Welcome back to Lez Hang Out, the podcast that will now be brought to you with a Transylvanian accent. 

This week, Leigh (@lshfoster) and Ellie (@elliebrigida) hang out with Alix Markman (@markwoman), television and video game writer and returning podcast guest, to talk about why the 2004 campy, spooky action masterpiece Van Helsing Should’ve Been Gay. 

If you are like Leigh and somehow managed not to see the chaotic bisexual fever dream that is Van Helsing 2004, the movie is essentially The Avengers for classic monsters like Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, and the good ol’ fashion werewolf. This monster hodgepodge is incredibly queer throughout, with Dracula’s wives in a sexy polycule, Dracula himself having an intriguing lovers-to-enemies-to-lovers vibe with monster slayer “GAY-briel” Van Helsing, and a beautiful bond developing between Van Helsing and Frankenstein’s Monster (and beloved himbo Carl) throughout the film. Of course, because it is 2004, literally every queer-coded woman ends up dead in the end, and we will not stand for this injustice! 

In our better, gayer version of Van Helsing, we honestly do not even have to change that many things. There was every reason for Anna to either get bitten by her brother to become the werewolf that ultimately ends Dracula or to get turned by seductive vampire Aleera and join the power polycule. She 100% did not have to die before ever getting revenge for her family, but of course, Van Helsing gets the glory instead. Along with talking about how we would change the movie to be even gayer, we also discuss the inherent queerness of monsters (there is no such thing as a heterosexual vampire and you cannot convince us otherwise) and briefly touch on the trans allegory of Frankenstein’s Monster. 

We know one thing for sure, Van Helsing Should’ve Been Gay. 

Follow us on Twitter: (@lezhangoutpod) and answer our Q & Gay questions at the end of every episode. You can also join us on Facebook.com/lezhangoutpod and Instagram (@lezhangoutpod). Find us individually on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok at Leigh (@lshfoster) and Ellie (@elliebrigida).

You can support Lez Hang Out while unlocking a bunch of awesome perks like access to our exclusive Discord, monthly full-length bonus episodes, weekly ad-free episodes, and more by joining us on Patreon at bit.ly/lezpatreon. You can also support the podcast by buying our original merch at bit.ly/lezshop and purchasing our original Lez-ssentials songs for as little as $1 each on Bandcamp!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices