Romancipation

S5 Episode 4: Infidelity and Life Stage: Destructive or Self-Discovery

Episode Summary

Just as people evolve over time, so do their relationships.  As a person enters a new life stage, their priorities shift and their needs, wants and expectations change.  Unfortunately, as feelings and circumstances change, dissatisfaction in the relationship creates the opportunity for infidelity to enter into the picture.

When a partnership is built on respect, trust, communication, and acceptance, the two people involved are either able to jointly navigate the challenges and stay together, or they part ways amicably. For relationships that are missing one or several of the foundational elements, infidelity often serves as a catalyst for ending the unhappy union.

Self-discovery is an important aspect of self-awareness.  Instead of engaging in destructive behavior, honor your commitment and your partner by being honest with them about your feelings before rushing off to find Mr. or Ms. Right.  If you choose to leave the relationship, be mindful of the short-term and long-term impact it will have on you and your ex-partner. Everyone deserves to be in a fulfilling relationship.  Just be thoughtful about how you go about it. 

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when a person changes their manner of dress or appearance to please a new partner.

Show Notes

Infidelity has a significant impact on people in their romantic relationships. Cheating in a long-term, monogamous relationship is a bad choice. But sometimes, down the road in a relationship, you simply realize it isn’t working—and you feel trapped. For some people, infidelity is sort of a tool they use to free themselves.

Some people want to have it all—someone to share the division of labor while also having fun on the side. But in other cases, a relationship has stopped being beneficial or has simply fizzled out. These people may cheat and use this new relationship as a catalyst to leave. It’s not an excuse for the behavior, but it’s easier to understand. 

If you are a person who is cheating as an avenue of self-discovery, you still owe it to your partner to tell them the truth. Your feelings are still valid, but you’ve made a commitment to the other person, so you should be honest with them. The only way a relationship can be truly beneficial is if both people are having a positive experience. 

As humans, we have a base need for connection. When that’s missing in a relationship, it can lead to exploration of other options. You may also find yourself looking for another partner if you didn’t take the time to find your right-fit partner at a younger age. Rushing is not the answer. Building a strong relationship with the right person is.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people change their style of dress or appearance to please a new partner. Adjusting the way you dress to appease your partner’s insecurity will lead to resentment—towards them and yourself. Because personal style is such a big part of someone’s personal choices, this could signal something sinister about the relationship.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S5 Episode 3: H.O.P.E. is a Four-Letter Word

Episode Summary

Hope can be a very dangerous thing when it comes to romantic relationships.  Hope keeps a person from taking an active role in directing the evolution of their romantic partnership.  Fostering hope in a relationship is a surefire way to waste time and energy.

If your partner is not living up to your expectations or failing to meet your wants and needs, you must actively communicate with them and advocate for any necessary changes.  To hope that someone will alter their behavior without facing any consequences is naïve and unproductive.  Moreover, if your partner has already made it clear that they are fine with the status quo, then it is time for you to move on.

Do not let someone lead you on, or manipulate you, by making promises without following through.  A Romancipated individual understands that action is what counts.  If your partner truly respected you, they would make every effort to offer the type of commitment or relationship you desire.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how it feels when your partner corrects or chastises you in front of others.

Show Notes

When it comes to relationships, “hope” is a bad word. Anytime you hope something will happen in a relationship, you’re letting someone else control your destiny. You can’t make someone else act in a certain way—and it’s a waste of energy to think this way. Confronting the issues and sharing your feelings is the better solution.

You should be comfortable communicating your wants and needs. However, if your partner has conveyed directly, or even indirectly, that they don’t intend to meet your needs or wants, you have to accept it and move on. 

Hoping takes away your agency because it takes away your ability to take action in your relationship. You can’t control what your partner decides to do, but you can control yourself and what you decide to do. For this reason, Romancipated people don’t hope. They hold on to their power rather than waiting for the other person to deliver.

Your partner can use hope to manipulate you. It can be a double-edged sword. Your partner can tell you what you want to hear simply to keep the hope going—without any real intention to make any sort of change. Don’t waste your time hoping when you can do better.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When my partner corrects me or chastises me in public or in front of other couples or friends. It’s not okay, ever. When someone constantly tries to put their partner down, it’s a big red flag. A partner who respects you does not behave this way. It’s not “helpful” to correct your partner in front of others. If you can’t see how thoughtless this is, you need to do some soul-searching.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S5 Episode 2: Relationship Deadlines are an Illusion

Episode Summary

Romantic relationship can be stressful enough without the added pressure of artificial deadlines.  Timing is not everything when it comes to love.  It is more important to build a healthy relationship with the right person than it is to meet self-imposed relationship goals like marriage and children.

Life is unpredictable.  Stay flexible when it comes to building the life you desire.  Ignore what society, friends or your family tells you is necessary for your happiness.  Only you can decide what is the right fit for you.  This is true for romantic partners, jobs, living arrangements, and the decision to have a family.

Reject the idea that relationships happen on a schedule.  By removing the pressure to conform to other people’s expectations, you free yourself to explore all of the options and opportunities life has to offer.  Focus your time and energy on productive things that benefit your mental, physical, financial and emotional health.  

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how important it is for your partner to understand your moods before they approach you for sex.

Show Notes

Having a life plan is different than having relationship deadlines. You can have general five-year or ten-year plans that shape your future. But this should be seen as more of a guide—not a rulebook of strict deadlines. Life-altering decisions should not hinge on societal notions of what is supposed to happen when.

Relationship deadlines create a false sense of urgency and cause stress in a relationship. In the end, they can also be entirely counterproductive. Deadlines create desperate behavior, and it’s a big reason why people make decisions they end up regretting down the road. 

Whether it’s marriage, having kids, or some other milestone, you shouldn’t feel great pressure to make these things happen by a specific time. When you remove the concept of deadlines, you give yourself the freedom to go at your own pace. The moment friends or family try to place deadlines upon you, it’s because they want you to join in their choices. Misery loves company.

You deserve to live in your current happiness without worrying about what’s going to come next. You’re not missing out, so don’t let artificial or self-imposed deadlines guide your life. Idealizing a lifestyle isn’t true joy or comfort. If you can’t let go of your deadlines, at the very least ensure you communicate them in your relationship very early on.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: To have sex with me, my partner needs to understand my moods—it’s a mental thing for women. As a woman, the mood you're in dictates your desire. A partner who understands this reality will have a much higher rate of success. Men: Assess the situation before you make a move. 

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S5 Episode 1: Finances and Philosophy: Questions to Ask Your Partner Part 2

Episode Summary

Engaging in conversations with your partner about your family’s financial health are necessary and important.  You are entitled to know what is going on, and choosing to stay ignorant or clueless is unacceptable and dangerous. Having a clear picture of what is realistic in terms of spending, saving, investing, debt and earning power is an important part of being a Romancipated person. 

Openly discussing fiscal matters with your partner is healthy and productive.  It allows you to make thoughtful and informed decisions.  Speaking with your partner about money should happen at every stage of the relationship.  As people evolve, so do their monetary habits and philosophies.  As circumstances change like the birth of a child, an illness or job change, new fiscal realities will emerge.

Asking questions is a great way to gain valuable insight into how your partner ticks, what motivates them and how they view you and your relationship.  By taking personal responsibility for your financial wellbeing, you can avoid many unnecessary and costly mistakes.  Work within your means and be thoughtful and fair about what economic decisions you make.  

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how it feels when your partner expects you to be the one in charge of purchasing gifts for everyone.

Show Notes

In this episode we’re continuing the conversation about finances and philosophies. Knowing whether or not you’re on the same page in terms of your financial habits and values starts with a conversation—and it’s a conversation you should have early on in your relationship.

In the beginning stages of your relationship, it’s important to ask your partner if they plan to have children, and if so, how many. With each child, household costs rise exponentially. You may need to invest in a larger home, a larger vehicle, education, and more.

How much money can each of you spend without having to consult one another? What’s a fair cost of a vacation? Are you okay with bringing your own lunch to work to save money? These are all important questions to ask. If you’re both on the same account and one person is comfortable spending into overdraft, the other person should know.

Money management is an important topic too. Each person has their own way of managing their money, from budgeting to prioritizing certain expenditures. Does your partner outsource their money management? Are they a spender or a saver, and what do they consider a necessity? You may not agree with your partner as much as you might think, and that’s why it’s so important to ask these questions in the initial stages of your relationship.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner expects you to purchase gifts for everyone for every occasion. Women tend to be the default gift buyers, and there’s a lot of stress that goes along with it. It’s laziness on your partner’s part. Expecting your partner to always take on this task is unfair and oversteps boundaries.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S4 Episode 12: Finances and Philosophy: Questions to Ask Your Partner Part 1

Episode Summary

For many people talking about money is difficult and uncomfortable.  Few people grow up in families where finances, debt, investing and budgeting are openly discussed.  This is why it is critical to have conversations with your partner about your own financial philosophies and gain insight into theirs.

If you have decided to share your life with another person, you both need to be clear about your financial expectations on savings, spending, debt, lifestyle, home ownership and allocation of funds.  Asking questions is an important step in creating an open dialogue with your partner about your fiscal wants, needs, aspirations and past mistakes. 

Being on the same page as your partner when it comes to budgeting, money management, spending limits and saving can reduce conflict and increase a sense of partnership.  When each of you is accountable to the other, the economic decisions you make as a couple can reinforce trust and respect.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how it feels when your partner does not make your relationship a priority over his or her friends.

Show Notes

It’s so important for you and your partner to be on the same page with your financial philosophies. If you’re not in sync when it comes to money, you’re guaranteed to encounter conflicts that build exponentially. Having an open conversation early on sets the foundation for a successful relationship.

Debt is an unfortunate reality of living in an expensive world. There’s a lot of stigma and shame around debt, which is why we feel like we need to hide it. It’s critically important to uncover your partner’s debt and be transparent about yours. Being open and honest about finances is an important aspect of your relationship at any stage in life.

Always ask your partner about their debt, including what kind of debt they have. Do they have student loan debt, or credit card debt? Uncovering the root of their debt may give further insight into their values and spending habits. Be sure to also ask your partner how they feel about debt. Keep in mind that their philosophy, as well as yours, is often passed down generationally. 

Does your partner believe in loans? What’s their credit score? It’s better to have a conversation than assume they agree with the same philosophy as you. Even if you’ve been in your relationship for a while and haven’t brought up these topics to this point, it’s okay to discuss them now. The stage of your relationship doesn’t matter—you should always know the details of finances in your relationship.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When my partner does not make our relationship a priority over friends. If your partner only chooses you when there is no other option, you are not a priority to them—and you deserve better. They should be there for you when it’s important to you and you need them. 

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S4 Episode 11: Your Instinct is Your Best Friend: Listen to it

Episode Summary

Mother Nature gifted you with an internal voice which serves only one purpose: to keep you alive.  When it comes to romantic relationships, we tend to ignore this warning system, especially if it is in opposition to our wants and needs.  By rejecting your own internal boundaries, you place yourself in situations that often create physical and emotional discomfort.

A Romancipated individual understands that our instinct is there to help us with difficult and emotionally trying decisions.  Instead of ignoring or rejecting your gut, you need to embrace what your body and mind is telling you about a particular person, relationship or situation.

Trusting your instinct can make you a better partner, help you define your boundaries, advocate for yourself and save you physical pain or emotional hurt.  It helps guide you through the ups and downs of a romantic partnership.  Your instinct is your ally, do not discount what it has to offer in helping you attain the happiness you desire. 

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when men don’t want to learn how to properly sexually satisfy their female partner.

Show Notes

Are you ignoring what your gut is telling you? In your relationship, you shouldn’t be. Nature has given you this instinct to help you with self-preservation. It’s a natural part of the human experience, and it should be respected. Your gut feeling will let you know when something doesn’t feel right or feel safe.

Never ignore your inner voice. It could always help you in small ways, like saving you from emotional pain or frustration. But it can truly be resourceful in bigger ways—for example, saving your life. Trust yourself and the way your body reacts to certain situations.

Self-preservation is at the core of Romancipation. Your instincts will help you define your boundaries because they signal to you what makes you comfortable or uncomfortable. Your instinct is your protector, as it will let you know if your person has an unhealthy dominance or control over you. 

An inner voice will tell you when something in your relationship isn’t right, whether that’s something that jeopardizes your mental, emotional, financial, or physical health. That said, trusting your gut can only help you in functional and non-functional relationships. Pay attention to the cues your gut instincts are screaming at you.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When men don’t want to learn how to sexually satisfy a woman. It’s selfish to always think of your own pleasure first. It doesn’t respect the woman as an intimate life partner. It makes the man come across as immature and signals a power imbalance in the relationship. It destroys the possibility of intimacy in a relationship.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S4 Episode 10: Passion is Not the Same as Jealousy: One Thrills and the Other Kills

Episode Summary

Passion is something that we all look for in a romantic relationship, but how we define passion can vary.  Often people place too much value on passion as a way to measure the success of a partnership. Viewing a lack of excitement as a sign the relationship is not healthy or fulfilling is misdirected.

Passion, like many things, can evolve in a relationship.  It can be more subtle than the thrill of sexual excitement.  It can exist in multiple aspects of your shared life with your romantic partner.  Passion can be stimulating or inspiring.  It should never be scary or threatening.

Passion is not drama or jealousy. If you or your partner need to create emotional upheavals to feel something, that is unhealthy behavior that should be addressed.  Passion should be a positive experience that is shared by the couple.  Jealousy is a one-sided emotion that signals insecurity and a desire to control another person.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss the frustrating situation of people asking for relationship advice without any intention of following it.

Show Notes

We’re told passion is important to have in our lives, whether that’s towards hobbies, a job, or a relationship. Passion can be a positive thing, but it’s important to distinguish the difference between passion and jealousy, especially in romantic relationships. Passion is great for a relationship, while jealousy can crush it. 

Passion is emotional and dramatic. It’s supposed to be thrilling, but it should never be threatening. That is one way you can highlight the difference between passion and jealousy. Some people want drama, or “movie moments” in their relationship. Over-the-top gestures may be exciting, but it’s also where jealousy can sneak in.

Jealousy is never a positive thing. It comes from insecurity. If your partner is jealous of your accomplishments or other relationships, it’s not your fault. The jealousy is an internal struggle of their own. Some people use “passion” as an excuse to act poorly in their relationships. This person might say something along the lines of “I do this because I love you so much.” That’s a red flag.

Any partner who automatically views your interactions with others as flirtatious—even when it’s just saying “thank you” to the delivery guy—is showing a clear sign of jealousy. When you question them, they may try to excuse their controlling behavior as passion. Passion is shared, jealousy is not.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people ask for relationship advice but never take it. It’s frustrating and a waste of time for the person who was kind enough to listen and offer suggestions. It makes the advice giver feel used. It makes it seem like the person asking for advice actually wants validation—not guidance.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S4 Episode 9: You Can Have It All in a Relationship, Just Not All at Once

Episode Summary

Believing you can have it all in a relationship is realistic, as long as you accept that it will probably not happen at the same time.  There will be points in a romantic relationship where certain priorities the couple has identified take precedence over others.  Whether it is romance, sex, financial security, family, travel, hobbies or sleep, there will never be enough hours in the day to fully satisfy all of the daily responsibilities that come with life. 

The important thing is being on the same page as your partner.  If the two of you have built a strong foundation of respect, communication, trust and acceptance in your relationship, it will be easier to plan and work together to meet your personal and relationship goals.  Working cooperatively can help you achieve your relationship wants and needs in a more efficient manner. 

Each life stage offers the chance to shift your attention.  Just make sure that if you focus on building financial security, you do not completely ignore your familial responsibilities. Shifting a focus is not the same as neglecting your partner’s wants and needs.  Balance and realistic expectations are what keep a relationship from imploding.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when men’s refusal to ask for help can end up creating bigger issues down the line.

Show Notes

In our society there’s a commonly held belief that you can have it all. Yes, you can have it all in a relationship, just not all at once. It’s going to come at different points in a relationship, and there’s a time and place for everything. 

It takes time to construct the life you really want, and that’s where the foundation of your relationship comes in. A strong foundation sets the tone to build what you envision for your future. But keep in mind that different parts of your relationship will be stronger than others depending on the current stage you are in.

Agreeing to focus on an aspect of your life with your partner can help you flourish in that area, whether that’s intimacy, quality time, or focusing on your kids. Nothing can be perfect all of the time, but if you make a part of your lives a priority together, you can make the most of it. Balance is key in a relationship, and with balance comes compromise.

You may feel under pressure to accomplish certain things in your life, so you put unrealistic expectations on yourself. As a result, you feel dissatisfied with where you are in life. If this resonates with you, something has to give. Otherwise, you put your relationship in jeopardy to explode.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When men’s stubbornness stops them from asking for help fixing things. Some men feel like they should know how to fix something just because they are men. They don’t want to show weakness, or they can become blinded to the fact that other courses of action – like finding an expert or hiring help – could be a better option.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast, so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S4 Episode 8: Keeping Score Will Make Everyone a Loser

Episode Summary

Becoming a couple means compromise and a willingness to take turns.  While it is natural to want your romantic relationship to be equitable, it is more difficult to achieve in reality.  For many, keeping score is a way to enforce this idea of fairness.  Unfortunately, it is misguided and often leads to resentment in the relationship.

Constant comparison in a relationship is unproductive and unhealthy.  Resources will never be evenly distributed between the two members of the couple.  Whether it is time, money, sleep or responsibilities, one person will always feel as though they received the short end of the stick.

Instead of keeping track of who did what, you should focus on behaviors that support the relationship as a unit.  Reshape your perspective and divide tasks or responsibilities in a manner that each person is playing to their strengths.  Work with your partner to focus on the positive things you are providing for one another instead of what is lacking.  Don’t let entitlement drive the relationship.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when your partner forgets about or ignores dates and things you feel are important in the relationship.

Show Notes

It’s pretty common to keep score in a relationship, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a habit worth keeping. In fact, it can be detrimental to your relationship because it colors the way you see every interaction you have. Keeping score can keep you from being present and experiencing positive aspects of your relationship in the moment.

You also might be keeping score in your head without communicating to your partner about the things they’re doing that may be irritating you. This can lead your feelings to fester. On the other hand, if you’re always verbalizing the score, it can lead to an unhealthy way of going tit-for-tat with your partner.

If you’re counting who’s winning, you’re also counting who’s losing. You end up missing out on building yourself up as a team. A healthier way of managing these situations is to open communication and start working together. Recognize what each of you brings to the table and play to your strengths.

It’s normal to have a little back and forth of keeping score. But if your partner always seems to get what they want and need without compromise, this could signal a much bigger problem. In a relationship, no one can get what they want all the time. But no matter what, you deserve to feel seen and heard by your partner.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner doesn’t remember dates or details that you deem important. Maybe it’s just not as important to them – or maybe “forgetting” helps them avoid conflict. Expecting your partner to remember significant things in your life puts an unfair burden on them.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S4 Episode 7: Every Person Needs to Be Selfish in a Relationship, Just Make Sure to Take Turns

Episode Summary

When two people come together in a partnership, there is often the expectation that individual autonomy takes a back seat to the couple’s wants and needs. This is the quickest way to breed resentment in a relationship.  Instead, each person should work in tandem to achieve common goals while still preserving their mental, emotional and physical health.

One of the only ways to make sure your individual wants and needs are being met is to be slightly selfish when the opportunity presents itself.  Prioritizing self-preservation is what reinforces a couple’s bond.  When there is mutual respect, trust, empathy, acceptance and accountability in a relationship, prioritizing your own needs and wants at times is not only possible, but encouraged.

The key to a successful relationship is recognizing that each member of the partnership will have times when they need support and other times provide support to their partner. Relationship problems arise when one partner always places their own wants and needs as a priority over the other without ever considering the impact it is having on their partner and relationship.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when people are under the mistaken belief that their relationship is special or unique.

Show Notes

Are you taking into account your partner’s needs and wants, or do you tend to prioritize your own? The truth is that it’s okay to be selfish in a relationship sometimes. Putting your physical, mental, and emotional health above anyone else’s is okay. You can’t take care of other people if you are running on empty.

In a relationship, it’s easy for this to get lost. The word “selfish” gets a bad reputation, but there are shades of selfishness. In some forms it can be destructive, but in other forms it can also promote self-preservation. Another way to think of it is making yourself versus the other person a priority.

At different times in your relationship, you may need more support. For example, if you’re in school, you may need more financial support. However, it’s important to take turns and be there for your partner in the times when they need your support more, whether that’s emotionally, mentally, financially, or in another way.

Being selfish does not mean feeling entitled to have your needs and wants placed above those of your partner. That will just lead to resentment. It’s about constructively building together and knowing when to put your partner’s needs first. It’s all about ensuring there’s a balance between both individuals.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people think their relationship is special or unique. Humans tend to follow predictable patterns. When people think no one else can possibly understand their feelings, it’s insulting and immature. A person who believes this ends up being screwed over due to their arrogance.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast, so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com