Says Who?

Have you ever made a list, SaysWhovia? Stuff you need from the store. Ingredients for dinner. Things you need to do. Things to pack. Ways to undo all American institutions by basically letting a bunch of fascist raccoons into the attic? Well, Dan has made a list of all the things that happened this week. No. He made a list of SOME of them, because no one has the whole list. And he has decided to read this list to Maureen. Only he knows why. IT IS A VERY BAD LIST.

On the plus side—bingo! And a visit from a shoe. And apparently Dan was wiretapped once?

Let’s take Dan’s phone away, SaysWhovia. Just for a little while.
 

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OK, so yeah, things could be better. 

Elon's little fash dipshits are running around, and it sure does seem like America is coming to an end, but Maureen has a new boyfriend!

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Apparently it’s been a week?
 

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Sayswhovians! Yes, Trump was inaugurated again this week. Yes, Elon Musk threw up a nazi salute. Yes, everything has gone to full shitshow very quickly. And yes, Maureen is sick.

But, she's hopped up on just enough of the good drugs to record an impromptu episode with Dan this afternoon after they had to cancel their regularly schedule one due to illness.

So, hello, it is a new era. It sucks. We are glad you are with us.

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There’s a lot going on, SaysWhovia. While Dan and Maureen will get into some of it (with appropriate content markers around one subject so you can listen safety!)—they spend a lot of time in the land of dissociation, where the main subjects are radio jingles, cigarettes, and weird birds. On this ground, we will build our city.

We got this, SaysWhovia. We’ll stick together. Don’t get frannick.

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Gather close, SaysWhovia. Dan and Maureen have built a shelter. It’s made of blankets and pillows. Come in and hide with us. Oh, except Dan is back reading the news again. A lot of it is bad! But also, Rudy is in a lot of trouble, so that is nice. We can enjoy that. Also, let’s play “which former Trump flunkies are the most nervous right now?"

But also, let’s get serious about the compound. WHO WANTS TO LIVE IN A TRAIN STATION?

Choo choo!

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*party blower* Welcome to 2025, SaysWhovia! Let’s go into this together, the third Trump era, full of LOVE and TOGETHERNESS and BINGO.

Yes. It’s time to play bingo. And make space.

Get your cards ready. Let’s do this one together.

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2024 is coming to an end. What a year! It started with…

Um…

Maureen remembers something about a scorpion. Dan was in his car. Trump got shot when it was hot out? Something, something, something. And now we’re here? Why can’t we remember? Let’s take a look back at the year our brains made us forget!

Don’t look back, SaysWhovia. The Doom Buggy doesn’t go in reverse.

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There’s a chill in the air, SaysWhovia! We’ve entered the holiday season! Everyone is out on the streets, bustling about in their coats and hats, carrying their bags—their holiday shopping! Their groceries for holiday meals! Their manifestos!

Yes. Dan and Maureen are going to talk about our strange National Catharsis, the surreal week in which an assassin named Luigi left clues all over NYC and the NYPD took a walk in the park. And somehow, it always comes back to McDonalds.

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It’s the week after Thanksgiving and the start of the holiday season. Maureen is still in Philadelphia and she is…That’s the whole sentence. She is. Dan is concerned. But Maureen has a plan. She’s found a great organization to join and she’d like to tell everyone about it. Dan is unconvinced.

Dan wants to talk about the news, which is also not a good idea. But it’s time, perhaps, to wade into these dark and fetid waters. At least we can begin with something nice—Rudy is on trial and he’s having a terrible time. He’s been under the bus for a while now, and he may never come out. Dan walks us through the rogues gallery of weirdo and sycophants that will make up our new government, but time and time again we must return to the question: why didn’t Rudy make the cut? Have you *seen* these people? Come. We will meet them together. And we will watch the wheels on the bus go round and round over Rudy.

We’ve put out warm blankets, SaysWhovia, and there is hot chocolate to go around. Come cope with us. And maybe you’d like to try these new supplements. And this raw milk.

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