Secret Habit: Porn Recovery for Christian Men

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Intimacy and sex both take 2 things: energy and time... These are 2 things too many couples do not have enough of. But here's the thing, It's not that you don't have time or energy, it's more likely that you aren't using your time and energy to your advantage. Today, we want to help you with 3 simple tips to prioritize your sex life.

Shawn and Helena share openly and honestly about what they have learned over their 5 years of marriage and 3 years of coaching other men and women. These tips are simple and easy to apply if you want the outcome bad enough... how bad do you want a thriving and healthy sex life? How bad do you want to feel connected to your spouse? These questions matter so much and we hope to help you with them.

Learn how to say no and make "couple time", how to serve your spouses "best" and what it means to create space for intimacy, not just sex.

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Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

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Book Mention: The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Porn is a woman's problem too... We have seen stats ranging between 30 and 40% of women watch porn regularly... If you're stuck in the cycle of watching porn as a woman, we want you to know that you're not alone.

In this episode, Helena shares why women watch porn, what porn teaches women, and how all women have a sexual story that needs attention. We hope this raw conversation from a women who has her own story of sexual brokenness and porn addiction inspires and helps you

We are huge advocates of helping men and women overcome and quit porn so they can experience sexual integrity. We believe this is done through a structured healing process and we share a few key elements of our approach near the end of the episode.

When you can kick porn to the curb

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Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

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Resources mentioned:

Joy Skarka 

Sexual Discipleship 

Authentic intimacy

Julie Slattery

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Sex is supposed to be fun, exciting, beautiful and energizing. However, for so many, it's not... This was our story. Shawn was stuck feeling a dread towards sex due to fears and expectations that hindered his ability to flourish sexually. 

Sadly, things like porn addiction, fear of failure, sexpectations, boredom and feeling used are often at the top of most couples issues list when it comes to their sex life. These are all sure ways to put a damper on any fire you wish you had in the bedroom.

In this episode, we want to dig into the idea that sex was made by God, and because of this, it was made GOOD. We believe that you can redevelop a sex life that is thriving, fun and exciting and we want to help you with that. We have seen so much fruit in our own lives so we will be speaking from experience - the good, the bad and the ugly!

We find it so fun to inspire other couples to find a purpose for their sex life, to become learners of one another and to cast a vision of what you want your relationship to look like years down the road. These are some things we will get into and help you see that having more fun with your sex life is all about getting deeply connected on the things that matter between the two of you.

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Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

The role of the Father is crucial in a child's sexual and non-sexual development. With so many children going without a male example to glean from, we desperately need an uprising of sexually healthy men who father with integrity. Unfortunately, when fathers abuse their roles and consume pornography in secret, it robs them of being men who can truly lead their kids with authenticity, sensitivity and intimacy.

In this episode, Shawn and Helena are reflecting on their own lives as parents and sharing further about something beautiful that happened on Father's day.  "I am so glad you're free from pornography because I don't know if I would be able to trust you with Violet if you weren't" were the words Helena said, and it's from these words, we wanted to share our hearts for this topic.

We want this conversation to inspire and challenge you to become all that God made you to be - as a man, husband, father and beloved son. This is what will be imparted to your kids more than you even know. 

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Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Podcast mentioned:

Adam Young and The Place We Find Ourselves Podcast (Episode 2 is mentioned)

Erectile Dysfunction hinders 1 in 3 men under the age of 40... This stat means that marriages are struggling to thrive the way God intended them to thrive. Sadly, when (porn-induced or psychological impotence) Erectile Dysfunction is in a marriage it also affects the wife and causes many layers of pain.

In this episode, you will hear from Shawn and Helena about their own journey of overcoming erectile dysfunction... Shawn struggled with PIED and ED and is now a huge advocate for helping men experience confidence in their erections and sexual abilities. Helena has a story of experiencing the pain of being with someone who cannot seem to get erect... A situation like this brings its own struggles for women so we wanted to ensure we dug deeper into this as well.

Get ready to learn about how the brain and the mind play a major role in those who struggle with Erectile Dysfunction; How fear and shame cripple men and keep them from sexual confidence; and what it means to experience inside-out healing and truly experience GREAT SEX again.

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Grab a copy of our video course on creating your very own sexual template here

Check out Episode 11 for more info on the sexual template & Episode 22 for more info on the brain and how porn-induced erectile dysfunction can happen.

If you’ve been listening to this and you feel stuck or unclear, I want to invite you into a conversation.

This isn’t about pressure or selling you something.It’s a space to slow things down, look at what’s actually going on, and help you get clear on the problem so you can start seeing the right path forward.

If that would be helpful for you, you can book a free call with me here:👉 ⁠secrethabit.ca/call⁠

If you’re not ready for that step yet, you can start with my free Porn Withdrawal Survival Guide:👉 ⁠https://secrethabit.ca/porn-addiction-withdrawal-symptoms/⁠

And if you want to learn more about me and the work I do, you can head here:👉 ⁠shawnbonneteau.com⁠

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Curiosity is not something we often hear about during recovery discussions... However, we believe its one of the essential steps to holistic health for you as an individual and in your marriage. 

In this episode, Shawn and Helena unpack the problems that arise when we don't offer curiosity, the steps you can take right now to become curious and some insight into what successful communication can look like when curiosity is at the forefront.

Its surprising to hear, but curiosity will help you understand why you get triggered, why certain things tempt you, why you watch certain types of porn and so much more - imagine being able to crush shame through something as simple as curiosity... amazing right!?

We have personally used curiosity as a superpower to help us with quitting porn, overcoming masturbation, healing erectile dysfunction, creating our sexual template, moving through conflict and growing as men and women of God. It truly is a superpower!

As we unpack this topic, we also leave you with some great reflection questions and some takeaways so you can begin this journey of becoming curious. 

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

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Book mentioned in this episode:

Unwanted by Jay Stringer

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Internet porn is a powerful force in this day and age... Exposure to porn is on average between ages 8 and 11 and the hook is almost unavoidable to those who see it so young. This is substantial because we see porn stunting the natural development of the brain, offering it unrealistic doses of dopamine and ultimately, causing dysfunction that looks very similar to a brain affected by heavy drugs.

In this episode, we spend some time speaking into an email we received this last week that reads:

"He was messaging with women and sending them pictures and videos and made secret accounts to exchange inappropriate messages including pictures and videos. To me, that’s more than a porn addiction but I keep hearing and reading that it’s not more it’s just what it escalated to. No matter how hard I have tried, I cannot figure out how or why that would be considered part of the addiction. I feel like the extent of addictions in general really isn’t spoken about. It’s generalized to a porn addiction, but not explained thoroughly to people how/why it goes beyond viewing porn. I know an addict always seeks more, but to me that’s just blatant cheating. Porn can be a question to if it is or not but anything beyond viewing is without a doubt being unfaithful to me"

We are going to focus on a few key topics and themes to help bring some context to this question/concern:

1. Is watching porn considered cheating?

2. What's the difference between porn addiction and sex addiction?

3. Why do people go beyond viewing porn? 

4. How does watching porn atrophy the brain?

5. The brain, the mind, and the emotional baggage

6. How we can take total ownership and inspire change

Because we have gone through a similar situation ourselves where Shawn was cheating via porn, masturbation, and messaging random girls, we wanted to speak as people who don't just know the theory here but as people who can relate to the sender of this question/concern

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Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Shame is all about "I am statements" that go against God's truth and love. Shame is to go-to in the enemy's playbook and it speaks directly to your identity... Shame tells you that you're dumb; replaceable; ugly; a failure; damaged; worthless and whatever other lies the enemy wants you to believe that are painful and destructive.

In this episode, Shawn and Helena unpack the concept of shame language/ shame projection and dig into the topics of sexual shame and shame identity. With their own experiences of living deep in the throws of the enemy's lies, they know exactly how it feels to be stuck. However, they also know what it feels like to feel free from the lies and live in the truth of Jesus Christ, and they want to share about the transformation available to the identity of those who believe in His word. 

Because shame is at the root of addiction, we need to get deep into our belief system and begin to name the lies we have believed for far too long. It's these lies that keep people trapped in porn addiction, compulsive masturbation, the PMO cycle, sexual addiction, erectile dysfunction, and so many other sexual struggles that bring on sexual shame.

We dig into 3 incredible tools to help you begin breaking the lies so you leave this episode with insight, hope, and applicable tools to combat satan and his lies!

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3 key scriptures to hold onto when shame knocks on your door:

1. John 15: Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

2. 1 John 4:18: There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment

3. Romans 8: Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus

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Secret Habit Episodes mentioned for further help:

Ep 11: Sexual Template (Buy the Mini-Course Here)

Ep: 20: Body Shame

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

We all have sexual body parts, but we all have nonsexual body parts too... Everything that makes up our body plays a major role in how we see ourselves in light of our sexuality, worth, value, and beauty. Body shame is so much more about your identity, mindset, and heart than anything else, and we want to unpack that in this episode.

We are Shawn and Helena, and we have both struggled with porn addiction, compulsive masturbation, and body image. This led to bigger issues such as sexual abuse, toxic relationships, self-hatred and objectification of self and others. Because of our own story of struggle and healing, we want to shed light on the things that are dear to our hearts.

The idea of body shame can feel heavy... maybe the words body hatred, body objectification, or poor self-image resonate with you more? Either way, they all say something deep about the way we see ourselves and how we see others. When we look at ourselves and say "im flawed" or "im ugly", we believe this has an influence on every area of your life... and in this, your sexuality cannot thrive, your relationships cannot prosper and your faith in God will wither.

Our goal for this episode is to bring language to something you may be experiencing, to share a story of hope and to offer very practical steps to help you begin paying attention to whats going on in your mind.

Because we serve a God who offers love to draw us to him, we can rest in the idea that its love, and love alone that will help us make these major changes in how we see ourselves and others. When one heals from body shame, it's amazing how issues such as erectile dysfunction, low libido, performance anxiety and low sex drive seem to diminish! We want this for you so bad!!

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We mention internal family systems in this episode... the book we recommend is "All together you" by Jenna Riemersma

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Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

There's nothing worse than the feelings that lurk when these big questions are running through your head... 

For the one addicted to porn: How do I tell her I struggle with porn? When to tell her? How to tell her? Maybe even Why should I tell her? 

For the one suspecting their partner is using porn (often betrayal trauma): How do I confront his porn use? What if there's more going on than I can handle? Dont all men watch porn? And many more...

In this episode, we unpack things situation by situation for those dating, engaged, married, and even single. 

Total honesty is a relationship, no matter if you're dating, engaged or married, MUST be #1. The other person deserves to know the truth before committing to you, the relationship, and a future hurt that they don't even know about. The reality is, there's this myth that marriage and sex will fix a porn addiction... but this is NOT true... That's why being honest and real is crucial. We have seen far too many men bring porn into their marriages and far too many women heartbroken and hopeless because of it. 

So often the men and women we talk to know a full sexual disclosure is necessary but are wondering how to do it, when, and why. This is why we want to cover this today... to bring help, guidance, and hope to an area that can feel so heavy. Our discussion will cover the differences between discovery, spewing, and disclosure so you can understand what is helpful and what is not.

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Please consider leaving a 5-star rating and a review if you found this episode helpful. We would love to hear from you! Your small effort helps SO many others hear the show and feel the hope that they need to feel as they walk through these tough situations

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠