You have been looking your whole life for someone who is open, vulnerable and consistent, not understanding why you can’t find him/her. These are qualities you value, yet you don’t fully embody them yourself, so you look for someone who will compensate for where you’re closed and inconsistent. Unfortunately this isn’t the path to what you want because other people match you exactly where you are. Closed can’t meet open and inconsistent can’t meet consistent; those are the true laws of attraction.

Let’s say you meet someone promising because they seem to come with less drama than everybody else you’ve been with. You’ve finally met someone you can have an honest conversation with, but you still find problems as an excuse to distance yourself. You don’t do it consciously—it’s part of your old patterns. You mentally strategize because it’s familiar, and before you know it, you’re acting inconsistently and putting up walls. You say you want someone who consistently shows up with their words and actions matching, but you’re not doing it yourself.

When you don’t feel safe inside, you look for others to give you clues it’s ok to proceed. The thing is, you have to be open, vulnerable and consistent even when others aren’t. It can’t be dependent on them. YOU have to be the brave one. YOU have to say, “OK, this is crazy scary, but I’m going to step into it because I want someone who is going to match me.” You create what you choose, so everything you think, say, feel and do needs to move in the same direction. That’s consistency and it’s what you need to start doing in order to attract someone who does the same. Stop looking for the other person to make the first move. It always, ALWAYS starts with you.