“If he had brought a pig under his arm—it’s Hamlet.”

This week’s hottest movie is... Teen Witch. This film has everything: a bow-tyrant teaching civics, An agent of chaos that thinks he's in a different movie, And a hallway rap squad you wish would just lose themselves, and give you a moment with mom's spaghetti. If you love terrible teachers, gremlin energy, and haunted hallways, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Crimson Peak (2015)

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“I hereby sentence you to theater.”

This week’s hottest movie is... A Walk to Remember (With Guest Chris Demarais! From good Morning from Hell and Tales from the Stinky Dragon). This film has everything: court-ordered community service. a cardigan-based invisibility cloak. The town that is badly in need of Erin Brockovich. If you love gentle bad boys, Christian smugness, and the kind of confidence that you could only get from greasy bangs, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Teen Witch (1989)

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“For kids not allowed to watch Game of Thrones but craving incest-adjacent pop culture.”

This week’s hottest movie is... High School Musical.

This film has everything: a faux-flamenco fever dream, A locker-room intervention , and a Phantom of Albuquerque stalking local MILFs. If you love high school melodrama, motivational locker talks, and people that don't understand object permanence, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: A Walk to Remember (2002)

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“The brown barrel is loaded, Paige.”

This week’s hottest movie is... Mean Girls. This film has everything: a talent-show plea of “don’t look at me” that stuns, a pastry-dynasty slapdown, and a casual confession that is utterly pitch-black. If you love stage-fright spirals, mean-girl pastry wars, and hush-tone bombshells, this episode’s truly for you!

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Up Next: High School Musical (2006)

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"He both did and didn’t have sex with his mom and sister.”

This week’s hottest movie is… Not Another Teen Movie. This film has everything: a jock with an alarmingly “supportive” sister, A TED talk on how to give a proper 'Slow Clap', and an entrance so dramatic the whole school freezes until Amanda Becker moves. If you love parody deep-cuts, chaotic prom energy, and Captain America before the serum, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Mean Girls (2004)

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“Ducky, you’re a great friend. I’ll see you after the first divorce.”

This week’s hottest movie is... Pretty in Pink. This film has everything: Duckie serving glam-goth like he’s the spare heir in a vampire dynasty, more blazers and perms than you’d ever expect to see on literally everyone, and a prom dress so underwhelming you’ll never be able to brush your teeth without thinking about it again. If you love goth flair, adults-in-teen-clothes energy, and delightfully cursed DIY dresses, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Not Another Teen Movie (2001)

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“It's a little bit like if Sulley from Monsters, Inc. was sexy.”

This week’s hottest movie is… Your Monster. This movie has everything: a wellness look that screams “post-punk spa day.” An ex so bad he’s begging to be put in a bear suit. and an open bowl of Covid-flavored beans. If you love monster-meets-messy romance, petty ex-revenge, and chaotic health-hazard snack discourse, this episode’s for you!

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What did you think of our episode on Your Monster (2024)? Tell us on social media @HorrorVirgin or @RomancingThePodShow on Facebook and Instagram, or @HorrorVirginPod / @RomancingPodSho on Twitter.

Up Next: Pretty in Pink (1986)

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“Not since Hook has more intention been placed into someone’s eyebrows.”

This week’s hottest movie is… Beastly. This film has everything: a hexed hall monitor in winged eyeliner, a drug-deal gone wrong turned Shakespearean IOU, and stump speeches for the Green Committee so honest it will break your heart. If you love cursed meet-cutes, campaign-level pettiness, and a script written like a horoscope, this episode’s for you!

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What did you think of our episode on Beastly? Tell us on social media @HorrorVirgin or @RomancingThePodShow on Facebook and Instagram, or @HorrorVirginPod / @RomancingPodSho on Twitter.

Up Next: Your Monster (2024)

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"Maybe mayonnaise can save democracy."

This week’s thirstiest movie is... Beautician and the Beast. This film has everything: a bigger, moodier version of Massimo, but with his own country; the literal nanny turning into a union organizer; and a dictator’s entire political ideology crumbling under the seductive, life-changing power of a mayonnaise-heavy sandwich. If you love fascist makeovers, hostile breakfast seating arrangements, and chickens with full emotional arcs, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Beastly (2011)

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“He only knows doggy style, Paige.”

This week’s hottest movie is... Beauty and the Beast. This film has everything: A cursed himbo with fangs, A toddler named after his visible head trauma. The full BEAST System™: bombardment via dinner theater, aggressive emotional bonding, a shift to “respectable boyfriend mode,” a library bribe, and a farewell gift that’s basically romantic spyware with a live feed. If you love gothic castles, enchanted codependency, and wondering whether a teacup was born a teacup, this episode’s for you.

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Up Next: Beautician and the Beast (1997)

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