Rock Solid Families

Summer is upon us and many parents are wondering how and what they are going to be doing with their kids through the Summer days.  Something to consider is the mindset that you allow your kids to be in.  Are they in the mindset of producing something that serves themselves as well as others? Or, are they in the mindset of "it's my break so everyone should serve me?"  

We understand that not many parents are going to cater to their child's every little want, but you may be surprised how much we allow our kids to feel like others have to serve them. How about giving them a gift that will serve them well for the rest of their lives, how about teaching them to produce and serve others.  As opposed to consume and serve self.   

Learning to be a producers over a consumer is important to truly being empowered to direct your life.  Consumes can only react to what is available to them. They wait to see what fits their desires.  Producers make things happen.  They also learn to realize that production is what empowers our kids to get things done.  

Beyond production it's also about teaching our kids how to produce for the good of others.  What are they doing that will benefit or serve others?  Are they learning to cut the neighbors grass or do random jobs for others?  Are they learning that the only way to survive in this world is to contribute to others?   Waiting for the world to contribute to your desires can be a long and frustrating journey.  

All of this discussion is predicated on the words of Christ. Matthew 20:28 - just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Do yourself and your child a favor, teach them to produce more than they consume. It will serve them well. 

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Have you listened to the Harrison Butker commencement speech?  If you are a Christian living  a Christian lifestyle, you will likely find the speech good, but not surprising.  However, if you watched the news media stories you got the idea that Harrison was trying to command all women to forget about careers and stay home to make babies.  That is not at all what his speech was about, but that's not what the media wanted you to believe. 

In our show we discuss Harrison's message and his audience.  We discuss the importance of knowing your faith, whether you're Catholic or Christian, or any other faith for that matter.  Then examine how you are actually living according to your supposed faith.  Harrison challenges all of us to do just that.  

We also discuss how the world is working extremely hard at getting you to believe the humanist faith and why it makes so much sense, but it really proves otherwise. 

Teaching our kids what we believe and why we believe it is essential to growing kids into strong adults that govern themselves by a compass much more effective than their own opinions.  Teaching our kids to ground their values in an unwavering faith will help to carry them through the heat the world will attempt to put them through.  

If you or your kids are feeling like the world is bombarding you with worldly messages, maybe now is the time for you to take a stand like Harrison Butker. 

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Harrison's Speech - https://youtu.be/vB6sDCrH83g?si=eGqFiv2pymjORsh7

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Have you ever been turned off by someone's hardriving fire and brimstone evangelism.  It typically comes with great fervor and intention, but the delivery leaves a lot to be desired. 
We are currently living in a time when church participation is dropping and people are making their "own" gods to fulfill their needs.  When asked about following Jesus or being Christian they make statements like, "I tried it once and it's not for me.  If we dig down a little deeper, we often find that people had a bad experience with "church" people and they turn the other way for answers.  

In The Great Commission Jesus tells us to go and make disciples of all nations...  Yes, we are to bring people to Christ, but why are we finding ourselves driving so many people away?  The answer often comes down to our delivery over our content.  When we greet non-believers and assume they already know the Way of Christ and they should be willing to jump right onto the path, we are ignorant to their readiness to make such a jump.  

When we get onto an interstate highway, we don't just turn into 70 mph traffic.  Rather, we get the benefit of using an "on ramp" that allows us to safely merge into the faster moving traffic in order to get into the flow without getting run over.  

In bringing people to Christ, we often come across as pharisees that are moving at one speed and think everyone else should be moving at the exact same speed.  When they don't, the we often get impatient and begin to act  with contempt in our heart.  "Why can they be more like me?"  

In this show we discuss how to approach people as Christ demonstrated time and time again, with gentleness and respect.  He allowed people to be where they are and encouraged them to move to someplace better.  He helped quench their thirst with the "well of living water".  This is that thirst that all of us have. The desire to quench our understanding of our purpose and how it fits into the universe.  

If we truly want to bring people to Christ we must not get trapped in our pharisaical, self-righteous delivery of the greatest message concerning the greatest man that ever lived.   We must learn to take people where they are and move with gentleness and respect. 

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The endless search for finding a content and complete life can be exhausting. Looking for people and things to make us feel like we finally have it all together is the great quest.  But, is this really the quest you want to take?  

The great philosophers have repeated over and over that we can not find life happiness in people and things.  We must go elsewhere.  That's what this show is about.  Where is the elsewhere?  To put it simply, it is starting by grounding ourselves in the knowledge that we are created by God and for God's purpose.  His purpose is to glorify him.  We are in service and adoration of all that He desires, not what we desire.  

This is the seed of the great fall by Adam and Eve.  The chasing of something greater within us rather than in God.  Satan tells us that if we have  the money, power, prestige, and people in our lives, we will be complete.  Satan is also the author of all lies.  

Take the time to reflect on how you have chased after things that are more about you than God.  How can you use your time and talents to serve him?  When we find this, we begin to recognize a contentment in knowing we are on purpose.  His purpose and not ours. 

If you find yourself struggling to find contentment in your life and need help. Please reach out to Rock Solid Families.  We desire that you do learn to align yourself with God's way and experience a contentment that goes beyond human understanding. 

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Marriage is a creation of God’s and is meant to be a blessing.  

• So, how can we do that better?

Recognize you are on the same team.  Submit to one another for the good of the team, i.e. marriage. Ephesians 5:21-33 - Verse 33: … every husband must love his wife as himself, and every wife must respect her husband.                                                     

One of you is not better than the other.  You are equal players in this endeavor.
No more trying to win for the SELF - now it is win for the MARRIAGE.
Many parts - one body, all are important.  (1 Corinthians 12:12-17)

Focus on your spouse's strengths - you have a choice on what you will focus on with your spouse.  If you choose to focus on their shortcomings and weaknesses, that is all you will see. 

Effective communicatio   Truly listening to your spouse,  understanding their heart, is key to knowing how to best support them.
               Daily Check-ins - “How are you doing?” is more important than “What are you doing?”
               Heart Check - Validate that you hear them by rephrasing what they have said in your words. 
             Do not give advice unless asked for.  Do not “fix” your spouse. 
Ask “How can I help?” “What do you need from me?”

Be Your Best - Instead of focusing on what your partner is or is not doing, focus on what you can do to be your best version for not just the good of you, but also your spouse. We’ve used this verse alot but Matthew 7:1-3. “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ...

            Spiritual Growth - practicing to be more Christlike 
            Physical Growth - taking care of your body.  Are you healthy? Are you fit? Do you like what you see when you look in the mirror? Are you attractive to your spouse?
            Personal Growth - stretch and challenge yourself in your own desires and gifts.  Practicing a hobby, taking a class, accepting a new challenge to better yourself. 

Love Them the Way They Want to be Loved
Learn and Know what makes them feel loved, respected, and valuable              

Make Christ Your Cornerstone - Build on a common and solid foundation   Matthew 7:24-27
Common values for living come from Christ
Pray together - invite God into your marriage.                                                                             Practice forgiveness and grace as Christ does with the Church

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Let’s just start with an example: Your child is quick to tell you about every time they have an ache or pain.  When they are telling you about the ache it is often with such emotion that you wonder how they are even living through it.  Then, five minutes later, you hear laughing and playing outside and you look only to see that same child playing with their friends outside with what seems like a pain-free time. 

“When should I take my child seriously and when should I go tone deaf or even dismissive of their complaints.  

By the way, some modern day counselors will tell you that you should never dismiss your child’s complaints, rather, you should validate their complaints.  The proof is out on this one.  No, sometimes our kids need to know that irrational complaints need to be shut down sooner rather than later. Remember, it’s okay to say “NO” to your kids.  Someday they will thank you. 

• First off, our topic today is not just limited to our kids.  This idea of how to deal with complainers in a respectful way is common in so many places, work, school, church, etc.  
• We want to tackle this topic today as it primarily relates to the home because this is the first training site to helping our kids recognize and deal more appropriately with their compiants. 
• Chronic complainers that we run into in life are people that have typically practiced this act for a long time and somehow seem to believe they were successful with the strategy. 

As we talk about how to deal with the complaints of our children, we want to first lay out a few disclaimers and understandings. 

1. You must handle their complaints appropriately for the Season they are in.  Remember the seasons. 
   1. Service 0 - 2ish yrs
   2. Leadership 3-13 yrs
   3. Mentoring 13-18/21 yrs
   4. Friend and Counsel  21+   Emancipation
2. If you have a child in the first season, SERVICE - 0-2 years of age.  You never dismiss their cries.  
3. In the second season - Leadership, 3-13, this is where the training takes place to help your kids learn the language of how to express what the emotions are behind the complaint.  Early in this season, you can help them by teaching them the actual words of the emotion.  “Are you feeling angry, sad, tired, etc…. DO NOT GET INTO THE HABIT OF BEING THE RESCUE PARENT - THEY ARE NO LONGER IN SEASON 1. 
4. Begin to teach your child how to problem solve by teaching them how to ask better questions. “What can I do about my complaint?”
5. Later in Season 2 about ages 8-13, if you’re child leans towards the chronic complainer side, teach them PERSPECTIVE.    This is where they can begin to look at life through other people’s eyes. It is also an initial learning of EMPATHY for others.  
6. What if your child cries “Wolf” a lot?  This is where we explain to them that we must CHECK AND VERIFY.  

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Are you fit enough to do every day life?  We often hear about building muscle and scuptling the perfect body, but the truth is, many of us don't have the time or interest to build the perfect body, we just want to be active and healthy. 

In today's show Merrill discusses the concept of building Work Capacity.  Work Capacity is our abiltiy to do work.  Nothing fancy.  Work by definition is Force x Distance.  That means you apply a certain amount of force in order to move an object.  Work Capacity is simply, how much or even how long you can carry the workload out. 

Going to the gym to build bigger muscles does not necessarily equate to helping you be more functional in your daily life.  Doing heavy reps and then walking around and resting in between sets does little to enhance our ability to sustain an activity in daily living.  Cutting the grass or running a chainsaw requires us to start the job and continue it until it's finished.  This means we have sustained work over a period of time.

In order to become more functionally fit, it is important to incorporate movements and tasks that closely replicate daily living.  Bending over to pick up a heavy bag of groceries, climbing a flight of stairs, loading and unloading a truckload of mulch, these are the types of patterns and loads we want to incorporate into our workouts. On top of this, we want to place a goal of sustaining the pattern over time.  This constant movement requires the most vital organ of our body to work and strengthen, our heart.

Linda and Merrill specifically use a piece of fitness equipement that Merrill invented called the Kettle Bar.  He invented it because he sees building overall fitness and work capacity as the primary desire of his workouts and the clients he works with.  The truth is, not many people truly walk into the gym desiring to be a bikini model or Mr. Universe.  Most just want to be strong and fit enough to play a pickup game of pickleball or split a load of firewood without getting injured. 

For more information check out:

htttps://kettlebarfitness.com

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Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the thought of incorporating the Bible into your family's daily life? Fear not! Our latest conversation provides a relatable and supportive guide to navigating scripture and its enduring teachings. Merrill and Linda are transparent about their ignorant beginnings in their faith and how they felt overwhelmed by all they didn't know.  However, it was from a thirst for understanding and incredibly loving people that surrounded them that they began to experience the revelation of God's Word. 

Asking what seemed like silly questions or not even knowing where to look in the book that we were supposed to be using as our guide for life, left us feeling stupid.  No parent wants to feel stupid in front of their own kids.  But, this is the start of learning humility and a coachable heart. 

Taking on the responsibility to bringing up our kids in the Word is no small task.  Especially in today's world of self-indulgences and contradictory authorities.  Where do we begin?

In this show Linda and Merrill help to lay out a pathway to help today's parents incorporate the Bible and its teachings into a daily lifestyle.  These are things that do not have to be overwhelming and can help your kids understand where the values of your family come from.  The old phrase, 'because I said so', takes on an entirely different magnitude when it is founded on the principles of the Word. 

The teaching and learning of the Bible is a life long journey.  Give yourself some grace and swallow your pride as you assume the role of Primary Teacher, for educating your kids on God's Word. 

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We live in a culture of excess.  We have more stuff now than ever. More clothes, more food, more comforts, and more parenting. Yes, even more parenting.  In this age when our kids seem to have it all, they also have way more parenting hovering over them. As we have indulged our kids with stuff, we also have found ourselves indulging in way too many aspects of their lives.  
Total lack of parental involvement definitely is not a good thing in today's world.  But, governing the details of their lives is also potentially harmful.  What's going on?  Do we not trust that our kids will ultimately make decisions that lead to their growth even if the decisions may cost them something?   Are we trying to protect them from every little challenge or setback?  

We have to ask ourselves, 'why do we feel the need to be so protective especially when our kids have more opportunity and options than most of us had as teens?  Could the answer be FEAR.  Are we afraid that we might look bad as parents if our kids struggle or even get into trouble?  Are we handicapping them by providing in excess to the point that they have little to strive for?  
There is a reason that we have more young adults continuing to live at home rather than moving out on their own.  There are fewer teens getting their drivers license when they are legally eligible. What's up with this?  

The other side of this problem is the amount of fatigue we are feeling as parents.  We are so busy managing what seems like every little detail of their lives that we are finding ourselves owning their problems and chasing our tails to figure out the problems.  Merrill even coined a phrase called Parenting Fatigue Syndrome, PFS.  Parents find themselves exhausted while the kids find themselves comfortably tucked away in the basement playing video games and entertaining themselves on social media.  

It's time to serve our kids better.  We must equip them to go out into the world.  Resourcefulness, hard work, responsibility, and natural consequences are just the start to building the strength back into our teens and young adults.  Placing firm boundaries on how much you will carry their load is a must.  No reason to feel guilty when you see your kids sweating from the load they are carrying.  Rather, be thankful that you are equipping them for something greater.  

Check out this show and tell us what you think.  What has worked for you and your family? 

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No doubt about it, marriage can be difficult.  Anytime we are putting two people with differing ideas and opinions together for one common cause, we are bound to have conflict. 

Yes, we can and we should develop our communication skills, build our trust, and treat each other with respect. However, these essential relationship attributes could be meaningless if we have unhealthy individuals. If one has significant past trauma, drug or alcohol addiction, or mental illness, to name a few, the marriage will often be sacrificed.

Healthy marriages require healthy people. If it can be identified that one of the people in the relationship is being haunted by an illness or past event, then we must spend the time to heal that person.  We must work to attain the greatest level of health possible within the individual for the good of the marriage. 

This can be hard work. All of us have stuff to work on.  Things that keep us from being our best.  If those things are significant enough to negatively impact the marriage, then they certainly require our attention.

If you are working on your marriage but find yourself at a stand still. Take some time to think about how you are doing as an individual.  Are you bringing in your best version?  If not, get some help.  You owe it to yourself, your partner, and your marriage.

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