Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

By The Irish TimesComedy

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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly episodes

September 19, 2025 ‘You were mugged in Dalkey? Things like that don’t happen there’
Sorcha lets out a scream when she sees me. It reminds me of the time during the recession when her BT loyalty cord was downgraded from Platinum to Electrum. It’s, like, high-pitched and – yeah, no – blood-curdling?
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7 min
September 12, 2025 ‘I didn’t do a tap in school and yet life worked out pretty well for me’
This is me in my absolute element. I’m there, “Rugby is a sport in which you travel forwards by going backwards, in which to succeed is to ‘try’ and in which the ball is shaped with the actual intention of breaking your hort.”
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7 min
September 05, 2025 ‘The old man running a restaurant is like asking me to teach physics through Irish’
Sorcha says she’s delighted for my old man. Yeah, no, as you may or may not have read in the pages of this paper, he and Hennessy Coghlan-O’Hara have bought Shanahan’s on the Green and are planning to reopen it in, like, two weeks’ time.
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6 min
August 29, 2025 ‘Rugby is the best idea we’ve ever come up with as a species,’ I go, channelling Fr Fehily
It’s finally here. A day I’ve dreamt about for, like, 12 years. Brian, Johnny and Leo are storting school in Castlerock College, where their old man famously went and his old man before him.

irishtimes.com
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7 min
August 22, 2025 Sorcha goes, ‘The Dalkey Lobster Festival is this weekend. How am I going to show my face?’
“I remember when you got your Leaving Cert results,” Sorcha’s old man goes. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of you, Dorling.”
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7 min
August 15, 2025 ‘I think you should have a conversation with Honor about her drinking,’ Sorcha goes
So – yeah, no – we’re in the cor, on the way to the airport, to collect Honor, who’s coming home from her Leaving Cert holiday in, believe it or not, Magaluf.
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6 min
August 08, 2025 ‘I got thrun out of Amedica,’ Ronan goes. ‘Me visa was revoked’
So I’m walking around town with Ronan and – yeah, no – we’re playing a game we used to play when he was, like, eight years old: when we pass a shop or restaurant, he tells me whether it’s a real business or a money-laundering front.
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8 min
August 01, 2025 When Honor drops the news, I sit there with my mouth open like someone from Roscommon seeing escalators for the first time
Sorcha tells Honor that she’s leaving it very late.

Honor’s like, “What are you talking about?”

And Sorcha goes, “I’m talking about the debs, Honor.”

Honor’s there, “Not this again,” and she’s right because her old is like a dog with a chew toy.
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6 min
July 25, 2025 The old dear made a seating plan for her own funeral. She didn’t want ugly people in the first three pews
Sorcha says I can’t wear those.

And I’m like, “My Dubes? What’s wrong with my Dubes?”

She goes, “You can’t wear Dubes to a funeral, Ross. Put a pair of actual shoes on.”
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7 min
July 18, 2025 I get this sudden flashback to when I was six or seven and I’d hold the wheel steady for the old dear while she drove home, half-cut
“Okay,” the old man goes, “here’s another one you, Kicker!” because – yeah, no – he’s written a book of his Fifty Years of Letters to The Irish Times, which Honor has helped pull together for him. “Listen to this one! Dear Madam. Whilst sorting through the vegetable tower in the kitchen the other morning, I discovered an oval-shaped tuber with a pale yellow flesh. Is this a record?”

No one laughs – except him, of course?
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7 min