Sometimes you gotta take it back to Bermuda. Where the grass is green, or at least, I think it probably is. I've never been to Bermuda and fuck you for trying to give me guff about it. Why I oughta... honestly, I'm gonna probably look into how to best make an incredibly buttery and heart-stopping pretzel at home. Auntie Anne's style- the big time. There actually used to be a great spot in the Delta terminal at JFK, but that was probably over 10 years ago. My, how the time flies when you're eating pretzels.

I've mistaken multiple ducks for geese, but I've never found a goose be golden*

*That being said, I am colorblind

My grandma’s finger tips! These were the last images I could recall when the morphine drip hit my veins. Let’s make the sausage, boys.

Gloves. Balls. Bats. These are all in my friend's sex dungeon. He is 13 feet tall and doesn't have many allies. But I stand by him, left, right, and center (but not center right).

There will be blood, there will be pie, there will be a lot of fun to be had at my friend's sex dungeon party! Make sure that you come in your Sunday* best! We'll have punch, we'll get drunk, and we'll all make love in my good friend's sex dungeon at his sex dungeon party!

+1s are encouraged, but please don't bring someone you just met this week (Stephen). When the sun takes a dive, we'll all cum (😉) alive! If you need my best friend's address to his sex dungeon for the sex dungeon party, don't be afraid to reach out- you've got my number, or we've matched on Bumble (Stephanie...).

This week is costume optional, but NOT clothing optional. Don't worry, we'll all be nude and lubed by the end, but you MUST show up WEARING clothes. This doesn't mean you've got a backpack with clothes but you're at the door in just your socks (Jeff...). Just so no one takes it like they did last year (Jeffanie...), I'm coming dressed as a toilet paper mummy. If anyone else shows up to the party at my close, personal friend's sex dungeon, I will have a fit!

Alright, that should just about do it! If you've gotten this letter, that means that the mail is still working- fantastic! After the nuclear fallout, I wasn't sure if this letter would find anyone! So, if you're looking for a party at my favorite person's sex dungeon (Ralph, please, for the love of god, send a medical team. We've all been down here for so long and some of us can't hold our bowels anymore (Bart (his farts now smell like electricty)...), and SOME of us are growing a third eye due to radiation poisoning (Bartette (really mean)...).

I hope to see you soon at the sex dungeon party, and honestly, the party is optional. I'd just like to see you here in my father's sex dungeon, where we will hopefully be having a party to celebrate the fact that life still exists (but god DAMN, I am so tired of banging these mutants (PETERINA!!!!!!!!).

Have a Good Summer (HAGS)

Christopher "Bernadette Peters" Robin

*Monday attire is fine if it’s form fitting

Dude, I got an insane calzone tonight. It was pretty awesome because I was able to utilize a buy 1 get 1 (BOGO) deal. Unfortunately, they did not add in the sausage I requested. Rats. Luckily, I was refunded the $4 for the cost- which is actually $2 more because of how the coupon factored in sausage to both. I also robbed a candy store but only took the sour stuff. Keep your money. Capitalism has destroyed your sweet tooth. Lockheed Martin.

Uh oh, there’s trouble in hunk town. We’ve got holes to fill!

Lightning crashes
A new mother cries
Her placenta falls to the floor
The angel opens her eyes
The confusion sets in
Before the doctor can even close the doorLightning crashes
An old mother dies
Her intentions fall to the floor
The angel closes her eyes
The confusion that was hers
Belongs now to the baby down the hallOh, now I feel it coming back again
Like a rolling thunder chasing the wind
Forces pulling from the center of the Earth again
I can feel itLightning crashes
A new mother cries
This moment she's been waiting for
The angel opens her eyes
Pale blue colored iris presents the circle
Puts the glory out to hide, hideOh, now I feel it comin' back again
Like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind
Forces pullin' from the center of the Earth again
I can feel it
I can feel itOh, why
Oh, why
Oh, whyI can feel it coming back again
Like a rolling thunder chasing the wind
Forces pulling from the center of the Earth again
I can feel it
I can feel it coming back again
Like a rolling thunder chasing the wind
Forces pulling from the center of the Earth againI can feel it
I can feel it coming back again
Like a rolling thunder chasing the wind
Forces pulling from the center of the Earth again
I can feel it
I can feel it
I can feel it

I heard the ring a ding ding and the lights went "dim"

Wheel's stuck in the mud again. Gonna be a long Summer.

Sometimes they come at night. Sometimes they come in the morning. Sometimes they don't come at all. Your parents do have a lot of sex, though.