Romancipation

S2 Episode 10: Stop Trying to Create Movie Moments

Episode Summary

Who doesn’t love a good romcom, chick flick or trashy novel?  While these types of stories entertain and move us, they unfortunately also have a sinister side.  They create unrealistic ideas about what love, passion and a romantic relationship should look like.  Too many of us fall prey to the idea that if someone really cares, they will fight for us or move mountains to make it work. 

Romantic relationships can and should have moments of passion and gestures of love, but there is so much more to a successful relationship.  Instead of focusing on grand displays of affection, people should appreciate the subtler signs that a partner respects you, admires you and wants to make your life better by meeting your emotional and physical needs.

When you focus on the partnership, instead of the picture-perfect idea of romance and love, you can find your own definition of happiness.  Creating drama in hopes of inciting a positive reaction rarely works and often just creates confusion and tension in a relationship.  Live in reality with your partner. Let fantasy be entertainment, not a relationship goal.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss snooping in your partner’s phone without permission.

Show Notes

Almost all of us are all guilty of trying to recreate movie moments in our relationships. We’ve been programmed to fall in love with a particular idea of a romantic relationship, but this type of love is improbable. Whether good or bad, you may find yourself trying to create drama in your relationship for the sake of these moments.

A lot of people build up unrealistic expectations to create situations and scenarios that reflect movie moments, when in reality, no matter what the grand gesture is, it will probably never meet your expectations. Some of the best moments in your relationship aren’t the big passionate gestures, but rather the small caring ones.

Your relationship does not need to be perfectly orchestrated, nor does it need to reflect a picture-perfect relationship like those you see on social media. Figure out what happiness looks like for you and go with that. Remember what the value of a partner is for you and be thankful for the everyday things your partner already does.

You may miss out on a wonderful partnership because you don’t get the over-the-top gestures you think you should be experiencing. Ideal concepts of passion, attraction, and commitment can lead you to lose sight of what’s right in front of you. Remember that grand romantic gestures don’t guarantee a committed, long-lasting relationship.

Today’s vent session topic is: When people read their partner’s text messages without the person’s knowledge. It’s a huge violation of trust, boundaries and is a serious red flag. It signals insecurity, and if you feel the need to do this, you shouldn’t be in the relationship.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S2 Episode 9: Loans and Love Do Not Mix

Episode Summary

Love and money can be a toxic combination.  When you think with your heart (or crotch) instead of your mind, you often end up making decisions that you later regret.  This is especially the case when you lend money to a romantic partner.

Most people borrow money with the best of intentions (at least you hope) to pay it back.  Unfortunately, when that does not happen, feelings of resentment, manipulation and distrust emerge. Instead, consider giving the money your partner needs as a gift.  It will buy you goodwill and allow you to avoid all of the negative consequences of an unpaid loan.

Moreover, unless you are married, you should make sure to keep your finances separate from your partner.  Even if you live together, come up with an agreement of how each of you will contribute to the household expenses.  This way you both understand the financial expectations in the relationship.  When each partner practices fiscal responsibility, the chances of money causing stress on the relationship is minimized.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss partners and time management.

Show Notes

Mixing loans and love isn’t a good idea, and there are so many reasons why. This also goes back to a previous episode about exit strategies: The more you entangle yourself in a relationship, the more difficult it will make the situation when the relationship ends.

Of course, there is a difference between a loan and a gift. A loan means you expect to be repaid in full. A gift does not need to be returned and is in no way a legal arrangement. There can be consequences in lending money to a loved one, and you should know what those are before you do it.

If you lend money to a partner and they don’t pay you back, you will resent them. Plus, you might end up having to nag them about it, and then they will be resentful towards you. Another thing to remember is that lending money to a financially irresponsible partner means you are suffering the consequences instead of them.

When you lend somebody money, how they choose to spend that money is up to them. You have no say over it, which can be frustrating if you lent that money for a particular reason. It can violate your trust if someone you love and care about borrows money under the guise of an emergency and uses it even partially for something else.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner is late for dates or important occasions. It is so irritating when people are habitually late. What starts as one great excuse becomes one excuse after another. It shows a lack of consideration for the other person’s time. It makes the on-time person feel like they can’t trust their always-late partner.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S2 Episode 8: What’s Trust Got to Do With it?

Episode Summary

Just about everything.  There is no point in having a romantic relationship with another person if you don’t trust them.  If you don’t trust your partner, you will not communicate with them in an open, honest and vulnerable manner.  If you don’t trust your partner, you will never feel secure or be able to develop emotional or physical intimacy.  If you don’t trust your partner, you expose yourself to potential financial ruin, social embarrassment and danger. 

While trust is a crucial element of a successful relationship, trust should never be instantaneous.  It takes time to develop in a romantic relationship.  If someone expects you to trust them automatically, that is a red flag!  No person is entitled to trust, it is something that must be earned.

Unfortunately, once trust is broken, it is extremely difficult to repair.  Both people in the relationship have to be willing to live up to the commitment they make to one another.  Rebuilding trust usually requires the assistance of a professional therapist.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when a partner does not make their relationship a priority over work.

Show Notes

Trust is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. If you can trust your partner, you can be vulnerable and be who you are without fear. Trust is what makes a relationship feel safe and secure. 

When you first meet someone, the idea that you should trust them is crazy. Trust comes from knowing a person, so it takes time to build. The moment someone violates your trust, it is the hardest thing to recover from. For some people, once trust is broken, there is no coming back from it.

Trust also plays a large role in your sex life. A willingness to be vulnerable on a physical level requires a certain level of confidence that you will be safe and secure. Making joint decisions and combining your finances also requires a high level of trust, making it even more crucial for long-term relationships.

If you can’t trust your partner or they can’t trust you due to damage from the past, you need to address those issues with a therapist. Feeling like you’re walking on eggshells all the time is not a good feeling. A lack of trust keeps you in a state of hyper-vigilance, and it’s an awful way to live.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner does not make your relationship a priority over work. It creates tension in the relationship. It shows financial stress and can bring motives into question. It makes you feel taken for granted. But if the relationship is not serious, it’s unrealistic. If income is dependent on the job, it’s unfair to the partner who is most supportive financially.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S2 Episode 7: Part 1: If You Need to Lie About Your Relationship, Run Away!

Episode Summary

No relationship is perfect.  Every person has experienced frustration, anger or sadness in relation to their romantic partner.  However, there is a big difference between normal conflict, and bad behavior that consistently compels you to lie about your partner and your relationship.

Maybe you’re embarrassed with how your partner treats you, or feel ashamed about an addiction or abusive behavior.  Regardless of what it is, lying to friends, family and co-workers is not helping you or your partner.  Moreover, chances are the people in your life see the truth even if you think they are unaware of what is happening in your relationship.

If you find yourself making up stories or excuses about your relationship, it is time to end things because the relationship is not a good fit for you.  Love is never enough.  Every relationship has its highs and lows.  When your relationship is based on mutual respect, trust, communication and admiration there is no need to hide the truth.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when a person fakes an orgasm with their partner. 

Show Notes

Are you hiding something about your partner from your family, friends, or coworkers? This is typically not a good sign. If they are doing something you’re ashamed or scared of—to you or to someone else—it’s a red flag. Lying to others is doing a big disservice to yourself.

No relationship is perfect, but if you ever get stuck thinking “this is as good as it’s going to get,” it might be time to exit the relationship. Sometimes the situation is as bad as it seems, no matter how much you try to dismiss or ignore it. You can’t keep up this facade forever, because if you do, you back yourself into a corner.

Your family and friends may see or suspect what’s going on, even when you cover for your partner. You should feel okay to seek out help if you need it. The behavior you are willing to accept has been ingrained in you to some degree from an early age, which means we can normalize unhealthy behaviors and habits.

Romancipation is about empowering you to find the relationship that’s a good fit for you. The second you don’t feel you are being treated how you want to be treated, it’s time to end it. If you feel you have to lie to manifest the relationship as you think it should be, it’s a sign this is not the right relationship for you.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people fake an orgasm with their partner. This only serves to perpetuate your partner’s misconceptions about what they bring to the bedroom. It does a disservice to both you and your partner. It’s a sign that you’re tired and want to go to sleep, or that you’re afraid to be honest with your intimate partner.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S2 Episode 6: Contracts Have a Place in Romance

Episode Summary

As unromantic as it sounds, legal agreements make romantic partnerships stronger.  Think of these contracts as insurance policies.  Prenuptial, postnuptial and cohabitation agreements allow partners to clearly define their boundaries and expectations for one another.

Anyone who thinks that legal agreements demean a romantic relationship are looking at it from a mistaken perspective.  Instead of signaling distrust or disrespect, contracts encourage partners to ask difficult questions, reveal financial philosophies and offer a fair and equitable distribution of assets, should the relationship dissolve.

Moreover, legal agreements can help protect partners from debt, ease fears over the future of dependents and make sure each person’s contributions to the family unit are recognized and valued.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how unfair it is when a person blames their partner for their unhappiness.

Show Notes

On the surface, the idea of contracts and love together may not make much sense. After all, contracts aren’t exactly romantic. However, the fact is, there is definitely a place for contracts in your relationship. By defining terms and agreements through contracts, it can take off a lot of pressure in certain situations.

Contracts are like insurance policies. If you and your partner can make thoughtful decisions that reflect your relationship at that time and account for future possible scenarios, you show your position and reinforce the commitment and understanding of each other’s perspective.

When most people think of contracts, prenuptial agreements for example, people often look at it through the lens of finances. But if you can’t talk about finances openly early on, you probably shouldn’t be with your partner. Setting expectations will help to avoid conflict later down the road.

If you’re being upfront and honest in your relationship, there shouldn’t be any issue cementing those expectations through a contract. Whether it’s money, property, or agreements about your children, contracts can help define what would happen in the instance of a separation and can actually make that process much less difficult.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people blame their partner for their unhappiness. It’s a sign of immaturity and is often used to rationalize bad behavior. Weak, lazy people do this to avoid taking responsibility for their lives. It can be used to deflect attention and is often a defense mechanism. It’s a learned behavior that gets passed on from one generation to the next.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S2 Episode 5: Empathy is Relationship Tonic

Episode Summary

As the saying goes, there is always two sides to every story.  Never is this more apropos than when experiencing a conflict in a romantic relationship.  If you want to have a successful interaction with your partner, make sure to practice empathy.  Try to understand their perspective by being open to what they have to say.  

Remember, you don’t have to agree with your partner to validate their feelings and show them respect.  When you try to understand where they are coming from or why they have certain beliefs, you offer them the opportunity to share more of themselves.  When people feel heard and understood in relationships it creates an environment where intimacy, trust and respect is easily built.

Moreover, when you practice empathy in a relationship you come to understand how your partner thinks and reacts.  This allows you to gain the upper hand in certain situations by allowing you to counter their arguments or reasoning.  It empowers you to advocate for yourself while seeing the other side of things.  Empathy is a skill set that can be developed and applied consistently in a romantic relationship.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when a partner picks an argument in front of other couples.

Show Notes

The importance of empathy cannot be emphasized enough in a relationship. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes; to truly be able to understand their perspective. When your partner feels understood by you, they are so much more willing to listen. It works the same way when you feel understood, too.

Some people are naturally more empathetic than others. That said, empathy can be taught. If you want to be in a healthy relationship, you have to be willing to see things from your partner’s perspective. You don’t always have to agree with it, but you have to respect and understand their perspective.

You may have experienced relationships in the past that reflected an imbalance in empathy—perhaps you’ve had more empathy than your partner. It’s actually a benefit because you can more easily understand the decisions your partner makes and where they are coming from.

Keep in mind that empathy can be used for good or evil. Understanding your partner’s thinking gives you the upper hand in countering arguments and strengthening your own arguments. The easiest way to develop your empathy is to step back and imagine how you might react in another person’s situation.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When my partner picks an argument in front of other couples. It’s disrespectful to your partner and the people around you. When you point out something your partner does wrong, you're belittling them in front of people they may care about. If you continue to nitpick your partner in public, resentment will grow. You should always be a united front with your partner in front of other people.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S2 Episode 4: Advocate for Yourself Because No One Else Will

Episode Summary

Advocacy and self-preservation go hand in hand.  You cannot have one without the other.  Yet, females are often discouraged from developing and honing their advocacy skills at an early age.  This needs to stop.  Advocacy is beneficial for individuals and couples alike.  It is a skill set that can literally save your life!

It is healthy to be able to identify your wants and needs to others, especially in a romantic relationship.  Your partner is not a mind-reader.  The only way they can respect your boundaries and fulfill your desires is if they are aware of what these are.

People who can advocate on their own behalf will be able to advocate for others, especially in times of stress.  You must get comfortable making your voice heard and respected.  You owe it to yourself and to any person who may be dependent on you, such as a child, an elderly family member or even your partner.  Moreover, the more you practice advocacy, the better you get at establishing boundaries without offending others.  Finding your voice empowers you to build healthy relationships.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss long-distance relationships and the impact they have on your happiness.

Show Notes

In relationships, you have to look out for your own self-interests. No one can look out for you better than you can. Men are typically taught this from a young age, whereas women are sometimes conditioned to people please because putting your needs first is “rude.” It’s time to throw that out the door.

The moment you depend on another person to put your self-interests first, you will lose. Even if the person loves you, they will still put their interests first most of the time. If you can advocate for yourself, you can express what you need from your partner.

A person who is very good at advocating for others typically knows how to advocate for themselves. If you ever come to a moment where you need to advocate for your partner or your children, it will come from a place of knowing how important it is to express your needs too. Advocacy isn’t just setting boundaries and communicating them, it’s understanding what really matters to you.

Every day you should practice advocating for yourself, especially if it doesn’t come naturally to you. You have needs, wants, and desires. That’s okay, and you are allowed to express it. When two people in a relationship can advocate for themselves and each other, they become a powerful unit.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people waste time on long-distance relationships that were doomed to fail. Words are nothing without action, and with distance between you most actions are near impossible. It stops people from being present and moving forward in their lives. It wastes time and energy for both people, and they rarely work out in the end.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S2 Episode 3: What is an Exit Strategy and Why You Need One 

Episode Summary

For many people, ending a romantic relationship is one of the most difficult things they can imagine and so they often make choices that are unintentionally hurtful, damaging, and disrespectful to their former partner.  Whether it is very early in a relationship or a couple is married, how you end a relationship can have serious emotional, physical and financial consequences if it is not done correctly or in a respectful manner.  Hence the importance of an exit strategy.

Once you have identified your wants and needs, it becomes obvious in a relationship if the other person is meeting your expectations.  If the person you initially selected is no longer fulfilling your emotional or physical needs, then you should move on.  By entering every relationship armed with the knowledge that there will be an expiration date, you should have an exit strategy in the back of your mind as you make life-altering decisions.

Practicing self-preservation is not only healthy for you, it is a respectful act towards your partner.  By setting appropriate boundaries and not allowing another person to pressure you into making a more serious commitment than you want or are ready for, you are protecting each person from making costly mistakes.  If the two of you are in a healthy relationship that satisfies both of your needs and wants, the exit strategy is nothing more than an insurance policy.  You hope you never have to use it, but if something happens, you are prepared to walk away minimizing the damage to you and the person you once cared for.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how disrespectful it is when a partner agrees with you just to shut you up.

Show Notes

Do you have a relationship exist strategy? We always talk about starting and maintaining a relationship, but rarely do we discuss the proper ways of ending a relationship. An exit strategy is a plan you keep in the back of your mind to end the relationship in a way that minimizes damage to yourself and damage to the other person.

Your exit strategy is like an insurance policy. You don’t want the bad thing to happen, but you’re covering yourself in case it does. It never hurts to be prepared. Communicating your intention to end the relationship because it is not a good match should be done in a clear, respectful manner so that everyone can preserve their dignity.

It helps to think ahead. The more complicated and involved the relationship becomes, the more complicated and involved your exit strategy will have to be.

The intention of an exit strategy is to give you peace of mind. You’re able to make decisions about the future when you’re in a clear state of mind, as opposed to being caught up in the emotions of the moment. Being prepared for what could happen in your relationship is never a bad idea.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner agrees with you just so you’ll shut up. This is passive-aggressive behavior and leaves no satisfaction on either end. It’s also dismissive and counterproductive. It indicates the individual who always agrees has zero interest in understanding your wants and needs.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S2 Episode 2:  Communicate What? Communicate This!

Episode Summary

Communication is one of the cornerstones of a healthy relationship.  Communication is not just one person telling the other what they want and/or need from a relationship.  Appropriate communication involves active listening as well as acceptance.  If you want to be heard, you have to be willing to listen and process what is being said.  Developing appropriate communication skills will serve you and your relationship.

In order to effectively communicate with your partner, you need to understand their communication style.  Are they more comfortable speaking with you in person, in writing, or a combination of both?  Once you understand how your partner communicates, you can adjust your response strategy.  Take your time before you respond.  Never assume you know what they are about to say. Don’t let initial emotional reactions get in the way of hearing your partner’s message.

Moreover, give yourself and your partner time to properly process what is being said.  You would be surprised by how much answers change when people have the chance to really think about how things.  

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss who pays on the first date.

Show Notes

Open, clear, non-judgmental communication is a crucial and necessary part of a healthy relationship. When people communicate with their partners, they sometimes forget it’s a two-way street. It’s never one person bombarding the other with a message they want to deliver.

Open communication requires both parties to be open to hearing what the other person has to say without reacting, because if you are reacting, you’re not listening. You’re coming up with how you’re going to respond. Instantly getting ready to respond will never bring you what you ultimately want.

You should always leave room for your partner to speak without thinking you automatically know what they are going to say, even if you’ve known them for a long time and feel safe to assume what they’re trying to communicate. Let the other person finish what they’re saying, and if you still don’t understand, ask follow up questions.

It’s important to note that people do have their own unique communication styles too. Knowing your partner’s communication style will help you move forward more productively in a conversation. It’s also a much better option to talk face-to-face when having an important conversation so you can catch all the nuances of communication.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people judge a person who doesn’t offer to pay on the first date. Maybe you were rude or were nasty to the server. Maybe you seemed uninterested. The rules have changed, and you can’t always expect a man to pay for the date. This person rendering judgment needs to practice some self-awareness.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S2 Episode 1: Your Reality is Your Perception, Not Your Partner’s

Episode Summary

Each of us comes into a romantic relationship with preconceived notions of what we want, need and expect from our partner.  Some of us are better at communicating those things than others.  Unfortunately, a significant number of arguments in relationships come from conflicting perceptions of a particular situation.  Two people can see the identical thing in vastly different ways.

When you accept that your perception of any given situation may be different than your partner’s, it allows for better communication.  Try to understand their point of view.  It does not mean you have to agree with it.  However, when you validate your partner, they are more likely to be open to what you have to say.

Remember, feelings and opinions are not fact.  Each person in the relationship is entitled to their feelings and opinions.  Your job is to be respectful, even if you strongly disagree with your partner.  Always try to put yourself in their shoes before you judge.  You may be surprised with how legitimate their position may be if you make an effort to understand their perspective.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss a person’s need to analyze every spoken or written word in a relationship.

Show Notes

Perception is responsible for a lot of conflict in romantic relationships. When you enter into a partnership, you bring your own life experience, habits, sense of right from wrong, wants, and needs. All of these things can shape your perception of any given situation, and the same goes for your partner too.

Of course, in certain circumstances, there is no question between what’s right and what’s wrong. However, there are plenty of situations that leave room for differences in perception. You may think your position is the right one because you haven’t considered your partner’s point of view.

Feelings and opinions are not the same as facts, and what you see as a negative might be a positive in your partner’s eyes—or vice versa. This is why empathy is so important in a relationship. You and your partner don’t have to agree, but you do need to step back and appreciate the other person’s point of view.

Understanding your partner’s perspective can help with communication because it allows you to validate their perspective. You don’t need to share the same reality as your partner, but you do need to appreciate and understand their point of view.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people want to analyze every word spoken or written in a relationship. Spending too much of your time speculating about the meaning behind your partner's words leads to anger and resentment. It’s exhausting and it’s a waste of time to constantly read between the lines. It signals poor communication and is a sign the person isn’t getting what they want from the relationship.

Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook.

Visit us at www.romancipation.com