People tend to confuse feeling your feelings with ruminating. Rehashing the same story over and over is not processing your feelings—that’s ruminating. It’s a way of staying focused on stories and the meaning you give them. It’s also a way of avoiding your deeper feelings. You think you’re “processing,” but you’re really just marinating in your juices. Sitting with your feelings WITHOUT attaching stories is a different experience. When you ruminate, you need to solve a problem and often need something from someone else to come to a resolution. When you feel your feelings, there is a peaceful end; a feeling of calm. You don’t need anything external.

Feeling your feelings is hard and people will perform all sorts of acrobatics to avoid doing it. But when you go around in circles with the same problem and rehash old stories, you don’t make any movement. Instead of feeling resolved, you’re frustrated. You are in a constant state of reaction where you remain stuck. Connecting with your deeper emotions will get you out of your head and out of the swirling toilet bowl where you can come to a peaceful resolution.