Sarah Talks Schmidt

Schmidt, where the hell have you been?  Listen, it’s a pandemic baby!  I’ve been wearing the same quarantine lewk nearly every day, I no longer blow dry my hair, and I mostly don’t know what day it is.  I talk where I am and what I’ve been doing.  Mostly fishing, chopping wood, picking fruit, decorating my house.  Oh, not in real life.  In animal crossing.  I like to say I’m an animal crossing influencer, but for that, I’d have to have less trees, only one color flower, and my house has to match and listen, that’s not happening.  Do you understand any of what I said? Probably not.  Finally, Business Schmidt I should have started during pandemic times.  Mostly around tie dye items, but also focused on answering machine dating services, because no one wants to talk on Zoom. 

You ready? Let's go.

Where will be when these times are finally over (don't worry we're all alive in the version I'm predicting)? Listen, I'm trying to make sure Future Schmidt hasn't turned into a pile of mush with a drinking problem and an extreme fear of going outside.  Today's episode I'm focusing on where and what I'll be doing.  Odds are that, I’ll be craftier (and maybe you too!?!), I will have watched zero more Disney movies (seriously don't--everyone's parents are dead), and I’ll be a Star Wars expert.  People change okay?

Okay, you ready? Let's go.

Thanks for listening!  Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Today's episode is all about my screen time.  It's a scary world we're in and my screen time is up 40% since last week, and trust me, it's not going down for the foreseeable future #covid19problems. I talk about how apparently now I also video chat at work? Does that mean I can't look like I work from home anymore, even though I work from home?  I also discuss my new favorite reality show, Family Karma.  I love a semi-nonstaged family reality show because family can be really vicious to one another on TV, especially season 1 when they don't know they shouldn't tell us so much during confessionals.  Finally, I talk my latest documentary obsession that boosted my Covid-19 quarantine spirits at least 15%--Tiger King.  100% of Tiger King seemed not real, but apparently it's real.

Okay, you ready? Let's go.

Thanks for listening!  Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

We'll guys, get ready because I know Aunt Cin isn't.  I'm back in CT for the quarantine because California was pretty much the beginning of every dystopian novel I've ever read and I'll have PTSD for the rest of my life.  But listen, dark times aren't for this podcast.  Hopefully it's not the end of the world, so instead I'm going to focus on teaching you how to survive Work from Home (come on guys, you don't need colored charts, you just need to WORK), activities that will keep you busy during the quarantine, and Dos and Don'ts of Covid-19, like puzzling puzzles (except for the gradient ones) and playing 90s computer games on your iPhones.

Okay, you ready? Let's go.

Thanks for listening!  Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Okay guys, let’s ship this thing.  You’ve listened to 22 episodes or maybe two, okay maybe one.  WE'RE FRIENDS, OKAY?!? Today’s episode is all about making friends as adults which every gurl will tell you is freaking hard.  We all want to be friends, so why aren’t we friends?!?! Also, I talk hot Biden sons, because there is nothing else interesting about this primary.  Finally, I get real deep and tell you why you need a meat thermometer in your life, so you know when your chicken is hot enough, because unlike the Biden Boyz, you can’t tell by just looks.

Okay, you ready? Let's go.

Thanks for listening!  Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Today’s episode is all about Schmidt I Love, which this week means one HIGHLY under-rated and underappreciated thing and one thing that everyone freaking loves, but wants to pretend they won’t love because they are too classy for that shit, but once I convince them they love it and they can’t stop texting me because DUH I DON’T STEER PEOPLE WRONG.  So, I'll let you in on a secret and I talk all things medicine cabinets (I KNOW THIS SOUNDS BORING, but it's not, I swear) and Love is Blind finale because I am shook, you need to watch otherwise you will have no water cooler talk or 2020 pop culture references. This is the year of Love is Blind people! GET ON THE BANDWAGON BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

Okay, you ready? Let's go.

Thanks for listening!  Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

I'm backkkkk! Guys,  I'm a survivor (damn, I missed a great opportunity to sing the Michelle Williams break down section)!  Today's episode is all about surviving my #firstworldproblem life, like moving cross country with my dog, four pieces of luggage, and without #auntcin.  I also discuss season freaking 40 of Survivor.  Survivor survived being cut by a network!  We’re still watching, or at least I am. And finally, I have a lot of downtime working east coast hours, so how do I entertain myself (or survive) in an empty apartment? Oh I did it with a good ole TV binge - Love is Blind on Netflix. I tell you all the reasons you should watch and don’t worry I give limited spoilers because I want to discuss more after the finale.  This is like the basic bitch’s Game of Thrones. Trust me - you NEED to watch.

Okay, you ready? Let’s go.

Thanks for listening!  Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

I'm an expert in leopard (DUH), knowing you're pregnant before you know, and apparently also the 2020 Oscars, even though I didn't technically watch them (oops). In Episode 19, I recap the very boring Oscars I didn't watch along with the Oscar movies I didn't see, because I am a freaking expert at all things, and plus, Google exists.  Then a public service announcement to all you pregnant mamas out there who haven't posted your Instagram announcement yet...we already know you're pregnant and I'll tell you how we know.  Finally, talking about myself in third person here, Schmidt says goodbye to Connecticut and hello LA in full leopard garb, thanks to the best leopard/cosmo party planner Sista Nicole and #auntcin.  Cue Miley Cyrus, "Party in the USA."

Okay, you ready? Let's go.

Thanks for listening!  Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Today’s episode I’m shooting the Schmidt. I talk how Taylor Swift is THE Schmidt. I watched her documentary, Miss Americana, so you don’t have to (but you should), and have a whole new appreciation for the lady.  Next, don’t make me hit pause.  I talk the worst kind of TV watchers aka the people that ask endless questions or don’t have the metal capability to follow a story line. Am I talking about you? Then maybe you shouldn’t watch TV anymore? K? K.  Finally, I don’t win Schmidt or maybe…I only win Schmidt – I love a good “I won a car” story, tell me have you ever won anything better than a weight watchers cookbook? Because I certainly haven’t. 

Okay, you ready? Let’s go.

Thanks for listening!  Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."

Today's episode is all about Schmidt rants and hoping I don't ever get cancelled, but you know, I was always Corporate Schmidt, so I've been pretty locked down for years and not dumb, 15, and tweeting.  I dive into my old tweets to see if there is anything I should be worried about---we shall see.  Also, I've said it before and I will say it again, the only reason to have a baby is to have an Anne Geddes style photo shoot, so why aren't people doing this?!? I want to see your baby dressed up as a cabbage--DUH.  Finally a Schmidt rant like no other--are people really washing their reusable Ziploc bags or throwing them out?  Why are people choosing white bridesmaid dresses and who the hell is running Dolly Parton's social media and causing a stir with the #dollypartonchallenge?  I'm thinking of starting a #9to5challenge, which would compare our Outlook head-shots, work from home, and finally what we look like at 9 am vs 5 pm (it ain't pretty folks). 

Okay, you ready? Let's go.

Thanks for listening!  Follow me on Instagram at @skschmidt or like my Facebook page "Sarah Talks Schmidt."