Do you feel as though you are always carrying a load of responsibilities and work that keep you exhausted and frustrated? If that describes you, it could be because you’ve never learned how to say “no.”

I often think about the difference between my lifestyle and that of my grandmother’s. She worked physically harder than I do, I’m sure, but her lifestyle was much simpler. Not easier but simpler. She never drove a car, was never a soccer mom, and had no time for much outside of her home except church. While I wouldn’t want to go back to that time, there are things I envy about her lifestyle.

Our society has placed a yoke upon us through remote controls, computers, microwave ovens, smart phones, and now AI—to mention a few. As Alice Fryling puts it in her booklet “Too Busy? Saying No Without Guilt”: “Laptops, iPads and cell phones promise an easier life, but in reality they deliver increased stress and pressure. Physicians and psychologists tell us that our bodies are not designed for the constant input of our technological age, for being always ‘on.’ We need ‘down’ times when our adrenaline can subside, when we can muse and dream and be restored. But the God-given rhythms of day and night, work and rest, have been usurped by technological potential.”[1]

Jesus said his yoke is easy and his burden is light. Ask yourself: “Whose yoke am I under: My own self-inflicted yoke of busyness, trying to please people, trying to multi-task and meet all my deadlines, or the yoke of Jesus, which is easy?” That doesn’t mean you’re never busy or tired; Jesus was often weary from the pressure of people and preaching and healing. But he knew when to say no and when to get away for rest.

Learning to say “no” appropriately means learning when you must shut down for some time of restoration—a few hours, a day, a week. And yet, if you’re like me, you tend to feel guilty for taking down time when you still have things to do! This is false guilt; we need to recognize it and refuse to be in bondage to it.

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[1] Fryling, A. (2002). Too Busy? Saying No Without Guilt [Review of Too Busy? Saying No Without Guilt]. IVP.