Say The Things

We have spoken words that have cost us. Have you ever considered the cost of silence? The cost of not sharing the important, necessary words of your heart to those around you? Listen for phrases you can make your own to open the door to conversation you have held silent.

Episode Links and Quotes

Freedom is not free - from The Korean War Veterans Memorial, Washington DC

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

To show up and be present for others is one of the greatest gifts we can offer. Showing up for ourself is equally important. Learn to implement a few easy ways to build a more trusting relationship with yourself.

Episode Links and Quotes:

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

"Maybe life isn't about avoiding the bruises. Maybe it's about collecting the scars to prove we showed up for it." ~unknown

I am here- a few weeks ago I was listening to a podcast (I cannot recall which one) and the guest was sharing that's the way a friend greets others. I've lets those words roll around in my mind and spent time practicing that concept since I heard it. What does it mean and how can we say "I am here" or our own version of it to welcome ourselves and those we are with into present, real conversation. I also share my brief introduction to my mistress in my former marriage.

Episode Quotes and Links:

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

"Instead of forcing yourself to feel positive, allow yourself to be present in the now"

Daniel Mangena

"Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally."

Eckhart Tolle

Grief is a part of all life, we cannot escape it. Communicating to people we love in their grief is challenging. We want our words to bring comfort, we need to get comfortable being uncomfortable and show up with love and words that connect or maybe silence is the answer. Listen for ideas of what to say and what not to in these uncomfortable moments.

Episode Quotes and Links:

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

"Grief is not a medical disorder to be cured. Grief is not spiritual crisis to be resolved. Grief is not a social woe to be addressed. Grief is, simply, a matter of the heart — to be felt."

"When we love deeply, we mourn deeply; extraordinary grief is an expression of extraordinary love. Grief and love mirror each other; one is not possible without the other."

"Others may tell us that it's time to "move on" or that this is "part of some bigger plan" — because our shattering makes them feel uneasy, vulnerable, at risk. Some may avoid us, others pity us. But this grief is ours. We have earned this grief, paying for it with love and steadfast devotion. We own this pain, even on days when we wish it weren't so. We needn't give it away or allow anything, or anyone, to pilfer it."

Joanne Cacciatore, Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief

"We need to talk about the hierarchy of grief. You hear it all the time—no grief is worse than any other. I don't think that's one bit true. There is a hierarchy of grief. Divorce is not the same as the death of a partner. Death of a grandparent is not the same as the death of a child. Losing your job is not the same as losing a limb.

Here's the thing: every loss is valid. And every loss is not the same. You can't flatten the landscape of grief and say that everything is equal. It isn't."

"There are losses that rearrange the world. Deaths that change the way you see everything, grief that tears everything down. Pain that transports you to an entirely different universe, even while everyone else thinks nothing has really changed."

"The reality of grief is far different from what others see from the outside. There is pain in this world that you can't be cheered out of. You don't need solutions. You don't need to move on from your grief. You need someone to see your grief, to acknowledge it. You need someone to hold your hands while you stand there in blinking horror, staring at the hole that was your life. Some things cannot be fixed. They can only be carried."

"There is not a reason for everything. Not every loss can be transformed into something useful. Things happen that do not have a silver lining."

Megan Devine, It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand

"Grief is a heart-wrenchingly painful problem for the brain to solve, and grieving necessitates learning to live in the world with the absence of someone you love deeply, who is ingrained in your understanding of the world. This means that for the brain, your loved one is simultaneously gone and also everlasting, and you are walking through two worlds at the same time. You are navigating your life despite the fact that they have been stolen from you, a premise that makes no sense, and that is both confusing and upsetting."

Mary-Frances O'Connor, The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss

"The Story" by Brandi Carlisle inspired this episode. We have read or heard stories that helped us, guided us, changed us. The story helps when it's shared. Your story doesn't mean anything if you don't share it. Go share your story.

Episode Quotes and Links

"Your life is your story. Write well. Edit often." Unknown

"Share your story with someone. You never know how one sentence of your life story could inspire someone to rewrite their own." - unknown

"One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will become someone else's survival guide." Brené Brown

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8pQLtHTPaI

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

Music is said to be the window to our soul. Listen to three ways we can bring music into commuication whether it be a new acquaintace, a relationship that's stagnant or to deepen and connect in new ways.

Episode Quotes and Links

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

"Music doesn't get in. Music is already in. Music simply uncovers what is there, makes you feel emotions that you didn't necessarily know you had inside you, and runs around waking them all up. A rebirth of sorts." Matt Haig

Relationships are built on communication. We are creatures of habit and our conversations tend to follow habits formed by our thoughts. We can begin to have automatic responses to conversations or topics that create cycles of confrontation. Learn the fundamentals of Cognitive Restructuring or Cognitive Reframing as a 4-step process of mindfulness to break the cycle for intentional, productive conversations.

Episode Links and Resources:

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

https://www.scienceofpeople.com/couples-fight/

New Year, New You is a phrase that's often said to begin the year, or we set resolutions or choose a word or phrase of the year to focus on to improve during the year. Do we consider setting communcation goals? Is there a relationship you would like to see communication improve this year? Listen for ideas to improve relational communication in 2023.

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_bachle/

2022 is wrapping up. Listen to three questions to consider when reflecting on 2022 and to set intentions for 2023. Wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Episode Quote & Link:

Look Back by Mar Healy

http://marhealy.com/2019/03/09/look-back/

Trust is essential in healthy relationships. Today we discuss ways to allow relationships that have been damaged by lies to heal when we learn to trust. Note: This is about trusting healthy people again, there are people that are not trustworthy or healthy.

Episode Quotes and Resources:

"There is a surrendering to your story and then a knowing that you don't have to stay in your story." Colette Baron Reid

"Learning to trust is one of life's most difficult tasks." Isaac Watts.

Glennon Doyle https://momastery.com