S1 Episode 12: Reality Check: What Do You Bring to the Relationship?

Episode Summary

Self-awareness is a gift that keeps on giving as long as you are willing to be open to the truth.  Some of us (often women) focus too much energy on looking for a partner that checks certain boxes without taking into account what qualities we actually bring to a relationship.

When you are honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses, you will be able to focus your energy on finding a partner that balances you.  Look for a person with complementary skill sets and a genuine appreciation for who you are as an individual.  The more you can offer a potential mate, the more you can expect in return.  While you should never over-value what you offer, make sure to not fall into the trap of under-valuing your worth as a life partner.

There is no shame in admitting your limitations.  The more self-aware you are, the more likely you will be willing to work on issues that have impeded you from maintaining or finding a healthy long-term relationship.   

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when a partner is too scared to break up with you and they behave like a jerk so that you will do their dirty work.

Show Notes

It’s time for a reality check: What do you bring to the relationship? A lot of people struggle to find a good relationship because they are not realistic with what they bring to the table. Forget their laundry list of wants and needs—they lack self-awareness about their value.

Some women tend to have a more specific laundry list when they’re looking for a potential partner. We tend to get so busy looking to check off our list that we forget to look at ourselves and what we offer. Some people really think they are “the cat’s meow” and that they have so much to offer. Then again, there are other women who actually under-sell what they bring to a relationship.

What you bring into a relationship isn’t just about your good qualities. It also includes your baggage. Regardless of what stage in your relationship your are in right now, step back and think about what you can offer as a partner. If it’s dynamite, reach for the stars and look for equally great qualities in your partner.

Otherwise, you are free to be more realistic about what an appropriate match looks like for you. Do yourself a favor and check in so you can ensure the partner you end up with is actually the right one for you.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner becomes a jerk because they're too scared to break up with you and want you to do it yourself. It’s incredibly disrespectful to the person you’re dumping. It’s immature, dishonest, and manipulative. It leaves the dirty work to a partner who won’t get the proper closure they deserve.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S1 Episode 11: Relationship Dirty Laundry Should Stay in the Hamper

Episode Summary

We are all guilty of it!  Airing complaints about our partner and our relationship to anyone who will listen.  As satisfying as it may feel short-term, there could be serious consequences from your vent session.

By letting family and friends know intimate details about your partner (even the flattering ones) you can create discomfort, embarrassment, and a violation of boundaries and trust between you and your partner, or the people you shared with.  Moreover, you open yourself up for judgment, criticism and potential backlash.

Airing relationship dirty laundry should be reserved for a therapist or trusted advisor, where you can expect confidentiality and advice.  Put yourself in the place of your partner.  Practice empathy and imagine how you would feel if your partner was sharing negative things about you, your habits or behaviors.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when partners apply a double-standard between their family members and yours.

Show Notes

Have you been airing out your relationship dirty laundry? You should not be doing this—that information needs to stay in the hamper. That said, almost all of us are guilty of airing dirty laundry about our relationships to family, friends, or coworkers at least once, whether for venting or validation.

However, by sharing this information, you risk it making its way back to your partner. Plus, if you put yourself in the position of your partner, it probably wouldn’t feel very good knowing that conversation was had. What you say could also influence the people you’re telling negatively against your partner and may change the way they look at them. While you may be able to get over the situation, the person you shared this intimate information with may not.

When you air your dirty laundry, the people you tell aren’t usually getting the full story. Rather, they are getting your perception about what happened. You may realize later on that you contributed to the situation or just experienced a simple miscommunication.

You may also want to consider that airing your dirty laundry may make the person you’re telling uncomfortable. This could be because the topic itself makes them uncomfortable, or it could make them feel uncomfortable around your partner, or even both. There are just so many reasons to keep your relationship dirty laundry in the hamper.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner applies a double-standard between their family member versus your family member. It’s unfair and creates animosity towards the favored family member. It reflects a power imbalance in the relationship and should not be tolerated.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S1 Episode 10: Focus on the Foundational Traits of a Partner, Not the Aspirational Traits

Episode Summary

When you look for traits in a partner, don’t fall into the common trap of focusing on the aspirational traits (attractiveness, wealth, social status, talent).  Instead focus your energies on finding a partner that shares the same value system as you, or the individual that communicates and is respectful and trustworthy.

When you go for a resume instead of the person, you end up in a relationship that was not built on the proper foundation.  Looks fade, money can be lost and talents can be unrealized.

However, if you found the person that matches up with you on wants and needs, the two of you can work together to build the life you desire and can share with one another.  Mutual support reinforces trust, respect and love in a relationship.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when people have children to save a relationship.

Show Notes

All great relationships are built on a strong foundation of trust, respect, communication, and commonality. When you build on these pillars, you support the longevity of your relationship. Looks, income, and social power can be something to focus on, but it has to be something you consider once those pillars are in place because they do not create a strong foundation for a relationship.

So many relationships fail because people are stuck on aspirational traits-focusing on the resume of a person instead of the person themselves. As you mature and have a chance to reflect on past relationships, you may realize the surface traits you once cared about are much less important now. 

A common aspirational trait is wealth. When you commit to someone on the basis of their wealth and miss out on those foundational pillars, you leave your relationship subject to potential implosion. This doesn’t mean you can’t have a partner who is wealthy, good looking, or high in social status, but these aspects can’t be the driving force of your relationship.

There’s a power in being able to evolve and grow as a couple, but this only happens with the right aspects in place from the start. When you have common interests and great communication between you, you increase the chances you will grow together rather than grow apart. 

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people have children to save a relationship. It’s the worst decision a person could ever make. It doesn’t work in the long term, and destroys innocent lives. It is beyond immature. You are setting your child up for a world of total chaos.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S1 Episode 9: Accept Your Partner has Baggage, That Does Not Mean You Have to Carry it

Episode Summary

Every person has some type of baggage they bring to a relationship.  It would be impossible to have lived and not have something that weighs you down.  What matters is how you handle your own issues, as well as your partner’s baggage.

You get to decide how much burden you want to take on.  No one has the right to expect you to take on their emotional issues or self-created obligations.  It is important to distinguish between accepting your partner’s limitations and supporting their efforts versus making their responsibilities your own.

Both partners need to own and manage whatever they bring into the relationship.  Remember, the moment you offer to carry something for another person, it becomes your responsibility by default.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when people let their friends decide if a relationship is a good fit.

Show Notes

Does your partner have baggage? Most people do, whether they admit it or not. While it’s okay to accept that your partner has baggage, it doesn’t mean you have to help them carry it—or outright carry it for them. You have to set a boundary from the start about what is their responsibility and what is your responsibility.

There are a few different types of baggage you may feel inclined to carry for your partner. The first one is children. Being a responsible adult and spending time with your partner’s children is one thing. However, taking on financial responsibilities and getting to know them on a deeper level when you aren’t sure this will be a lasting relationship is another.

The same thing goes for debt; you cannot carry your partner’s. It’s also just as important to be honest about your debt and what you’re bringing financially to the relationship. It’s okay to say no if your partner asks you to help them out with money.

Baggage can be emotional too. Your partner may have trust issues or other emotional hurdles. Being romancipated means being able to walk away if your partner wants you to take on something you don’t feel comfortable about. Your partner is not entitled to have you take on their baggage.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people let their friends decide if the relationship is a good fit. You might miss out on something great just because your friend thinks they know what you want. Your friend may actually not want you to meet someone because it could take away from their time with you. It shows a lack of security and is unfair to your partner.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S1 Episode 8: Sometimes the Problem is You

Episode Summary

Do you find dating a struggle?  Maybe you keep finding the “one” but it never seems to last.  Are your romantic relationships difficult or unsatisfying? If you answered yes to one or all of these statements, the problem may lie with you.

So many of us lack self-awareness, especially when we are emotionally involved in the situation.  When a relationship fails, it is often due to both people’s behavior.  Before you blame your partner for the difficulties in your relationship, make sure to check yourself.  If you allow someone to mistreat you, then you have some of the responsibility for the breakdown of the relationship.

A Romancipated person takes responsibility for their behavior and understands their motivations.  If you set healthy boundaries and have reasonable expectations, you open yourself up to endless romantic opportunities.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when people justify their cheating.

Show Notes

If you are struggling in your romantic relationships and find that they never work out, there is a pattern here, and it’s you. It might not be a flaw in every relationship, but rather how you tend to navigate them. This could indicate a lack of self-awareness, because it never occurs to you that some aspect of your personality or communication style could be hurting your relationships.

It’s not easy to look in the mirror and accept that you may be getting in your own way—even if it happens to you over and over again. Your idea of what a relationship should be may not be compatible with how long-lasting relationships actually work.

It’s possible your expectations and values may be out of order. For example, going after a person who is wealthy with complete disregard for who they are as a person. It’s easy to blame a relationship not working out for some reason on your partner rather than reflect on any role you might have played in it.

Most relationships don’t end over a big blowout. More often than not, it’s death by a thousand cuts. Reflecting on this in your past relationships can bring you the awareness you need to recognize where you contributed to the problem. Before you start blaming others, you have to look at yourself first.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people justify their cheating. It’s an attempt to justify a guilty conscience and play the blame game. It’s disrespectful, destroys trust, and shows immaturity. It makes a joke out of the commitment two people make to each other. The person who does this is simply continuing to lie to themselves and others.  

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S1 Episode 7: True Love: Organic or Strategic?

Episode Summary

Is true love real?  Does it just happen, or can you make it happen?  A Romancipated person takes control of their love life and goes for what they desire. They don’t wait around for prince or princess charming to show up at their door.

If you want a relationship that matches your wants and needs, be strategic.  Figure out what is important to you and look for those traits in a partner. Just make sure what you think you want is what you actually need.  Stay open-minded and flexible when developing and applying a strategy.  You don’t want to fall into the trap of being too hyper focused on one or two qualities and ignore the whole individual.

If you are thoughtful, you can end up with a partner that satisfies most of what you are looking for in a romantic relationship.  When people have their wants and needs met, love can naturally develop and grow.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when friends change their personality to fit a new partner.

Show Notes

Is your approach to true love organic or strategic? Organic love is the type of love shoved down our throats by the media in movies, books, and TV shows. It’s seeing the person across a crowded room and feeling an instant connection. Strategic love is trying to find a mate who is truly a good match for you. 

If you’re using a dating app, you’re looking for love strategically. You’re putting particular information out there, and you’re also receiving that information back. People who are looking for organic love tend to have unrealistic expectations because they think love has to be a feel-good story that just happens.

Using the term “strategic” has a negative connotation, but it shouldn’t. Strategy is important, but you also have to have a strategy that focuses on the right things. Everybody has different wants and needs, so there's no such thing as a perfect strategy—only the perfect one for you.

That said, there should be some room for flexibility even if you’re strategy oriented. For example, if someone checks all the boxes except one, consider giving the relationship a chance. Otherwise, you might miss out on a really great relationship.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When friends change their personality to fit a new partner. It’s beyond annoying. It makes you wonder what their real personality is if it changes so easily for each new partner. It highlights their insecurity and looks like manipulation. You have to reassess who you are at the end of every relationship to get back to knowing yourself.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S1 Episode 6: Most People Suck in the Sack: Is Sex on the First Date Worth it?

Episode Summary

Is sex on the first date worth it?  Probably not.  For sex to be truly enjoyable for both parties there needs to be trust, intimacy and respect.  If you’ve just met, the chances that the sex will be mind-blowing is slim to none.

If anything, a negative first sexual encounter can end a potential long-term relationship before it even begins.  That is why it’s probably better to take the time to get to know the person before you sleep with them.

Moreover, most people are not very comfortable communicating what really turns them on because of shame, vulnerability or even lack of knowledge.  However, if you take some time to discover commonalities, establish boundaries and develop trust with a sexual partner, the skies the limit to the pleasure you can give and receive.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when your partner gives a non-apologetic apology. 

Show Notes

Is sex on the first date worth it? For the purposes of this episode, a first date is defined as two people intentionally going out on a date—not two people who meet randomly for a one-night stand. The truth is that a lot of people end up having sex on a first date for the wrong reasons, which is why it should be avoided. 

Most people suck in the sack, especially during the initial stages of getting to know them when you haven’t yet built trust and understanding between you. Plus, if you don’t know the person that well, chances are you may not feel comfortable asking for what you want and need to experience pleasure. 

A first date is your opportunity to start figuring out who this person is and see if their actions are consistent with what they’re saying. This is your time to establish boundaries, which is a wonderful way to help the wrong people see their way out. Doing this will make it way easier to find a partner who actually wants a potential relationship. 

Chances are, if you do decide to have a sexual encounter on the first date, it won’t be very good. This could lead you to lose out on a beneficial relationship with someone who could have been a good match had you developed trust and intimacy. 

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner gives a non-apologetic apology. It makes the wrong person feel frustrated, sad, and angry. It’s a toxic behavior that creates resentment and should not be tolerated. Additionally, it’s a serious red flag when a person cannot ever admit to being wrong. 

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S1 Episode 5: Every Relationship Has an Expiration Date

Episode Summary

Every relationship has an expiration date. Sad but true. Every romance eventually ends (even if is not until death do you part).  Once you have accepted that all good (or bad) relationships eventually expire, you are free to live in the moment and focus on your happiness.  

If both partners' needs and wants are being met, let the relationship evolve organically.  However, if one or both people in the relationship are not getting what they want and/or need, it is time to move on.  

Learn from the ending of a relationship and use it to your advantage.  It’s an opportunity to grow, evolve and discover a lot about yourself. 

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships.   In this episode, the ladies discuss people who refuse to accept that their relationship is over.

Show Notes

Every relationship has an expiration date. It may sound sad, but it’s true. Every romantic relationship eventually ends, and that’s okay. Many people see the end of a relationship as a bad thing. But while there is loss, there is also so much you can gain from a relationship ending. 

When a relationship ends, it’s the closing of a chapter. It’s an opportunity to grow, evolve, and learn a lot about yourself. When you recognize and accept every relationship reaches an end point, you can live in the moment and enjoy the relationship as it is here and now.

There is a power in having a relationship end, and when it does, it’s important to focus on what you’re walking away with. Endings aren’t always awful—they can be great, like finishing a book or a movie. Even your relationship with your soulmate or true love will eventually end, and it’s what you choose to do with that end that really matters.

Time is your most valued resource. Once you recognize how little you have, the idea of wasting it on a relationship that has run its course is silly. If a relationship isn’t a right fit for you, don’t dwell on it. Take what you’ve learned from the relationship and move on.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people won’t accept that their relationship is over. This stops both parties from getting proper closure. It slows the healing process and can reflect a controlling nature in the person who can’t let go. You fantasized your relationship was perfect, but no relationship is perfect, and no relationship is owed to you.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S1 Episode 4: Unconditional Love is for Children, Not Partners

Episode Summary

Unconditional love is for children—not partners. This idea, albeit somewhat unconventional, is important for a romantic relationship. There is no such thing as a healthy relationship without boundaries and conditions. 

With children, unconditional love is a must.  You made them so you owe them your love (no matter how much they violate your boundaries)!  With a romantic partner, you made a choice. You can offer unconditional support and absolutely accept them, but you don’t have to give them your unconditional love no matter the behavior. 

Here’s the truth: Love isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. There’s a distinct line between sticking with your partner through hardship versus sticking with them despite how they treat you.  Remember, only you get to decide the treatment you accept! 

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships.  In this episode the ladies discuss staying friends with your ex. 

Show Notes

Unconditional love is for children—not partners. This idea, albeit somewhat controversial, is important for a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships have boundaries and conditions. Common boundaries include different forms of disrespect, cheating, and abusive behavior. 

Unconditional love is given despite repeated violation of boundaries, which is why it’s not suitable for romantic relationships. With children, it’s different. You love them even when they misbehave because that is your job. With your partner, you made a choice. You have the choice to be in a loving relationship with them or not.

Love can be freely given in small moments without expectation. But if your partner wants you to love them unconditionally, it could be a red flag. You can offer unconditional support and absolutely accept them, but you don’t have to give them your love no matter what. You can like them as a person (and perhaps even from a distance), but you don’t need to love without condition. 

Here’s the truth: Love isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. There’s a distinct line between sticking with your partner through hardship versus sticking with them despite how they treat you. Whereas with your kids, you will have moments where you love them but don’t like them very much. 

In this episode, the vent session topic is: Being friends with your ex. This can create seeds of doubt and cast shadows in new relationships. It can also lead to comparison and competition between the current partner and the ex. You can care about someone and value them without being in communication, especially if the cost of staying in touch is high.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they're released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S1 Episode 3: Why You Don’t Try to Fix a Broken Toy

Episode Summary

Too many of us are guilty of entering a relationship with the idea we can change the person.  This is a very bad idea and it never works.  If you view a potential mate as someone who needs changing, fixing or saving, then you should not enter into a romantic relationship with them. 

Often the person that you think needs to change in some fashion does not agree or have any desire to make those alterations to their personalities, behaviors or ambitions.  The truth is, if the person is not good enough the way you found them, leave them alone.  What you see as a flaw, they may see as desirable.

If you find yourself being attracted to a “project” then you need to do some self-reflection.  The real problem may be with you and not the other person. 

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss people that cannot be alone with their partners. 

Show Notes

You should never enter a relationship with the goal of fixing a person. If you do notice something that requires changing or fixing, first remember that this is your opinion and it may not be shared by the other person. Maybe this person doesn’t want to be fixed, so why should you be the one to make this decision? 

Generally, women tend to take this “fixing” approach more than men. However, that’s not to say men are off the hook. As a child, you may have come across a toy that was broken and tried to fix it, only to find that it never worked the same. Relationships are the same way. If a person is “broken”, acknowledge it and walk away. It’s not your place to try to fix them.

If a person isn’t good enough for you the way you found them, leave them alone—for your sake and theirs. It’s not your place to take this on. Making changes to personality, behavior or habits takes a lot of work, so they have to want to do it for themselves.

The person you are looking to fix may not even have the desire to change. Just because you see them as “broken” in particular ways doesn’t mean they feel the same way. Certain personality types—people who themselves feel broken—will often try to fix the other person in attempts to feel better about themselves.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people can’t be alone with their partner and always need a third wheel. This is a huge red flag and a sign of poor communication. It shows a lack of emotional connection to the partner and leaves little chance for the relationship to survive.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com