Secret Habit: Porn Recovery for Christian Men

Knowing what NOT TO DO is only half the battle... Truly, you need to learn what TO DO to really progress in your recovery and freedom over porn addiction and betrayal trauma. When a couple in relationship goes through these 2 things at the same time, it can feel really hard... Triggers, dysregulation, and untamed emotions can certainly get the best of us. This is why we want to have this conversation... To bring clarity to what is helpful and help you understand what is unhelpful. When we begin to understand what we are moving away from and feel confident in what we are moving toward, we can begin to make strides in our recovery.

Because Shawn and Helena did all the DONTS in their own recovery and had to learn the hard way, they bring a fresh and fun tone to this episode that is all about what they learned along their journeys to sexual integrity and health. Shawn speaks to the men going through porn addiction and Helena speaks to the women who are experiencing betrayal trauma

Get ready for some practical, helpful, and real tips on how to get on the right track in your journey to freedom! We cant wait to hear how these help you and your spouse grow towards becoming sexually healthy together.

Books referenced:

Going Deeper by Eddie Capparucci

Unwanted by Jay Stringer

Intimate Deception by Sherri Keffer

If you’ve been listening to this and you feel stuck or unclear, I want to invite you into a conversation.

This isn’t about pressure or selling you something.It’s a space to slow things down, look at what’s actually going on, and help you get clear on the problem so you can start seeing the right path forward.

If that would be helpful for you, you can book a free call with me here:👉 ⁠secrethabit.ca/call⁠

If you’re not ready for that step yet, you can start with my free Porn Withdrawal Survival Guide:👉 ⁠https://secrethabit.ca/porn-addiction-withdrawal-symptoms/⁠

And if you want to learn more about me and the work I do, you can head here:👉 ⁠shawnbonneteau.com⁠

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Are you overwhelmed by recovery? Or are you underwhelmed and unsure of what to actually do? Sadly, these 2 realities are so common and they're so frustrating! In this episode, Shawn and Helena break down the difference between doing recovery and attending recovery, as well as how they are to partner together. 

Too often, we see men and women attending groups and therapy with no real intention of doing the work... And then on the flip side, we see many men and women doing a ton of different things, with no community and no real guidance. Both of these lead to frustration and ultimately, a lack of results.

This is why we want to dig into the areas that we find many of our clients struggle with. We believe this conversation is foundational to you being able to overcome pornography addiction, recover from betrayal trauma, and have a healthy marriage the way God designed it to be.

* To learn more about Shawn's group coaching launching on May 7th, sign up for more info here

Topics of discussion:

- How to DO recovery and ATTEND recovery so that it works together

- Tips and ideas on how to get on the right track in your recovery

- Roadblocks and issues that cause one to avoid doing and gravitate towards attending

- The pain of change or the pain of regret

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Mentioned in this episode:

- Pure Desire 7 pillars of freedom

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Do you ever wonder "Will this temptation ever go away?". Do you ever feel like you get triggered and set off by different things all day every day? Maybe you're not even fully aware of what they are. In this episode, Shawn and Helena help you understand the different types of triggers we all experience - emotional, physical, spiritual and sexual. They dive into sexual temptation and emotional temptation and offer practices that will help dissolve temptations power over you. 

The goal of this episode is to help you feel empowered to make good choices. Choices of what you choose to think, believe and do. When we begin to master our own domain, we begin to feel a sense of confidence that propels us forward. There's nothing worse than feeling bogged down by triggers, temptation and the potential of relapse. This is why we feel this topic is so important! We want you to experience the freedom to live your day-to-day life because you understand your triggers and can work toward diminishing temptations hold on you.

The practices we share in this episode are focused on helping you become men and women of integrity... So you can quit porn, heal from betrayal trauma, overcome erectile dysfunction, develop a healthy marriage, excel in areas of life that seem stagnant, and ultimately, grow in your relationship with God.

Topics we discuss:

- Understanding triggers, temptation and relapse

- Inner Child Healing 

- Fight, Flight, Freeze reactions

- Emotional and Sexual triggers

- Longings (See episode 14 for more details on understanding your longings and getting your true needs met.)

- 4 practical steps to understanding your triggers and temptations

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Mentions in this episode:

- Eddie Capparucci: Going Deeper Book

- Drew Boa: Husband Material

- Sathiya Sam: Unleash The Man Within Podcast

- Pure Desire: 7 Pillars Workbook "Arousal Template"

*Sorry for the poor mic quality in this eipsode! :(

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Do you find yourself confused as to why you feel emotionally and sexually frustrated and unsatisfied? Do you seem to always regret the choices you make? Well, we understand that all too well and want to take some time to unpack what is at the core of your emotions, triggers and temptations. We want you to leave this episode understanding what you really need in times of temptation and also some practical steps on how to begin making great decisions in the heat of the moment.

In this episode, you will learn a critical recovery principle that offers you insight into what it takes to quit porn, heal betrayal trauma, overcome erectile dysfunction and recover from whatever else may be happening in your sexuality and relationship.

Discussion points:

- Emotions: what they tell us and what we can do with them

- David and the Psalms

- Core Longings and Needs

- Questions to ask in the heat of a temptation

- 3 Practical steps to begin fulfilling your true longings and experiencing satisfaction

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For great content, reels and updates, follow Shawn and Helena on Instagram:

@secrethabitlifecoaching

Or check out the Secret Habit website for free resources, testimonies, coaching, and programs:

Secrethabit.ca

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

We have all heard the successful tips and tricks around time management, but really, do they work? So often, men and women going through recovery have to face the reality that they don't know how to manage their time. And here's the kicker, we aren't talking about managing what you are doing day in and day out. We are talking about making a paradigm shift! In this episode, we will unpack what we believe true time management is, how to do it and why it connects to living out God's purpose for your life and His design for sexuality.

Get ready to learn from Shawn and Helena's ups and downs, experiences, and expertise on a topic that can change your life if you get it right. We want to talk about mentality, language, making time, surrender, redefining your capacity, and living in what is "God" rather than what is just "good". We hope this conversation helps you learn a new recovery principle that we believe is a catalyst to finding freedom from porn, healing betrayal trauma, and overcoming unwanted sexual behaviors.

John Mark Comer Resources (Our favorite influencer on slowing down)

The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry Book

Practicing The Way Podcast

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To learn more about Shawn and Helena Bonneteau and the work they do, follow them on Instagram:

@secrethabitlifecoaching

Or check out the Secret Habit website for free resources, testimonies, coaching, and programs:

Secrethabit.ca

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Stats are showing that upwards of 70% of men, 40% of women, and 56% of pastors watch porn regularly. Even scarier, the average age of exposure to porn is between 8-11 and only 7% of Churches in North America are currently offering support for those who need help. The truth is, porn affects everyone and nearly everyone has been affected by porn in one way or another. With easy access, anonymity and free content at the touch of a button, we are seeing the porn industry in many ways take over the world. Because of our sexualized culture, what used to see as porn magazine-worthy is now what we find on everyday apps like Instagram or other social media platforms... Because of this, and so much more, we are really passionate to bring awareness and truth to this topic. 

In this episode, we break down some major topics in and around pornography and porn addiction.

- What porn is

- How we got to where we're at today

- Objectification

- The problem of the brain 

- Past influence, programming, and contributors

- Signs of porn addiction

- Practical and effective steps to recovery

The 3 Essential Steps To Quitting Porn:

*Becoming Curious

*Becoming Consistent

*Becoming Confident

-Grab the in-depth mini-course today and learn how to implement all 3

Books mentioned in this episode:

- Unwanted by Jay Stringer

- The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Gregoire

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Sexless, sex starved and sex deprived marriages are becoming an epidemic that we can longer stand to hear about. We believe Christian marriages should be having the best sex, but sadly, this is not the case. Having a sexless marriage (or relationship) may be a sign of much deeper emotional and relational problems that can so easily go undetected. So with that, we want to take the time to unpack the ins and outs of what could be happening beneath the surface. In this jam-packed episode, Shawn and Helena put their focus on helping sexless marriages get on the right track. If you have struggled in your marriage up until now, we want you to know that you're not alone and that there is tremendous hope for the restoration of your sex life.

Topics covered in this episode:

- What is a sexless marriage and what may be causing the problem

- What brought us to making a sexual template

- How God intended sex to be good

- Unpacking the 6 steps to creating your very own sexual template

*Purchase the Sexual Template mini-course and create your very own! There's no better time to rediscover the joy of sex with each other than now.

- How porn addiction and betrayal trauma change the equation

Refer to Episode 6 for further insights on emotional and sexual intimacy 

Helpful Scriptures to hold onto:

- AND THE MAN AND HIS WIFE WERE BOTH NAKED AND WERE NOT ASHAMED:  GENESIS 2:25

- DRINK WATER FROM YOUR OWN WELL – SHARE YOUR LOVE ONLY WITH YOUR WIFE. WHY SPILL THE WATER OF YOUR SPRINGS IN THE STREETS, HAVING SEX WITH JUST ANYONE? YOU SHOULD RESERVE IT FOR YOURSELVES. NEVER SHARE IT WITH STRANGERS.: PROVERBS 5:15-17

- THE HUSBAND SHOULD FULFILL HIS WIFE’S SEXUAL NEEDS, AND THE WIFE SHOULD FULFILL HER HUSBAND’S NEEDS: 1 CORINTHIANS 7:3

- LET YOUR FOUNTAIN BE BLESSED, AND REJOICE IN THE WIFE OF YOUR YOUTH, A LOVELY DEER, A GRACEFUL DOE. LET HER BREASTS FILL YOU AT ALL TIMES WITH DELIGHT; BE INTOXICATED ALWAYS IN HER LOVE: PROVERBS 5:18-19

Mentioned in this Episode

- Family Life Canada: Neil and Sharol Josephson

- Greg Oliver: Awaken Ministries

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

We want to help women feel safe to give their pain a voice. Sadly, this opportunity is not easily found... Today, we unpack the topic of Betrayal Trauma - What it is, what it feels like, how it affects a woman's overall health, and some proven steps on getting treatment/healing. Helena experienced Betrayal Trauma when Shawn disclosed his porn addiction 3 months into their marriage. She realized she had been lied to and it lead to a loss of trust, safety, and security as a newlywed.

Women have been suffering in silence for too long. Too many women have been labeled as co-dependent and part of the problem... The pain this causes is tremendous... this is why we want to open up space to ensure whoever is listening feels loved, cared for, and safe.

May this episode bring you hope and encouragement as you look to heal from Betrayal Trauma.

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Topics covered in this episode:

- PTSD like symptoms

- Hyper Vigilance

- Common & Unhelpful Responses from a Betrayed Partner towards the addict

- Broken Trust

- Pain Cycle

- Women's health

- Psalms

- 5 proven steps to betrayal trauma recovery

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Name/Resource Drops in Episode:

Kevin Skinner 

Intimate Deception - Dr. Sheri Keffer

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Helenas Betrayal Trauma Recovery Online Program (Self Guided)

Sign up now

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Is sexual compatibility a thing? Or is it just a myth? In this episode, Shawn and Helena offer insights into reframing the way we define the term sexual compatibility. Get ready for a real discussion about a very real topic that's hot and heavy these days!

Because so much baggage comes into a relationship, we want to take this conversation deeper than most go... Its time to dig in and learn what's beneath the surface and what really matters most. When things like pornography and sexual addiction are beneath the surface, even sexual abuse and shame, these topics become rather messy. We want to bring light to the topic from a perspective that offers what we believe to be the greatest unification possible, and that's really what it means to be in a relationship with another.

Some focus points we get deeper into today are:

- The dictionary definitions of compatibility vs. Kingdom definition 

- The Cultural narrative vs. Christian narrative

- How we have been influenced by our past

- Asking deeper questions and becoming curious to find out what is true

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Check out Episode 3 and Episode 4 to hear Helena and Shawn's personal stories that tie into everything they're sharing here.

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Resources mentioned:

- Beneath The Skin: Betrayal Trauma Video Program - Helping women give their pain a voice

- Doug Carpenter - "Secret Shame" book

- Becoming Curious Coaching Video - Learn how to quit porn once and for all

- Erectile Dysfunction mini-course - Learn how to create a sexual template and rediscover the joy of sex with your partner

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To learn more about Shawn and Helena Bonneteau and the work they do, follow them on Instagram:

@secrethabitlifecoaching

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠

Do you sense that there's a lot more in store for you and your life? your sexuality? your purpose? Then tune in today and hear about MAJOR life transformation and how it took place in our lives as individuals and as a couple. Hear about how Shawn and Helena were stuck in sexual bondage, shame, and total brokenness... Struggling with pornography addiction, betrayal trauma, and sexual shame, they were not living in all that God had made them to be. Now, looking back, it's incredible how much had changed since finding freedom from porn, healing from betrayal trauma, and pursuing God as the only answer to true healing.

Focus points from our conversation today:

- Getting free from sexual bondage to be free for gods purpose

- Photos from 2016 and seeing the present transformation

- Renewing the mind and the 2-5 years timeline we often hear about

- Holistic healing - sexuality, health, body, mind, spirit, fertility, etc.

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Beneath The Skin: Betrayal Trauma Recovery Program

We want you to know that you have a story to tell, understand and heal.

- Check out Helena's story

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To learn more about Shawn and Helena Bonneteau and the work they do, follow them on Instagram:

@secrethabitlifecoaching

Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:

1. Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.ca/call/⁠⁠⁠

2. Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: ⁠⁠⁠https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/⁠⁠⁠

3. Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: ⁠⁠⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing⁠