In this episode of Rye off the Bat, I'll like to dig abit deeper into why I have saviour complex.

"Ronnie, you only like broken girls"

This is sadly true. Fix things? I'm not sure, but it felt like this saviour complex has been with me for the longest time, even though now I'm better by being more aware.

But I decided to bare it out today, by exploring alittle deeper on why... I have saviour complex

we'll only be romantic when we're in love and parts we give to people, and we feel broken when we lose them. It is inevitable. But then again sometimes it is us giving away the parts of us the process of us learning to learn; and in return we also learn to love ourselves.

You snooze you lose; it's a household phrase where it is so commonly used that everybody knows. But why do we snooze then? What's making us do that, despite it being such a logically thing to do. Before we begin, the phrase was actually meant for us to put something off, but I also dig into another thing; literal snoozing.

Everyone who's struggling with some sort of depression knows that we may have times when we are reluctant to get out of bed; me too. And it just hits me today that, I snooze because I didn't felt like there's any consequences...

We always feel it's better looking back.

"How I wish I could be a student, then there's no responsibilities", "How I wish I'm a baby, don't have to do anything", the list goes on but you get me. But it's always looking that few phases back, from university looking back at your high school days, from working looking back at your college/uni times.

How about we try looking forward today?

Because if we had gone back then, had we didn't have our current psyche; it still would have "suck", and it's never better.

There's alot of us... right? The us before we change, the us before things change us, the us before we lose that part of ourselves. Think Theseus ship but with experience and memories.

I used to be such a wanderlust and I can't take another second of staying back here; I want to fly and I wanted to be free, but now I felt.... grounded.

It felt like I'd found some other priorities and things to work towards to but at the same time, I wonder if the me who's bitten by the travel bug is still in me.

Things hasn't been the best as the dosage of my prozac was increased; 2 capsule and it's been causing me abit of a brainfog.

It was hard to focus, and it felt like everything was a blur.

Perhaps I was also going through a spiral, and I have been down.

But on the bright side we would be coming back to doing weekly podcasts for Rye off the Bat on Wednesday!

There are always nights that hits me, when I was burying myself with work and life. I was once broken and depressed; spending time listing to songs of melancholy, getting myself lost in memory lane, stuck in the past and wondering what things could have been.

And... sometimes I realize it's okay. This bizarre way of pacing my sadness helps. And sometimes it is what I need; to feel alive again.

In this episode of Rye off React, Chilli and I checked out this interesting story of a friend group. What if you have a friend who have sort of a disability; and asked you to do a group cosplay for a costume party?

I decided to put myself through this cringefest again, doing a translation of this after I shared and after speaking to some close ones who'd taken a peek; I decided to do an English version.

I guess I had more fun doing this, as I'm commentary in hindsight and also how it felt for me back then. Commenting as a more mature person made me felt like... dammit, I really love myself really little back then, and was grabbing at anything who fed me with any little attention.

Perhaps a hopeless romantic no more.

Come join me for part 2 with a tinge of dark comedy and humour as I throw myself back into this emotional roller coaster ride again because I came across some Chinese songs that sent me on an emo spiral.

This is a special 2 part episode where I bare my heart out and found myself using dark humour and comedy to cope (and perhaps that's why I resort to laughter to cover my pain).

Part 2 is probably something unexpected; and due to the intensity of the content, this would be posted back to back (on Wednesday and Thursday)

I guess I'd consider this part of my collective. It was one of the days where I was listing to emotional Chinese songs on repeat; and I decided to dig around...

Only to find this :')

It was a letter in Chinese that I'd wrote to this girl whom I'd loved and disappeared and probably changed me... for better (or worst).

It was a can of worms that I'd never thought to open, but somehow the songs kinda just pushed me to it, however, maybe it's the universe's wishes; just felt alot more cathartic after.

Upon checking it happened in 2016, but last edited in 2018. Probably I itchy hand went to read and pressed something in Apple Notes.

This is a special 2 part episode where I bare my heart out and found myself using dark humour and comedy to cope (and perhaps that's why I resort to laughter to cover my pain).

Part 2 is probably something unexpected; and due to the intensity of the content, this would be posted back to back (on Wednesday and Thursday)