Sburban Sprawl

Oh my god, is that Dave? Who invited Dave to the party I thought we agreed like not to tell him about it! Ugh he's gonna spend like the WHOLE night talking about his sword collection and trying to get the DJ to play his mix CD. Hey, be a dear and like go put the vodka away you know how homophobic Dave is when he gets drunk and starts going on about being like "two-raced in his soul" or whatever and like I am NOT letting him scare away the lacrosse team tonight this sorority is SUNK if we don't get a popularity injection and like so help me god I am NOT waking up in my own bed tomorrow.

Note: in this episode we misremember when the Hussiementary books were released. We correct ourselves but to be clear the original Book 1 was released in 2011. We were actually thinking of Book 1: Act 1 & Act 2, which combines the original Book 1 and Book 2 and was released in 2018. With such a clear naming convention I don't know how we could ever get those two confused.

Intro and Outro Music: Showtime (Imp Strife Mix) by Malcolm Brown, George Buzinkai, and Curt Blakeslee https://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/showtime-imp-strife-mix-3

Act 2 starts with a flashbang as the chums are thrown into the void of overly-long scene setting. It's okay though because Hussie sweeps them into his manly arms and just carries them through the story and directly into his DeviantArt so they can see his cool OCs. Meanwhile Rose just continues to get worse like christ she was already terrible but she keeps finding new barrels and new bottoms Dave isn't even here yet and I hate all these people so much aaaAAAAAAAA

We made it, the final chapter. Of act 1. Of like a billion. But what's most important is that the chums live in their moment of success as they finally get introduced to a new kid who.... wait... no never mind she's just as bad as the last one. At least her mom fucking owns holy shit I mean have you seen those wizards god damn.

Note: JK Rowling gets brought up more than a few times in this episode in comparison to Hussie. This was recorded before she went full mask-off terf and comparisons to her began to hold a much more stinky weight. Congrats to her for absolutely cementing herself as the worst person. Clap clap clap.

Intro and Outro Music: Harlequin by Mark Hadley https://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/harlequin-3

Additional listening:

Day XX Month XX

This morning I woke up to find a file called "sburbspr_chap_5.wav" on my desktop. But... everyone knows Homestuck act 1 doesn't have a fifth chapter where nothing happens except Hussie tutorializes the basic mechanics of a fake game. I would remember the chums being given so little comic meat they're forced to talk at length about Homestuck's utter failings as a whole so far. I hope I don't get haunted by a marketable character when I click on it... Okay here goes nothi

Intro and Outro Music: Harlequin by Mark Hadley https://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/harlequin-3

Things get spicy among the chums in this special-edition XXL episode as the comic FINALLY gets around to the whole plot thing and we get introduced to the mechanics(?) of Sburb. Everyone's getting restless and tempers flare in the arena of Sylladex before everyone rightfully remembers who the real enemy is: pacing.

Additional Listening:

The chums are introduced to the strife specibus, harlequins, some genuinely nice music, and this underground figure known as "Betty Crocker". Shortly after having a collective breakdown over the absolute thin gruel they've been given. Look I... I promise things start happening soon just tough it out okay.

Additional Listening: Showtime (Piano Refrain) https://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/showtime-piano-refrain-3

It's some kind of beginning as the chums delve into the first chapter of Homestuck and learn about its history as well as their own. Then it all goes to hell as they drown in opaque 90's references and impenetrable programmer jokes. It's gonna be a long project, folks.