This week we are trying to prove to snakes that we are righteous while we discuss “Signs and Wonders”! We’re talking Boring Church vs. Fun Church, Wayne from Letterkenny making an appearance, the disgusting lack of Screaming Guy in the credits, how much we love beloved character actress Beth Grant, how Reverend Enoch really gets the most out of every single vowel, and how Scully is about to take Mulder to Catholic school. We make fun of Mulder’s good boy church clothes, wonder where everyone else in this empty-ass town is, wonder yet again why Mulder hasn’t joined a cult, and shake our heads that Reverend Enoch stole Boyd Crowder’s look. Disgusting.

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This week we are heckling boring street magicians while we discuss “The Amazing Maleeni”! We’re talking how Billy LaBonge could only exist in 2004, how Mulder and Scully are embroiled in their sick, twisted games and pulling the rest of us into it, how Scully demands in her rider that Mulder be the eye candy at the autopsy, their triumphant return to the Craddock Marine Bank, and how troubling it is that they do let an innocent man go to prison in this one! We address the real controversy of the episode that Scully only wore that top hat for 0.2 seconds, how we all at heart want to be in cahoots, and whether or not Vince Gilligan is a mysterious guy. And if there’s one thing you take away from this episode, please remember: Magic is all about misdirection. That is so important.

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This week we are welcoming back our least favorite death fetishist serial killer while we discuss “Orison”! We’re talking the dawn of the 21st century, boo Donnie for a while, how it’s dangerous to wake up Scully after she’s tucked in for bedtime, how silly it is that Donnie turns into a literal demon, tactical Scully, Mulder automatically turning into a jerk during Scully religion episodes, and cheer on Scully as she kicks Donnie Pfaster’s creepy ass. We get troubled at Scully murdering a man in cold blood, discuss why Mulder is sleeping on the couch this week, love the congregation convicts, and get sad that now Illinois is ruined for Scully too. There aren’t a lot of states left for her!

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This week we are trying to outthink the machinations of fate while we discuss “The Goldberg Variation”! We’re talking our need for a poker x-ray view, Mulder making entrances like Gene Parmesan for the delight of Scully, celebrate a rare Scully is right episode, get excited about Rube Goldberg machines, and note that Scully likes baseball now… That’s new. We puzzle over this confusing underground sewer laundry, notice Actual Child Shia LaBeouf, shake our heads at this revolving door of mob goons, and celebrate how much we love Maurice for a while. If there’s one thing that you can take away from this episode, it’s that you should sit down, listen to a Bach fugue and go into a fugue state. You’ll thank us later.

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This week we are trying to outrun this messy drug metaphor while we discuss “Rush”! We’re talking Diesel Dana, very aesthetic interrogation rooms, how episodes like this almost (almost) make us miss Howie, the criminally-underused Ann Dowd, and Mulder being hilariously and dramatically offended by being called old. We decide that we’re Chuck fans now, get excited about the alternate episode where a ghost submarine goes around stealing flashlights from evidence lockup, propose a supernatural NextDoor, and theorize that Mulder is actually upset because everyone in this episode can run faster than him.

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This week we are counting down to Y2K while we discuss “Millennium”! We’re talking how poor Millennium didn’t make it to the millennium, wonder whether Scully forgot about her ouroboros tattoo, point out that Skinner really does love to sit on these time-sensitive cases until it will be the most dramatic, welcome Frank Black to the pod, and finally reach a 0 on the Doomsday Clock scale! Much celebration ensues. We worry about time running out on this New Year’s Eve party, get jump-scared by Octavia Spencer, Ella is unimpressed by the moldy zombies in the basement, we recap the show Millennium for those who haven’t seen it and discover the real reason Skinner put Mulder and Scully on the case is because the Necromancer is messing up his margarita plans. We’ll be honest: most of this episode is just talking about Skinner’s New Year’s Eve party. Deploy Skinner’s boys!

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This week we are trying to control our hunger pangs for human brains while we discuss “Hungry”! We’re talking how Amanda loves a Donnie Darko type, how the fast food manager is giving us Gus Fring vibes (Vince, you wiley dog!), how Mulder might be extra sensitive about this case post-brain surgery, and how this therapist is down BAD. Girl, get a hold of yourself. Speaking of obsessive therapists, we talk about Hannibal for a while, how Derwood Spinks is a fabulous name, how the line between Vince Gilligan and Mickey Mouse is getting thinner every day, and Ella gets to make a very important statement about Krycek. Don’t you hate it when your ear falls off in the middle of your therapy sesh? We do too.

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This week we are traversing the hills and valleys of Mulder’s psyche while we discuss “The Sixth Extinction II: Amor Fati”! We’re talking painfully obvious Jesus metaphors, how exciting it is that Mulder has finally become the X-File, Scully sucking out Skinner’s nanobots, the exciting return of Deep Throat, how Kimberly really needs an anti-Boo Crew security device, and Mulder and Scully professing their love for each other in front of their Doordash driver. We clown on this episode more than we really intended, we sigh at the conclusion of Diana’s storyline, we note how hurtful it is that Deep Throat tells Mulder he is not the center of the universe, and we laugh at all the really, really subtle subtext. Also, Scully doesn’t believe in aliens again, we guess? In the words of Gillian Anderson herself: I don’t know if we can keep doing this, Chris.

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This week we are showing off our extraterrestrial telekinetic powers while we discuss “The Sixth Extinction”! We’re talking Mulder becoming an All-Brain (whatever that is), hate on trilobites for a while, Scully in her Lara Croft/Indiana Jones era, 0 days since Mulder and Skinner’s last physical confrontation, and how much we hate the Frankenstein monster Dr. Barnes. Booooooo. We celebrate and appreciate Machete Scully, try our very best to figure out what Diana’s deal is, wonder why Skinner does not seem to know where any of his direct reports are at any given time, and propose that Diana and Mulder could really get a Phantom Thread situation going. They could really make it work!

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This week we are bidding adieu to Season 6 in style. We exhaustively rank the episodes and talk about our thoughts on the season as a whole, read some listener emails and questions, and play a guessing game. Topics of conversation: Toby Lindala and his LA-Skin Suit, complaints about the huge waste of Bruce Campbell, how sad it is that the writers refuse to delve into Skinner’s psyche despite how much the people are clamoring for it, perhaps our most contentious episode ranking ever, celebration of our “Monday” realization, Ella’s affection for an unlikable guy, Amanda being a hater, our need for more secondary characters, and Amanda goes on the official record with her MSR predictions. Also, new merch idea: A mug that says “I couldn’t stop squirming while I watched those veins pulse… YEAH!!!!” The four exclamation points are crucial.

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