitting—more than once
2. People who are sober-curious and tired of starting over
3. High-functioning adults who want a smarter, steadier approach to change
4. Listeners who want honesty, humor, and zero preaching

If Dry January has ever felt like pressure, a test, or something you somehow “failed,” this episode is a reminder that real habit change doesn’t come from rushing the process. It comes from consistency, curiosity, and giving yourself enough time to actually feel what life is like without alcohol.

Rewired Sober Group Coaching Space Is Now Open: Start anytime and get 3 months of guidance designed for women in sobriety. You’ll get instant access to the full program, plus weekly live coaching sessions to help you rewire your brain, heal old patterns, and stay consistent. Enroll here: https://kate-vitela.mykajabi.com/rewired-sober-coaching-program

Connect with Kate @rewiredsober on all social media platforms:

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/rewiredsober/

Guest Information: Casey M Davidson

https://www.instagram.com/caseymdavidson?igsh=aXczbXljZHNpNDZi

https://hellosomedaycoaching.com/podcast/

In this episode of Rewired Sober, Kate explores one of the most misunderstood parts of sobriety: liminal spaces — the in-between seasons where the old way no longer fits, but the new way hasn’t fully formed yet.

These are the moments when you know you made the right choice…

but your nervous system still craves the relief of certainty.

Using both neuroscience and lived experience, Kate unpacks why the brain prefers the “devil we know” — familiar patterns, predictable outcomes, even familiar pain — over the uncertainty that comes with real change.

This episode also includes a live teaching pulled directly from Kate’s Rewired Sober group, where she speaks candidly about:

1. wanting to want sobriety
2. why early sobriety can feel strangely effortful
3. and why feeling unsettled doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong

If you’ve ever thought “Why does this still feel weird?” — this conversation will land.

1. You’re outgrowing alcohol but don’t feel fully at home without it yet
2. You find yourself wanting answers instead of wanting to sit in the unknown
3. You feel frustrated that sobriety still requires intention
4. You’re in a transition season and questioning whether you’re “behind”

1. What liminal spaces are and why they’re unavoidable in sobriety
2. Why the nervous system values predictability over freedom
3. How familiar habits create a false sense of safety
4. The urge to rush certainty — and why it’s a stress response
5. Why repetition, regulation, and time are what actually rewire the brain
6. How staying in the middle is not weakness, but integration

Transformation doesn’t happen in the decision.

It happens in the middle.

You don’t rush liminal spaces. You listen in them.

They are where your nervous system learns how to live in truth — without anesthesia.

If sobriety feels right and unfamiliar at the same time, this episode will help you understand why — and remind you that this phase isn’t something to escape. It’s something to move through.

About Rewired Sober:

Rewired Sober is a science- and soul-based recovery space for women who are ready to understand their brain, trust themselves, and build a sober life that actually fits.

Learn more about Kate’s group coaching, courses, and resources at the links in the show notes.

Rewired Sober Group Coaching Space Is Now Open: Start anytime and get 3 months of guidance designed for women in sobriety. You’ll get instant access to the full program, plus weekly live coaching sessions to help you rewire your brain, heal old patterns, and stay consistent. Enroll here: https://kate-vitela.mykajabi.com/rewired-sober-coaching-program

Connect with Kate @rewiredsober on all social media platforms:

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/rewiredsober/