Rise From The Scars

Surviving Domestic Violence takes courage. Abuse is very isolating, personal, degrading, humiliating, and shameful. One of the most helpful steps to recovery from abuse/violence is to find good support.  A person surviving abuse has to realize that they are not alone in their abusive encounters.  When they do decide to leave a situation that you may not understand...compassion and empathy goes a long way. 

If you'd like to know more about the signs of Domestic/Intimate Partner Violence my book "The Matrix-A Look Inside Domestic Violence" is available on Amazon. The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) is also available for immediate help 24 hrs 

Victims of violence may stay in an abusive relationship out of; Fear, Shame or Cultural reasons. Domestic Violence victims may also stay because they love the abuser and want the relationship to work. They often believe that there is something they can do to “fix” what is broken in the relationship or with the abuser, and sometimes, they see themselves as the person who needs to change. Being in an abusive relationship is very complicated and if you have never been in that situation it is harder to explain. People in that situation should never be judged, it is never their fault. What they need is compassion and understanding.   

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and a good time to shine a light on an epidemic that happens more often than one would like to believe. It is an epidemic that happens to individuals from all walks of life, it doesn't matter your age, race, sexual orientation or socio-economic status. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience severe physical violence in their lifetime by an intimate partner. On average nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused in the U.S and during one year that equates to more than 10 million woman and men. 1 in 15 children are exposed to this type of violence which could result in them becoming victims or abusers later on in life. Learn the warning signs and how to ask the right questions. Silence kills, let's have the tough conversation, that conversation could save a life! There is help available...

Understanding how to set healthy boundaries is essential for building & maintaining healthy relationships and good mental health. Let's clearly identify boundaries, why we need them, not be afraid to let people know up front what the expectations are, and speak in a calm to tone so that the message you desire to convey is heard.

Moving is a stressor in it's own right but it can trigger anxiety because it affects multiple areas of your life when you have to do it. A decision to move can bring about a level of fear to what is unknown, thoughts of loosing connection with friends or loved ones, the anxiety of not being able to navigate from place to place in your new area, whether you will be able to experience a sense of normalcy and how much will the move shake up your finances. Be encouraged, that whether you are moving for a job or to be closer to family, remember that there was a reason for the move and all of the anxiety will be worth it in the end. 

Domestic Violence is an epidemic affecting individuals in every community regardless of age, economic status, race or sexual orientation. Intimate partner violence can happen in multiple ways: Verbal, Emotional(Psychological), Financial, Sexual and Physical. There will be a woman from every community that will fall victim to it. Men and woman can both be victims in this type of situation. A person usually does not recognize that they are in an abusive relationship right away. It is important to recognize the signs and also the long term effects it can cause. If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, know that any form of abuse is NOT your fault. 

What do you do in a moment of frustration? Do you react hastily and loose patience? Sometimes in our moments of frustration we loose patience, lack better judgment or are quick to respond. In the moments that are out of your control, take a minute and just breath, it could bring you clarity of thought for the next decision, move or action that could change things just by the way you respond.

Do you know an abuser when you see one? Unfortunately, many abusers are hiding in plain sight, disguised as some of the most charismatic people you'll ever meet. Statistics show that 85% of reported domestic violences cases are men abusing women and 5% of women abusing men. This does not take into account abuse within same-sex relationships which also occurs. No-one ever plans to venture out into the dating world to choose an abusive partner. For some that abusive experience will be physical but for others it will be non-physical such as emotional, verbal or financial. Learn the signs. 

Trauma comes in many different forms: Emotional, Physical or Psychological; stemming from emotional & physical abuse, a traumatic event (sexual assault, domestic abuse or tragic loss). Here are three types of trauma: Acute-resulting from a single traumatic event, Chronic-trauma resulting from repeated and prolong exposure to highly stressing events and Complex- results from exposure to multiple traumatic events. Trauma is a subjective experience. For some, one event may be easy and others that same event can be very traumatic. The stigma surrounding trauma and mental health could cause low esteem, change in quality of life and effect possible treatment outcomes. Trauma can be life changing but don't allow what people say or do shape who you are or become. Please note that views and opinions expressed are for informational purposes.