Rock Solid Families

If you go to the car shop your mechanic is going to diagnose your car with visual observation, measurement, and even computer diagnostic equipment.  When he is finished, he's going to have a pretty good idea of what's wrong with the car.  When you go to the doctor because your're not feeling well, they are going to begin the diagnostic process with blood work, scans, and monitoring equipment to get the best feedback possible to make their diagnosis.  Perfect? No, but much more reliable than what you're going to see in the mental health field.  

This is not to blame mental health professionals. Most are doing the best they can with what tools they have.  Mental health simply lacks pure testing processes and equipment to deliver reliable diagnosis.  

With that being stated, we have seen an explosion of people seeking mental health therapy in the last 20 years.  Children, men, women, couples, you name it, they're trying it.  But more recently the results have been scrutinized.  Is the therapy truly being effective?  The answer is not clear cut.  In fact, way too often there is little to no benefit, and even more harm than good.  For this reason people should take a closer look at therapy and know what to look for and what their part of the process is in order for a greater chance of success.

In this show, Merrill and Linda unpack the difference between Counseling and Coaching.  They discuss the importance of getting the right therapist for the right job.  The discuss the hard work that is required of the client in order to move towards healing.  They also talk about the most powerful healer in the room, God.  They remind us that God wants better for us, but we have to want to include him on the process.  This is where our humility or coachability come in.  ARE YOU COACHABLE?

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Here we go!  The new school year is ready to get underway whether our kids like it or not.  The start of the school year can provoke a host of different reactions from different students; anxiety, excitement, dread, anticipation, uncertainty, etc.... So, as a parent, how can you help your student start the year in the best way possible? 

As we look ahead to the 2024-25 school year, here are a few tips to start the new year off right: 

Get into a consistent routine as a family. Kids desperately need and thrive in consistent routines. Whether it be nightly family meals, consistent bedtime, packing lunches and backpacks before bed…whatever the routines are. Start them now and keep them consistent to help your child manage the daily stresses of life and thrive in this new school year. Anxiety in children often comes from inconsistency, chaos, and confusion. 

Prioritize your marriage and family over activities. It’s so easy to get swept up into the wave of busyness and distractions in our world today. Our culture has parents convinced that a full schedule=good parenting. 
Don’t get consumed by all the extras. 

Partner with your child’s teacher, administrators, coaches from the beginning. Trust me, no one’s getting filthy rich in this profession. They would love to partner with you from the start to help your child succeed. Email their teacher. Introduce yourself to their coach. Volunteer to help at the school. This spirit of synergy will help everyone win. 

Set the tone for a good year. Your child is watching and listening to you. Set a positive tone for the new school year and encourage your child to do the same. Your children take their cues from YOUR words, actions, and attitude. If they hear you complaining or undermining their teacher, they too will doubt and badmouth them. If you have questions or concerns, talk to their teacher, coach, or administrator privately and address them directly. Don’t air your dirty laundry out on social media. 

These are just a few of the things we focus on every year when our children start school and things we’ve found helpful with families we work with. Remember, our kids are watching us and need our help to start the new school year off right. 

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The story of Possum Trot is what inspired our question this week. In the movie, Sound of Hope, the little town of Possum Trot in east Texas was absolutely moved by the Holy Spirit.  Donna Martin, wife of preacher, WC Martin, became moved by the number of children in need of a home.  She began to look into the idea of fostering and adoption.  Her husband was initially not moved at all. In fact, he resisted the whole idea.  

As only the Holy Spirit can work, it didn't take long for WC to join in with the same passion as Donna. Before you know it they had their entire congregation joining in on the mission.  The town of Possum Trot had 22 families that adopted 77 children.  At one point in time, there were literally no more children that needed a home in the county. WOW!

While the story is amazing the movie also does an excellent job of illuminating the whole experience of adoption.  Yes, it starts with a heartwarming idea, but the reality is that adoption can come with its share of challenges.  The movie depicts this very well.  

The question presented this week ask: What is Adoption and Fostering Really Like? 
Many of you may know that we went through the foster to adopt process for our three youngest children.  In this show we share our story and many of the different experiences we have had.  While our experience is not the same as everyone else's, we believe there are many commonalities.  

If you are interested in fostering or adoption, check out this show.  If you are thinking about the next step, contact your local Child Services department, or a local adoption agency in your area.  Enroll in a class about the process and learn as much as you can.  At the end of the day, we are all called to serve the  innocent and meet their needs.  Adoption may be the way for you to help meet this need. 

Feel free to contact us to ask more questions. 1-812-576-7625

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I don't know about you, but sharing my faith has never been easy.  I grew up with my faith being assumed, but seldom discussed in any depth with others.  I especially didn't feel comfortable trying to persuade someone to come to faith.  You know the saying, "never discuss politics or religion."  But, is this right?  

The Great Commission commands us to go out and make disciples.  It speaks of the importance of sharing the Good News and introducing others to the gift.  The question then becomes, "how do I do this?" 

In this show we take on a question that was presented to us. How do you share the good news with a friend? 
We take on the various aspects that should be considered when discussing faith with a friend, especially a non-believer.  Getting background information.  Knowing a little about their past experience with faith or religion.  Knowing about their upbringing and what if any exposure they ever had to Christ.  These are all important things that need to be considered when approaching this topic.  

Above all, developing a relationship based on trust is essential to truly being heard by your friend.  Being bold with the Word, but cold with the approach may quickly lead to a dead end.  Be patient and allow the relationship to grow.  Be authentic in the relationship rather than seeing it as a way to "win another person to Christ."  Yes, we want to win another person to Christ, but we first have to develop the relationship in order for the person to actually hear our words.  

Some people are gifted with the ability to evangelize.  They speak boldly and others seem to listen.  However, even if we don't seem to carry the gift, we can still carry the words and actions of Christ.  Let our actions speak and demonstrate the Good News in our lives.  Letting others see the good news is just as important as them hearing the good news. 

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Linda was running a reconnaissance mission as she was at the local swimming pool.  Her mission; to find the next question for Rock Solid Families Podcast.  Well, not really, but she couldn't  resist the opportunity when it presented itself.  

While at the pool she overheard a group of young teenage girls discussing whether or not their parents could look at their phones. As they were going back and forth between each other it was pretty clear that none of them felt like their parents had the right to get into their phone.  Needless to say, Linda's ears couldn't resist tuning in just to get a glimpse into their perspective.  

During this show we tackle the question about whether or not a parent has the right to look into their child's phone.  The phone contains so much of our lives these days that many of us can understand how personal this tool is.  However, our kids may not realize that their phone is not quite as private as they would like it to be.  We discuss several questions and scenarios of parents accessing their child's phone.  Parents not only have the right, but now have the responsibility to access the phones.  This is all in an effort to protect and teach our kids about the safety hazards and potential risk that the phone creates. 

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https://waituntil8th.org

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We often get questions about various situations and circumstances in people's' lives. It's also true that we often hear the same kinds of questions. Maybe the details change, but the main idea remains constant.  

In this series we are going to tackle a series of questions that have found their way to us.  Again, some of the details may be a little different from one person to another, but there is. a good chance that the main idea will carry over to many of you. 

In this first show the question covered is essentially, how much should you as an adult get involved in your parents marriage?  With the idea that their parents are not getting along or have the quality of marriage they once had.  As their child, what's your role?

If the roles were reversed it will still be very much the same kind of problem.  As parents, how much should you involve yourself in the relationships of your adult children?  

In a nutshell, we much always realize that we are unable to "fix" people.  People have to "fix" themselves.  With that in mind you begin to find your proper place in how you can deal with these situations.  At Rock Solid Families we like to think that we can open doors for people, but they must be willing to walk in on their own.  The same hold's true in helping your parents with their marriage. 

Encouragement, prayer, and being their is your first and foremost important role.  Counseling or even advice giving is most likely not something you should entertain. Your emotional connection as the child to your parents makes it very difficult to say the things that may need to be said without causing more damage. Yes, you can encourage your parents to get counseling, and you even should.  But do yourself a favor and leave that job to someone that is not emotionally connected. 

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Being prepared is the name of the game for first responders.  They must be prepared to walk into the most difficult of situations and do the right thing.  We would do well to treat our life journey in a similar fashion.  No matter the day, we must be prepared to walk through difficult times and do the right thing.  But, the question is, "What's the right thing?"

In the parable of the 10 Virgins we learn that the right thing is being prepared to meet God on the day of judgement. Are we ready to meet the Bridegroom? 
Our actions of doing good deeds and having faith in Jesus Christ are something that we should practice on a regular basis, not just when we think we are being watched. Or worse yet, minutes before we see the return of Jesus.  

Doing the right thing is more about creating a lifestyle that reflects the Way of Christ.  We know that Jesus will come to judge us by our fruit.  He will look at our relationships, time spent, money spent, talents used, etc... and see if we honored him with all that we had. 

Some of us will procrastinate or even claim ignorance.  Then, at the last moment we may find ourselves grasping for someone to give us a hand to pull us up. Jesus sees this as manipulation of the what he has desired for us.  Frankly, he sees it as cheating.  Too little too late. Other people do not have the responsibility to rescuing a person that chose to swim in a bad current.  We have choices to make and then we have consequences to face.  

In this parable, Jesus is simply asking, "Are you ready?"

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We often talk about the importance of having a strong father figure in the house.  But, we don't always talk about what the characteristics of the strong father are. In the parable of the Prodigal Son, we get an incredible picture of what it looks like to be a Strong Dad!  Here are six ways that the Father responds to us so that we can respond the same to our children. 

Unconditional Love: The father's love transcends the son's rebellion. He doesn't withhold affection as punishment.For Dads Today: Show your love consistently, through actions and words. Let your children know they are loved,regardless of their choices.  You don’t have to love their choices, but work hard to love them through their choices. When you see a bad choice make sure to separate them from the choice in your judgement.  “Your choice is ridiculous.” Verses - “you are ridiculous”

Allowed Freewill - The father did not try to stop, redirect, or even threaten his son to change his mind.  He allowed the son to make his own decision. (obviously, we are not recommending this for a young child.  But as our children turn into young adults, we must strongly consider releasing them to their ways. 

Patient Trust vs Aggressive Chase: The father waits patiently rather than running after his son. He trusts that there is going to be good that comes from all of this. He may have felt impatient and wanted God to deliver his son back to him faster, but this is not mentioned in the parable.  For Dads Today: Practice patience. Growth takes time. Trust your children's ability to learn and make amends.

Unending Desire for Restoration: The father never “writes him off”.  He's constantly aware,watching for his return.  For Dads Today: Be observant. Pay attention to your children's subtle cues, their joys and struggles. Be present in their lives.

Unconditional Forgiveness: The father doesn't look at his son and say, “you need to apologize to me before I can forgive you.”   He embraces his son the moment he sees him, demonstrating immense compassion.  For Dads Today: Focus on reconciliation, not punishment. Let forgiveness be a bridge to rebuild the relationship.

Celebrate God’s Work: The father throws a feast, not out of obligation, but out of joy for his son's return. He gives freely, restoring his son's dignity.  For Dads Today: Be generous with your love, time, and resources.Celebrate your children's victories, big and small.

As we continue on with the duty and responsibility to raise the next generation.  Consider how you can be more like the father in the story of the Prodigal Son. 

Luke 15:11-32

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Jesus frequently spoke in parables to teach the people of the day.  The parables sometimes seemed to be not so straight forward.  Almost like riddles.  He then makes the point that those who do not have the heart and mind to hear them will not understand them.  His point simply being that you have to be prepared and ready to receive the Word of God.  Sometimes the word is referred to as the "seed". 

This is the Parable of the Sower or sometimes called the Parable of the Four Soils.  Jesus tells about 4 different types of soils in which the farmer may throw his seed.  In each type Jesus teaches about what the outcome will be based on the quality of the soil.  Here's the bottom line, Jesus is encouraging us to make our soil ready to receive the seed and nourish it in order to produce the greatest yield of crop.  In this case, the soil is our mind and heart.  

If you are reading God's word and struggling to make sense of what it means to you, Jesus is asking you to slow down and continue to work your soil.  In other words, work your mind and heart with humility and desire to learn more  about the ways of Christ.  When the Word is described as the "Living Word" it is meaning that the Word of God, the Bible, continues to grow in us as we are ready to receive it.  Things we read yesterday may have had little meaning, but maybe tomorrow the same words hit us like a eureka moment! 

Preparing the soil of your mind and heart is a process from birth to death.  Give yourself grace when something doesn't make sense.  Be a student and ask questions and seek the understanding of the Word of God. 

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Not many would question whether or not having an affair can be very destructive to a marriage.  Some may argue that it can spice up your marriage or make life more interesting, but if we have to be honest, we at Rock Solid Families have never seen that outcome.  Infidelity comes at a cost and often it is the price of divorce and brokenness.  But what if we go so far as to connect with someone else through sharing of conversation, dreams, and even time together, but don't go so far as having sex?

Emotional affairs can be just as damaging as physical ones—could your marriage be at risk? In our latest episode, we dissect the often invisible line between innocent connections and emotional infidelity. By highlighting key warning signs like sharing personal dreams and secrets with someone outside the marriage, we provide you with essential knowledge to protect your relationship. Learn how small shifts in your thoughts, time, emotions, and intimacy can signal the start of an emotional affair, and discover proactive ways to safeguard your marital bond from these subtle, yet destructive, connections.

Understanding the progression of emotional affairs is crucial for any committed relationship. We'll walk you through the stages, from initial frequent thoughts about another person to the emotional shifts that can compromise your marriage. Distractions are everywhere, but knowing how to recognize and address these shifts can make all the difference. We emphasize the importance of staying vigilant and proactive to keep your relationship strong, offering practical insights to help you and your spouse navigate these challenges.

Strengthening your marriage requires daily effort and intentionality. This episode offers actionable strategies like prioritizing your spouse through shared activities and open communication. We discuss setting clear boundaries, such as the Billy Graham rule, to prevent situations that might lead to emotional affairs. Think of your relationship like a garden that needs regular care—by nurturing it intentionally, you can ensure it remains resilient against external pressures. Tune in to learn how to prioritize your spouse and fortify your marriage against potential threats.

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