Rock Solid Families

Lots of exciting things going on with Rock Solid Families and the mission!  In this show we introduce the newest employee of Rock Solid Families, Jenna Helton.  Once we decided to have a banquet in 2024, we recognized the need for more help.  Jenna to the rescue!

We first brought Jenna on just as a subcontractor to help with the organizing and set up of the banquet. It didn't take long for us to recognize what Jenna brought to the table.  She is an initiator, creative, hardworking, and loves the idea of serving the mission at Rock Solid Families.  Before we knew it, we realized we wanted Jenna for more than a subcontracted project.  We wanted her on our payroll!

During this show we introduce Jenna to our audience as she describes the move from corporate to non-profit and what that means to her family.  

Ever felt the pull to swap the relentless pace of corporate life for something more meaningful? Jenna Hilton did just that, and she's here to share her compelling narrative with Rock Solid Families. Transitioning from orchestrating events and navigating aviation's heights, Jenna found her calling within our non-profit's embrace, where community service and purposeful work intersect. Together, we celebrate the recent triumph of our banquet, a testament to the solid foundation our supporters provide, and the very people who are the bedrock of our mission.

Weaving faith, family, and community into a cohesive force has transformed Rock Solid Families into what it is today—a vibrant beacon of hope and support. The synergy within our community is palpable; every story from our banquet serves as inspiration, urging us to "rise up" and take action. With faith-based coaching at our core, we discuss the crucial role of personal responsibility in societal change and the paramount importance of divine guidance as we join hands with various organizations to enhance unity and create lasting impact.

Rounding off this heartwarming episode, we extend our deepest gratitude to everyone who's been part of our journey. Their support fuels our administrative engines and amplifies our message, reaching hearts across the community. As Jenna steps into the whirlwind of her first event with us, her impact is already undeniable. We're reminded that, through resources and support, we all hold the power to strengthen communities—one family at a time. So join us, be moved, and perhaps find your own path to making a difference with Rock Solid Families.

https://rocksolidfamilies.org

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So why this topic of Shame Free parenting?
As parents, our job is to help our children meet their physical, cognitive AND emotional needs. Physical abuse or neglect is a lot easier to spot and call out. Even cognitive is easier. If the child isn’t getting to school or learning how to walk, talk, or read or socialize….it shows pretty early.
But emotional needs are just as important. They give our kids stability, self confidence, and the ability to have empathy and compassion for others.

So we want to give you some concrete ways you can parent and discipline your child without shame:

#1 Unconditional Love-Your child needs to know starting EARLY on that your love is constant and is NOT withheld if you angry with them or they have disappointed you.

#2-Keep the AWE in your home- We’ve used this acronym before and I borrowed it from another therapist but AWE stands for affection, warmth, and encouragement. Our kids can only grow with AWE in the home.

#3-As parents, you’ve got to be reliable, consistent, and  trustworthy. Those things in a parent builds security in a child. They know they can count on you. Your word means something.  You are predictable.

#4-We need to model acceptance and respect even when we disagree with their ideas or decisions-These two things have to start with us and they can’t be dependent on them giving it back to us. There will be times they don’t like us very much or like our rules. But that doesn't give us the right to stoop to their level and demean them or belittle them.
This one has been a huge issue for children struggling with gender confusion. We try and shame the child into complying with OUR values or ideals and instead push them further and further away from them. This is why many children and young adults don’t want anything to do with religion or GOD, Jesus, or church because we as his followers have done an awful job in representing Christ to them.
We’ve got to accept their feelings and their decision and respect their right to disagree or say NO.  However, You are still the parent and they also must learn to respect you.  So you don't demean their ways, but you also don't have to agree or permit them under your roof.
EX. Kids wanting another dog. Or a phone at age 10

#5-Healthy Boundaries- Boundaries are those invisible barriers we establish early to protect ourselves and our relationships. The word NO is showing a child a boundary.

#6-Give them a ton of opportunities to succeed and praise them often. Maybe they went outside their comfort zone and read outloud. Praise that. Maybe they tried out for a team but didn’t make it. Praise their effort. Again, do more praising of the effort and attitude instead of the actual accomplishment. We don’t want to raise people pleasers who feel like the only way to get your time and attention is when they accomplish something. Going back to our very first one. Show them lots of unconditional love…just because.

#7-Apologize when you fall short. You’re not going to always get this right. You’re going to have bad days. You’re going to blow it and say something you regret saying. We fall short on a regular basis and when we do…we make sure to apologize to our kids. That shows them grace. That shows them that no one is perfect.



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As with all our shows, we’re approaching this topic of dating later in life from a Christian perspective.

• We believe it’s the healthiest way to approach dating.
• Looking at every date through the lens of a good, good father who is crazy about you and has amazing plans for your life is very different than how the world views dating.
• Proverbs 4:23 reminds us to guard our heart above all things because everything you do flows from it.
• We say all this knowing already we are swimming up stream in a hookup culture where for many it is just a game. 
• There are so many men and women who have lived with multiple people either living together or through marriage and have the attitude of “ What do I have to loose???” That may not be your approach, but that may just be the attitude of the next person you decide to date…
• So…here are some things to think about and pray over before you say YES to your next date. 

Before you go on your next date:

• Find your identity and purpose in God first. Focus on building your relationship with Him and understanding His plan for your life. Waaay too many men and women are looking for something in a date that ONLY God was designed to give them. Things like identity, worth, value…don’t seek that from a date. You will continue to come up empty. There is a God shaped hole in our hearts that only he can fill. 
• Become the best version of yourself regardless if you’re dating or not. That’s actually a very attractive quality to a potential date. So many young adults and middle aged folks have experienced a difficult relationship and have lost motivation to even take care of themselves. They have let themself go. Take the time to develop healthy habits NOW and work on personal growth physically, emotionally, relationally, spiritually. Identify your passions and goals and write them down so that you know what to share when you begin to date. 
• Look for a potential partner at the places you enjoy being at. If you’re a fitness buff, keep your eyes open at the gym. If you're a concert lover, take some friends with you to a concert and look for other single groups there. Maybe your workplace is big enough that there are single coworkers that get together and hang out after work.  
• Know what you're looking for: Write down the important qualities and values you want in a potential partner BEFORE you begin to date someone.. Star the ones that are not negotiable. This could be shared beliefs, morals/values, character traits, life goals, etc. 
• Dating apps-According to Pew Research 30% of adults have used a dating app at least once. 75-80% of those adults are men. 

Things to keep in mind:

• If you play around fire, you’re bound to get burnt: Keep in mind the places you’re hanging out have alot to do with the dates you attract.
• What you WEAR and how you ACT around others also attracts certain kinds of dates. 
  • Provocative clothing? You’re advertising for a hook up
  • Drinking to get drunk? You’re not in a healthy place emotionally. If that’s your date on a regular basis…run! They are numbing some kind of pain or past trauma. You also put yourself in a vulnerable maybe even dangerous position. 
  • Risky behavior you are not comfortable with? Illegal behavior or illicit drugs?
• Andy Stanley did a sermon series years ago called Love, Dates, and Heartbreaks. He said “Become the person you are looking for is looking for”
• Don't rush the process: Take your time getting to know someone before making serious commitments. Don’t compromise your morals and values just to keep your date happy.

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Today’s topic is one we have visited before.  But today, we would like to address the topic from a different angle. 

As parents we would never want to intentionally hurt our kids.  We desire the best for them and all of the best opportunities to do well in life. 

But, over the years we have lost sight of what “the best” really means for our kids. In many cases we have recognized what we have earned or achieved as adults and want to hand that right over to our kids.  This might sound like a nice thing to do as a parent, but it has hurt our kids with the unintended consequences that the world has no problem providing.
 
Life has always been hard, but in these supposed times of life being better and more accommodating to our needs than ever before, we see people hurting; Depression, Anxiety, Suicide, Divorce, Purposelessness, Drug and alcohol use, and the list goes on. 
Why in such great times are we having such difficult times?
In a nutshell, people’s expectations are not being met.  In other words, they are not getting what they want. 

Even as adults, we have become spoiled brats!
Philippians 2:3-4  "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, each of you considering the needs of others."

7 Ways to not Handicap our Kids
Name Your Target, Plan a strategy to hit your target- What do you want for your kids as adults.  (yes, you have heard that said before!!!!!!!) 
Don’t Handicap Your Children. Let your mindset be; “don’t do things for them they are capable of doing themselves”. (I’m not talking about the occasion to be kind and doing them a favor.)
No Blood, No Foul - Don’t rescue them from every bump and bruise.  Failures, falls, and misfortunes are all part of the learning process.  In fact, they are more important than the successes.  The sting of the failure will impact their life decisions far more than the joy of the win.
I Did Not Come to be Served, but to Serve. Service to others is the center of everything we do.  The opposite, service to self, is termed Narcissism.  Never lose an opportunity to have your child serve someone else.  This starts at the age of about 3.
What’s Praised is Repeated. Watch what you praise.  If you want more of a certain behavior, be liberal with your praise for that behavior.  If you want less, let them no what it is that you do want so they know what you are looking for, then praise it when they reach it.
“NO” is not a Curse Word. Real life has no problem telling us “No”.  Avoiding the negative has become a failed social experiment.  Discipline is the art of knowing how to implement the “NO” in our lives.  The faster our children learn to recognize that “no” does not mean anything against their character, the faster they will not take criticisms and setbacks personally.
Teach them who the Real Boss is.  Teach them that all authority comes from God himself.  The way we parent was not our design, but God’s.  We are simply servants of God when we raise our children to His way and His word!  Good leaders must be Great followers of Christ. 

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Embark with Linda and me on an intimate exploration of the complex tapestry of love, from its passionate beginnings to the profound connections we cherish in friendships and family. We're unwrapping the mystery of love's many forms, starting with a look at 'Eros' - the romantic, fiery love that often gets our hearts racing. But we won't stop there; we're threading through the realms of 'Phileo' and 'Storge', illuminating the bonds that fortify friendships and family ties. Together, we'll navigate the emotional landscapes that profoundly influence our daily lives and relationships, shedding light on the true essence of love.

Discover the secrets to expressing love in ways that resonate deeply, as we discuss the five love languages that help us connect with others. From the joy of a thoughtfully picked gift to the undivided attention of quality time, we reveal the nuances of each love language through personal stories and reflections. Physical touch, too, is celebrated for its power to bond us beyond words. Our dialogue encompasses the evolution of love languages within our own lives, encouraging you to consider how your past informs your expressions of love and how you can adapt to grow closer to the ones you love.

Celebrating Gotcha Day, an occasion dear to our hearts, we share the warmth of expanding our family through adoption and the lessons it taught us about the deeper meanings of love. We don't just stop at storytelling; we provide you with seven actionable tips for nurturing a strong and loving marriage. From the power of the vows  to the necessity of open communication, these pillars stand as a guide for couples at any stage, aiming to fortify the foundations of a thriving marriage. Tune in for a practical and heartfelt  discussion on how to cultivate love in its most sincere and impactful form.

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In a perfect world I think we could agree that keeping marriages healthy and two parents in the house raising the children is the optimal situation.  But, we live in a less than optimal world.  As this relates to the home we often have marriages coming apart and children being raised by parents or step parents that often desire little to do with each other.  The result can be a devastating environment to raise a child.  

In our work at Rock Solid Families we see divorced or separated parents attempting to raise their children on a frequent basis.  We also get a front row seat to the challenges that come between the parents and often resulting in hurt and suffering for everyone involved, mom, dad, child, step parents, etc… 

In today’s show we are going to tackle this subject head-on.  We are going to give you 5 must-dos if you are going to find success in raising your child that you share. 

Advice - 
7 “Must Do’s” to Raise Healthy Kids Through Co-Parenting
1.   Put boundaries on personal attitudes towards each other, especially if they are interfering with the raising of the children. Past hurts can make it very difficult to put aside the hurt and strive towards coming together for the sake of raising a healthy and well adjusted child. 

2. Develop a common parenting plan… that consist of -
Common Values
Common Expectations
Common Consequences
Common Rewards

3.  How do you do that? It’s ok to Start with your dreams and wishes for your child but then you have to Ask the question: What’s best for the family?  Be aware of the Child manipulating parents or parents using the child to manipulate the other parent. (This is dangerous on many levels and especially for the future of the child.)

4. Strive for Equal but Flexible Time - Time needs to be equally split between both parents.  Many divorces place the children with one parent a majority of the time while the other receives visits and weekend sleepovers.  This may be convenient, but research has proven it to be detrimental to your children and even the parents. Do whatever you can do to Work toward healthy even if one or more of the parents are not. https://www.statnews.com/2017/05/26/divorce-shared-parenting-children-health/

5. Never talk bad about each other  - Communicate necessary messages, not emotions - If you have to use restricted communication such as texts or emails and there is a concern about things taken out of context, consider using a common app such as Our Family Wizard.  Transparency in communication is key.

6. Stability and Predictability create Security.  Routines, expectations, and discipline are among the greatest things parents can use to create a stable and secure environment. 

7. Get Help!  Mediation, Coaching or Counseling can be the best investment you will ever make in this situation.  Rock Solid Families is able to help! 
Be mindful of the fruit that your parenting is going to produce. Being in conflict with your ex and then putting the children in the middle is only going to damage and destroy the fruit of the family.  

Galatians 6:7-10 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

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Should I seek counseling or therapy for my child?  
Here are some things to consider

Advice - 
Before jumping into therapy, have you considered that you, as the parent, are likely to have the greatest influence and support in helping your child through many situations.  

Oftentimes we suggest that we spend our counseling sessions with the parents to help give them the tools necessary to tend to their child.  
The counselor is typically only going to see your child a couple times a month for about an hour.  That’s not much time to make the changes or address the issues.  

However, if the parent has the proper tools and approaches, they are with their child so much more than the therapist and can make significantly greater gains in a given period. 

Seek wise counsel. Teachers, counselors, trusted friends and family. What do they see? Is it out of line for their age? 
With that being said, sometimes there are situations that are completely beyond the scope of the average parent.  In these times, here are some things to consider when looking into therapy for your child. 

Your child's needs: What are the specific concerns you have about your child's emotional or behavioral well-being? Are they struggling with anxiety, sadness, anger, social interactions, or academic performance? Identifying their needs will help you find the right type of therapy.

Open communication: Talk to your child about your concerns and the idea of counseling. Be open and honest, and assure them that it's a safe space to talk about their feelings and get help. Listen to their questions and fears, and address them honestly and patiently.

Things to look for: Pervasive sadness, anger, fears. That are debilitating them. They don’t want to go to school. Abusive or harmful behaviors to themselves or others. Lashing out, hitting, illegal or promiscuous behavior. Sneaking out, underage drinking, illicit drugs, suicide. 988

Finding the right therapist: Look for a therapist with experience working with children, especially those facing similar issues to your child. Consider your child's age, personality, and preferences when choosing a therapist. At Rock Solid Families, we typically want to meet with the parents first to learn more about the child and situation and determine if we are a good fit. 

Commitment and patience: It’s easy to think that a few sessions will “fix” the child and everyone will be good.  Be prepared, depending on the reason why you were seeking help to begin with, to stay committed with the work of therapy.  Beyond the actually presenting problem, it will take time for a therapeutic relationship to build between the counselor and child.  Trust, communication, and program building will take time. 

Family involvement: In these days family can take on a lot of different looks.  Having the people involved that are in the parenting process can be critical.  This may mean inviting ex-spouses, grandparents, or others that are regularly involved in the the parenting progress. 

Seeking professional help can be an opportunity for growth and healing for the child and family. It also shows your commitment to your child's well-being and that you are not minimizing the importance of their well-being.  

National Suicide Hotline - 988
website:  https://rocksolidfamilies.org

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Making difficult decisions can be stressful and even paralyzing.  "Should I take the job or not?  "Where should I live?" " How should I spend my money?" "What should I study in school?" "Who should I marry?" As you can see the list can seem to go on and on.  The "right" answer seems to be hidden and rarely appears to give us that definitive statement that we are searching for. 

Seeking God's Will can be challenging, but in this episode, Linda and Merrill discuss six things we can do to help us discern God's Will when we are confronted with decisions to be made. 

Matthew 7:7-8
7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

1. Seek God through Prayer: Prayer is the foundation for any attempt to discern God's will. Humbly approach Him in prayer, acknowledging your limitations and seeking His wisdom. Ask for guidance, clarity, and peace in your decision (Proverbs 3:5-6).

2. Align your desires with Scripture: God's word reveals His character and desires for us. Immerse yourself in the Bible, seeking verses that speak to your situation. Align your desires with what God reveals about Himself and His plan for humanity (Psalm 119:105).

3. Seek wise counsel: Surround yourself with trusted believers who know you well and understand biblical principles. Seek their advice and prayerful support, considering their insights through the lens of Scripture (Proverbs 15:22).

4. Listen for the inner leading of the Holy Spirit: The Holy Spirit indwells believers and guides us in God's ways. Be attentive to nudges, convictions, and a sense of peace about one path over another. Remember, the Holy Spirit will never lead you to contradict Scripture. Romans 8:14  For those that are led by the spirit of God are the children of God.

5. Consider the fruits of each option: Evaluate the potential consequences of each choice. Ask yourself which path aligns with God's character of love, justice, and peace. Choose the path that leads towards spiritual growth and the well-being of yourself and others (Galatians 5:22-23).

6. Trust God for the outcome. Could you follow 1 through 5 and still make a mistake? YES. That’s because We’re not God we’re HUMAN, but God already knew you would and that may very well be part of his plan…his good and perfect plan. 

Discerning God's will is a process, not a one-time event. Do not put God on your timeline. Timing is among the most challenging components of seeking God’s Will.  Our vision for the future is limited.  Be patient and trust that He will lead you in the right direction. Ultimately, God desires our obedience to His ways, not our ways. 
  
And remember….Discerning His Will doesn’t mean you're always going to get it right, but it’s important if we want to discern God’s will that we look to His word and his people…it’s a dead end street if we look to the world to steer us. Paul warns us of that in Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
We hope these insights are helpful as you navigate your decisions. If you are struggling with discerning God’s way we encourage you to seek Godly counsel.  If Rock Solid Families can help, please reach out at 812-576-7625 (rock) 

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Now that the new year is started, have you taken any time to recalibrate your goals? Did you even have any goals?  Often we stop setting goals because we seem to fail at reaching them more than we would like to admit.  This leads us to stop the goal setting process and just let life happen.  

How about this year you take a different approach.  How about setting S.M.A.R.T. goals?  In this show Linda and Merrill specifically guide you through the process of making goals more realistic and achievable. 

S - Specific
M - Measurable
A - Achievable
R - Relevant
T - Time-bound

The road to success is paved with good intentions, but the road doesn't mean anything unless you actually begin traveling it.  In 2024 let's make it a priority to live and use our gifts in a way that would be pleasing to God.  He is the giver of your gifts.  It's time to show Him some gratitude and respect by reaching our fullest potential. 

website: https://rocksolidfamilies.org

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Here we are, starting a New Year!  It's hard to believe but great to know that we can take some time to re-prioritize and get back on track in areas that we may have strayed.  

In particular, how have you been doing with your relationships?  Do you have your priorities straight with them?  Where do you place your kids relative to your spouse?  How about God?  Where does he rank in the priority list?  

Having your priorities right is more than a matter of words, it is a matter of actions.  Do your actions reflect what relationships are most important? We can usually get a pretty good idea of what our priorities are simply by looking at how we spend our time and money.  If you say God is a priority but you are only in conversation with him once a week at church, then it might be time to reconsider how important God is to you.  

We all get busy and distracted by the things that are right in front of us and demanding our immediate attention.  In 2024 consider placing the proper boundaries on the things that keep you away from what you say are you priority in terms of relationship.  You will soon see that you are living a much more fulfilling and God-pleasing life. 

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#Rocksolidfamilies,#familytherapy,#marriagecounseling,#parenting,#faithbasedcounseling,#counseling,#Strongdads,#coaching,#lifecoach,#lifecoaching,#marriagecoaching,#marriageandfamily,#control,#security,#respect,#affection,#love,#purpose,#faith,#priorities,#happynewyear,#2024,#newyearsresolutions

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#Rocksolidfamilies, #familytherapy,  #marriagecounseling,  #parenting,  #faithbasedcounseling, #counseling, #Strongdads, #coaching, #lifecoach, #lifecoaching, #marriagecoaching, #marriageandfamily, #control, #security, #respect, #affection, #love, #purpose, #faith, #affairs, #infidelity