Romancipation

S4 Episode 6: Resentment is Relationship Cancer

Episode Summary

Resentment is natural and inevitable.  Hence the reason it is responsible for so many relationships coming to an end. It can come from internal or external sources and can wreak havoc on your love life.  Every person should be aware of what their resentment triggers are, and clearly communicate them to their partner.

Whether it is a power imbalance, mistreatment or feelings of inadequacy, you must be vigilant with how your partner’s behavior and actions are impacting your feelings about the relationship.  Letting things fester is never a good idea, nor is ignoring an issue that keeps coming up.

Empathy is the best way to combat resentment.  By actively placing yourself in your partner’s shoes, you may be able to catch yourself or a situation before it breeds negative feelings.  Practice self-awareness and ask your partner to do the same.  Together you can manage any feelings of resentment by addressing them head-on.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when your partner lets you fight their battles with family, friends and work colleagues.

Show Notes

Resentment is a heavy word, and it can also have a heavy impact on your relationship. It is the number one relationship killer. It’s an open wound that kills the relationship if it’s not taken care of. Once it sets in, it’s next to impossible to erase it unless you’re aware, thoughtful, and intentional about ridding your relationship of resentment.

Power imbalances, feeling mistreated, and disrespect can lead to resentment. The moment something is perceived as unfair, it makes space for this feeling to sink in. The experience itself is quite common and almost unavoidable, so the key is identifying when it’s building before it takes over your relationship.

Communicating your wants and needs can keep resentment at bay. However, it’s also just as important to hear your partner’s wants and needs, too. Keep in mind that these can also evolve over time on both sides. Infidelity, financial irresponsibility, and decisions made when raising children are all circumstances that can welcome resentment.

Lack of privacy, lack of free time, and lack of alone-time are also smaller issues that can lead to significant feelings of resentment. It can also come from past trauma – without a person even consciously realizing it. The cure for resentment is empathy. Place yourself in your partner’s position, so you can appreciate and address their resentment.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner makes you the bad guy to save face. It’s manipulative, pathetic, and it violates boundaries. It is an underhanded way of letting someone else fight your battles for you. Nothing speaks to a lack of respect of your partner quite like this.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S4 Episode 5: It’s All in the Delivery: It’s Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It

Episode Summary

The ability to communicate effectively with your partner is one of the key elements of a successful relationship.  For many people, it is not the substance of what is being said that creates issues in a relationship, but how that information is delivered.  In order to get the most benefit out of your relationship, you need to understand your partner’s preferred communication style and tailor your message in a manner that is productive.

When communicating wants, needs, boundaries and feelings to your partner be aware of your tone, timing and word choice.  If a message is delivered with anger, frustration, hostility, blame or condemnation, the chance of engaging in a productive conversation is minimal. Even if you are approaching your partner with something benign, if the timing is inopportune, you may find yourself engaged in conflict that was unexpected.  

Making sure to use the correct wording can also greatly increase the probability that your message will be received and processed by your partner.  People are much more open to listening if they feel they are not being attacked, blamed or judged.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when people believe they deserve a rich partner.

Show Notes

Communication is a pillar of Romancipation. Each and every person has their own communication style, and that of your partner may differ from you. As a result, you may end up in conflict even in cases when, in principle, you’re actually on the same page. For this reason, knowing your style and your partner’s style is really important.

Once you identify their communication style, you can try adapting to a method your partner can more easily understand. If there’s a reaction before a conversation or you’re not getting the result you’re hoping for, take it upon yourself to think about how your message will be perceived.

Critical information is always best delivered to your partner privately and in a calm manner. Timing is everything—there are certain times of day your partner will be less open to discussing what you want to address. It might be tempting to get it off your chest, but choosing to talk about something when you’re angry might result in saying things you don’t mean.

Be careful of the words “always” and “never.” These are absolute statements you want to be conscious about using with your partner and your kids. The more you drop these statements, the more they lose their value. Using the right words can make all the difference in an important conversation.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When a person thinks they deserve a rich partner. A lot of young people today are zeroed in on this idea. It’s entitled behavior. What do you bring to the relationship that makes you deserving of someone else’s wealth? It can lead to resentment, conflict, and keep deep trust from forming in the relationship.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast, so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S4 Episode 4: Acceptance is Not the Same as Forgiveness

Episode Summary

Every relationship will have its trials and tribulations; feelings will be hurt, boundaries will be violated, and trust will be tested.  How you choose to react to those transgressions will determine the fate of the relationship. You may be willing to forgive a partner’s behavior, but that does not mean you will accept the consequences that arise from their actions. 

Acceptance of a partner’s flaws, past or baggage is very different from accepting disrespectful or abusive behavior.  Moreover, you may be willing to forgive your partner’s behavior or actions without ever fully accepting the impact it had on you and your relationship. Unfortunately, refusal to accept something will often result in the same issues reappearing in the relationship.

The decision to forgive and/or accept is yours alone. Sometimes it is easier to forgive or accept your partner than it is to forgive or accept yourself.  The more self-aware you become, the more the issue of acceptance and forgiveness can have a significant impact on your romantic relationships.  When you learn to accept the past instead of letting it define you, you increase your sense of self-worth. 

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss uncovering infidelity in a friend’s relationship.

Show Notes

People often use the term “acceptance” and “forgiveness” interchangeably, but they are actually two very distinct concepts—especially in a romantic relationship. There are things, big and small, your partner may do which you can’t forgive. However, you get to decide if you’re going to accept it or not. 

Acceptance can be much more difficult than forgiveness, and once you accept something, you can’t take it back. That’s why acceptance takes a lot of practice. The thing both concepts have in common is that they can be freeing when you embrace them. Acceptance means you’re at peace with your decision.

Accepting something is moving on from the event or experience and not letting it define your future. Forgiveness is something you let go of and let live in the past. It’s also not just about accepting the shortcomings of other people. We’re all capable of bad behavior, so sometimes it comes down to accepting ourselves.

A lasting relationship starts with accepting yourself first. From there, you can decide if you can accept your partner’s behavior or not. If you have difficulty doing this, it may be a sign that the relationship is actually not the right fit for you.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When you know about a friend’s partner’s infidelity. It becomes a moral dilemma between protecting your friend and not interfering in their relationship. It puts you in an unwinnable situation. If you say something, it might end the friendship. If you don’t, you have to carry a painful secret.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S4 Episode 3: Independence is the Secret to Relationship Longevity

Episode Summary

Independence is one of the sexiest qualities a person can possess.  Men and women are drawn to an independent person.  Why? Because when someone has interests and friendships outside of their romantic partnerships it sends a very clear message: I don’t need to be with you to be happy, I want to be with you because you make me happy! 

 
A common mistake people make when searching for a romantic partner is basing their ability to get along with another person as evidenced by sharing common interests like a love of the outdoors or a preference of a certain genre of music.  While it can be a bonus to have some hobbies or passions that match up, it is not necessary for a romantic relationship to thrive. To be able to share experiences that are significant with a partner or expose them to something new is exciting and can help create intimacy.  It can nurture empathy and acceptance but it is not enough to sustain the relationship in the long-term.

Shared hobbies or passions is different than commonalities like shared belief systems, cultural and religious backgrounds and compatible wants and needs that form a strong foundation of a romantic partnership.  A healthy relationship should consist of two partners that support one another in things they both enjoy together as well as experiences they enjoy as separate individuals.  A couple should be the joining together of two whole people, not two halves that create the whole.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss people that play games with another person’s emotions and the detrimental impact it has on relationships. 

Show Notes

It’s important to have some of your own interests, hobbies, and relationships outside of the relationship you have with your partner. Not only will having independence give you something to talk about when you’re with your partner again, but it also leads to a happier relationship.

You can’t possibly connect on every single layer with your partner, so it only makes sense you would need to find options for fulfilling those interests in other ways. Plus, it’s more important to share deep foundational things, like your values, than it is to share all the same hobbies. Having your own things to do away from the partnership makes spending time together even more special.

When you’re independent in a relationship, you stay because you want to, not because you need to. Each partner in the relationship needs space to evolve and have their own new experiences. As long as you continue to appreciate and check in with each other, it will not influence your relationship in a negative way.

Being independent also gives you self-confidence, personal responsibility, and also builds respect and trust. A Romancipated person knows this. If there’s something you’re passionate about, put time aside to do it for you. When you’re a happier person, you’re a better partner.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people think it’s a game to play with someone’s feelings. It’s a huge red flag. Being mean or manipulating another person comes with the intention to have power over another person. This person wants to be in control and make you feel weak. It’s destructive, disrespectful, and should not be tolerated.


Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S4 Episode 2: Fifty Shades of Infidelity

Episode Summary

For many, the concept of infidelity in a romantic relationship is black and white.   However, what constitutes cheating is open to interpretation, hence the fifty shades.  Your partner’s perception of behavior that they deem as unacceptable may be very different from your own.  Make sure to understand your partner’s boundaries and comfort level, so that you don’t accidently step over the line. 

Moreover, make sure you have a clear understanding of what your own boundaries are and communicate them to your partner.  Would you be okay with your partner’s harmless flirting or provocative dancing with a friend at a party? Maybe.  Would your feelings change if the same behavior took place outside of your presence? Probably.  The point is boundaries are fluid, depending on the time, place and people involved.

Trust is a necessary component for a healthy relationship.  If you have been cheated on in the past, your perception of innocuous behaviors may take on a more sinister tone.  Make sure your partner knows your triggers so they can avoid creating unnecessary stress in the relationship.  If both people are on the same page and are respectful of one another’s boundaries, hurtful mistakes and misunderstandings can be avoided.  

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when your partner gives the family pet more attention than they give to you.

Show Notes

Different people have varying perspectives on infidelity. Some people will see it very black and white, while others will see all the shades of infidelity in between. In that sense, the idea of cheating can be subjective. What violates your boundaries or breaches your trust might be defined differently between people and couples.

When a couple first gets together, they rarely have an in-depth conversation about what it actually means to cheat. It’s so important to communicate your definition so you can be sure you’re on the same page, and sometimes you need to broach this topic no matter how serious the relationship is.

Consider this: If you found out your booty call was seeing another person, would you feel cheated on? Some people would; some people wouldn’t. If you haven’t had this conversation, how confident are you that you know where your partner’s boundaries are? That’s why it really comes down to proper communication.

We’ve talked about cyber-cheating in a previous episode, and this is a subject where the conversation with your partner can be very nuanced. Watching porn might be okay in your books, but only if it’s a specific type. You might draw the line at interacting with the performers, or you might not.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner gives the family pet more attention than you. This happens a lot. On one hand it’s understandable, but on the other it can be infuriating for the person being ignored. A bond with a pet is unconditional and therefore can transcend a human relationship. However, it can cause resentment towards the animal.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S4 Episode 1: Being Honest is Not the Same as Telling the Truth

Episode Summary

When it comes to relationships, honesty is not always the best policy.  Truth is based on fact, whereas honesty is based on feelings and opinions. While it is important to be truthful with your partner about your intentions and expectations, giving your “honest” opinion is often not appreciated and can cause unnecessary conflict.

Criticism wrapped in the legitimacy of honesty carries more weight than it should.  It makes the person receiving the comments believe the “honest opinion” is the consensus, which is rarely the case. If you want to alert your partner to something they have said or done that upset you, be truthful about it. Communicate in a thoughtful and productive manner and explain your feelings.

Practice empathy by acknowledging that everyone is entitled to their own perspective. Understand your partner’s boundaries and make sure your communication style is healthy instead of manipulative. Gaslighting your partner is abusive and never acceptable.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how imprudent it is to go over your budget to purchase an engagement ring.

Show Notes

A lot of conflict and hurt feelings can arise from the mask of “just being honest” in a relationship. Truth is an accurate representation of reality. Being honest is accurately expressing your feelings and opinions. Confusing these two ideas can hurt you, your partner, and your relationship.

The truth can hurt, but it can also be a tool to create understanding and acceptance. It all comes out to how you deliver it. When you try to hide insults or put downs behind the veil of “honesty,” it’s not only inappropriate, but abusive. More often than not, this is an approach men take because they believe their honesty is actually truth, when it rarely is.

When you’re communicating with your partner, know there is a difference between speaking truthfully and honestly. When you can distinguish the difference, it’s a conversation of fact versus feeling and opinion. It also helps you have a much more productive conversation if you’re both on the same page.

Don’t let “honesty” be your sword or your shield in your relationship. This is what gaslighters use to gain power. They frame their opinions as the truth or overall consensus of others. Truth isn’t always a great thing, and it can hurt. But at times, it is necessary to be truthful. You need to be equally as careful with how you express honesty because at the end of the day, it’s your position alone.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When a partner wants you to spend money you don’t have on an engagement ring. Why would you want to start off an engagement in debt, or with less money? Once you get married, your debt becomes one. Wanting to spend the rest of your life together is more important than the price of the ring.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S3 Episode 12: Never Base a Relationship Decision of Fear, Complacency or Guilt

Episode Summary

Fear, complacency or guilt should never be the driver of your romantic decisions. Too many relationships either begin or continue longer than they should because one partner is compelled to stay with the other person for the wrong reasons. Loneliness, desire for children, financial security, cultural, religious or societal obligations have a way of pressuring people into romantic relationships that are unhealthy and counterproductive to both individuals involved.  

Every decision made in a relationship should be based on a realistic assessment of wants and needs.  You may want to have children, but if it is with the wrong person ask yourself if it is worth it.  If someone is pressuring you or guilting you to make a serious commitment that you are not ready for, practice self-preservation and do the difficult thing and walk away.  The most thoughtful thing you can do for yourself and the other person is be honest and give each other the opportunity to find happiness. 

Even if you are in a relationship with the right person, make sure to take an active role in how your life together develops.  When major life decisions are directed by one partner and the other just goes along with it, eventually resentment takes hold. Complacency can seem like the path of least resistance in the moment but will eventually catch up to the overall health of the relationship.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how a partner’s eating habits can have a detrimental impact on your relationship.

Show Notes

When you make decisions in your relationship, you want to make sure you’re not basing those decisions on fear, complacency, or guilt. The decisions made from these places will lead to resentment, whether that’s resentment of yourself or your partner. You can’t let anyone push you into a decision that doesn’t feel right.

Women struggle with this issue more than men. Men generally seem less likely to feel guilt and to make decisions based on that feeling. A lot of women can relate to the experience of making decisions for these reasons, but another common reason is the fear of being alone. You may put blinders on if you feel like you’re on a time crunch to commit to a relationship.

It’s important to take a step back and understand that the decisions you make now will really impact your future. If the desire for children is putting you under pressure to find or stay in the wrong relationship, remember that technology has advanced far enough to make motherhood possible in new ways.

Complacency is another big one. It shows you’re just going along with whatever comes, and it’s not because you’re getting what you want, but because you’re tired of fighting for what you want. If it’s not beneficial to you or the relationship, it can create instant resentment.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner’s eating habits make it difficult for you. It is beyond frustrating, and it has a huge impact on your daily lives as a couple. It’s annoying and it can become a point of contention if the diet impacts the person's mood or energy level. Whether it’s undereating, overeating, or the need to follow a very specific diet, you need to create boundaries and respect each other.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S3 Episode 11: Accountability is Sexier Than it Sounds

Episode Summary

Accountability in a relationship is often overlooked, and yet it is a crucial aspect to a healthy partnership.  When two people decide to be accountable to one another it builds trust, intimacy and security.  Accountability should be a two-way street.  Both partners need to clearly define the expectations of their relationship and make a commitment to honor those expectations.   

When there is accountability in a relationship, each individual is making a conscious effort to not violate the mutually agreed upon terms.  A partner that sticks to their word is demonstrating respect for their partner as well as the relationship.  By owning the consequences of your words and actions, you signal maturity, empathy and self-awareness.

Do not accept a relationship where your partner violates prior commitments and then refuses to take ownership of the consequences caused by their behavior.  Practice self-preservation and walk away from these selfish and self-centered individuals. 

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when a person enables their partner’s addiction or mental illness.

Show Notes

So many people feel like accountability is corporate in nature, but the reality is,  accountability is sexy. The 3 C’s of accountability are clarity, commitment, and consequences. You need to be clear on your boundaries and expectations from your partner and the relationship. You both also need to agree on the terms of your commitments.

You also need to account for the consequences of your actions and decisions. When you honor your agreement, it develops trust and intimacy between you and your partner. For example, if you both agree on your spending and stick to it, it increases the strength of your relationship.

Accountability also reinforces security. It shows you can trust that your partner will follow through on what they say they will do. It brings a sense of comfort to the relationship you might not have otherwise. Conversely, when you don’t do what you said you would, it can hurt the relationship.

It’s not about your partner telling you what to do or not to do just for the sake of it. These are reciprocal agreements you make with your chosen partner. Generally, people who choose not to be accountable are selfish and self-centered.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When someone enables their partner’s mental illness or addiction without getting them help. This is a serious and very frustrating situation. Making excuses for harmful behavior makes the behavior seem like it’s acceptable when it’s not. It’s not a sign of love, it’s a sign of co-dependency. If you know someone is suffering, it’s imperative to get them professional help.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S3 Episode 10: A Healthy Relationship Can Be Had at Any Age

Episode Summary

Whether you’re young, middle-aged or entering your twilight years, it is never too late to find a fulfilling relationship. It does not matter if you are single, dating, committed or married.  What counts is the mindset that you bring into the relationship.  Every day is a new chance to reset.  It is up to you to take control and make the changes necessary to achieve the relationship you desire and deserve.


Old habits, unhealthy dynamics or feelings of helplessness can be overcome.  Begin by focusing on developing strong communication, respect, self-love and trust.  Recognize that all of us can bring something beneficial to a relationship.  Be realistic about your wants and needs and be open to seeing a personal evolution. 


Realize that you are more than your looks, finances and profession.  Stop listening to society, if the messages you are getting about romantic relationships don’t vibe with what you are looking for.  It is your life and you get to decide what you are willing to accept.


At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when a person allows their partner to control who they spend time with outside of the relationship. 

Show Notes

Feel like you’re too old or too young to build a healthy relationship? The truth is that a healthy relationship can be had at any age. You don’t need tons of wisdom or experience to build a great relationship if you have all the other necessary ingredients.


Older people who have struggled to build a healthy relationship may feel like it’s too late for them because they feel unworthy or too damaged, but that’s not true. That said, you have to be willing to be open and work on yourself in areas you know you need to (remember, sometimes the problem is you).


The values that trickle down from society and to our kids do influence the way they approach relationships from a young age. For example, women tend to be valued for their beauty. It’s important to be aware of these societal messages and do our best to pass along healthier values to the younger generation.


You can create a healthy relationship no matter where you are in your life as long as you create the right foundation. What’s necessary between both people is respect, trust, admiration, and good communication. While love is great, it’s not a foundational component. 


In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people allow their partner to control who they hang out with. This is a sign of an abusive relationship and should not be tolerated. It shows insecurity on the part of the person calling the shots. This jealous behavior is not flattering and could even be dangerous.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S3 Episode 9: Their Past is an Accurate Predictor of Your Future Together

Episode Summary

The more things change, the more they stay the same.  This is true in relationships.  Just because you have a new relationship does not mean your behavior patterns will change.  The same is true for your partner.  If you want to get a sense of what your relationship will look like, just look at their past relationships.

You can inquire about why a past relationship ended but the person telling you the details is probably not the most accurate reporter.  Remember they are recounting the trials and tribulations of their past relationships through their own biased lens.  In most cases, people will blame their ex-partners for the downfall of the relationship.

If you are fortunate enough to be with a person who takes personal responsibility and accountability for relationship failures, it is a positive sign, but it does not mean that they have learned from those mis-steps or are willing to alter their behavior.  Even if the individual claims they have seen the light and made changes, you will need proof in the form of behaviors that support their claims.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how unfair it is when a partner expects you to read their mind.

Show Notes

You know that phrase “a leopard doesn’t change its spots”? It’s true. So many people want to believe past relationships didn’t work out or issues took place on part of the other party. The reality is your partner has ownership over what happened in their past relationship, and that same behavior is likely to be repeated in your relationship together.

If your partner cheated, manipulated, or abused their last partner, they will probably do all the same to you unless they are in therapy actively working on their issues. The problem is most people don’t want to own their behavior. When people describe their past partners in a negative way, it’s a red flag.

Behavior is better proof of intention than words are. Someone telling you what they will do is different from what they actually show you through their actions. People can evolve, but usually it’s after suffering difficult circumstances or consequences to their behavior. People don’t just naturally change from one relationship to the next.

If you want a peek into how a new partner is likely to treat you, it’s as simple as looking at how they treat their family and friends. You can also consider how they treat service workers and coworkers. If disrespectful patterns of behavior arise, there’s a good chance that will come back on you.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people think their partner should be able to read their mind. Expecting your partner to know what you think all the time is unfair. It’s not possible, no matter how long you’ve been together. It's immature behavior and makes it impossible for your partner to do right in your eyes.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com