Rooted

"It takes work to remain single, as ridiculous as that may sound. Every person that presents themselves to you or shows interest in you, you do not have to entertain. 

The same way I feel you have to be intentional with dating, you have to be intentional with your singleness. 

If you have made this commitment to yourself then only you have the power to truly honor it, no one else can do that for you. If they want you now, they can want you in 1 or 2, 3 months when you feel like you’re ready or experienced the time alone you committed to."

In part 2 of Trusting, Healing, and Waiting while Dating, Katherine dives even deeper into the opportunities one can take advantage of while in the "season of single." Or really, any season of life these elements should be honored and reflected upon...

"I’ve been single for 4 1/2 years, and in those 4 1/2 years, if I’m being honest with myself, half of that was spent healing from my last relationship. Truly healing. It took so much longer than I wanted it to because turns out I don’t get to choose how long it takes for me to heal.

But something I want to be sure to point out is we don’t have to be “fully healed” in order to be open to giving and receiving love. I mean, are any of us ever truly healed?

Healing is not linear, but so many times we get fixated on this idea that once we get to 'this' point of healing, this 'magical point' that we don’t know when it is, but when it happens we’ll just magically know, but once we get there - thennnnn we’ll be ready for relationship."

"There’s more to life than what we accept. 

There’s more to life than what we allow ourselves to settle for.

But we have to fight for it. Each day is a fight for our life, and that will look different for each of us.

But you are worth the fight."

In this episode of Rooted, Katherine shares her recent feelings of being unmotivated and feeling "in a funk." She discusses the ways we enable and negotiate with ourselves, but ultimately, no one else can "save us" - this is work only we can do. 

"The enemy convinces us to stay isolated with what we're REALLY struggling with…that If anyone knew, no one would look at us the same...

If people at church knew what I have done…if she actually knew who I really was...they think the know, but they have no idea the mistakes I’ve made and the past I have....

So what happens is we take all of these thoughts and we remain isolated in our shame, in our guilt, in our hurt, in our pain, because we think that’s easier than showing or telling people who we REALLY are.

'Bonding is one of the most basic and foundational ideas in life and the universe. It is a basic human need.

Our emotional and pyschological well-being depends on the status of our heart, and the status of our heart depends on the depth of our bonds with others and with God.' - Changes that Heal, Dr. Henry Cloud"

In this epsidoe of Rooted, Katherine explores the dynamics of relationship and the importance of being able to trust ourselves, so that we can trust others. 

"When we say we hate something about ourselves, do we actually hate them? Or are they just things that people, or culture, or society have made us feel bad for?

Often times when someone else makes us feel bad about something about ourselves, it’s things they possess - suppress - and then project onto you, so you can hate yourself as much as they do."

It's 2021, we're not letting other people project their self-hate onto us. 

In this episode of Rooted, Katherine reflects on her own relationship with self-hate and the power that is waiting for all of us on the other side of it....

"When I first moved to Portland I actually deleted all my social media and got off all dating apps I was on. I did not want any distractions, I intentionally wanted this time with my thoughts and with myself. I knew I was going to struggle, I knew I was going to have a lot of lonely moments, but I wanted to feel everything. I did not want to numb it with social media or men, I wanted to experience the whole experience.

Plus, I did not want to date out of distraction. I wanted to date with intentionality - when I was ready. 

Don’t find someone out of loneliness, find someone out of wholeness.

I know the desire for human connection is real, trust, I still have moments of loneliness. But I’ve tried to shift my perspective that I GET the opportunity to spend this quality time with myself right now. I can use it destructively to do or think things that make me feel worse, which I absolutely have done, or I can pour in so that when the opportunity for connection comes I’m operating out of a place of wholeness already."

In this episode, Katherine shares her own experience with loneliness, pandemic depression, and ways to be pro-active about connecting with others. 

"There were times in life where I would be hurt when someone didn't fight for me or fight for 'us,' but I realized I needed to learn to fight for myself.

When was the last time you fought for yourself?

Did you ever learn to love yourself? Who taught you? What does that look like?

What if what we learned wasn't healthy? What if we now have to fight to unlearn it?"

In this part 2 of Love, Katherine elaborates on last week's episode of what love looks like in each of our lives, how different everyone's experience and journey will be. She discusses family dynamics of love and relationship, generational strongholds, and provides prompts for deeper reflection into our origins of love by Mindful Marriage and Family Therapy LLC.

"Healing others won’t compensate for the healing we ourselves need. Loving others won’t compensate for the love we need to give ourselves.

It took me awhile to realize that I am a power source, therefore, I cannot allow everyone access to me, to have access to me is a privilege, and when I started initiating this in my life it became a form of self love.

Love is this infinite, vast, unconditional resource, it can't be boxed or defined...but if we have a distorted definition of what love is, how can we properly give it to others? But most importantly, how can we give it to ourselves?"

In this episode, through personal stories and journal notes, Katherine dives into the complexities of the Love: Self love, ego love, in love, hurt love, God love, receiving love, giving love. She invites her listeners to examine their own relationship with love and challenges us all to go deeper with what we already *think* we believe about it. 

“Discovering the truth of who we are is so powerful because once we know the truth, we can never un-know it. 

Where our truth lies, our power resides.”

In this episode, Katherine explores the journey of self discovery, and asks listeners to question what identity they're operating from?

"When you think of becoming or working towards becoming a better version of yourself, who is it you’re trying to be? What does that look like? Because you’re already that person, again, it’s just clearing out the other versions of ourselves that we’ve created.

We partner with the beliefs we have about ourselves - what do you believe? This isn’t what others think about you, or who are what others say you are. This goes directly to the root of what do you actually believe about yourself, the good the bad the ugly. It’s so important to get to the root of this because out of these beliefs grows everything.

Perspective is a choice. What are you choosing to see everyday, and through what lens are you choosing to view it? Is your perspective reinforcing a reality you want? If not, what shifts can you make right now to start changing that?"

In this episode, Katherine dives into the power of perspective, and how it can work for us - or against us. She concludes the episode with changes listeners can start making TODAY in order to start shifting their perspective.