Natalie Haynes and guests return for half an hour of comedy and the Classics from the BBC Radio Theatre in London.  Natalie is a reformed comedian who is a little bit obsessive about Ancient Greece and Rome.  This time she's standing up in the name of Greek poet, Sappho, about whom we know so little, and most of what we think we know is made-up. But one thing is certain: her poetry is scorching, and unforgettable.  There will also be a lot of gossip from over a thousand years ago.  With special guests: Novelist Stella Duffy
Classicist Professor Edith Hall  With music from: LiTTLe MACHiNe.  Producer: Mary Ward-Lowery First broadcast on BBC Radio 4 in 2017.

Sappho

Natalie Haynes takes a fresh look at the ancient world, creating stand-up routines about figures from ancient Greece and Rome.

Comedy

Livia was the first Empress of Rome, a faithful wife, excellent friend and trusted advisor.  So why is she still best known as a serial killer? Natalie is joined by guests Dr Emma Southon and Professor Llewelyn Morgan to discuss the life of Livia.  Her marriage to the Emperor Augustus (Octavian) was a love-match.  They were both married to other people when they first met, but that didn't last long, despite the added complication of her pregnancy and existing child.  Before he became Emperor, Octavian was a powerful war lord who got what he wanted.  He wanted Livia.   He adopted her two sons and numerous other children but had none of his own.  The family was unlucky in losing many members to untimely death, and Livia seems often to have got the blame, however unreasonably.  But Augustus appears to have respected and loved his wife and not to have listened to the rumours.  Their marriage lasted over fifty years, but still she was accused of poisoning him (in a mysterious fig-painting incident) when he died at the ripe old age of seventy six. Rock star mythologist’ and reformed stand-up Natalie Haynes is obsessed with the ancient world. Here she explores key stories from ancient Rome and Greece that still have resonance today. They might be biographical, topographical, mythological or epic, but they are always hilarious, magical and tragic, mystifying and revelatory. And they tell us more about ourselves now than seems possible of stories from a couple of thousand years ago. Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery

Livia

Athene is charismatic and bloodthirsty, goddess of wisdom, war and...handicrafts. 
 
Owl-eyed Athene is not interested in love, although she is very fond of the hero Odysseus and gives him a leg-up whenever she can. War is Athene's thing, the bloodier the better. She's perfectly happy to humiliate and degrade her enemies, including the feisty and talented weaver Arachne, who challenges Athene to a weaving competition. Athene loves a scrap so it's game on: looms at dawn. She weaves a depiction of her own glorious success over Poseidon in the battle for Attica. Arachne creates a tapestry which shows scenes of gods tricking, seducing, assaulting and kidnapping mortal women. Her message is that the 'protection' of the gods is not worth the cost. Athene is speechless and it's clear who has won the challenge. But Arachne has to pay a price for victory.   Rock star mythologist and reformed stand-up Natalie Haynes is obsessed with the ancient world. Here she explores key stories from ancient Rome and Greece that still have resonance today. They might be biographical, topographical, mythological or epic, but they are always hilarious, magical and tragic, mystifying and revelatory. And they tell us more about ourselves now than seems possible of stories from a couple of thousand years ago. Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery

Athene

Natalie tells the powerful and painful story of Demeter's fight to get justice for her daughter Persephone.   Hades conspires with his siblings Zeus and Gaia to abduct Persephone and force her to live with him in the underworld as his wife.  Many versions of this story are sanitized for children but the original is not.  It is clear that Persephone is tricked and trafficked, that she hates and fears Hades and never becomes accustomed to life among the dead.  And that her mother Demeter is furious and grief-stricken.   The light is gone from Demeter's life and consequently from the world: crops fail and the people starve. It's only now that Zeus takes note of her pleas to get Persephone back. He doesn't really care about the people but he misses their gifts and praise. In a tour de force solo performance recorded at the Hay festival, Natalie reclaims the goddess' story for our times.  A story of a mother's love and fury that speaks painfully to us across millennia. Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery

Demeter

Epigrams, jokes, highly-polished poems in praise of the emperor. Oh, and absolute filth. These are what made the name of the first-century Roman poet Martial.
  
It has taken nearly two thousand years for Martial's work to be considered a fit subject for study by classicists.  His poems to the emperor may have been as highly crafted as a Fabergé egg, but nestled beside these jewels, in the same volume, were works of 'incomprehensible obscenity'. The Romans loved both, apparently. His work is still funny, and still shocking.   Natalie is joined by Professor Llewelyn Morgan and comedian Robin Ince to discover what we can learn about the poet and his readers from his work, and if he can still make us laugh.   Spoiler: he can. ‘Rock star mythologist’ and reformed stand-up Natalie Haynes is obsessed with the ancient world. She explores key stories from ancient Rome and Greece that still have resonance today. They might be biographical, topographical, mythological or epic, but they are always hilarious, magical and tragic, mystifying and revelatory. And they tell us more about ourselves now than seems possible of stories from a couple of thousand years ago. Producer...Mary Ward-Lowery

Martial

Natalie retells Homer's epic story in an extraordinary tour-de-force performance recorded in the BBC's Radio Theatre in Broadcasting House. The ancient original would most probably have been performed from memory, and Natalie does the same: twenty-four books in twenty-seven minutes. It's a story of homecoming.  Odysseus returns from the Trojan War, loses all his men in the course of his adventures, pauses for some pleasurable interludes of infidelity and some less pleasurable interludes of kidnap, and finally returns to his wife Penelope on the island of Ithaca after ten years of war and a further ten years of travelling.   ‘Rock star mythologist’ and reformed stand-up Natalie Haynes is obsessed with the ancient world. Here she explores key stories from ancient Rome and Greece that still have resonance today.  They might be biographical, topographical, mythological or epic, but they are always hilarious, magical and tragic, mystifying and revelatory. And they tell us more about ourselves now than seems possible of stories from a couple of thousand years ago.   This is the eighth series of the show and all the other episodes are available as podcasts on BBC Sounds. Producer: Mary Ward-Lowery

Sappho

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