Few things can put a strain on marriage more than when one person is struggling with alcoholism. It can shake the foundation of trust and put the entire family in jeopardy. In marriages where one partner struggles with alcoholism, the non-addicted spouse carries the responsibility for two people, including care of the children both emotionally and physically. The need to support and find appropriate treatment for the addicted loved one becomes overwhelming, frustrating, and terrifying.

The quality of a marriage depends greatly upon the way we communicate with each other. It depends not only on what we say but how we say it; not only on what we do but our motives for doing it. When partners in a marriage are held together by a bond of love, mutual respect, and a desire to please and comfort, communication naturally falls into patterns that express these feelings and give both husband and wife confidence in each other and a sense of security and mutual dependence.

When a relationship is distorted by an unbalanced dependence, or by suspicion, hostility, excessive demands, and expectations, these flaws are exacerbated by alcohol and can make marriage impossible to sustain

In this episode, Vanessa and I talk very candidly about the role alcohol played in our marriage, dating, and sex life and how our spouses ultimately became the victims of our disease.

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." Viktor Frankl

In this episode, we discuss how to find and harness this elusive "space" between an event and our response. How this simple space, when used with intention, can lead to significant change and freedom.

When we are in an active addiction we feel like we have little control over what we say or do, as if we are acting on autopilot and reacting to everything. We can feel like we are controlled by life and that our decisions are made from a place of throwing our hands up in the air and being resigned to "this is the way it is always going to be". No, this is not the way that it always has to be!

It is impossible to notice that we have agency over our choices until we decide to look for a different way of responding to life. Looking for that space between stimulus and response and seeing that therein lies a CHOICE. Join us as we discuss the power of choice and how it has changed with our time in sobriety.

Vanessa and I talk about how the holidays can be a painful time for alcoholics and their families. The memories of years past—sometimes more like nightmares—can induce fear and stress. We may feel resentful that we cannot drink like "a normal person and these resentments may make us and our families anything but happy to be together.

We discuss setting realistic expectations for ourselves as other people in our lives probably haven't changed, and many of the conflicts that crop up at family reunions will doubtless crop up again. Accept it, roll with the punches, and rein in the urge to manipulate everything and everyone. It will be enough for you to take care of and control yourself.

Lastly, we discuss how we let gratitude carry us and we were able to give the holidays a deeper meaning. It wasn't easy but a powerful step in sobriety- we are celebrating a new, better, and sober life that we have created.

We are back! We have really missed you and are so excited to kick-off season 2 with an exciting new change. Vanessa Merlini joins the Secrets of a Sober Mom team as a cohost.

Hear how an east coast girl from New Jersey comes together with a west coast girl from Seattle in a time of Covid-19. How we had a vision about how to share with you our incredible stories and insight about our journey through recovery.

With our similar core values but different approaches and styles, you will get a glimpse into how we make a perfect team.

We are looking forward to a fabulous season 2! Please help us kick-off the season with a zoom meeting. This is a great way to get to know us and learn about the podcast if you have never tuned in.

The Zoom Meeting can be found here:

Time: Nov 9, 2020 08:00 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada)

https://us05web.zoom.us/j/81613160508?pwd=REpXMmlOcTZWeTZKMHU3RVg5TWNXdz09

Meeting ID: 849 6472 8399

Passcode: 72U2sj

Follow me on Social Media: Leslie Shapiro on Facebook, leslieshapiro_ on Instagram.

If you have five minutes, five hours, five days, five years, or if you are just sober curious, please join us. I know what it feels like to be chained to the bottle. I know what it feels like to be terrified to continue drinking but also be terrified to stop. I promise, there is a solution.

Looking forward to meeting everyone next Monday at 8 pm!

In this season finale episode, I talk to MY sponsor Tara about hope and higher power and sponsorship.

Tara is a mother of 2 and has 16 years sober. Her kindness and wisdom to me have been truly a gift. It is great to have her on the show to wrap up this first season of this show, which has played a big part in my continued recovery.

It is always special when you are in recovery and you connect with someone whom you admire and respect. We talk about the fierce love we both have for our children and family and how living a sober life has enabled us to become the very best version of ourselves.

In this episode, I go down memory lane with my very first young love Gregg.

We reminisce about how we were both such straight-arrow kids, the fun we had as adolescents in love and how we lost touch for decades, and how we reconnected as recovering addicts.

Gregg shares his story about being a big wig on Wall Street to losing it all. Like so many of us, Gregg was given the desperation and decided to turn hods life around for his young daughter.

Through the help of a 12 step program, loving friends and family, He now is living a wonderful life of recovery and proudly shares his story to help others who are struggling.

Jessica is a teacher, writer, and mom. Over twenty years, she's taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools. She writes about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Atlantic, Vermont Public Radio, The Washington Post and the New York Times and is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. She is a member of the Amazon Studios Thought Leader Board and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' The Stinky and Dirty Show.

Amy Dresner is a journalist, author, and former comedian as well as a recovering addict and alcoholic. She has been a columnist for the addiction/recovery magazine TheFix.com since 2012 and has freelanced for addiction.com, Psychology Today, Vice, and many other publications.

In this episode, Amy and I touch on many topics including service to others, recognizing that there are many paths to recovery and of course her wildly funny and poignant book, My Fair Junkie: A Memoir of Getting Dirty and Staying Clean.

Amy talks openly and honestly and about her 20 year battle with sex, drugs and alcohol addiction, and what happens when she finally emerges on the other side.

Catch her new Podcast Rehab Confidential-You will learn and laugh until your ribs hurt.

This week I'm speaking with my friend Vanessa Merlini about "Mommy wine culture," "Mommy Shame," and then the best of all, what it's like to be a sober Mom.

Like so many of us, Vanessa was searching for door #3 unwilling to face what needed to be done. Fortunately, she was given the gift of desperation and found a solution through a recovery program.

Vanessa's journey with sobriety has evolved through the years as she has learned, there are many paths to recovery. Through hard work, service to others, and rigorous honesty, she is a sober mom, wife, and friend.