Romancipation

S3 Episode 8: Finances and Philosophy: Make Sure You Share the Same Worldview

Episode Summary

Money makes the world go around.  How you view money and manage your finances will determine a significant aspect of your life.  If you share similar philosophies with your partner about debt, saving, budgeting, investing and spending, you have a higher likelihood of achieving your financial goals.  When two people are on the same page, they make joint decisions that end up being mutually beneficial. 

If you and your partner have different priorities when it comes to family finances, you are much more likely to end up in conflict, especially if expectations are not met.  Financial security can create stability in a relationship, while debt is stressful and adds pressure to a relationship.  It colors every decision and often causes partners to point the finger at each other instead of working together as a unit.  If you and your partner have an unhealthy relationship with money, you will need to make a concerted effort to overcome bad habits and learn economic discipline.

Moreover, money can be used as a shield or a sword. You don’t want to find yourself in a situation where one person has all of the economic power and they use it to their benefit and your detriment. Ask questions of a potential mate and get their worldview on finances.  Open and honest communication about money establishes boundaries and trust.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when your partner thinks humiliation or fear is funny.

Show Notes

Do you share the same financial worldview as your partner? If you and your partner are not on the same page when it comes to finances and philosophy, you will endure constant conflicts in many aspects of your life. When you discuss these aspects, you must understand the expectations of your partner—especially when it comes to money.

When money is really important to someone, it often defines their character or persona. It’s a sad but true reality. It can be a powerful tool or weapon in a relationship, so agreeing on your view of money is foundational to a strong relationship. If money is the foundation of the relationship, be honest about your contractual relationship.

People often adopt their own financial philosophy from observing what their parents have done. The philosophy of money that you grow up around influences your own philosophy, and you will either end up with the same view as your parents, or with the exact opposite view from your parents. Either way, you bring this view into your relationship.

Whether you are a spender or a saver, it’s important to know your financial boundaries and the boundaries of your partner. If you’re on different pages, you may be headed down a dark rabbit hole. You should know your partner's financial habits including spending, saving, investing, and values.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When a person plays practical jokes on their partner and thinks humiliation or fear is funny. This type of humor is cruel and destroys trust in a relationship. It shows a lack of respect for the person who is being humiliated. It’s bullying under the guise of humor.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S3 Episode 7: Romantic Trespassing: Don’t Violate My Boundaries

Episode Summary

Believe it or not, everyone loves boundaries.  Why?  Because they set expectations and reinforce security in a relationship.  When a person is clear about their expectations, wants and needs in a relationship, they set their partner up for success. Remember, boundaries are a two-way street in a relationship.  Just as you expect yours to be respected, you must offer the same to your partner.

Honest and open communication is necessary in any romantic relationship.  It is unfair to expect your partner to read your mind, no matter how long you have been together. As relationships evolve, a person’s boundaries can shift.  The only way your partner will know if they have violated your boundary is by you letting them know.

Romantic trespassing can make you feel uncomfortable and angry.  If a partner is refusing to respect your established boundaries, there is a lack of respect and empathy in your relationship. However, if you tolerated a behavior in the past and never let your partner know that it crossed your boundary, you only have yourself to blame.  Never let fear of rejection stop you from practicing self-preservation.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when your partner has poor bedtime manners.

Show Notes

Setting boundaries and keeping them is important for a healthy relationship. It supports self-preservation, and that’s what Romancipation is all about. Some boundaries are static and unchanging, and they should not be crossed. For example, consider the boundary of monogamy. This is a static boundary in most relationships.

Some boundaries are more dynamic and may change as you build trust and intimacy. Whether your boundaries are static or dynamic, they must be communicated. Your partner can’t always read your mind. When your boundaries are crossed, let your partner know that they are making you uncomfortable.

When you let your partner know that they are violating your boundaries, they should back off. If they don’t back off, it’s a huge red flag. This is a trespassing of your boundaries and is a play for power. The same applies if it’s the other way around. You have to respect your partner’s boundaries, too.

When people just start dating, they will sometimes allow their boundaries to be crossed out of fear of rejection. Later on, a line will be drawn. This is unfair to the partner who never had this clearly communicated to them before. If you find yourself in this situation, you should discuss it in a kind and thoughtful way.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner has poor bedtime manners. Snoring, blanket stealing, and making the room too cold is frustrating and can create tension and conflict. It creates a power imbalance in the relationship, because one person is always compromising their comfort. Nothing is worse than having a bad sleep when your partner wakes up fresh as a daisy.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S3 Episode 6: Use the End of a Relationship as the Opportunity to Reinvent Yourself

Episode Summary

Breaking up may be hard to do, but getting a fresh start can be life-altering. Instead of seeing the end of a relationship as a negative, use it as an opportunity to do something different in your next romance.  Do a deep-dive into the relationship and identify things that didn’t work for you and decide to make a change.

Make sure to be honest with yourself and acknowledge any responsibility you had in the demise of the partnership.  Remember, you are in the driver’s seat when it comes to your love life so you get to decide how you want to move forward.  Instead of repeating the same pattern, try doing one thing differently and see what can happen.

The possibilities are endless if you make a major or minor shift in what you look for in a partner or modify something about your own behavior, wants or needs.  When you take the opportunity to learn from your past, you don’t repeat the same mis-steps in the future.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how unfair it is when a partner applies a double standard to sex in the relationship.

Show Notes

Every ending is also a new beginning. When you leave a relationship, you can take what you’ve learned from it and use it to elevate yourself. If there was something about the relationship you didn’t like, analyze it and address it.

This could have been a communication style, boundaries, division of labor, economic strategies, and so much more. You’re in the driver’s seat—you can change anything. It’s also the perfect time to reflect on what you look for in a partner and what you really need.

Breakups are often both a golden opportunity along with a really harsh wakeup call. But going forward, you can take what you wish you would have done and start implementing changes right away. For example, perhaps in your last relationship you were financially irresponsible, and it came back to haunt you when the breakup happened. Now is your chance to become more financially competent. 

Romancipation is about taking responsibility for yourself including what you say, where you go, what you spend, and so much more. This is why reinvention and romancipation go hand in hand. Think about what you did and what you allowed to happen, and then do what you need to do to give yourself a new chapter.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When a person applies a double standard to sex in the relationship. Any time a double standard is applied, it can make you feel so frustrated. It causes resentment and can be a total turn-off. The constant application of a double standard regarding sex absolutely signals a power imbalance.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S3 Episode 5: Sad State of Affairs: Physical Infidelity Versus Emotional Infidelity in a Relationship

Episode Summary

Infidelity in any form is toxic to romantic relationships.  It causes pain, destroys trust and can have many other unintended consequences.  Unfortunately, cheating on a partner is more common than many realize.  What a person considers unfaithful behavior can vary from person to person.  It is important to understand the different types of infidelity and how they violate the boundaries of your relationship. 

Whether it is physical contact, an emotional connection or electronic interaction, infidelity erodes the foundation of any healthy relationship.  Once the trust is broken between two people, everything is compromised in the relationship.  If you or your partner need to find physical satisfaction or emotional support outside of the primary relationship, it should signal that there are serious issues that need to be addressed.  

If you find yourself tempted to cheat on your partner, do everyone a favor and end the relationship.  The moment you decided to commit to one another, you agreed to the terms and expectations of the relationship.  If your primary partner no longer meets your wants or needs, accept it and be honest.  Do not create a sad state of affairs. Instead, practice self-preservation and show compassion for the person you once cared about.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when your partner makes you feel guilty about improving yourself.

 
Show Notes

In this episode we’re discussing the difference between physical and emotional cheating in a relationship. There are also other types of cheating, like micro-cheating, which is small acts that may cross a line even if there is no follow-through. Cyber-cheating is another type, which tends to have some blurred lines. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s valid to be concerned about.

 
Emotional cheating is different in that it comes with a sense of intimacy no matter how near or far the person is in physical proximity. In fact, there does not need to be any physical element at all in this type of cheating. It’s more so characterized by sharing deep thoughts and feelings while creating a connection with the other person.

What starts out as just a friendship can become much more complicated under these circumstances. When a person feels more heard and validated by this person than they do in their relationships, it could lead to an emotional entanglement. Healthy friendships shouldn’t threaten the stability of your relationship.

How you feel about each of these types of cheating is unique to you. You may find emotional cheating worse than physical cheating, or vice versa. You may take issue with micro-cheating, or you may instead find no issue with it as a flirtatious person yourself. Either way, it’s a sad state of affairs for the destruction any type of cheating can leave in its wake.

Today’s vent session topic is: When a partner makes you feel guilty about improving yourself. It’s a form of manipulation to make you feel bad, employed because they simply feel left out. It indicates an insecure person who does not truly support their partner.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S3 Episode 4: Personal Responsibility? What’s That?

Episode Summary

Personal responsibility sets you free in more ways than one.  It’s a “get out of jail free” card when you mess up in your romantic relationship.  When your partner feels like you have owned what you did or said, it allows for healing and growth to take place.  It’s empowering because taking personal responsibility for decisions and behaviors makes your partner feel respected and heard even when they don’t agree with you. 

Personal responsibility builds an environment of trust in the relationship.  When two partners are accountable to one another it allows for acceptance between two people in the partnership.  Apologies are authentic and sincere. 

Moreover, people who take personal responsibility are confident in their beliefs and recognize the impact they have on another person.  Instead of finger-pointing and blaming others, a person who “owns their shit” does not need to justify or rationalize their perspective.  They recognize that they can only control their own choices.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when a partner reveals embarrassing or intimate details about your relationship.

Show Notes

Why is personal responsibility so important in a relationship? It gets a bad reputation, when in reality, it is very empowering. When you take personal responsibility, you never need to give a fake or inauthentic apology. Instead, taking responsibility allows you to stop an argument in its tracks. 

When you really own your behavior, no one can use it against you. It’s a very powerful tool. If you’re used to blaming and finger-pointing, it’s not easy to start being accountable and responsible for what you do. But once you do, it really is a sign of confidence.

Personal responsibility doesn’t mean taking the blame for something you didn’t do. That said, it is important to recognize when something you’ve said or done has had a negative impact on your partner. Admitting where you went wrong and owning it facilitates trust between you and your partner.

When you take responsibility for yourself, you realize that another individual’s personality responsibility is their own journey. You can’t force someone else into it. If they’re not willing to grow in the same way, it’s your choice to stay or leave. In this way, learning to own what you need to own is ultimately quite freeing.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner reveals an embarrassing or intimate detail of your relationship. What happens behind closed bedroom doors should stay behind those doors—especially if you haven’t been given consent to share. Some matters are private and should be handled between you and your partner. It comes across like a power play and destroys intimacy between partners.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S3 Episode 3: Stop Being a Chicken: Ask the Right Questions and Listen to the Answers

Episode Summary

One of the cornerstones of a healthy romantic relationship is clear, open and honest communication.  Yet for so many people, asking questions about important things like feelings, intentions, family planning, finances and sexual needs feels difficult, scary and inappropriate.  The fact is, the only way you will know if your wants and needs match up with a potential partner or a current partner is by asking them questions and listening to their answers.

It is natural to feel apprehensive about receiving an answer you don’t want to hear, especially if it is from someone you care about.  However, the alternative of living in a state of limbo feels uncomfortable and unnecessary.  When you don’t know what your partner is thinking, you tend to fill in the blanks.  If you happen to be wrong, the relationship can end up in a place where both of you are unhappy and dissatisfied.

Uncovering information and intentions from a partner takes skill, patience and a willingness to listen.  Moreover, you need to give your partner time to answer questions and accept that their answer may not be what you expected or desired. You would rather know the truth and make an informed decision about your future than stay in the dark. 

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when a partner gives their mate the silent treatment. 

Show Notes

The quality of communication you have in your relationship is an indicator of what your relationship will be able to overcome. One aspect of healthy communication is being able to ask the right questions. If you’re afraid to ask a question or make a statement about something you want your partner to know, it’s a red flag.

Being afraid signals that you may be afraid of the answer, or it may mean you’re avoiding frustration. Healthy communication is communication without fear. Some people tend to ask questions in a generalized way to avoid directly expressing what they want to.

When you are asking the important questions, you have to be willing to go deep. For example, imagine the discussion of kids. Knowing whether or not they want to have kids is just the beginning. Do they want to have kids with you? When do they want to have kids? You have to ask the questions you really want the answers to.

Asking the right questions is crucial, but so is listening to the answer. You can’t just accept what you want to hear. Give the person time to think about their answer and truly listen to what they say and the way they say it. Having intentional and specific conversations is necessary for big things and little things in your relationship.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner gives you the silent treatment. It's manipulative and immature behavior. It creates a hostile environment in the relationship. It’s a flat-out refusal to discuss the underlying issue, so nothing gets resolved. 

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S3 Episode 2: Words are Free, Actions are Costly

Episode Summary

When it comes to romantic relationships, people place way too much stock in what another person says instead of what the individual actually does. Too many people have let slip the “I love you” when they did not mean it.  Why? Because it is easy to say, tends to get you what you want in the moment and often buys you time in a relationship. A Romancipated person will never accept words without action and behavior that is consistent with the sentiments expressed.

Any romantic relationship that is mutually beneficial is based on respect, trust, communication and boundaries.  In other words, it takes effort on both peoples’ part to make a relationship work.  Moreover, behavior signals intent and motivation.  Actions let a person know if they are valued, cherished and wanted.  Regardless if the actions are grand or small, they speak volumes as to how your partner really feels about you and the relationship.

Actions and behavior can also send clear messages of disrespect, dishonesty, and a lack of loyalty.  Phrases like: “I can change”, “I am sorry”, “It will never happen again” only have meaning if there is follow-through and the person does not repeat the behavior.  Do not fall victim to hearing what you want or desperately need to hear from your partner.  Instead look beyond the words for validation of their true feelings.  It may end up saving your life.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how people will change their political or social world view to please a partner.

Show Notes

So many people fall victim to other people's words because they put so much emphasis on what someone says rather than the way they actually behave. You should never take someone at their word. Judge your partner on their actions. Saying “I love you” is not the same as treating you with respect and honesty.

“I’m sorry,” “I can change,” and “I promise” are worthless statements unless there is some sort of follow through. Some people will lie to their partners simply to appease them. It costs them nothing emotionally to lie and say what you want to hear. Actions take thought, effort, and follow-through—that’s why they are costly.

Taking action doesn’t have to come in the form of grand gestures. The action taken can be small and still be meaningful. You can learn a lot about someone's character by how they behave towards others, despite what they say.

Of course, actions can be positive and negative. What really matters the most is intent. For example, if your partner is jealous, they may claim it’s because they care about you a lot. In reality, their intent is to control you. Consider action and the intent behind it over what’s being said.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people change their political or social views to please a partner. It shows a lack of critical thought, and a lack of a backbone. If your partner insists you share the same views with them, it’s a red flag. If you’re afraid to disagree, it may be a sign of abuse. You can love your partner without silencing yourself, and love does not require complete conformity.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S3 Episode 1: Respect is the Anchor of a Relationship, Not Love

Episode Summary

R E S P E C T, find out what it means to me.  Everything.  The foundation of a relationship should always be respect, not love.  Love ebbs and flows between two people, but respect should be a constant.  You can love a person and not respect them.  You can love a person and not trust them.  You can love a person and violate their boundaries.  That’s why love is never enough in a relationship.

Ideally you want both in a romantic partnership.  However, when two people display respect to one another, it nurtures trust, personal responsibility and accountability.  When those qualities exist in a relationship, security and intimacy can thrive.  In other words, it is the perfect environment for love to grow.

Be careful not to fall into the trap of staying with a partner you don’t respect.  Unfortunately, it’s a common occurrence and leads to a lot of conflict and hurt in relationships.  If there is respect in the relationship, there is never physical or emotional abuse!

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when people hide purchases from their partner.

Show Notes

We’re taught from an early age that love is what we need to search for, that love will always save the day, and it’s just not true. Love is not enough to sustain a relationship. You can’t have a successful relationship without respect, but it’s quite different from love. You develop respect by watching the other person be consistent, fair, and do what they say they will do.

Once you have respect for someone, it’s easy to build upon it. It’s a stronger foundation than love alone. In a relationship, you ideally want both love and respect. People love in very different ways, but there should always be a component of respect alongside it.

There are certain situations where neither love nor respect is present in a relationship, but one person or both people in the relationship fail to see it. There are other people who would never maintain a relationship without love and respect, believing them to be mutually exclusive. Many people stay in a relationship out of love, despite a lack of respect.

With respect comes trust, another important cornerstone of healthy relationships. Without respect, it’s easy to justify less than trustworthy behavior. Staying steady with respect throughout the course of your relationship allows for communication, teamwork, security, and intimacy.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people hide purchases from their partner. It’s shockingly common in marriages. It can be very selfish behavior, especially if there’s debt. It signals a lack of communication and can be a red flag. It shows a breakdown of trust, and hiding purchases indicates a clash in values.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S2 Episode 12: Being A Sidepiece Should Never Be an Option

Episode Summary

If you are looking for a relationship, then you deserve to be the one and only focus of the person that you want.  The idea that anyone should ever accept the position of a sidepiece (aka side chick or mistress) is ridiculous.  Beginning or staying in a relationship where your wants and needs are not being fully met because your partner is already involved with someone else will place you in a precarious position.

When you are the sidepiece, you expose yourself to disease, manipulation and threats to your physical and emotional well-being.  A partner that really loved you would never intentionally put you into such a negative position.  Moreover, family and friends will judge you and your relationship.

If someone really wants you as their primary partner, they will do what it takes to make it happen.  Don’t fall victim to their lies and false promises.  Being a sidepiece violates every foundational concept of a healthy relationship.  There is no trust, respect, empathy or accountability in a non-consensual throuple.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when your partner makes their hobbies a priority over the relationship.

Show Notes

Infidelity can’t take place unless there’s another willing party, but there’s a big difference between a person who knows they are the third-party person and the person who has absolutely no idea. If you know you’re the sidepiece, that’s a big issue. If you don’t know, you have been victimized in the same way as the partner who’s being cheated on.

It’s simply just a poor place to be. It’s an awful feeling and a bad look. And perhaps you say you didn’t know—but there were signs you chose to ignore. A lot of people who are the sidepiece justify their actions by saying they don’t owe the primary person’s partner anything. But the fact is you are knowingly harming another person. And if you put yourself in this situation, you have a low regard for your safety. If the other person finds out, something bad could happen.

If you find yourself in this situation, remember two things. First: You are always going to be the bad guy. Second: It’s important you take personal responsibility as an active participant. If the person really loved, respected, and valued you, they would make you their primary partner and not a sidepiece.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When a partner does not prioritize your relationship over their hobbies. Feeling less important makes the person feel awful and creates tension when the hobby gets in the way of chores, finances, and more. It can make you feel lonely or like you’re leading parallel lives.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S2 Episode 11: Part 2: If You Need to Lie About Your Relationship to Impress Others, Don’t!

Episode Summary

It is natural for people to compare their romantic relationships with their peers. As tempting as it may be, resist the urge to try and one-up your friends or colleagues.  If you got lucky and found your soul mate, that’s amazing.  Make sure to take the time to cherish and appreciate your situation and your partner.  Focus on living in the moment instead of bragging or lying in an attempt to impress other people. 

There is no need to over-share or advertise how amazing your romantic life is because it may come back to bite you in the ass.  If people decide they want what you have, they may try to take it away from you instead of finding a great partner themselves. 

We all want to believe that we are loved and appreciated by our partners.  So, imagine how hurt your partner would feel if they heard you were lying about them because the real situation was “not good enough”. If you do need to make up stories about your relationship or partner to impress other, this is not the right fit for you.  

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when a person drops their friends as soon as they enter a new relationship. 

Show Notes

In a previous episode, we talked about hiding the red flags of your relationship. In this episode, we’re talking about lying about your relationship to impress other people. If you need to make up stories about your partner to impress others, it could indicate you don’t feel they are actually good enough for you.

If you have a really good relationship, you just live in the moment and just experience it. You wouldn’t need to be spending your time telling people about it in person or on social media. This behavior makes other people feel bad because you make your relationship habits feel unattainable.

Bragging is one thing. Bragging is when the behavior actually happens. Lying is what usually takes place when you’re trying to impress others, from how little you fight in your relationship to how often you have sex. Funnily enough, the number one person who will reveal the truth will be your partner because they often don’t even know about the lie you have told others.

If your partner truly is awesome, generous, and great in the sack, don’t advertise it. Just enjoy it. If you announce it, you could flaunt it to someone who wants what you’ve got and end up getting robbed of it. Your lies come with a warning label, so be smart about what you say about your partner.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people drop their friends as soon as they get in a relationship. It’s one of the most self-centered things you can do to a friend. You can’t expect the friend to be there for you when the relationship ends. If someone thinks they can exit your friendship without any thought for you, they don’t deserve you.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com