Segment City

Gushers are the ultimate “My mom never let me have this as a kid so now that I’m an adult. I’m gonna have some and oh god they aren’t as good as I remember.” Don’t get me wrong, they aren’t bad. I just wished they gushed a bit more. I guess I just spoiled our review of Gushers. It’s ok, no one reads these descriptions anyway. This week Will and Theo talk about the Fantasy Podcaster League, what happens if a performer has to poop on stage, getting eaten by a bear for a million dollars, a retro review of Gushers, fruit leather, “Is This the Onion?” a new game where Theo presents three news story, only one of which is not an Onion article, and the second installment of “The Absurdity of Life” in which the main character arrives for the first day of work and has some obstacles getting in the building.

Gophers are an interesting species. I read that the males come out of their holes a few weeks before the females in the Spring. This leads to a very literal survival of the fittest as the male gophers fight to not starve or become prey. That’s not really a funny tagline for this episode, but you just learned something new so there is that. This week, the boys talk about if your name affects your personality, Theo’s review of “I Love You, Colonel Sanders! A Finger Licking Good Dating Simulator”, Will talks about his recent trip to Calgary and Banff National Park in Alberta, Canada, bear spray, the World Famous Gopher Hole Museum, the Royal Tyrrell Museum full of dinosaur bones, and pitching other service trucks besides food trucks (Brewery truck, Food Truck Truck, Barber Truck, Church Truck, Dentist Truck, DMV Truck)

Everyone in Segment City loves Halloween with all of its scares and pranks! Although every year, some spooky thing happens like everyone turning into whatever their costume is or the dead rising, or a masked killer on the loose. We think it just adds to the holiday spirit. On this spoooky episode Will and Theo talk about a horror movie starring Casper the Friendly Ghost, the Haunted Mine Cart ride at Canobie Lake Park, an Amazon Totally Not Erotica about a book called “Demons are Dicks”, a versus battle in which the boys have to come up with the ultimate candy (the “Everything Candy bar (aka the Fat Man)” vs. Theo’s Savory Candy Concoctions), pitching another character for the Wizard of Oz and what they want from the Wizard, Libertarian Dobby, and the Top 10 Worst Horror Movie Monsters!

When there doth be something peculiar in thy fine burg, who should thoust beckon? Ye olde Ghostbusters! In this spoooky lead up to Halloween, the boys talk about getting overcooked by a cannibal, loving a robo dog, having pets that talk for a million dollars, WoW Classic as a case study in game design, how quality of life fixes change a game, Lebron James’ ridiculous attempted trademark on Taco Tuesday, and the Hammersmith Ghost murder case which asks,”Is it ok to murder someone if you thought they were a ghost”?

R.L. Stine may be a prolific children’s horror author, but that doesn’t mean that all of his work is good. Along with his whimsical tales featuring scares and life lessons are stories in which the protagonist must endure endless torment for one mistake. What I am saying is that R.L. Stine has gone crazy from writing too many children’s books and he needs someone to take over his mantle. We here at Segment City will take up this challenge… some other time. This week, Theo and Will talk about the “Magnificent 7” remake, eating a whole loaf of bread, cotton candy flavored grapes, an AI chatbot that makes stories from phrases, the new hit game show “You Choose, Spiderman!” where you choose between Mary Jane and a bus full of kids, Vape Hero, the first part of “The Absurdity of Life” about a man named Pete moving into an apartment with a strange roommate, the top 3 worst Goosebumps books! (“Go Eat Worms”, “Beware the Purple Peanut Butter”, “Chicken Chicken”)

Nobody truly knows how strong Rob Gronkowski is. He once threw a football into the air and it still hasn’t come down. They say he can make grown men and women faint with just a look. It is easy to believe that someone would become so infatuated with this football man that they would write an entire erotica about him. His power knows no bounds. This week, the boys talk about Reese’s Pieces vs. Peanut Butter M&Ms, the best candy, Lost in Translation: What literal translations of common sayings in other languages mean, Which of these Animals Farts?, and a new edition of Amazon Erotica featuring famous football man Rob Gronkowski in A Gronking to Remember and A Gronking to Remember 2: Chad Goes Deep in the Neutral Zone.

There was a lot of competition for “Most Nazi-esque Animal”. Snakes, wasps, etc. but they could not compete with the pure ferocity of the goose. Their authoritative honk, their hatred of outsiders, their over confident waddle. I mean, Nazis would “Goose step” for gosh sake! This week, Theo and Will discuss Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, if snakes are jealous of lizards, if we would become fake vampires for a million dollars, news of Texas accidentally legalizing marijuanna, what do Skepta’s rap lyrics mean, and the best and worst craft beer names (spoiler, the worst ones are named after body parts and bodily waste)

Is he a man that gives birth? Does he help others give birth? Is he the patron saint of birthdays? Whatever he is, I don’t want his help. And bat days definitely involve some kind of bat based food, I know it. This week, the boys talk about weird happens during Will’s camping trip to Acadia National Park, if dogs like perfume, Olive Garden’s lifetime pasta pass, the origins of the “Then Perish” meme featuring President Obama, a Batman comic written by an AI, and another installment of Amazon Erotica!

It’s gotta be Magicarp, right? Or Tauros? I know there is a Pokemon that is literally an ice cream cone. Does it scream when you lick it? OK, this is getting a little dark for a comedy show. This week, the boys talk about the pacer test, some listener submitted segments (submitted to [email protected]) called “Wait, that person was in that?” about actors who you didn’t know where in your favorite things, and “Someone had to approve this” about weird moments in movies, games, etc that somehow got through into the final product. Also this week, Will has a gross stupid thought, Theo gets mad about how people prepare cereal, we tell the story of President John Qunicy Adams’ search for Mole people, we discuss weird Pokemon names and the ultimate question of “Which Pokemon tastes best?”

My favorite Shakespeare quote is “To fart in the middle of Accounting because you hate Janet, or not to fart in Accounting because Janet will probably call HR if you do that again.” He had such a way with words.This week, Will and Theo talk about Shark furries, the new (at the time) Marvel announcements, the etiquette for farting at work, terrible corporate catchphrases (from PBS, Sheboygan, Bud Lite, Dr. Pepper, UPS) and a game of Conspiracy Query with conspiracies based on the theme of “There is no such thing as ___”.