Says Who?

Ahoy! Maureen is on a boat. Specifically, she is on the Joco Cruise—a ship full of musicians, podcasters, comedians, artists, and nerds, which is happily sailing the Baja peninsula. She’s been a little out of touch, what with all the shows, games, and taco bars she has to attend. Dan is left to fill her in on what’s been happening. And what has been happening? Oh, nothing. It’s been super quiet since last Tuesday. Except for the news about Russia, Jeff Sessions, the accusations of wire tapping, the new travel ban, and the Trumpcare bill. Just those things.

In Dole Whip news, Dan has ALSO injured his finger trying to make a homemade Dole Whip. Maureen sees this as a portent. How long can the center hold? How can we take this much news? Will Maureen just remain at sea on the nerd boat and become part of a new society? Will Dan get ensnared the yarn of his crazy wall and never emerge from his basement again?

Put on your life jackets, Sayswhovians. It’s seven bells, and the ship is tilting.

Your Intrepid Hosts: Maureen Johnson and Dan Sinker

Our awesome theme is courtesy of Ted Leo.

Says Who's Logo was made by the one and only Darth

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Dan spent last night sitting up watching Trump’s speech. Maureen spent last night in the emergency room getting her finger sewn up and missed Trump speech. How did Maureen hurt her finger? On a Dole Whip. Who had the better night? We know the answer. Maureen did. She is living the Says Who dream.

After two strange weeks in the gaslit fog of the Trump presidency, we gather once again to discuss haunted mansions, bizarre speeches, lies, deceit, ketchup on steaks, and yes, Dan’s personal favorite, Mar-a-Lago!

Who let KellyAnne put her feet on the sofa? Who is in charge of putting Xanax into Trump’s blue cheese dressing? And how can you make Dole Whip at home? Only some of these questions will be answered, but you will hear the tap of Maureen’s metal fingersplint, and that is pretty good.

Step into the Says Who office. The doctor will see you now.

Your Intrepid Hosts: Maureen Johnson and Dan Sinker

Our awesome theme is courtesy of Ted Leo.

Says Who's Logo was made by the one and only Darth

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

[Note: there is some strong language in this podcast, as the hosts are losing their grip. If you are a teen listening to this: STAY IN SCHOOL.]

Like many of you, Dan and Maureen have lost all sense of what time means. Now that every day feels like a year, they are struggling to compress two weeks of Trump news into one podcast. This is a near-impossible task, but that won’t stop them.

We visit Dan’s Crazy Wall, where he is pointing his laser pointer to the new Mar-a-Lago and Michael Flynn wings. Maureen is in a tropical paradise and seems to have a better grip on reality, but then the subject of wedge salads comes up and things rapidly fall apart. Never before has a quarter head of lettuce lead to the complete devolution of political and social mores. (Sidenote: that salad is known as “Mr. Trump’s Wedge Salad” on the Mar-a-Lago menu.)

This episode contains strong language, but you can probably handle it. We think. Look, it was a rough two weeks. Anyway, we’ll see you at Nordstroms.

SHOW LINKS

The guide to daily events that we mentioned is What the Fuck Just Happened Today?

Trump’s handshake supercut

The Mar-a-Lago photo extravanganza shot during an actual national security crisis

Your Intrepid Hosts: Maureen Johnson and Dan Sinker

Our awesome theme is courtesy of Ted Leo.

Says Who's Logo was made by the one and only Darth

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

What the hell just happened? Is something you might be asking yourself. Because something is happening every damn hour. This is Trump's America now, where if you stop for a minute, you're catching up for a year.

Dan has returned from a week in Disneyland and LA; no longer able to escape into Dole Whip heaven, he has run directly into the fire. Maureen has been here all along and is charred all over. She never had a Dole Whip.

Together again, they drill down into coping and action and take a journey through the Upside-Down and try to turn it Rightside-Up. Along the way, Maureen channels Christoph Waltz and steals some waffles, Dan ties on his camo headband, gets on his bike, and... talks about Frozen?

There are conspiracy walls and darkened closets, Jabba gets strangled, movies get ruined, national parks rise up and airports get shut down. And together, Dan, Maureen--and you--try to make it through. Wait: Do or do not--there is no try.

Your Intrepid Hosts: Maureen Johnson and Dan Sinker

Our awesome theme is courtesy of Ted Leo.

This week's organ music is from Josh Kantor

Says Who's Logo was made by the one and only Darth

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Well, here we are. We’ve gotten on the roller coaster car, the bar has come down, and now it’s making that tick-tick-tick as it takes us up the big hill. This is happening.

Dan and Maureen discuss the glories of the inauguration entertainment lineup. Maureen is kind of obsessed with it. Dan’s is thinking about his escape to Disneyland. His hotel sells Dole Whip. IN THE HOTEL.

But most of this episode features YOU, the listeners, calling in and telling us what you plan to do for the inauguration.

The only way we’re going to get through this is together, so we’re drawing on the voices of others to lift ourselves up. Listen while you’re marching. Listen when you’re at home not watching the inauguration. The way is together.

Your Intrepid Hosts: Maureen Johnson and Dan Sinker

Our awesome theme is courtesy of Ted Leo.

Says Who's Logo was made by the one and only Darth

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Oh boy oh boy oh boy, Sayswhovians. It's been a wild 24 hours, so your hosts went to their closets and basements to break it all down.

From last night's urine-soaked news, to Dan's first person report of Obama's final address, to this morning's hearings, and finally the day unspooling into the bizarre real-time breakdown that was the Trump press conference. We reconstruct the events, perhaps just to prove to ourselves that they really happened and that we're all in the same reality.

From a night in Chicago to a spray in Moscow: we go through it all. Come for the urine, stay for the fake news. Maybe we'll even show you what's in this stack of folders we've collected next to this podcast. You're the puppet!

Content note: contains discussion of current events of a bodily-function nature. Possibly not suitable for tiny ears, tiny hands.

Your Intrepid Hosts: Maureen Johnson and Dan Sinker

Our awesome theme is courtesy of Ted Leo.

Says Who's Logo was made by the one and only Darth

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Welcome to 2017! Dan has been snowed in to a Marriott Residence Inn in Colorado for two days with two children and a dog. Maureen is sitting in her dark closet in New York City with a small, retractable flashlight she refuses to turn on. Somehow, these things explain the course of the new year.

This is Weird America, and we’re ready. It’s time to push ahead and pick up tools. Which tools? Where to go? We’re ready to start asking the questions and making plans. Let’s talk about the Affordable Care Act, the right to health care, driving in Colorado, crane rides, log flumes, and small, retractable flashlights. Did we mention the flashlights? They will come up. Listen for them.

Take heart, take hope, get weird. It’s 2017. Wherever you are, you are not alone. Shine your tiny light and others will find you. Together, you will make one bigger, brighter light.

Your Intrepid Hosts: Maureen Johnson and Dan Sinker

Our awesome theme is courtesy of Ted Leo.

Says Who's Logo was made by the one and only Darth

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Ho Ho Ho holiday pals! Maureen and Dan don their kerchiefs and caps, force their faces into a grin-like shape and settle down for a long winter's nap.

Sure, Santa stops by for a moment, but then he finds out about Trump. And then Dan and Maureen are left to talk about cults, conspiracy theories, and the insane, awful reality we all now find ourselves in.

But it's not all gloom: They also bring you the first annual Says Who Holiday Gift Guide--full of actually useful ideas for ways of supporting journalism, the arts, your local community, your friends, and yourself.

So have yourself a merry little whatever and enjoy the Says Who Holiday Special.

Your Intrepid Hosts: Maureen Johnson and Dan Sinker

Our awesome theme is courtesy of Ted Leo.

Says Who's Logo was made by the one and only Darth

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

It's an Audio Update from Dan. We have to take a couple weeks off the show so Maureen can finish your new favorite book, so Dan slides into your headphones to let you know we're alive and also to give you some Says Who Approved charities and organizations that we're supporting here in the post-election holiday season. Wish upon a star or whatever you do this holiday season and we'll see you soon!

Organizations we're helping out right now:

From Maureen:

• The American Civil Liberties Union fights for your constitutional rights. They're gearing up for four years of battle, so help support them.
• The Southern Poverty Law Center fights bigotry and hate in the US and wow they are going to be busy. So help them out please.

From Dan:

• The Chicago Books to Women in Prison project gets books to incarcerated women who need them. They have an amazing Amazon Wish List you can buy straight from.
• Young Chicago Authors works with teens to find their voice in poetry and storytelling and performance and ass kicking. Help em out.

Your Intrepid Hosts: Maureen Johnson and Dan Sinker

Our awesome theme is courtesy of Ted Leo.

Says Who's Logo was made by the one and only Darth

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Once again, Dan and Maureen set up mics and record their rough impressions of the 21 days after the election. We’ve woken up in a weird new world.

Much like people in a zombie movie, Americans are wandering around wondering what the hell is going on and trying to figure out how to make tools to fight. Life went on as Trump floated above like a demented Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon from hell.

Dan has been at breakfast buffets in Iowa. Maureen couldn’t outrun the news in Dublin. Now, they’re back and having a raw talk about mental health, self care, long-term planning, the bullshit nature of doom, and making the Excel spreadsheet of resistance.

Time to figure it out--there’s work to do. Welcome to Radio Free Says Who. We’re here to talk you through it--or at least keep you company.

Resist, friends. Resist.

Your Intrepid Hosts: Maureen Johnson and Dan Sinker

Our awesome theme is courtesy of Ted Leo.

Says Who's Logo was made by the one and only Darth

Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho