Let’s get it

You think you know a guy, but then you find out he’s a tractor. What do you do?

More often than not, I find myself asking the big questions like "Where is my squatty potty, goddammit!"

I heard a story from your dad. He is PISSED. You better call your mom, it's her birthday and you're being petulant.

This was a really big joint interrupted my lawn care workers. Twice. Maybe three times.

What else is there to say? He was great. He was quick. He was kinder than anyone I had ever met. I'll miss you, Mr. Clean.

I am just a vessel- I carry the poop to the toilet. The circle of life.

If you're gonna wash my car, use your elbows. Not only will I get a better view of your biceps, but it's a more effective way to scrub.

Big time moves. Small time crooks. Get your hand out of the damn cookie jar or I'm calling your parents