Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times

By The Irish Times

Comedy

What's Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times about?

Described by George Hook as the greatest Irish player never to make it and described by everyone else who knows him as a shallow, self-obsessed idiot.

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LAST EPISODE

‘You are not giving me a co...

10.22.2021

Blinky the borbor in Monkstown suggests a Jude Law or a Matt Damon See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times episodes:

10.22.2021 ‘You are not giving me a combover’ Blinky the borbor in Monkstown suggests a Jude Law or a Matt Damon See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
10.15.2021 Ross O’Carroll Kelly: ‘I can’t go bald. I’m 41 – but I’m, like, a young 41?’ The latest dispatch from Ross O'Carroll Kelly, as read by Paul Howard. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
10.08.2021 'My children are storting to grow on me' 'Since they storted school at Willow Pork, it’s been rugby, rugby, rugby, with no mention of soccer' From The Irish Times, this is Ross O'Carroll-Kelly's weekly audio column, read by Paul Howard. irishtimes.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
10.01.2021 ‘He has a dreamcatcher tattoo on the back of his wrist. It’s like he does these things deliberately to make me hate him’ Hennessy pulls out the big guns to help settle a case of caravan arson From The Irish Times, this is Ross O'Carroll-Kelly's weekly audio column, read by Paul Howard. irishtimes.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
09.24.2021 "I’m having Vietnam-style flashbacks here" Mad as it sounds, sometimes it’s easier to tell the girl the truth. I’m like, ‘Honor burned down the caravan, Sorcha’ From The Irish Times, this is Ross O'Carroll-Kelly's weekly audio column, read by Paul Howard. See acast.com/privacy for privacy ...
09.18.2021 "Sorcha did Fake Sincerity as an extracurricular subject in Mount Anville" Sorcha samples kalettes and deactivated pecans as Ross gets accused of arson See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
09.11.2021 "First day in Willow Pork for the triplets – the absolute shame of it" The cor pork is full of BMW X5s, or, for older moms putting the last of the dynasty through the school, Volvo XC90s. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
09.04.2021 "My fingers are actually shaking as I type my exam number into the laptop" The Leaving Cert results are about to go online and Ross's family are gathered around the kitchen island to find out how he's done. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
08.27.2021 ‘I genuinely don’t think I’m ready to be a Blackrock dad’ Willow Pork is the only school to take the triplets, they’ve been on Joe Duffy too many times See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
08.20.2021 "Honor says she’s not getting the Covid vaccine" Sorcha’s family conference to discuss registration for teenagers doesn’t quite go to plan See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
08.19.2021 "You don't seem angry, like a lot of people who are into the Irish language" - Normal Sheeple excerpt #4 Ross goes on a date with Marianne the Irish teacher, beginning with Mass. This is the final of four excerpts from the latest Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book Normal Sheeple - out now. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
08.18.2021 "It's a ball, but not an ordinary-shaped ball. This one is, like, round" - Normal Sheeple excerpt #3 On holidays in Kerry, Ross has a chance encounter with some locals and tries his hand at Gaelic football. The third of four exclusive excerpts from the new Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book Normal Sheeple. Normal Sheeple is out now. See acast.com/privacy ...
08.17.2021 "Out of the hundred or so people seated for dinner, I'm the only one wearing a Leinster jersey" - Normal Sheeple excerpt #2 This week we're bringing you four exclusive excerpts from the latest Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book, Normal Sheeple, which is released on Wednesday 18th August. Today: Ross and Sorcha attend a dinner in honour of President Putin, who makes an unusual request. ...
08.16.2021 "Everyone's clapping as Sorcha steers Samantha Power to the front row" - Normal Sheeple excerpt #1 This week we're bringing you four exclusive excerpts from the latest Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book, Normal Sheeple, which is released on Wednesday 18th August. Today: Sorcha takes control of Samantha Power's visit to her alma-mater Mount Anville. See acast.com/privacy for privacy ...
08.07.2021 ‘His wife moves the cursor on his work laptop every five minutes, so it doesn’t go into sleep mode’ Toni Loscher next door is power-washing the wooden patio again. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
07.30.2021 ‘I want you to, like, Insta-story my Covid test journey’ Sorcha and her ‘symptoms’ want me to tag along for her PCR test See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
07.23.2021 'Are you suggesting I pretend to have Covid?’ I end up lying on her behalf to get her out of an unwanted visit to – oh my God – Lusk See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
07.17.2021 ‘Hennessy Coghlan-O’Hara taught me how to drink a Mortini in three mouthfuls’ Ross’ father is determined to make sure a birthday party takes place indoors in the Horseshoe Bar See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
07.09.2021 ‘Ronan showed me how to light a fire and make it look like an accident’ Ross can’t face a week in a mobile home with Garret and Claire, but Honor has a plan See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
07.02.2021 ‘I’d rather rip out my molars with a pliers than holiday in Ireland again’ ‘So what’s there to see in Ballycanew?’ ‘A Daybreak and a Londis’ See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
06.26.2021 ‘You’ve massively disimproved with age ... The big, fat rugby head on you’ I'm looking at the other 41-year-old men and I’m thinking how well I look by comparison See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
06.18.2021 ‘I’ll throw on my nudey lady borbecue apron’ Sorcha panics during a gathering of friends but Ross is on hand to help See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
06.11.2021 I’m like Cersei Lannister – refusing to leave the throne It’s the first day of the Leaving Cert and my hands are shaking like the old dear’s when I hide the corkscrews See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
05.28.2021 ‘There wasn’t even a turn-down service, Judge. I’ll be having flashbacks for as long as I live’ ‘I’d rather spend next 12 months in prison than endure one more night in a limited services hotel’ See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
05.21.2021 ‘Rugby banter is taking a dump in someone’s shoes’ Ross is pressured into chopping off Christian’s top knot in the name of ‘rugby banter’ See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
05.14.2021 ‘Rugby is not pass the porcel, Morcus’ Rugby training is back and Brian, Johnny and Leo are in a loser pod See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
05.07.2021 'Then she says it – the words all south Dublin parents dread' Honor gets frank with Ross after he fails to see the painful truth about his boys’ rugby abilities See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
04.30.2021 ‘They brought a corvery dinner to my room!’ ‘Who in the name of God eats four types of potato with their dinner?’ See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
04.23.2021 ‘We’re looking for Fionnuala O’Carroll-Kelly. She absconded from quarantine this morning’ Ross's parents continue to play by their own rules when it comes to lockdown. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
04.17.2021 'I just assumed quarantine wouldn’t affect people like us' Ross's mother finds herself in mandatory hotel quarantine. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
04.09.2021 ‘Get in before they change their minds and haul your orse back to jail’ Ross collects his unrepentant anti-lockdown dad from Mountjoy. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
04.02.2021 My opening line in the Irish oral was ‘Bonjour’. I never really recovered after that Honor devises a strategy for Ross as he attempts the exam for the second time See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
03.26.2021 ‘The judge tells us – in, like, legal language – to shut the fock up’ The old man tells the court he broke lockdown and refuses ‘to live under your mortial law!’ See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
03.20.2021 ‘We’re not a priority for the vaccine.’ ‘Even though we’re rich?’ Honor learns money can't buy everything as Ross and Sorcha purge their friend lists See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
03.12.2021 ‘I urge you all – standing here, in the People’s Pork – to remove your masks!’ It’s a mask-off in Dún Laoghaire as the old man leads an anti-lockdown march See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
03.05.2021 ‘Netflix is port of the conspiracy! A form of methadone’ Just google George Soros Molesworth Street and it’s all there! We have all been had... See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
02.26.2021 ‘We can’t just dump all our rubbish in the front gorden, Sorcha' 'Every single room in this house is haunted by the guilt of my failure’ See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
02.19.2021 "Wuthering Heights is basically the story of my life" Ross likens his life to Heathcliff’s – especially when it comes to women See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
02.12.2021 'After a year of being locked up together, we are sick and tired of the sight of each other’ ‘You asked me the other night was I breathing louder than usual?’ See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
02.05.2021 ‘Have you seen the chemtrails over Foxrock this morning?’ Sorcha loses it with Ross’s dad on Zoom when he discusses conspiracy theories See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
01.29.2021 ‘I know every mork on the floor, the walls and the ceiling of this bor’ Every – I don’t know – significant thing that ever happened in my life has some association with Kielys of Donnybrook See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
01.22.2021 ‘75? What on earth makes you think I’m 75?’ ‘They’re using the vaccine to force people to say they’re over 70 when they’d pass for 50’ See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
01.15.2021 ‘Honor has been, like, homeschooling me’ I’ve never passed an exam in my entire life. I’m still driving on a provisional See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
01.08.2021 ‘The pressure of being the cool parent ends up being too much’ I stand up on a chair and I take down the three guns... See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
01.01.2021 ‘Do Dry January? That’s crazy talk’ No booze, swearing or sweets – Sorcha has new year’s resolutions for all the family See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
12.18.2020 ‘I want a Christmas that Tony Holohan would approve of’ Sorcha is determined to stage a Christmas Day gathering that complies with safety guidelines See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
12.11.2020 ‘How much moo are we talking – for, like, midnight Mass in, say, Foxrock?’ Ronan is making a mint from black market Mass tickets until three wise men arrive See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
12.04.2020 ‘One of your Three Wise Men stuck his middle finger up at me’ All of a sudden I’ve got a woman asking me if I find food intolerances funny.. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
11.27.2020 The kitchen smells of rum. Either my old dear is over or Sorcha’s baking a Christmas cake Storting Christmas early could be good for our mental health... See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
11.20.2020 ‘I’ve storted a rumour Matt Damon wants to build a house on Coliemore road’ I just want him to see what people from Dalkey are really like. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Older episodes

Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times

What's Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times about?

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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly @ The Irish Times episodes:

‘You are not giving me a combover’

Ross O’Carroll Kelly: ‘I can’t go bald. I’m 41 – but I’m, like, a young 41?’

'My children are storting to grow on me'

‘He has a dreamcatcher tattoo on the back of his wrist. It’s like he does these things deliberately to make me hate him’

"I’m having Vietnam-style flashbacks here"

"Sorcha did Fake Sincerity as an extracurricular subject in Mount Anville"

"First day in Willow Pork for the triplets – the absolute shame of it"

"My fingers are actually shaking as I type my exam number into the laptop"

‘I genuinely don’t think I’m ready to be a Blackrock dad’

"Honor says she’s not getting the Covid vaccine"

"You don't seem angry, like a lot of people who are into the Irish language" - Normal Sheeple excerpt #4

"It's a ball, but not an ordinary-shaped ball. This one is, like, round" - Normal Sheeple excerpt #3

"Out of the hundred or so people seated for dinner, I'm the only one wearing a Leinster jersey" - Normal Sheeple excerpt #2

"Everyone's clapping as Sorcha steers Samantha Power to the front row" - Normal Sheeple excerpt #1

‘His wife moves the cursor on his work laptop every five minutes, so it doesn’t go into sleep mode’

‘I want you to, like, Insta-story my Covid test journey’

'Are you suggesting I pretend to have Covid?’

‘Hennessy Coghlan-O’Hara taught me how to drink a Mortini in three mouthfuls’

‘Ronan showed me how to light a fire and make it look like an accident’

‘I’d rather rip out my molars with a pliers than holiday in Ireland again’

‘You’ve massively disimproved with age ... The big, fat rugby head on you’

‘I’ll throw on my nudey lady borbecue apron’

I’m like Cersei Lannister – refusing to leave the throne

‘There wasn’t even a turn-down service, Judge. I’ll be having flashbacks for as long as I live’

‘Rugby banter is taking a dump in someone’s shoes’

‘Rugby is not pass the porcel, Morcus’

'Then she says it – the words all south Dublin parents dread'

‘They brought a corvery dinner to my room!’

‘We’re looking for Fionnuala O’Carroll-Kelly. She absconded from quarantine this morning’

'I just assumed quarantine wouldn’t affect people like us'

‘Get in before they change their minds and haul your orse back to jail’

My opening line in the Irish oral was ‘Bonjour’. I never really recovered after that

‘The judge tells us – in, like, legal language – to shut the fock up’

‘We’re not a priority for the vaccine.’ ‘Even though we’re rich?’

‘I urge you all – standing here, in the People’s Pork – to remove your masks!’

‘Netflix is port of the conspiracy! A form of methadone’

‘We can’t just dump all our rubbish in the front gorden, Sorcha'

"Wuthering Heights is basically the story of my life"

'After a year of being locked up together, we are sick and tired of the sight of each other’

‘Have you seen the chemtrails over Foxrock this morning?’

‘I know every mork on the floor, the walls and the ceiling of this bor’

‘75? What on earth makes you think I’m 75?’

‘Honor has been, like, homeschooling me’

‘The pressure of being the cool parent ends up being too much’

‘Do Dry January? That’s crazy talk’

‘I want a Christmas that Tony Holohan would approve of’

‘How much moo are we talking – for, like, midnight Mass in, say, Foxrock?’

‘One of your Three Wise Men stuck his middle finger up at me’

The kitchen smells of rum. Either my old dear is over or Sorcha’s baking a Christmas cake

‘I’ve storted a rumour Matt Damon wants to build a house on Coliemore road’

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