Rock Solid Families

Many of us have experienced a child that cries and resists bedtime.  They have all sorts of reasons; they don't want to miss something, they are afraid, or they just want something more to eat.  

These episodes can turn into battles between parents and children.  Way too often we see the child exerting a stronger will than the parent by pushing the parent to the breaking point.  The crying continues until the parent gives in and allows the child to join them on the couch for "just a few minutes" of tv time.  Soon the child is staying up the rest of the evening with the parent.  

Taking this one step farther, which often kids do, the child ends up sleeping with the parents in their bed.  They are not able to sleep for a host of reasons in their bed so the only bed that seems to work for them is their parents bed.  Before you know it we have a little one sleeping between mom and dad.  

This show is not just about bedtime, it is about boundaries. Boundaries that protect the values which are established by the leaders of the home, the parents.  When we allow the child to set the boundaries we soon will see push back in a variety of areas.  Food they will and will not eat, clothes they will and will not wear, chores they will and will not do.  Soon we see an eight year old dictating through their tantrums exactly how the house will operate.  

We minimize their requests because "it's just not worth the battle".  "It's just bedtime, I'm not going to ruin everyone's night by arguing with my kid."  This is a lazy way of parenting that soon permeates into multiple areas will unintended consequences. 

This show will help you recognize your values that you want your home to operate under and then implement them in a calm yet determined manner.  It absolutely does not require a yelling match between parent and child.  Rather, it requires a steadfast leader that knows the exact course to be traveled. 

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Arguing and yelling are fairly common in marriages.  Most would say those are not very effective ways to resolve conflict in the relationship.  And, for the most part, we would agree.  However, one means of illustrating a conflict within a marriage that looks very different from arguing and yelling, is SILENT TREATMENT! Yes, silence can be deadening to a marriage. It can be so dangerous because the ill thoughts and contempt of the heart never gets fully resolved.  The accumulation of resentment builds like a quiet volcano building to erupt.  
The silent treatment is so dangerous because it can be relatively easy to live with.  Kind of like a quiet cancer that never gives too many signs of illness or pain, yet it grows and grows until the cancer overtakes the person.  This is what silent treatment does to marriages.  

In this show, Merrill and Linda expose the truth about using silence during times of conflict.  They clearly explain how dangerous it is and the damage it causes.  They point out how you can spot it and what to do when you have recognized its growth in your relationship.  

With respect, call out the silence.
Give permission to the silent partner to speak without interruption, excuses, or attacks.  People often go silent because they don’t believe they are able to express themselves without the situation getting worse.  If you want someone to speak, you have to invite them to do so. 
Wait until the emotional storm has subsided prior to forcing conversation. A calm mind is a thinking mind.  
The verbal partner must acknowledge any wrongdoing and own any ways that they may have shut the door on communication.  You may not like doing this, but it is what shut the door in the first place.  You hold the keys to opening the door.  
If you are the silent partner you are going to have to work out of your comfort zone.  We encourage you to be motivated by recognizing what is at stake.  Is your marriage worth you getting a little uncomfortable? 
You are responsible for your responses.  As the silent partner, you must recognize that this shut down is not simply due to your spouse shutting you down.  You are the one that must be responsible to keeping yourself engaged.  Expressing that you are not comfortable with the silent action.  Helping your partner recognize what their assertiveness does to shutting you down. 
Intent and trust mean everything. Always work from the understanding of your partner’s intent.  If you can’t trust your partner it will show in your engagement or lack of.  If you can trust your partner, then it is time to move forward as you trust that they too want something better for the marriage. 

Rock Solid Families : https://www.rocksolidfamilies.org
Past Show: Predictors of Divorce: https://www.buzzsprout.com/636718/7495963-rock-solid-radio-predictors-of-divorce-episode-119.mp3?download=true
Link to the Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com

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Another school year and another year of kids having homework meltdowns.  No wonder so many kids do not look forward to going back to school. It may be hard for many people to believe, but the truth is, most kids really don't like school as much as they like being out of school. There is good reason for this.  School can be difficult! 
Adults like to simplify and minimize the difficulty that kids experience during their school years. They like to say things like, "if you think school is tough, wait to you get out in the real world."  Yes, the "real world" can be difficult, but it is only difficult when life presses us to the limits of our abilities.  For that reason, school is just as difficult for kids as the real world is for adults.  Kids are being pushed to their limits on multiple fronts; academically, physically, socially, and emotionally.  
Fifty pounds may seem fairly easy for a 200 pound man lift.  But, lifting 50 pounds by a 50 pound kid is quite the task.  Just as lifting 200 pounds would be quite the task for a 200 pound man.  The point is, school is difficult for many of our children.  As parents, when we recognize their challenges, and stop comparing them to the challenges of others, we can begin to build their strength in better ways.  
Linda and Merrill give helpful approaches to parents to deal with the stresses of the school year. Teaching parents to recognize how they can help their kids to be more successful not just this school year, but for the many to follow.

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Have you ever had reason to doubt your spouse?  What were the red flags?  What did you do about it?  How did they react to your response?  This is the scenario that plays out on a daily basis in many marriages.  When trust is in question the entire relationship becomes unstable. 
Marriage demands two people becoming one.  In order to do this you have to understand that each person is putting their life in the hands of the other person. This takes an incredible amount of trust.  For this reason, we must realize what is at stake when we do things that erode trust.  

In this show, Linda and Merrill take on the trust topic by acting out an all too familiar scene that frequently comes up in their marriage coaching ministry.  The denial, blame-shifting, gas-lighting, and dismal are all classic signs that someone is not being transparent and has something to hide.  
Learning to identify these factors and then exploring what is driving them is essential to working to build trust.  

This show is filled with powerful suggestions and advice to protect and restore your relationship.  But, trust and being trustworthy is a matter of the heart.  The people in the relationship must be of open heart and understand what it means to fully give your heart to another person.  If the heart is being guarded then outward signs and symptoms will be seen. In a marriage you must be able to hand your heart to your spouse without concern as to whether it will be protected.

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Nothing like a good temper tantrum, unless you're the one having to deal with it.  Temper Tantrums are never fun to deal with as a parent.  We think of them and even expect to see them from our two year olds, but what about our teenagers or even older?  
In this show Linda and Merrill talk about what is behind the temper tantrum and why we so often see them in our teenagers and older.  We would like to be able to blame the children as being a product of the times, but more specifically we need to understand that mostly these tantrums are a sign of our parenting. 
Yes, our parenting starting at a very young age is what teaches our kids how to either successfully throw a tantrum, or successfully regain control and begin to work more calmly through the problem solving methods.  
During this show, Linda and Merrill break down an acted out tantrum to see what actually is happening and how we as parents can go about this in a better way.  
Remember, your kids are not bad people, they are just doing what they believe works for their best interest.

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#Rocksolidfamilies, #familytherapy,  #marriagecounseling,  #parenting,  #faithbasedcounseling, #counseling, #Strongdads, #coaching, #lifecoach, #lifecoaching, #marriagecoaching, #marriageandfamily, #control, #security, #respect, #affection, #love, #purpose, #faith, #affairs, #infidelity

Have you ever just felt like you and your spouse argue over the same old things and come up with the same old results?  Most of us have experienced this and it leads us to frustration, hurt, anger, isolation, and yes, even divorce.  
In this episode of Rock Solid Radio, Merrill and Linda introduce a new segment called The Tool Box.  This segment is all about understanding what tools you have at your access and how to use them.  Most of us have far more tools than we realize, but through practicing the wrong way, or simply being selfish or stubborn, we fail to learn to use the tools to build our marriage.  
In this show, we discuss the nagging and bickering that goes on between spouses.  Not ready each other, not communicating effectively, not understanding how and when to be empathetic, these are the things that when you learn to rectify them, you will pull your marriage back to a better place.  

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Sometimes we have bad days, but sometimes we have tragic days.  Days that are so tragic that they leave us in a state of grief.  Deep sadness that leaves us questioning and searching for answers.  Many who experience grief wonder if they will ever smile again.  If their life will ever be "normal" again.  These are real questions with what seems like uncertain answers.  

Debby, one of our Rock Solid clients, has grief piled so deep in her life she began to feel like Job.  "What is going on in my life?"  "I don't think I can take any more!" "Why? Why? Why?"  But, through her questioning and heartbreak she surrendered her battle to Christ.  From the surrender she began to see hope, joy, and even purpose as she moved on in life.  Admittedly, it has not been an instant fix, but it has been a journey of positive healing.  A story of redemption and reconciliation.  These are the gifts that now inspire Debby to live a more passionate life to serve the one and only God, through service to others.  

If you or someone you know is experiencing grief, this show is the start of the healing process. Learning from Debby and practicing a surrender like she never knew before.  Grief is real, but it doesn't have to hold you as a hostage.  It can be a source of growth and inspiration.  Let Christ turn your mess into a message of love.  

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Parenting is already difficult, but when you add a divorce into the mix, everything becomes more difficult. Divorce is ugly for many reasons, one of which is how it impacts the parenting process.  Kids get caught up in the hurt of the breakup, but also the lingering hurt between the  ex-spouses.  When people are hurt, they tend to allow the emotional pain to dictate their behavior, this often looks like revenge.  

What better way to seek revenge on your ex than by using the children to get back at each other.  Simple things like not establishing a common set of rules and expectations for the children no matter who's house they are in leads to manipulation, which leads to more hurt.  The problem is that the people that will suffer the longterm consequences for this are the children.  

Parents that begin to operate out of hurt, guilt, jealousy, or arrogance, will knowingly or not, teach their kids to become master-manipulators.  They will begin to recognize the craziness between the two vastly different systems they are being raised in and they will begin to manipulate the parents in order to work it to their immediate advantage.  Make no mistake about it, the children are not to blame.  The parents have created an environment rich in opportunities to manipulate.  The kids are just looking out for their immediate gratification.

If you are in a situation of divorce and raising children, this show is packed full of great advice to grow your children to be the adults you desire them to be.  Please do not shortcut this process.  The work is hard and confusing when we allow it to be colored with emotions of hurt.  But, when we see the important values and foundation that we want our children to develop with, the work becomes much more defined and clear.  Do not let your hurt lead to you hurting your children. They did not ask for your divorce.  

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What kind of memories has your family made this Summer?  During this show, Linda and Merrill talk about memories that their parents made in their lives and how they have tried to make positive memories in their kids' lives.  They almost lost sight of this until one day their older sons reminded them of the importance of making more great memories. 

Making memories, in fact, good memories, are important in our lives.  Good memories give us hope and energy to live another day.  They create joy and a happiness that make the world a better place.  

If you have gone all Summer long and have not done something fun and memorable with your family, the time is now!  Your kids will thank you and you will inspire them to do the same for their family.  

Stop your excuses and concerns for putting this opportunity off.  Like all opportunities, they have a finite window.  When your kids are grown and gone, it will not be possible to go back in time and create more memories.  Seize the day and don't miss this opportunity to pour into your family! 

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Among the most serious shows we have done!
 As a means to educate and bring attention to the evils of the sex trafficking industry, Rock Solid Radio brought in Scarlet Hudson.  Scarlet is the founder of Women of Alabaster ministry.  This is a ministry that goes out on the front lines of the sex trafficking world and works to show a way out of the darkness to all that are involved. Through love, truth, passion, and Christ, Scarlet shows these victims that there is hope!  

You might think that sex trafficking is only a problem in the big cities.  The reality is that sex-trafficking may very well be occurring in your own neighborhood, maybe even your own house.  Through the use of the internet, women and children are routinely solicited through social media, cell phones, computers, and video games.  Solicitors hide behind the internet curtain only to tease and attract conversations that lead to potential relationships. Telling eager and impressionable people what they want to hear and enticing them to what appears to be exciting or just better than what they have.  Before you know it, the trap is closed and contains an innocent and naive captive.  This is just the beginning of the nightmare. 

Scarlet gives us an inside view of what this industry is about and how we can protect ourselves and family from it.  Her words are of passion and immediacy.  We do not have time to wonder if this is actually a problem. It is and it's costing people their lives and their souls. 

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#Rocksolidfamilies, #familytherapy,  #marriagecounseling,  #parenting,  #faithbasedcounseling, #counseling, #Strongdads, #coaching, #lifecoach, #lifecoaching, #marriagecoaching, #marriageandfamily, #control, #security, #respect, #affection, #love, #purpose, #faith, #affairs, #infidelity