Your social brain "thinks" that if you are extra hard on yourself it will motivate you to do better.

But the opposite is true: The more you make yourself feel bad, the more you unconsciously do things to justify bad feelings.

Shame kills your mojo more than anything else. Kills performance. Disconnects you from your instincts and "soul."

This episode is on freeing yourself from shame considering:

* Evolutionary basis of this social emotion.

* Why self-shaming backfires. (Transactional Analysis)

* A simple but profound solution from the “Father of modern therapy,” Dr. Carl Rogers.

ruwando.substack.com

Anabolic Psyche course: go.anabolicpsyche.com (see Dopamine Detox add-on)

INSTINCT coaching group just started. Message me for info.

"Men's Personal Development" wasn't a thing even one generation ago. It became so due to shifts in culture and technology. It also is a lens on the changes in male collective consciousness.

This episode analyzes the 4 recent iterations of men's work--culturally, psychologically, and technologically-- and what it says about where male psychology is headed.

Text summary is available at: ruwando.substack.com

Anti-stress/brain chemistry course for men: go.anabolicpsyche.com

Get the course for $17, do it, and get my $497 ACM course free!

Also new group coaching program just started. Message Ruwan for details.

After a weird COVID relationship, a friend lent me a copy of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.

While dated in terms of style, I was shocked at how useful it was 20 years later.

I was also surprised that John had a lot to say about semen retention when I interviewed him.

Little did I know, he has a deeply spiritual (and sexual) past.

On that note, you can get Arousal Control Mastery (normally $497) for free if you take and complete the Anabolic Psyche mini-course within a timeframe.

https://go.anabolicpsyche.com/

Reposting this one, as I'm preparing a new episode on the Evolution of Men's Personal Development: Transformation of the Male Unconscious, where I reference 90's self-help.

Stay tuned!

Is there a formula for getting your way (with people or circumstances)?

In my experience, there are certain qualities that make someone particularly magnetic in this sense.

I draw an actionable metaphor from the physics formula for literal magnetism,

Get the text version with breakdown and summary at ruwando.substack.com

Anabolic Psyche 2.0: go.anabolicpsyche.com

+ Get my Arousal Control program for free (if you complete Anabolic Psyche.)

Patrick was in a dark place when met—ultra Nice Guy submissive tendencies, deep feelings of undeservingness, enmeshing Mother Complex, and acting out with p*rn and prostitutes.

Six months later, his life reflected massive transformation—epic dating life, greater respect at work, and feelings of deservedness.

We recorded this about a year after when he chose to settle down with his now wife. (I had also just had my first child.) We discuss male transformation and stepping into the “King” archetype.

He also shares about what led to his rapid transformation:

“Sometimes you need to be punched so hard in the face that you wake up”

Here’s another favorite from some years ago. New stuff coming in 2026, including the new improved Anabolic Psyche course 2.0. (If you already purchased it, you’ve automatically got the upgrades + a secret bonus.)

10:00 How to choose to settle down in the most empowering way.

13:50 Effort vs. Flow in masculinity

16:21 False persona vs. real Self

30:05 We’re drawn to people who have what (think) we lack.

40:00 Rising into the King archetype

Patrick started his journey with the Masculine Archetype Challenge. Still comes with a complementary 1:1 coaching session with me, though I will discontinuing that soon because…

This January, I’m opening a group coaching container for men get in touch with their instincts to get massive results with women and purpose.

It will also be much more affordable than my 1:1 coaching.

But for now it will ONLY be available to guys who’ve already taken Anabolic Psyche (pre-req).

So join the new improved Anabolic Psyche to be notified: go.anabolicpsyche.com

Dropping an old favorite in honor of my anniversary today.

How to Help Her Into Her Feminine covers what a man can do to help a woman move from her competitive (“masculine”) self to her interdependent (“feminine”) self.

It draws on some fringe lessons from BDSM, evolutionary biology, and case studies from many guys I’ve helped.

I recorded it shortly after our daughter was born. I wonder if you can hear the drop in testosterone in my voice.

(00:00:00): Irony of Attraction Shifts

(00:04:53): If Mama Ain’t Happy…

(00:10:54): Asymmetry + Connection Yin-Yang

(00:18:03): Concentric Circles Hierarchy

(00:27:47): Women’s Dual Stress

(00:39:03): Demonstrate, Don’t Demand

(00:43:40): Vision as Leader

Lots of new stuff coming in 2026! 

Subscribe to catch it free at: Ruwando.substack.com

Hack your brain chemistry: go.anabolicpsyche.com

Archetype Challenge: ruwando.com/archetype

The literal need to "protect and provide" is mostly obsolete in modern day. But women still desire to be contained when it comes to emotions, and to large degree, perceptions.

One of the huge differences between committed and not-so-committed relationships is the man's role in directing reality. Only then can a woman really feel her feelings, be present, be in her feminine.

It’s about a man’s role in containing a woman’s reality—All the heady, but sometimes necessary, parts of life that prevent her from being in the now, feeling her feelings, femininity…

I call this the Spiritual Perimeter. (As opposed the the basic Material Perimeter.)

Women want a man who is sure of what he’s doing more than whether or not he’s actually right... A woman will forgive you if you’re wrong.

* 00:00: Intro to truth in relationships

* 01:33: Symmetrical vs. asymmetrical dynamics

* 05:16: Defining the spiritual perimeter

* 12:58: Unifying reality through respect

* 26:40: Passing shit and comfort tests

* 35:31: Vision to prevent stagnation

* 46:42: Leading as one unit

Get the next post in your inbox. Free chapters of my next book ANIMA for subs only.

When I was 23, I fell in love with a drug addict. She was sexy and interesting. But more than that, she was WILD. 

If my life was a movie, she was cast as the Manic Pixie Dream Girl—the adolescent male fantasy of an the open-hearted nymph who saves the non-hero from mediocrity.

The MPDG highlights  a common male psychological wound. She also shows us how such a man can heal this wound, if he can avoid the emotional trap she represents.

An abbreviated text version of this episode can be found at ruwando.substack.com

It includes an excerpt of my book, ORGSM, A Memoir.

Get my book + redeem bonuses at https://orgsmbook.com/

If you’re struggling with this kind of pattern, shoot me a message or fill out the form below. I’d love to help. Everything 100% confidential.

https://ruwando.com/coaching

00:00 The Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope explained

01:50 How this relates to real life

03:24 New book: Taming the Anima

04:25 The history of Manic Pixie Dream Girl

11:50 The psychological lens of Manic Pixie Dream Girl

13:30 Manic Pixie in my life

19:45 The Savior Complex

20:39 Translating the trope into real life

22:54 The dark side of Manic Pixie Dream Girl

23:29 The health of relationship dynamic

26:25 How to stop dating Manic Pixie Dream Girls

29:39 Who is controlling the reality of your relationship?

34:15 John Wayne doesn’t need a Manic Pixie Dream Girl

36:00 Many guys work on themselves to get women

37:43 What type of guys avoid MPDG?

40:20 How did Odysseus avoid the sirens?

41:22 How to test a girl to see if she’s Manic Pixie?

43:02 What do secure women actually want?

44:11 The summary of Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope

Disney princesses are different today. So is our culture's Feminine Ideal.

Mrs. Meepagala and I debate on how these different female role models are imprinting the next generation of women, including our daughter.

Tomorrow I'm posting a concise article on the 3 different types female role models and their message to women on substack.

Subscribe to get it delivered to your inbox: ruwando.substack.com

If you're a woman looking to find the one in 2026, check out my wife's new book: idaretolove.com

#psychology #relationships #marriage #femininity #women #feminism

What makes one psychologically ready for a committed relationship?

Jung’s essay, “The Love Problem of a Student”, discusses the early stages social dynamics that have become common to us 100 years later— “free love” vs monogamy, infidelity, a woman’s dilemma of career vs. family.

00:37 The Love Problem of a Student

03:41 Love and Instincts

06:23 Homosexuality and Human Nature

29:24 Psychological Maturity and Relationships

33:00 Psychological Impact of Early Sexual Experiences

44:50 Older Women and Younger Men Dynamics

56:05 The Concept of Free Love

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