Sometimes you eat ice cream too late at night and you really feel it the next morning. Really ruins your afternoon. I'm gonna do it.

Beans don't make farts, I make farts. And I'm all out of beans.

Had a little mini meltdown. I'm fine.

Eventually my body will stop hurting, but it won't be today.

Sure, birds can fly- but can they dig? No! At least, I don't think so. You know what, if a bird can fly and dig, it's probably not friendly. Trust no one. Fear everything.

Crumbs in the couch, crumbs in my shirt, call me a damn crumb cake (if you dare).

When there's a ghost you need to bust, who you gonna call?

Constantine. I feel like that guy is probably better equipped to handle something like that. Shia Laberdoodle is his friend and that counts for something (and something isn't nothing).

I was afraid to try and spell his last name

In all seriousness- I think I talked into the microphone that wasn't recording. Sorry. Actually, no I'm not. This is an artistic choice, dog. Be cool. Damn, I fucked up.

There isn't always a pot of gold at the ned of the rainbow, but there is always a man with a green hat who has been overserved.

I'm talking about big cans. Mombo jombos.